Megaman Axl

RazorBlade · Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 7:22 pm Post subject: Megaman Axl

Here we go!

http://www.vf11.com/httpwwwmmzsanct/httpwwwmmzsanct-post-628.html#628

Okay. Suggestions and crits plz?
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Zan · Posted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 7:31 pm Post subject:

"Introductions" like this are one of the lamest things you can do in sprite comics. Just get to the actual thing; no one wants to read what it'll be about as a strip.

Also, the green text is annoying.

ElecmanEXE · Net Agent Joined: 23 Dec 2005 Posts: 252

1) Your green text blends in with the forum's background, so it is REALLY hard to read. I suggest you stop that.
2) Your intro + MS Paint backgrounds + Horribly blown up sprites = The start of a horrible comic (99% chance).

I personally think that these intros have absolutely no point (Like Zan said. HI ZAN!) and it seems like a variation of Bob and George's first comic. =/ Unless you can wow people with something original, it probably won't pick up any more popularity than it already has. >_>

RazorBlade · Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 3:14 pm Post subject:

Yes sirs! And sorry about the text...

Is that better...?
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**Core** · Posted: Mon Feb 27, 2006 4:27 pm Post subject:

It reads almost exactly like a TV spot rather then a comic, which isn't exactly good either. The part where it says to get ready for something different really isn't needed, and I think you might want to work on the script for that a bit more. There are some words in there that don't fit with what you are trying to put across to the reader, as well as other things that you can leave out. Allow me to show you what I think you could have done with the script that you have, not only as an illustration to you, but for others as well endevoring to make comics.

"Lumina has been defeated... and the Maverick Hunters return home. Axl, after finally gaining X's approval, has started his training to become an official member of the group."

"The reformed Red Alert have returned, seeking to regain Axl into their fold, they launch an attack on the Maverick Hunter base..."

"Megaman Axl"

You can leave out some details in what you have and restructure it, don't give out all the details in the opening such as there being 8 revived mavericks, that you can save to have them appear later as part of the story.
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RazorBlade · Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 4:19 pm Post subject:

Wow that sounded a lot better Core...thanks for the advice!

....
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**Core** · Posted: Wed Mar 01, 2006 5:17 pm Post subject:

Think should let you know now that there is a rule about comics and sprite comics being posted on the forum. In general you are only allowed to post the link to your first comic, leading to a site that you have set up for it. That way people can go to the site and see the updates and the comic won't take up space on the forum. I allowed you to post a bit more then that since you did ask for some assistance it the form of suggestions on how to make things better.

I think you might want to do some reworking of the script for this one part of the comic. The dialog between the characters reads a bit oddly, such as with X saying "Not bad. You're getting stronger, Axl, I have to admit...". It would read better if X said this, "Not bad. I have to admit, you are getting stronger Axl." In the second panel when X is saying "What's happening", it would look better if the word bubble reflected that he is alarmed, adding sharp edges like a shout will work good here.

*edit*
Something was brought to my attention, you already have a thread here in the Spriter's Lab for another comic of yours. You do know you could have posted in that thread instead of creating a new one I hope. Also, seems that you were already told about the comic rule in there, by me no less also. Which thread would you like to remain open, since you can't have two, one has to be locked. I'll leave it up to you to pick.
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RazorBlade · Posted: Fri Mar 03, 2006 6:17 am Post subject:

I want you to lock the "MMZ Adventures" or whatever it's called, not this topic. And thanks, I shall work on da next.
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RazorBlade · Posted: Fri Mar 10, 2006 8:25 am Post subject:

Sorry for the double post, but both number 4 and 5 are up. Please reply!
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