Rockman.EXE: Reboot! --Chapter 8-- (Beast Spoilers)

[ComicX6]

This is some of the best comedy I've read in a loooooong time. I can't wait to see how this satire turns. (Please don't be offended by that, I mean it in a good way.)
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' I don't care if the buzz isn't real- I can roleplay being drunk!'

- Balmung, .hack vol. 1

I now have a site! Web page rather: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1048042/

[Unknown Neo]

Wow now that's goofy. Funny but goofy. It seems maylu wants to *wink wink nudge nudge* Say no more. with lan.
(I just hope no one ever tries to draw lan in that outfit.

[Midnight]

Yet again, another laugh-out-loud chapter.

I find that your references to the forum in general are oddly effective. I can't explain why, nor do I know the reason, but those references are quite effective in adding to the pure hilarity that is this entire fic. Coupled with the witty remarks, equally witty titles, etcetera, etcetera...this is quite the work. Great job, and truly something that will leave a smile on any reader's face.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[Vanilla_Go_Rilla]

Thanks for the comments everybody :3 I'm glad the forum references pass as funny; I'm never quite sure how the jokes will turn out.

Sooo synopsis. The first three tournament participants representing Japan were announced! Trill sang the Non-Alcoholic Song! Jackass was arrested! Dekao ate pizza then got pwned! And then, to top it all off...

...NOTHING HAPPENED! (Insert FFVII victory fanfare here) D:

I'm sorry about the tardiness of this long overdue update. But now I have a story to tell and darn it, I'm gonna tell it whether my laziness likes it or not. For this chapter, I'm concentrating more on plot development than comedy and it's also a little more angst-filled than usual. (Lalalalala...I was in a rather foul mood due to life in general <_< )

So...uh...Chapter Four! \o/

“Flight 26, you’re inbound on Runway C.”

“Roger that, deploying landing gear.”

A gloss black private plane slowly made its arrival toward the Densan City Airport landing strip as a crowd of paparazzi awaited its arrival…without a doubt, someone important had to be arriving for such an extravagant display. And being that this was a black plane and not a weird pink one, it was certainly not Yaito. Within a matter of minutes, the plane had taxied into the terminal and everyone who was patiently awaiting another flight crowded at the windows to see…HER.

A mysterious tomboyish girl looking no older than Netto stepped out of the plane slowly and calmly, as though her millions of inquisitive admirers and hounding paparazzi didn’t even exist. Her purple hair, tied back into a spiky ponytail with two bangs hanging rebelliously in front of her face, blew in the wind as she descended down the plane’s stairway. The folds of her baggy tomboyish dark jeans and two-tone black-sleeved, orange shirt rippled slowly like the morning breeze on the branches of a tall, leaf-laden tree. On the chest area of her shirt was an oddly familiar crest belonging to a very certain Navi. Reporters fired away questions one after another, following her like a crowd of pilot fish as she walked into the terminal, her closed eyes shielding her gaze from millions of inquisitive admirers.

“How was your recent championship? How was your stay in Amerope? What’s your favorite color? What is your importance in this plot?”

To all this, she shrugged almost obliviously as if to ask, “What do YOU care?” Indeed, a character promising to be more arrogant than Enzan had suddenly appeared. Her self-confidence seemed stubbornly and relentlessly unwavering…until…

“GAAHAAHAAA! I beat Dekao today in DDR!” shouted a young and blissfully oblivious boy with a very strong case of ADD.

“You only won because he has such an unsuited body for it,” replied a teenage girl with red hair, who was quite obviously the master of the previous boy.

The girl’s eyes suddenly opened with interest, directing her gaze to a small group of Japanese Net Battlers. The reporters and paparazzi stood back, completely aghast. For this strange girl…had the most unusual eyes they had ever encountered. Until this point, no one had seen them, those strange irises and pupils that were completely bright orange…the most unusual feature being that her irises were embedded with intertwining white lines that made her entire iris look almost like a small microchip. Who was this mysterious woman…and why had she come?

Chapter 4: A Game of Life and Death

“Netto?” Yuriko said. “You’re early this time.”

“Yeah, you could say you’ve terminated my late streak already,” Netto huffed as he entered class.

“PWNED!” Yuriko thought blissfully to herself, yet refraining from jumping up and down like an idiot. Instead, she maintained her composure since she was, after all, a serious educator now. However, instead of actually taking advantage of Netto’s sudden earliness, Yuriko had other plans.

“Netto…” Yuriko murmured, “…go to the principal’s office.”

“…Yes! I mean…no!” Netto shouted, leaving himself at a Catch 22 since he was glad he wouldn’t sit through another lecture, but also disappointed he’d been punished for nothing. “What do you mean? I haven’t even DONE anything yet!”

“Go to the principal’s office and get your answers there,” Yuriko replied.

And so, Netto made his way to the principal’s office as Yuriko wondered to herself…

“…Is this the biggest role I’ll ever play in this stupid story?!”

Netto stood in the principal’s office in awe as he looked at the three characters standing before him…two of which he actually knew. They greeted him and raised their hands politely and introduced themselves:

“Greetings, Netto Hikari. I am Kifune.”

“Greetings, Netto Hikari. I am Manabe.”

“Greetings, Netto Hikari. I am…the principal.”

“Kifune! Manabe! Random guy!” Netto shouted happily as he hugged Kifune and Manabe…then shook the principal’s hand. “What brings you guys here?”

The principal remained silent for this question, since he knew what had brought him; after all, he worked there. Kifune and Manabe, on the other hand, had different stories.

“Netto…it’s become apparent that you, along with Enzan and Meiru, have been chosen to represent Japan in this Net Battlers’ Grand Prix tournament,” Kifune stated formally.

“Yup, we’re going to Pass-a-gas-and-diarrhea!” Netto shouted proudly as the principal snickered at this gratuitous homonym for Passacaria. Manabe also wanted to laugh, but had to blow her nose to hide it.

“Indeed…but at the level you’re at now, you can’t possibly hope to compete against your world-level opponents,” Manabe said more matter-of-factly as she struggled to maintain a level head in light of Netto’s recent wordplay. “You’ll need to undergo a special training session in order to prepare you for this tournament.”

“Training?” Netto wondered to himself.

“For that, we’ve arranged for someone very special to accompany you and your friends for training purposes,” Kifune continued. “You should meet your new partner at lunch.”

And so, having received this new bit of information, Netto headed back to his classroom, wondering what sort of partner he would train with until the tournament began.

Suddenly, the mysterious purple-haired girl walked into the office, her eyes following Netto as he walked down the hall, and then turning to Manabe and Kifune as she formally saluted them.

“Welcome, we’re glad you could make it,” Kifune grinned.

“Of course,” the girl replied. “I’m never late for an appointment as important as this. Pleased to meet you, Commissioners Kifune and Manabe.”

“Welcome…and that must be your Net Navi. Yes, he’s most definitely NOT a fish,” Manabe snickered as the girl rubbed the back of her head. “So, have you met your new subordinates yet?”

“I have yet to meet them,” she sighed. “Instead…there is a little game I would like to try out. Just as a way of introducing myself.”

“…A game?” Manabe and Kifune replied quizzically as they exchanged glances.

“I apologize in advance,” the girl continued. “Your cafeteria is about to get a little rough.”

With this, she left the room as Kifune and Manabe’s imaginations were left in the dark as to what exactly her plans were.

LUNCH HOUR

“…A training partner?” Enzan asked as he held out his tray to the hairnetted chef, who handed him a good hearty helping of Mystery Meat. “I wonder what sort of person is going to train us. He or she had better be good.”

“Well, I heard the news just yesterday,” Meiru sighed. “I’m just as new to this info as anyone else. But I heard from the Passacaria Net Battling Tournament Commission that due to complicated regulations last year, each team has to have a captain this year.”

“From what I heard,” Enzan continued, “the captain is also responsible for managing and training the team. This is, after all, a world-level tournament.”

“Geez, even with that said, I see why we need a captain, but I don’t know why we need a trainer,” Netto grunted cockily, surprising Enzan, who previously thought no one could match his self-importance. “I mean…why can’t we just train with each other?”

