The Healing of the Scarred One (PG-13) Update: 5-6-06

[SoulAura777]

Hi, this is my first fanfic. I've already worked on this fic for a long while and it's still in progress. May you enjoy it. If there seems to be something wrong with the fic, or if you want to comment, please do so.

Ch. 1

Long after the fall of the Grave Virus Beast, Net City was enjoying the peaceful life...

Net City was bustling with action. Navis competing each other in friendly battles, sight-seeing many places, and enjoying their leisure. The virtual sunlight shone brightly with the feel of warmth and comfort.

A young female Navi, who was on top of a building, spread out her hands toward the cybernetic sky.

She had no helmet but had long, silver hair tied near the end with a blue band. She had crystal, blue eyes that would soothe a raging soul and a serene face that had that look of peace and tranquility. She looked like a cross between Leviathan and Cross fused Roll, only she was mainly blue and white. On the center of her chest, her symbol was nothing but a gorgeous sapphire stone.

In her hands, a glowing sphere of light began to shine. With it she summoned several birds that had the plumage of a pearl.
"My birds," the Navi whispered. "Find him for me... and bring happiness to the Net society..." The birds soared into the air and spread throughout the city.

Meanwhile, down in the depths of the Undernet...

"The Navis and viruses in this place are nothing but pathetic trash!" roared Bass as he tore several Spikey viruses into shreds. After the Grave virus beast was deleted by Megaman, he took control of Shuryou's robotic body. He later found that Shuryou's systems were corrupted. Bass "jacked" into the cyber world before Shuryou's systems had permanently shut down. Bass wanted to do nothing but battle those whose power equaled his. As always, he wanted revenge against the human race for what they had done to him several years ago...
Bass heard a fluttering noise and turned around. A dove was staring at him with its dark, beady eyes. Navi and bird stared each other for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, with a quick movement, Bass attempted to destroy the bird, but the dove dodged his Wheels of Darkness. The bird flew up to Net City and disappeared.
"Why...do I feel... like someone's searching for me?" Bass muttered.
"Whoever's searching for me has power that surpasses mine. I can sense it... The Navi has an Ultimate Program. I've always wanted the Ultimate Program from Grave, but I couldn't absorb it. Perhaps this Navi's Ultimate Program will be easier to get."
And so, Bass traveled up to Net City to find the Navi whose power that Bass desired.

[Midnight]

Well...

Even if this is a work in progress, this turned out to a LOT shorter than I expected it to be. Nevertheless, you did a better job than that of a lot of new writers I've read here...

Because this piece was so short, there was really nothing I could imagine about it. I suggest that for future chapters, you should try to make them a bit more substantial before you post them. Other than that, this was a decent first job. Good work.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[Mewpink]

[SoulAura777]

More has been posted! Sorry if it was short, so here are 2 chapters. :D

Ch. 2

For days Bass searched long and hard to find the Navi that had the Ultimate Program. He would often end up empty-handed. Nevertheless, he examined the city, for he knew the Navi was somewhere in the city...

"He's coming..." the female Navi whispered. She was looking down the city on top of Net City's highest tower. Her back began radiating with energy and her giant, silver wings appeared. At that moment, Bass was near the heart of the city and sensed the sheer power that was being released. He leaped from building to building until the tower was visible. Bass made one giant leap and he came face to face with the Navi. What shocked him was not that the Navi was a female, but deep inside he felt as though he knew her. Something was familiar about the girl.

"So, you were the one that lured me out to the city." Bass said.
The female Navi stared at Bass as though she was looking through space.
"I sensed your Ultimate Program. You seem to be a worthy opponent to be shredded apart."
This time the Navi showed signs of sadness and grief.
"Well, are you ready... to be deleted?" With that, Bass attacked her with his Dark Arm Blades. At the moment of impact, the female Navi reached out her hand and an aura appeared, repelling Bass's Dark Arm Blades.
Bass was blown back by the countering force, yet he didn't surrender.
"Bass Buster!!!"
"Wheels of Darkness!!!"
"DARKNESS OVERLOAD!!!!!"
Bass attacked repeatedly, but all of his attacks failed to even touch the Navi. Surprisingly, he became exhausted after unleashing Darkness Overload.
"This is...impossible... Just who are you...?" Bass questioned.
"...I am...Naomi." The Navi replied.