Enzan and Meiru blinked. For once, Netto had actually said something that made a modicum of sense.

As they went to their usual table, the only empty one left in the entire cafeteria, Netto and company suddenly stopped in their tracks and stared. For there, at their usual table, the one everyone at school knew they sat at…was the mystery girl.

“Uhhh…excuse me…could you move to another table?” Netto asked uncertainly, rubbing the back of his head and grinning. “No offense or anything…but this is where we usually sit.”

The mystery girl suddenly shot a glare back at them that could have killed Mike Tyson…if looks could kill. She then said in an icy tone, “…Oh? And who am I moving for? I don’t even see your freakin’ names on this table. How the hell is it yours?”

“Well, young one,” the hairnetted chef replied, “that table could be called something like a special reserve. In this school, every group of friends, be it cheerleaders, jocks, nerds, or in this case, fanfiction main characters, has a specific territory. You happen to be in theirs.”

“I see,” the girl replied. “So this school is nothing more than a group of buffoons reduced to pathetic dogs, who do nothing more than piss on their own territory to mark it as theirs and eat in their own filth.”

The entire cafeteria was taken aback in shock at these heinously offensive words. Suddenly realizing the gravity of the situation, Enzan became slightly offended and replied in a more commanding tone, “Excuse me…please move. I’ll admit that our names aren’t exactly written on it, but please be a little more courteous.”

“First, I’ll need to know who I’m moving for.”

“Shut up, you tomboy!” Meiru shouted, starting to get aggravated.

“You still didn’t answer my question, stupid girl,” she replied with another icy glare, pointing rudely at Meiru. Pointing at Netto, she continued, “We’ll start with you. Who the hell are you?”

“Netto Hikari,” Netto replied with an aggravated gaze. “Son of Densan City’s pride, the genius Yuuichirou Hikari.”

The girl’s eyes widened in surprise, then narrowed again. “Ah, so I see. I need no further reasons.”

“So you’ll apologize and move then?” Enzan asked, struggling to remain courteous in spite of his anger.

“Of course not, not to the son of Yuuichirou,” the girl replied. “THAT BOY’S FATHER…IS AN IDIOT.”

Netto’s once icy glare became a death stare as all three members of Netto’s social circle began burning with uncontrollable rage. Netto’s hands were clenched so tightly that he could almost feel them tearing and bleeding, but for the sake of maintaining his composure he refused to hit a girl.

Enzan, however, felt differently.

The girl moved her head out of the way with a single quick and fluid motion as Enzan, who could no longer control his rage, reached in to throw a swift punch. Somewhat surprised that she had dodged, he then tried for a swift kick. However, before his knee could even move, the girl knelt to the floor and dealt him a swift blow to the gut with her right hand that sent him careening across the floor and pressed his body against the wall. It was now more apparent than ever: this girl was a master fighter.

“So you think you’ve gotten me, huh?” Enzan murmured as he got up slowly. “Well, that was just the warmup! Now I’m all ready for…hurk…”

Enzan collapsed to the floor and his body began twitching as Netto and Meiru started running to him. By now the entire cafeteria crowd was standing up and glaring at the girl, or looking at Netto in concern.

“Leave him,” she sighed as she stood and folded her arms. “It’s not as though anyone dies from something like that. I only dealt him a light concussion. To tell the truth, I’m quite surprised that he was able to return almost to a standing position after that…but with behavior like that, I guess the Net Battlers here are just a bunch of idiots after all.”

Netto continued to stare angrily at her as she turned to him and said, “What? You look like you want to say something.”

“Since you seem to be such a stupid jerk, I won’t lower myself to your level and hit you,” Netto murmured. “However…I WILL ask you to take back every word you just said about my father.”

“…And what if I refuse?”

Netto’s glare once again became a death stare.

“Hmmm,” the girl said as she began walking towards him. “You don’t seem like the kind of guy who thinks on his own. You look more like an oblivious idiot who flies by the seat of his pants and knows hardly anything about anything. If you ask me…it’s a kind of foolishness, as though without someone’s guidance you’re completely useless.”

“What did you say?” Netto grunted with rage.

“Don’t talk that way…you look digusting,” she replied, smirking. “Almost like an angry gorilla. You’re not a primate, so grow up and evolve.”

Netto returned to a slightly more refined composure, his fists still clenched.

“So…how to tell a monkey boy what to do?” she wondered aloud. “I believe I have the perfect way…a game of life and death, to test your worthiness.”

“What worthiness?”

“You want to protect your father Yuuichirou or whoever’s reputation with me, don’t you?” she replied, her eyes narrowing and her smirk more arrogant than ever. “Conveniently, I was getting bored myself. So come with me to the Net Battle terminal at the cafeteria arcade. That’s an order.”

Enzan and Meiru followed them to the terminal and the entire crowd watched as they both jacked in their Navis.

“We’re gonna beat this jerk, aren’t we Rockman?” Trill giggled happily.

“You bet we are,” Rockman said, stretching himself out and clenching his fists. Suddenly, however, he looked before him and saw an oddly familiar Navi. He looked at the golden bat-ear-like extensions and blue cross-shaped jewel embedded on his helmet, the purple lines and gold accents adorned on his body. Then he remembered the very Navi that had destroyed Slur, the one who was powerful enough to exceed the powerful virus Gospel, and the very one he was forced to fuse with to deter the destruction of Nebula Grey.

Forte.EXE.

“By the way, I haven’t properly introduced myself yet, have I?” the girl said, raising an eyebrow. “My name is Royal. Malice Royal. I was transferred to Japan to manage the tournament Net Saviors as of this afternoon, by direct order of Commissioners Kifune and Manabe. Rank: Manager of the Japanese Representative Net Battlers. You may call me Royal-sama. In other words…”

And then she continued as Forte assumed a fully ready fighting position.

“…I am your new team captain.”
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Better to keep your mouth shut and make people wonder if you are stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Midnight]

...This was good. The first portion was just as hilarious as ever.

I do fear, however, that you may have overdone Royal's character. Although she seems to be the stereotypical bad-ass dominatrix, she seems WAY too acute, even though satires usually exemplify characters to the utmost degree. As much as I can understand why she has to be one of the most revolting characters in the story as of yet, being Forte's supposed operator, she still doesn't bode well with me. I don't know why else.

Other than that, another good job.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[Vanilla_Go_Rilla]

Oh...yeahhhh, I agree that Royal's character was a bit overdone in this chapter. However, I don't plan for her to be THAT revolting; she actually is a pretty nice girl. D: I just haven't really given her enough character development yet, and I'll clear all this up in the next installment.

EDIT: Next installment :O Yet more plot development...but at least Forte gets to fight. LAST SERIOUS CHAPTER, I PROMISE X_x

Netto stared uncertainly at the black and gold Navi standing before him. He was just as menacing as ever…even though this most recent rendition, although he did have a cloak, did not have a scar on his chest. Indeed, Forte now looked as clean and unscathed as the day he was first initiated, and every bit as sinister. But a burning question remained in Netto’s mind: How exactly was Malice able to get hold of the infamous Forte’s data?

Rockman and Trill simply stood in place, Rock’s entire body quivering with nervousness, and Trill simply trying to figure out who the heck this new character was, as Forte himself stood and stared Rockman down condescendingly, with a gaze that pierced his heart like a hot knife through butter.

“Who is that, Rockman?” Trill asked rather nervously as he tugged at Rockman’s knee.

“…My old nemesis,” Rockman murmured solemnly as he pointed toward a now very impatient Forte.

“Are you going to keep staring like that?” Forte muttered impatiently. “Or since you aren’t saying anything…does that mean that I can go ahead and start?”

“Likewise,” Malice continued. “Lunch ends in half an hour. Hurry up and finish this so we can eat. Assuming of course, you still have enough of that pride and self-confidence to even do anything after I beat you.”

“Hah…I’ll take as long as I need,” Netto replied. “I’m no longer hungry anyway…you’ve just about made me lose my appetite.”

“Charming,” Malice grunted back while rolling her eyes. “Now then, let’s quit the idle chatter and begin. Battle Chip Slot In…Dark Sword.”

“Battle Chip…Slot In!” Netto shouted. “Paladin Sword!”

Rockman’s right arm transformed into a magnificent and glowing sword reminiscent of Excalibur, as a dark longsword emanating with ominous purple energy suddenly materialized in Forte’s right hand. The two rushed at each other simultaneously, and the moment their blades clashed in a fury of sparks…a furious battle began between captain and subordinate. Although, for Netto, this was now a defining match between good and evil.

Chapter 5: Battle is my Forte

NET SAVIOR HEADQUARTERS

Meijin Eguchi and Yuuichirou Hikari watched on an LCD monitor as Netto and Malice commenced their fight. Meijin had the foresight to gain access to the school’s security systems (with Miss Yuriko-sama’s permission, of course), which meant that he and Yuu had a prime-time, front-row view of this turbulent conflict. Yuu started off by adding some color commentary on the event:

“I don’t like the way she does things. Malice Royal was her name, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah, she’s the new team captain,” Meijin nodded as he munched on some popcorn, wearing his new ridiculous outfit, a weird pair of sunglasses, and orange collared trench coat, and a shirt with the number 69. “Kifune and Manabe made this choice themselves.”

“To her credit, she’s a good actor even though I question some of the things she said, especially about me,” Yuu said as he shook his head at the image of the rebellious purple-haired Malice. “Not only do I question her methods as incredibly crass and reckless…she makes such strange proposals.”

“I think you would say that differently…if you knew who she really was,” Meijin replied. “I did some background research on her just before she came to Japan…and you’ll be surprised at what I’ve managed to dig up on her.”

“…Oh really? I was rather uninformed about her myself,” Yuuichirou replied, suddenly perking up with interest. “So tell me…who exactly is this Malice Royal?”

“She is…”

BACK AT THE CAFETERIA…

Forte and Rockman had been engaged in combat when suddenly Rockman collapsed, completely exhausted from the fight. Netto reached into his pocket and his face became pale; he had completely exhausted his supply of Battle Chips in a matter of only three minutes. As he looked at Forte, he suddenly came to the horrific realization that he would lose to Malice after all.

For after the length of time they had been fighting, Forte did not have a single scratch on his entire body.

“This is pathetic,” Forte muttered. “Absolutely pathetic. Clumsy, weak, foolhardy, and not even a trace of ferocity. I personally find it degrading to have to drag out a fight this long against a weakling like you…and all to teach you a lesson.”

“This…this guy…” Rockman huffed. “Netto…where exactly did we lose control here?”

“YOU’RE supposed to have all the answers!” Netto shrieked. “I’m the oblivious guy!”

Malice raised her eyebrow, content that Netto was at least aware of his mistakes. “Netto Hikari…just as I thought, you are a second-rate fighter. It seems your Navi is at least respectable. However, I see in the way you handle this Rockman of yours that your technique is littered with faults. Your operating skill may have some technique…but it isn’t nearly as refined as art. Do you know the difference between the two?”

Netto could only slam his fists on the terminal deck as he stared down in imminent defeat.

“Judging from your reaction…it seems that you can’t tell even if I explain, or from simply watching this brawl,” Malice sighed. She then grabbed out two pairs of battle chips from her pocket and gave one pair to Netto. He stared down and realized immediately what he was being asked to do. One of the chips was a Wide Sword, and the other a Paladin Sword.

He was being asked to fight…with a Program Advance.

“Just like my operator said,” Forte grinned as he clenched his fists, “this is just the perfect occasion for us to weed out the faults of your technique. So what do you say we put an end to this brawl and have ourselves a REAL match?”

The cafeteria gasped in shock…Malice and Forte were about to destroy Netto’s beloved Rockman.

“Battle Chips, Double Slot In!” Malice shouted. “Dark Sword, Malevolent Aura…Program Advance, Devil’s Fang!”

Forte raised both of his arms into the air as the surrounding scenery suddenly became dark…and a blade of dark black energy manifested in his hands and cast an ominous aura of dark energy so high that it literally erased the cyber-clouds from the sky.

“Netto,” Rockman shouted desperately as Trill cried out and ran away, “he’s armed with the Devil Fang, a Rank S type attack! If that thing makes contact, we’re done for!”

“I guess she’s really serious about this,” Netto murmured as he gritted his teeth. “Very well…we’ll have to fight fire with ice! Wide Sword, Paladin Sword…Program Advance, Beta Sword!”

Rockman mirrored Forte’s actions as he raised his arms into the air, creating a bright glowing blue blade that reached almost nearly as high as Forte;s, bathing Netto’s side of the terminal in a brilliant white glow, as Forte’s Devil Fang cast an ominous shadow over Malice’s side.

“Now, Netto Hikari,” Malice said in quite a sinister tone, “…let’s finish this here.”

As Forte rushed toward Rockman to begin his onslaught, Rockman lowered his sword.

“Yeah, that’s it!” Forte shouted as he rushed in to attack. Rockman ran forward, shouting with determination…

…and their swords clashed.

NET SAVIOR HEADQUARTERS

“…You mean, Netto Hikari’s fighting the Net Battler Queen herself?!” Yuu shouted in disbelief.

“Indeed,” Meijin nodded. “She’s the only Net Battler in her age range to have successfully competed in twelve intercontinental championships. In the latter seven, she even won first, and has been named Dominant Contender of the Decade by several noted magazines. However…that’s not all.”

“There’s…more?” Yuu said in even greater disbelief, proving that he could be just as oblivious as Netto. Like father, like son.

“She’s now eighteen years old and graduated from Harvard Technical University at age fifteen,” Meijin said, having a rather strong hint of disbelief himself as he looked at his laptop screen, currently displaying a wealth of info on Malice. “She’s been involved with a lot of projects ever since, even providing research assistance in the design of a compact Dimensional Area converter.”

“I had no idea she was so gifted,” Yuu replied, scratching his chin and wondering how this fight would pan out.

“Not nearly as gifted as her older sister, however,” Meijin continued. “SHE did all these same things, not to mention became a Net Battler with a powerful agency…at the age of TEN.”

“What kind of weird family is that?” Yuu replied quizzically. “Anyway, I now see why someone like Malice was appointed as our team’s captain…but what’s the point of this fight?”

“Manabe and Kifune made that very clear,” Meijin nodded. “This fight is simply a test…to make Rockman utilize the fullest of his potential, something he can only do when pushed to the edge. I don’t know the exact details…all I know is that this technique has something to do with Rockman’s hidden coding…and that it also involves Trill in some way.”

“Trill? There’s no reason to involve a child in this,” Yuu muttered disappointedly. “Rockman should be able to rely on his own power. Trill won’t always be around to save us.”

“…Yuuichirou-sama?”

“…What?”

“You hate the kinds of techniques that Trill endows on Rockman like Beast Out, don’t you?”

“Indeed,” he replied, suddenly taking on a grave tone. “I can’t help but dislike those kinds of techniques. Thet’re reckless, unreliable, and most importantly, unstable. You saw what happened when Trill first gave Rockman the ability to Beast Out, remember? And to think she’s going to make him use…THAT technique…when I still haven’t even figured out how to perfect it for Netto’s use…”

“Indeed,” Meijin replied. “And Netto Hikari probably feels the same way about such a technique as you do. And that is why…”

And Meijin turned to the LCD monitor as he continued solemnly…

“That is why…he’s having problems like this.”

BACK AT THE CAFETERIA

“…Argh!” Rockman shouted as Forte knocked him to the ground effortlessly with a swift kick to his chest.

“Rocky!” Trill squealed as he rushed over to Rockman.

“Stay back!” Rockman shouted. “I can’t have you get involved in this and get yourself hurt!”

“Rocky…”

“I wonder how much longer you plan to draw this out,” Forte muttered disappointedly. “You’re still making me impatient.”

“Shut up!” Rockman shouted. “It’s not as though I’m not trying!”

“Are you trying, Netto Hikari?” Malice muttered. “Are you indeed?”

“Tch…” Netto muttered as his glare suddenly became washed over with uncertainty.

“The answer is no,” Forte replied for Netto. “You still haven’t used…HIM. You still haven’t used…THAT technique…your Legendary Code.”

With this, Forte pointed at Trill and shouted, “Show me EVERYTHING you’re capable of as a fighter, Rockman! Do you understand? EVERYTHING!”

“What does he mean?” Meiru asked uncertainly. “The only Trill-assisted technique that I know Rockman has at least SOME control over are the Falzer and Griega Beast Out techniques!”

“No…” Enzan murmured, “there’s one other technique. An incredibly dangerous one. Netto should never have been forced to use it…not here…”

And so they could only watch as Forte prepared to finally delete Rockman.

“HERE I COME, ROCKMAN!” Forte shouted as Malice narrowed her eyes, performing another Program Advance to summon another Devil’s Fang.

Netto was completely out of options. He lowered his head and his eyes widened, his Advance PET suddenly dropping from his hand and clattering to the floor. Rockman was going to be deleted.

“…ROOOCKMAAAANNNN!”

Suddenly, a bright blue aura engulfed Rockman as Trill screamed out his name. Forte’s eyes and Malice’s eyes suddenly widened in surprise…Netto had finally reached the point of using…THAT.

Rockman’s helmet began to disappear, his hair began turning brown, and his body glove began to change, an odd trench-coat-like apparatus beginning to materialize on his body, until…

Netto collapsed to the floor, stricken with horror and desparation, as Rockman reverted back into his normal state. Realizing what had happened, Forte disengaged his Devil’s Fang, knelt to the floor, and dealt a swift blow to Rockman’s gut that careened him back against a solid wall, rendering him unable to fight on.

“So in the end…” Forte muttered as he logged out, “…you’re really nothing more than a tamed dog.”

“Good grief, that boy’s in shock!” the cafeteria attendant cried. Get him to the infirmary, stat!”

A sequence of shouts, a myriad of voices, and what happened next for Netto was lost in a blur.

THE SCHOOL INFIRMARY

Netto awakened on an infirmary bed to a very concerned Meiru, and a slightly disturbed Enzan.

“Netto, I’m glad you’re alright,” Meiru said solemnly. Enzan gave a slight wave, nothing more than can be expected of his character.

At that point, the door to the infirmary opened and Malice walked into the room, approaching them slowly.

Turning to look at Malice, then turning back to Netto, Enzan explained: “None of us are going to be punished. It was all just an act, one that everyone except the three of us were in on. So from the very beginning, she was just egging you into a fight as a test arranged by Kifune and Manabe.”

Netto nodded, then turned to Malice.

“So…you’re finally up,” she said as she looked down at Netto. “About that fight earlier…do you know why you lost?”

“A difference in skill,” Netto replied, avoiding her gaze.

“No. It’s something much more basic. Not something related to skill, but something of a conflict within your own mind.”

“…I do not understand what you’re saying.”

“You hate to use new techniques. You hate to lose anything.”

Netto’s left eye twitched; she was perfectly right.

“I saw it in the way you were fighting me,” Malice continued. “In every one of your moves, the way you slotted in your Battle Chips, the way you fought with Rockman…in each of those, I saw hesitation, impatience, and uncertainty. It’s as though your mind were completely elsewhere.”

Netto got up slowly, this time lowering his gaze. He knew this was something he had to hear…and yet he hated every word of it.

“Listen well, Netto. These entities that we call Net Navis…they are more than just programs, weapons, or friends to talk to. In the right hands, they become a physical extension of a well-trained master’s own mind, heart, and body. Every aspect of the operator’s personality and will is reflected in the Navi. Know that fighters who cannot even learn to trust the techniques of their own bodies…will never stand a chance against fighting their opponents.”

Netto lowered his head as Malice began to leave the room. However, about five feet away from his bed, she stopped and had one last thing to say:

“What are you all standing around for? Get up and finish all that you need to do. Training begins tomorrow, one hour after school ends. Finish all your homework before then…and DON’T be late.”

With this, she left the room as Meiru rolled her eyes, made sure she couldn’t hear, and mocked her.

“Geddup and finnish allaya needta doo-doo! Twaining start tomorrah!!” Meiru said comically as she mocked her, producing a slight grin from Netto.

“We sure got an unlikable captain this time around,” Enzan sighed.

“She may be unlikable…but she’s powerful,” Netto replied grudgingly. “We have to face this…we completely lost to her.”

NET SAVIOR HEADQUARTERS

Wearing her pajamas, Malice Royal entered her dorm room in the Net Savior building. Turning on the light, she took a brief moment to survey her surroundings before turning to face the door.

“It’s been a long time…Laika,” she grinned as she placed her suitcase in a nearby closet.

“Ah, so you remember me,” the mint-haired soldier of Sharo replied as he walked into her room. “How long has it been, Malice? Three or four years?”

“Actually, one week,” she replied. “I saw you earlier when you were recommending me to Manabe and Kifune to train Netto and his comrades for this tournament.”

“Indeed,” Laika replied. “I know there’s something rather strange about this recent tournament, so you’re the only one really qualified to leak out Rockman’s true potential before the tournament begins, in the event of…well…something happening.”

“So…did HE use this room?”

“Indeed,” Laika replied. “This is the very dorm used by Yuuichirou’s father and Netto’s grandfather…Doctor Tadashi Hikari.”

Malice lowered her head solemnly. “Did he…suffer?”

“I heard it was painless,” Laika replied as he also lowered his head. “That he died of old age in his sleep.”

“I…see…” Malice replied slowly, then sighed as she continued, “Those Japanese Net Saviors…especially that Netto Hikari…he is almost exactly how I used to be, a few years ago.”

“…How so?” Laika asked with interest.

“He’s relentlessly stubborn on what he wants to do, and is afraid of what he doesn’t understand. He tries too hard to improve himself, so often that he’s now stuck himself in a bind, even when it’s possible for him to break free. Do you understand this feeling?”

“Indeed…I wonder if Netto and his friends can be like that.”

“I don’t know for certain either,” she replied as she stared down with uncertainty. “But I am certain that if Netto keeps up his mindset, he will die…or truly become a wasted person.”

“What is that, a wasted person?” Laika asked, although in the back of his mind he was rather sure that he knew.

“I’m talking about the people that we Net Saviors fight against all the time,” Malice replied as she opened up her arms in sincerity. “Evil takes a long time to build in a person, but once you have turned to it, there is no going back. First…you start hating yourself, and begin to think you’re worthless as a person. Second, you start to hate everyone around you, blaming them for your own delusive worthlessness. Until finally…”

“What happens?”

“Finally…you hate the entire world,” Malice replied, her eyelids lowering with the burden of seriousness. “All this happens so slowly and gradually…just like the sun making its way across the horizon. That’s why Netto’s situation is so frightening. That’s why I have to do everything I can to help Netto and his friends…before they reach that final stage and become wasted people.”

Laika pondered this philosophical quote as Malice prepared her bed and said, “Anyway, I’m tired, so I’ll be heading off to sleep.”

“Very well,” Laika replied as he prepared to leave. However, Malice had one last thing to say…

“Laika?”

“What is it, Malice?”

“…Please keep it a secret that I am a close friend of Yuuichirou Hikari, and was also one of Tadashi Hikari’s colleagues. I don’t want Netto and his friends to hold anything back on me because of it.”

“…I understand. Good night, Malice Royal.”

And so Laika switched off the light and shut her door as she lay down to sleep.

The tournament commencement date crept nearer and nearer…
_________________
Better to keep your mouth shut and make people wonder if you are stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Unknown Neo]

Very interesting chapters, but there is still one question; How did she get bass? Will you explain that later?

[Midnight]

WOW.

You know, given JUST this chapter, I wouldn't be able to tell that this was part of a satire. As much as a serious chapter has no place in a satire much like religion has no place in a public school, this chapter is oddly well-cemented into the storyline.

Royal's characterization served to answer a lot of the questions I had about her, and it seems that her actions in the previous chapter were quite justified. She does bring up a lot of good points about Netto's style--and if I hadn't known better, I'd seriously think this could be the jumping-off point of a serious fic to come. Other than that...this was quite a good job.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[Elizabeth]

You did well with Malice Royal's introduction, an excellent spoof of every Mary Sue ever made (weird eyes, weird hair, weird name, excessively good at everything, knows important people, pwns the hero effortlessly, controls the world's most powerful navi despite the massive OC-ness of said navi ever obeying a human, etc.) and the explaination of different groups each having a table in the cafeteria and the scene in the principal's office were very funny, but you just didn't go far enough with everything coming afterwards. You could have injected a lot more humor and self-referential satire into the Forte vs. Rock battle and the scenes afterward, but you didn't and the second half just lacked that hilarious VGR touch. I applaud your efforts to branch out, but "serious" just doesn't mesh well with he rest of the fic.

[Vanilla_Go_Rilla]

Thanks for the comment Neo, and indeed I do plan to answer that question in the later chapters.

Thanks Midnight, I'm a little concerned about how this fic is going to pan out since I'm also trying to make it a little bit of a mystery fanfic. This fic will be SLIGHTLY serious if only to maintain a smooth plot, but I'll try to include as much with as I can.

Thanks Elizabeth; I was in a rather disenchanted state when the two previous installments were written, so chances are I'll be inserting a lot more wit into the later ones. This was as basically as low as I was willing to go on the funny-ness scale; I'll try to work on that next time, C+C appreciated.

Sooo since I've been on a rather rampant writing spree, Chapter 6 yayness...hopefully this one will be better. Welcome you to critique if you please O_o

NATION Z CITY HALL

An oddly familiar shadowed figure entered the City Hall’s Conference Room, walking slowly down a long, dimly lit hallway surrounded in darkness. The fabric of his long robe fluttered in the winds of the air conditioning system, lending his tall figure an increasingly menacing aura. As this figure slowly and ominously made his way through the pitch-black hallway, his bearded and long-haired Jesus-like head tilted up to look at the ceiling as he thought to himself:

“Dammit, I wish someone would replace the lights in here.”

“So you’ve arrived!” said another ominous figure, a smaller and dorkier but equally ominous peon. “It’s good to see you again, Doctor R-…”

“SHUT UP!” the tall and ominous figure replied. “You want to provide the name of the secret villain so early in this chapter? You should know how I punish people who fail to acknowledge spoilers…honestly, you oblivious fool, where’s your sense of tact?!”

“I’m sorry, Doctor (bleep),” the peon replied. “Anyway, the preparations have been made for the 20XX Annual World Net Battling Championship, as you have requested. Without a doubt, if everything goes the way we have planned…HIS data…shall soon be ours!”

“And another thing,” the ominous Doctor continued, “save the evil and dramatic foretelling lines for me! It’s near the point of blasphemy to steal the main villain’s thunder!”

“But sir, I think…”

“You’re not here to think…you’re here to do whatever I tell you,” he muttered. “Now shut up and continue to see that this…tournament thing or whatever goes smoothly. Now, I trust the necessary preparations have been made?”

“Indeed, sir! All the team arrangements have been…er…arranged, sir! I have also included you and your fellow team members as representatives of Nation Z, sir!”

“Excellent,” the Doctor replied as he placed his hands together like Montgomery Burns. “With all the preparations complete, Rockman’s ultimate secret, and Yuuichirou Hikari’s legacy…the (Bleep) Code…shall soon be mine!”

“And might I say, a most excellent employment of the spoiler tag, sir! An application of a device that is a true testament to your genius, sir!”

And finally, turning his fullest of attention to the peon, Doctor (Bleep) uttered with a menacing grin:

“…You’re fired.”

Chapter 6: A Congregation of Fools

DENSAN CITY TOWN SQUARE

Malice tapped her foot impatiently as veins popped out all over her head. Enzan and Meiru were simply dawdling around while passing the time. After impatiently gazing at her watch, Malice turned to Enzan and Meiru and said impatiently, “Is your friend Netto Hikari…is he ALWAYS this late?!”

“Oh yeah,” Enzan replied. “And judging from his habits, I don’t think he’ll come for another five minutes now.”

“I SPECIFICALLY said not to be late,” she muttered angrily. “Here we are at five-thirty in the afternoon…and I told him to be here at FOUR!”

“I know,” Meiru giggled. “Sometimes we just pass the time waiting for him by talking about random things. Or we arrive half an hour late, so we don’t have to wait for him as long.”

“I MIGHT JUST TRY THAT!” Malice grunted impatiently, then sighed. “Anyway…so you pass the time by talking about random things?”

“Yeah,” Meiru and Enzan sighed in response.

“Okay…so what’s the first random thing you want to talk about then?”

“I think somebody on some forum somewhere wanted to know how you first got your Navi, Forte,” Enzan said as he raised an eyebrow.

“Was he one of your fans?” Meiru asked curiously. “Forte has a lot of fans, after all.”

“Yeah, he used my English name too,” Forte continued as he rubbed the back of his head. “Bass…that’s a weird name…it’s almost as though someone is going to start a rumor about whether or not I’m a fish.”

“Very well,” Malice sighed. “Since I can’t suggest anything else myself…I first came across Bass/Forte when…”

“…OOOHAAIIIO GOOOZAAAIII MAAASSSSUUUU!”

Netto announced his arrival by jumping over a nearby wall and landing neatly on his rollerblades, performing a series of intricate maneuvers as he weaved his way in and out of the benches and garbage cans as though he were a veteran skater. Malice, Meiru, and Enzan were suddenly taken aback…Netto almost looked competent. Malice was even tempted to give him a congratulatory handshake.

That is, until Netto suddenly tripped over a pebble and careened directly into a quite alarmed Malice, dunking the both of them into the town square’s fountain, much to the amusement of previously impressed onlookers.

“I knew it was too good to be true,” Enzan sighed.

“Mmmmf…mrrfff…mmmg…” Meiru struggled to hold back tremendous laughter as both of them stood up in the fountain, their clothes soaking wet as Netto made a peace sign and Malice’s eyes burned with murderous intent.

“You know…this is the first time I’ve ever actually seen your eyes!” Netto shouted, pointing into Malice’s murderous gaze at her orange and white microchip-like irises. “They look HELLA funny!”

“I will…KILL you…” she retorted, obviously not sharing Netto’s enthusiasm.

“We’ve got to work on your joke timing, Netto…” Rockman muttered.

“It serves her right for what she said yesterday!” Netto shouted.

“Uhhhmmm…that was an ACT, Netto,” Enzan murmured.

“Ohhh…riiight…”

“Uh, Netto?” Meiru pointed behind Netto nervously. “Behind you…”

Netto turned and his face paled as Malice groped his neck and began strangling him, all the while screaming lines of regret: “What did I ever do to deserve you?!”

THE PARK, A COUPLE OF BLOCKS AWAY

“Today, we won’t be training,” Malice said suddenly.

“WHAAAAA?!” all three Net Saviors shouted angrily…and then Netto winced in pain since his neck was still aching from her strangling.

“I came today to announce the rules of the tournament,” Malice explained. “The tournament training session is going to be judged as well, but on a point system.”

“How does the point system work?” Enzan asked curiously.

“I’ll be tallying up your effectiveness as Net Battlers on a Net Battling Commission document. Each time you show a lack of effort such as, say…being RIDICULOUSLY TARDY…” she continued while glaring at Netto, “…a set amount of points will be deducted from your score.”

“Hah…this is gonna be EASY!” Netto shouted. “If it’s anything to do with Net Battling, you bet I’ll get a perfect score!!”

“Will you now?” Malice replied condescendingly. “Netto…that little stunt you pulled being tardy cost you five points…and another five points was deducted for assaulting the team captain by dunking me into that fountain!”

“So?” Netto shrugged. “I’ll simply gain them back!”

Malice continued to glare as she replied: “I do not think so. You see…once points are lost…they can NEVER be gained back. It keeps the contest fair…otherwise everyone would earn a perfect score and we wouldn’t know who the TRUE idiots were! Netto Hikari…you have no choice but to go into this tournament with only ninety points.”

“I still have an A!”

“…I should also remind you that in this tournament, a point total of ninety is only slightly above average, which means, if we were going by letters, you now have at most a solid B grade.”

“…That’s still better than a C!” Netto cackled while making an Armstrong pose. Purple sparks flew out of his head for some reason.

“…There’s just no getting through to this boy, is there?” Malice asked Meiru and Enzan, who nodded rapidly in response as they folded their arms. “Anyway…now that you know the point system this training session is based on, I’ve received the announcement today about the participants. Tournament regulations now require that the captain name all the opposing teams once training rules have been stated. I’ll only say these once, so listen closely.”

And so all three of them listened in as Malice described the members of the other teams participating in the tournament.

TEAM 1: AMEROPE
-Princess Pride, Knightman.EXE
-Dingo, Tomahawk Man.EXE
-Kristen LeMontcleur, Ciel.EXE

TEAM 2: CHOINA
-Jasmine, Medi.EXE
-Shachihiko, Shining Man.EXE
-Masa-san Sr., Whale Man.EXE

TEAM 3: SHARO
-Laika, Search Man.EXE
-Iriya, Yamato Man.EXE
-Boris Ivanov, Swallow Man.EXE

TEAM 4: JAPAN
-Netto Hikari, Rockman.EXE
-Meiru Sakurai, Roll.EXE
-Enzan Ijuuin, Blues.EXE

TEAM 5: NATION Z
-Azuma Miyazaki, Tidal Man.EXE
-Doctor (Bleep), (unknown).EXE
-Vincent Santoro, Silver Devil.EXE

Suddenly, upon reaching the final member of Nation X, Malice’s voice began to quiver and she suddenly gripped her chest. Her eyes widened as she came across the name Vincent Santoro, and suddenly remembered the incident that happened between her and that man, the very reason Forte had come to her rescue and continued to protect her, ever since that day…

“Malice-sama…” Forte whispered, “…it seems…HE is here…”

“I…I know…” Malice replied shakily as her hands trembled.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Enzan asked, slightly concerned. “You seem to have a bad memory or something about this Santoro guy if you said every name calmly except his.”

“Something the matter?” Meiru asked, with an equally concerned tone. “You look rather distraught. What happened?”

“Yeah, you’re spacing out on us for a while!” Netto said, with a more or less equal degree of concern, but still being his usual oblivious self.

“Sh-shut up!” Malice replied as she cleared her throat. “Anyway, now that’s done, it’s time to go home! Training is over!”

Malice bolted off toward the Net Savior Headquarters as the three Net Saviors exchanged glances, not sure exactly of what was going on.

NET SAVIOR HEADQUARTERS

Malice rushed frantically into the Net Savior conference room where she met with Yuuichirou, Laika, and Meijin. Breathing heavily, she shouted, “Yuu-sama…Laika…Meijin…we have an emergency situation!”

“I know,” Laika replied. “I’ve just arrived to tell you all…Malice, if this pains your memory too much, you don’t have to listen.”

“Much as I would prefer not to…I have to,” Malice muttered as she gritted her teeth.

“…Very well,” Laika continued. “As you know, the Passacaria government today has issued the official announcement about the participants of this tournament. All the teams are the best their country has to offer, and put up a hell of a competition. But the team that worries us the most…is Nation Z.”

Malice’s eyes narrowed and her fists tightened. Looking at her with concern, Yuuichirou replied, “Nation Z…I’m aware of that country. It’s a rogue dictatorship that defected from Nation X during a civil war several years ago, and I believe that it retaliated in a full-scale assault that not only rendered Nation X powerless, but almost completely destroyed the entire area, leaving it in the ruined state it’s in today.”

“What worries me is that one of the contestants for Nation Z was that unnamed doctor,” Meijin wondered aloud. “I wonder who it could be.”

“But what worries us the most…and particularly Malice…is Vincent Santoro and that Silver Devil of his,” Laika said hesitantly. At this point, Malice was so full of rage that she left the room, her fists clenched so tightly that a small amount of blood was draining from around her fingers.

Yuu shuddered in shock upon hearing this name. “Silver Devil?! That man…has finally found a HOST for that thing?”

“Indeed,” Laika replied. “It would seem that Nation Z has acquired one of the Legendary Codes; the most destructive one, even. Which is especially why Kifune and Manabe asked Netto and Rockman, who possess another Legendary Code, to enter this tournament…to use their own code to stop him. I knew that something about this tournament was wrong…but it seems our worst-case scenario has finally been realized. Yuuichirou…your son will have to use…IT.”

“Damn it!” Meijin grunted. “Yuu-sama hasn’t even perfected the coding yet! And Rockman hasn’t even learned how to employ Trill to use it!”

“Which is exactly why Malice Royal was chosen to train them all,” Laika continued. “Especially Netto Hikari. She is the only one powerful enough to teach Netto to employ the Code. Yuu, Meijin…Netto and his friends will have to start watching their backs sooner or later. That is the fate Netto and Rockman carry.”

“I guess the only thing we can do now is train Netto to use it,” Yuu murmured.

“I’ll go back to Sharo and inform the other officials about this,” Laika said in a rather shaken tone. “Since it’s a tournament, the regulations don’t permit the government to interfere in anything more than security issues. However, we’ll prepare for anything that does happen in case this tournament erupts into a war zone. You have Malice monitor the training of Netto, Enzan, and Meiru for now…and make sure that Netto can at least learn the process to use to activate that code, if he can’t learn to initiate it by the time the tournament begins. Good luck…comrades.”

As Laika left the room, Yuuichirou and Meijin listened to Malice flail away at the punching bag in her room, obviously venting out a great deal of personal distress. Exchanging glances, they stared at each other grimly as Yuu said…

“If what he said is true...and I wish it weren't...then it seems that our worst fears have finally been realized.”

Meijin looked at Yuu with uncertainty and replied, “You know how dangerous it is…and yet he only has this short a time to master his Legendary Code. Do you really think Netto will be able to master it…considering the price that has to be paid in order to activate it?”

“As much as I hate it…he’s going to have to.”

PASSACARIA CITY HALL CONFERENCE CENTER

The Nation Z team was finally gathered in one place as they exchanged greetings.

The unnamed Doctor. Little about him was known at this point, except that he looked oddly familiar.

Vincent Santoro, the rogue weapons dealer. He had brought a strange, red-eyed, silver-haired girl with him, one almost exactly resembling Iris.

And finally, Azuma Miyazaki. Some little punk with blue hair and a message scribbled on his black shirt in white that read, “WASTED YOUTH.”

“A pleasure to meet the both of you!” the Doctor exclaimed as he greeted both of his teammates.

“The pleasure is mine,” Santoro replied with a menacing grin as he brought forth the silver-haired girl. "Come, Silver, meet your new colleague."

And with this, Silver stepped forward, closed her eyes, and gave a polite curtsy, after which the Doctor grinned.

“And this must be Azuma Miyazaki,” he continued, greeting Azuma, who looked away in stark defiance.

“Yeah, whatev,” Azuma shrugged. “I don’t care what the plan is this time, as long as I get to kick some butt around here.”

“I see you’ve finally found a host,” the Doctor continued talking with Santoro while rolling his eyes at Azuma. Something inside him suspected that something about this silver-haired attendant of Santoro’s was oddly familiar.

“Indeed, I have found a suitable subject, one with the perfect body and mind needed to host it,” Santoro beamed. “It was quite a struggle finding her, too, but she came to me.”

“Now then…I trust we all know what has to be done,” the Doctor said as he turned his body so that his back faced his teammates. “Meet me tomorrow at the Nation Z Central Government Branch at twelve noon…and we will begin this so-called training.”

“Heh…whatev,” Azuma replied as he walked out of the room.

“By the way,” Santoro asked as he stopped before leaving the center, “I didn’t catch your name.”

“Really?” the Doctor asked, somewhat taken aback. “I would have thought the government had informed you…but then again, politicians never know how to plan these days. Very well…I shall tell you.”

And he raised his head to reveal a bearded face crowned with somewhat grayed hair and a glass left eye as he once and for all told of his true identity…

“MY NAME IS…DOCTOR REGAL.”
_________________
Better to keep your mouth shut and make people wonder if you are stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Midnight]

[Vanilla_Go_Rilla]

Oh...yeah, it seems like I should probably take a break for inspiration for a short while and stop being so frantic with the updates, since by now I think this fic has taken a recent downturn in quality. I've been trying too hard to write n_n In the meantime, I'd appreciate any suggestions on what should happen later to maybe bring some lightheartedness back into this fic.
_________________
Better to keep your mouth shut and make people wonder if you are stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Elizabeth]

Again, everything started out well, but then it got too serious. I still think you could have added a lot more satire to Malice's obvious Mary-Sue-ness and to the "OMG Netto & Rock must master secret powers that haven't been tested yet and might hurt them or the world is doomed" plot. A bit more silly melodrama (or unsurprised reactions) accompanying Dr. Regal's unveiling of his identity would have helped too.

Use the Farce, VGR! Use the Farce!

Some ideas:

• Running jokes, especially related to excessively mysterious and/or cliched plot points, can make up for the blandness of said plot points as long as you make the jokes sufficiently over-the-top. Just remember not to use a cliched running joke unless you're prepared to satirize it too.
• It's too late to avoid cliched plot points and character types, so go the other way and take advantage of the cliches by exaggerating them to the point of ridiculousness. Your two biggest targets right now are the many, many mysteries of Malice (her eyes, her l33t sk1llz, Forte, the silver devil guy, her past in general, and anything else typically Mary-Sue-ish you can cram in) and Rock&Netto's mysterious new power (I mean, they get a new Mysterious Overwhelming Power regularly, so there must be plenty of conventions or past histories you can make fun of).
• Then, for further points once you've spoofed the heck out of said cliches and led us all to believe that we know exactly where everything's headed (because it's all a spoof of cliches), shatter eveything and throw all kinds of WTFcrack into the works to turn all those cliched plot points on their heads in a hilarious, unpredictable, bizzare, and completely entertaining grand finale.
• Finally, whenever you run into a plot hole, NEVER CREATE A LOGICAL, SERIOUS EXPLAINATION unless you absolutely have to. Use random ridiculousness or satirical self-reference instead. Or just leave the plot hole so obviously open that it becomes a plot point itself. And whenever something is "mysterious" or "slightly familiar" make it blindingly obvious what's going on to a) everyone, but have them play along because it's against the rules to figure everything out right then, b) everyone except the people who should know, who are humourously incapable of seeing the obvious, c) only a few characters, who are never believed, or d) no one IF AND ONLY IF there's a really darn funny reason for them not to notice.

[Unknown Neo]

I knew it was regal. Who else runs nation Z. But not-seriously it's pretty funny and kind of random. And I know bass by his english name and that's what I call him. Make sure to tell him that. heh heh

[Vanilla_Go_Rilla]

Elizabeth...DAYAM. O_O Thanks so much for all the great help, and I'll be sure to incorporate those suggestions in later chapters.

Thanks Neo, in my opinion I guess that the element of seriousness has somewhat altered the satire nature of this fic, like Midnight said earlier. But I'm working on it! D: And yeah I won't tell him that. :grr:

Next chapter. I brought in a character from Battle Chip Challenge! Kaita, the Netto clone. :B It's going to be tough satirizing TWO weirdos in one fic, but all will be made clear in a moment.

NATION Z CITY HALL

“…Ahem,” Regal coughed from the head of a table Nation Z City Hall’s Meeting Room. “The meeting of the Council of Darkness will now come to order!”

Azuma and Santoro stood around, waiting patiently for the Council of Darkness to arrive and all the while eyeing a tantalizing bowl of shrimp cocktails in the center of the table.

“Uh, what are you two imbeciles doing?” Regal muttered impatiently, an anime sweat drop (unusually rare especially for one as monotone as Regal) materialized on his forehead. “I just called for the Council of Darkness meeting to begin! That means you have to sit down and listen to me, you know…like so.”

Regal sat down.

“Who’s the council of Darkness, you ol’ hippie?!” Azuma shouted defiantly, while dipping a shrimp and devouring it like a madman.

Refraining from clobbering Azuma to death since he did indeed look somewhat like a hippie, Regal slapped his forehead and remembered that he forgot something; namely, to tell them exactly who the Council was. “Okay, everyone. I thought I’d told you all this before, but apparently we are all senile. So once again, I hereby dub our team the Council of Darkness.”

Santoro’s left eye twitched at the absolutely, and dare he say cornily cliché implications of this name. “Couldn’t you at least have picked a better name?” he shouted disappointedly.

“No, I could not,” Regal replied very matter-of-factly. “Do not insult my intellect…or I shall fire you, just like that butt-kissing idiot from the prologue of Chapter Six!”

“Dude, what he means is to make us sound less stupid,” Azuma muttered. “I mean, anything would have done better. Like…say…Triple D?”

“Too goofy,” Regal shook his head in disdain.

“The Not-So-Fantastic Three?” Santoro suggested.

“Too Ameropean-comic-booky.”

“The Elite?” Azuma said while performing some kind of cocky pose.

“Too bourgeoisie,” Regal replied with a snooty flutter of his right wrist.

“TEAM ROCKET!” Azuma and Santoro shouted in unison.

“…Team Who?” Regal muttered as he raised an eyebrow. “Listen you two, if we give ourselves a name bearing the slightest resemblance to Giovanni, Jesse and James or whoever, we’ll have to change the title and nature of this fic to be a Pokemon crossover. That means we’ll have to put that much more stress on Vanilla_Go_Rilla.”

“Vanilla who?” Azuma blinked. “What kind of jacked-up name is THAT?!”

“I hear he’s an idiot,” Santoro whispered. “He’s an artist/writer who’s such a hopeless slacker the wait time between his fanfic chapters is UNGODLY. He’s also a writer who had so much ineptitude that he actually tried to make a certain satire fanfic sound SERIOUS.”

“What…an…idiot,” Azuma gasped.

“Anyway,” Regal continued, “now that we’ve established exactly who we are, I think we should go ahead with what we were meant to do. Santoro!”

“Yes, Regal?” Santoro replied.

“Send the Silver Devil into the computer and alter the tournament settings, so that all our plans may proceed correctly.”

“Consider it done.”

“Now then, Azuma,” Regal said as he turned to the rebellious youth…and then sweat-dropped again as he saw Azuma downing shrimps like a pig.

“Mrrrff?” Azuma replied.

Regal slapped his forehead as he continued, “…Go on a diet.”

Chapter 7: Oh No

“Netto, Meiru, Enzan, come on!” Malice shouted impatiently. “We’re going to be late!”

Fortunately, Malice had enough insight to plan to wake everyone up two hours in advance, as she knew Netto’s tardiness habits by now.

“Four o’clock in the morning?” Netto murmured. “Why do we have to leave so early?”

“Because I want to get an early start!” Malice replied as she yawned, slightly tired herself.

“Here you go,” Meiru yawned as she handed Enzan her bags. “Stick them in the back, manly person.”

“More bags?!” Enzan shouted. “We’re only going away for a couple of weeks, you know.” He then shook his head and sighed as he placed Meiru’s bags in the back of an airport shuttle, more than a little disgruntled.

“Why are we meeting somebody in Amerope anyway?” Netto yawned as he walked toward the shuttle as if he were a disgruntled zombie resurrected from the dead. “I mean…we’re meeting up with KRISTEN? Isn’t she, like, the enemy?”

“Save that talk for the tournament,” Malice replied. “Kristen may also be participating in this thing, but she’s also a doctor. A career and Net Battling are two different things altogether.”

“You’re talking to the wrong guy,” Meiru murmured as she looked at Netto rolling his eyes. “For this guy, they’re one and the same.”

Malice sighed; indeed, this boy was hopeless.

“Oh well, at least Enzan gets to take a break from running his company for a while,” Meiru sighed as she got even more bags to pack. “I’ve never even seen him this happy to get away from Densan City on a short vacation before…it’s as though this is the best break he’s ever had in his life.”

She then handed her bags to Enzan, who shouted while more than a little annoyed:

“MORE BAGS?! This is absolutely RIDICULOUS! This is going to be the WORST vacation of my LIFE!”

“Oh yeah, he seems pretty happy,” Netto murmured as he rolled his eyes again.

“Rocky Rockman!” Trill squealed as he ran up to Rockman and glomped him with considerable force. “Where are we going?”

“I heard we’re going to Amerope to meet this girl called Kristen,” Rock replied as he lay down and dug his nose, as people tend to do when they have nothing to preoccupy themselves.

“Kristen! Kristen! YAY!!” Trill shouted as he jumped up and down enthusiastically, then stopped and tilted his head.

“…Who’s Kristen?” Trill asked curiously as he leaned in toward Rockman.

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Rock sighed as he dug his finger even deeper. “I have no idea who she is…the only references I could find was that she was once on some fanfic named Adver Man: The Ultimate Evil. Other than that, I don’t really know.”

“Why?”

“…Because we’ve never met her in person before. So I don’t know who she is.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m just as dumb as Netto.”

“Why?”

“Dammit Trill, if you would only stop asking these stupid questions.”

“Why?”

Rockman by now had become so irritated that his eyes burned with almost murderous intent. If only he could use a sword to give a good spanking at this point, he thought. Of course, he was digging his nose with his right hand, the arm he usually used for swordsmanship, and so using a sword at this point would result in having only half his head left. At this point, his finger suddenly jabbed so far up his nose that he was now touching one of his eyeballs with the tip of his finger.

“Rockman!” Trill squealed. “We’re going to meet that Kristen even though we don’t know who she is!!”

“NAS WHA AH BIN NRYING NOO NELL NYOO!!” Rockman shouted angrily.

“All right, everyone,” Malice sighed. “Let’s get on with it already.”

Everyone piled into the airport shuttle, but suddenly a small and innocent child in a yellow jumpsuit walked up to Netto and smiled.

“Hiya!” he squealed. “My name is Kaita and this is my Navi Turbo Man!”

“Season’s Greetings to you too,” Netto grumbled exhaustedly…and then the child ran off. Not knowing what to make of this, Netto rubbed the back of his head in confusion and sighed. At that point he was almost certain that he felt a rubbing in his pocket, but he shrugged obliviously. Checking to make sure that the one thing most important to him, his PET, was still there, and feeling its metallic surface, he sighed in relief.

Although he was now rather certain that his pocket felt a little bit lighter…

“Netto, now is no time to be playing with kids!” Malice shouted impatiently.

“Yeah,” Enzan shouted. “Pick some other time, and you can go with that kid and watch all the stupid Teletubbies you two want, but you’re on a strict time clock now.”

“And make sure to bring me along when you watch it!” Meiru shouted, more because she liked being with Netto than wanting to watch the Teletubbies.

“Coming, coming,” Netto murmured, secretly cursing Enzan for subtly insulting his favorite TV show.

A short hour later, Trill had almost finished singing the Non-Alcoholic Beverage Song when they arrived at the airport and located their terminal. Malice, Enzan, and Meiru walked along the corridors of the airport…and this time, Netto carried the luggage.

“Our flight leaves in three hours at gate number…1337…” Netto mumbled. “How many corny jokes and netisms can possibly fit into this one chapter?”

“Not enough, apparently,” Enzan murmured like a true h4x0r.

Netto sighed and the four of them continued on their merry way…until a few minutes later, when a loud series of thumps resembling falling luggage was heard from directly behind them.

Malice muttered angrily, “That had better not be my custom faux alligator skin Dolce and Gabbana five-piece set with complimentary makeup mirror…”

Meiru’s eyes narrowed as she muttered just as angrily, “That had better not be my Prada three-piece travel set and Gucci cosmetics bag…”

“That had better not be my…stuff…” Enzan murmured.

The three turned around and their faces paled as though all traces of life had been completely drained from their bodies. For not only did the series of thumps RESEMBLE their falling luggage…it WAS their falling luggage! And in the center of it all was Netto Hikari in his underwear. It was quite a hopeless scene, really; the others didn’t know whether to be angry or laugh…and so they did both.

“Netto…I…I’m going to kill you…” Malice cackled, grasping her stomach.

Meiru laughed as she rushed in to pummel Netto to a steaming pulp.

As for Enzan, he simply shrugged, as such a relentlessly boring personality would generally be completely immune to such a reaction.

“Guys…” Netto said grimly.

“…WHAT?” all three shouted angrily.

“…THAT KAITA KID STOLE MY TICKET!!”

NATION Z CITY HALL…AGAIN.

“WHAT?” Regal shouted. “I didn’t anticipate the appearance of that Kaita!”

“Apparently, someone new has stepped into the fray,” Santoro sighed. “This definitely doesn’t look like part of the plan…I don’t think this will go quite well.”

“Yeah dude, we’re gonna fail on this one,” Azuma chuckled.

“Why did someone have to resurrect me in a SATIRE fanfic?” Regal shouted. “That idiot author writing this should have known that I’d be infinitely less convincing in a comedy!”

“Maybe if you got some authors on REO to write you into a Shademan and Burnerman or Swallowman and Cosmoman coupling?” Santoro suggested. “Those are pretty interesting…and it would certainly make for a unique twist.”

“…Who?” Regal said quizzically as he raised an eyebrow, a full size anime drop appearing on his head for the umpteenth time.

“Yeah, you may even end up having a good time and being written in as part of a love triangle! I’ve read a lot of those fics when I was feeling rather lonely,” Azuma continued. Santoro raised his eyebrow at him, and he gave a shrug in response as if to say, “Everybody does it once!”

“Shademan and…Burnerman? Swallowman and…Cosmoman?!” Regal muttered quizzically. “I’m tempted to join in…but I’d only be a third wheel.”

“So what do you recommend we do?” Santoro asked anxiously.

“Santoro, continue as planned,” Regal continued. “In fact, this may actually be more convenient. Azuma, you make sure that Netto gets on that flight to Amerope.”

“Yeah, okay I guess,” Azuma shrugged as he walked out of the room.

"Understood,” Santoro replied as he followed Azuma.

And so the hall was completely empty, except for Regal, who took a moment to make sure that no one was around…and then opening up a computer to find a fanfic that he would one day find himself happily destroying the world in.

“Who’s this…Neko?” he murmured.

TO BE CONTINUED…
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Better to keep your mouth shut and make people wonder if you are stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Unknown Neo]

Ha! Hilarious. Now this is pretty satire-like. Maylu's a girly girl and lan's a goof. Great job VGR.

[Elizabeth]

I'm confused ... how did Netto end up in nothing but underwear?

On another note, the opening, with the bit about team names, was great!

[RollSoul]

Twisted...funny...good job! A decent humor fic hasn't been posted and been enjoyable by me for......ages
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NOTICE: This user no longer uses this account, they made a new account cuz they dont like the name of their account anymore =3

[Vanilla_Go_Rilla]

Thanks Neo, I'm glad that this fic turned out to be an improvement. I'm not that sure, but I think Meiru was more spoiled brat. ^_^

Thanks Elizabeth, and to answer your question, there was a meaning behind Netto being in underwear but I forgot to add it in. D: The reason he was in his skivvies was because he was searching for his ticket and couldn't find it, so he was doing a strip search on himself. X3

Thanks much RollSoul, glad you liked it. I'll try to keep the satire thing going. XD
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Better to keep your mouth shut and make people wonder if you are stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[Midnight]

...good. You steered this fic back on the track that you originally intended all along.

I noted that this chapter is a little heavier on the self-references or references to the idiosyncracies of this little forum and its members, and well, frankly, it was fuggin' hilarious to see them again.

Hmm. And now for the prospect with a cross from one of your own fics--just what the squick do you have planned? I barely remembered Kristen until I mulled on it some more and remembered your last work.

That's all. Great work.
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Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

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