Ch. 3

“Naomi?” Bass questioned.
“It’s been a long time since I searched for you.” Naomi replied.
“Searched for me?!” Bass exclaimed. “What on earth are you talking about?!”
He’s been battling so hard to have revenge against humans he’s forgotten the good memories of his past, thought Naomi.

“Let me help you up.”
Bass was surprised to hear that a Navi wanted to help him.
“I don’t need your help!” Bass snarled.
“…Look out!” Naomi yelled. Bass barely had time to dodge an attack that was launched mysteriously out of nowhere. His left leg slowly began to deteriorate.
“Bass, are you okay?” Naomi leaned next to him and looked at his injured leg.
“Heh, heh, heh. It seems this would be easier than I thought.”
Naomi whirled around and saw a figure dressed like the grim reaper. His face was not visible.

"I thought Bass would be stronger, but it seems that he's proven himself worthless and weak." The Navi replied. "It's going to be fun deleting Bass."
"You will not delete Bass!!" Shouted Naomi and stood behind Bass to protect him.
"Guess again!" The Navi sent out a powerful orb of dark energy.
"Dark Destruction!"
Naomi repelled the attack with her aura.
"You think your powers will be able to stop me?" The Navi yelled. He attacked Naomi with a dark sword. Naomi again blocked the attack. Suddenly, she flinched and dropped to the ground paralyzed in pain.
"No...not... now..." Naomi moaned.
Seeing his chance, the cloaked Navi attempted to strike Naomi. She dodged the attack and grasped Bass, who was now unconscious. She held him into her arms and flew away with her silver wings. The cloaked Navi didn't even bother to pursue her.
"Time will come when both Bass and Naomi are deleted..." With that, the Navi was disappeared through a warp hole.
When Naomi was safely out of reach from the Navi, she finally collapsed on top of a building.
"...I have to...help Bass..." She huffed. Using the last bit of her strength, she limped toward Bass and held her hand on top of his leg.
"Soul Heal..."
Blue sparks began to generate around Bass's leg. The wound disappeared and his leg was fully healed. Naomi then lost consciousness.

[Midnight]

Huh.

For future reference, it's better to simply reply to your topic with the new chapters. That way, it's easier for the readers to figure out where to begin reading again when they need to. That being said, now to the review.

Again, I found these chapters almost uncomfortably short. The combats used in it seemed to be somewhat shallow and brief, and could really have made a more impressive impact had they been fleshed out a bit more.

I also have a small concern that the character Naomi is turning out to be a Mary Sue. No ordinary navi could possibly withstand those sorts of attacks without breaking a sweat unless there is a VERY good reason for it--and so far, I have not seen any. Nevertheless, I still find this a decent read so far. Keep it up.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[SoulAura777]

Don't worry, Naomi is not going to be all-powerful and such. She will have a form of weakness.

Here's Ch. 4 and 5. :D

Ch. 4

"Where am I...?" Bass moaned. He got up and found that his strength returned. He looked down and saw Naomi near by his leg. Black data was covering her arms and was progressing slowly to the rest of the body.

"She's contracted a bug. Now's my chance to absorb her powers."
With a Dark Arm Blade, Bass advanced toward Naomi. As he was about to strike, Naomi moaned in pain and opened her eyes. Bass froze. Naomi slowly rose up, barely having enough strength to stand up in her feet.

"I'm...glad that...you're okay..." Naomi huffed.
Ignoring her words, his head told to strike, but his heart screamed to stop.
"... Just who are you?"
"I... told you... I'm Naomi."
"There's only one way for me to find out who you really are." Bass came closer toward her.

A flash of red stood in front of Naomi to protect her.
"Protoman!" Bass exclaimed.
“I saw you trying to strike the girl." Protoman explained.
"This has nothing to do with you. Get out of my way!"
Naomi, who was too exhausted to stand any longer, collapsed. Protoman held her in his arms.
"Protoman, jack out now."
And with that, Protoman logged out before Bass could attack him.

Ch. 5

Down in SciLab…

“Dr. Hikari, how’s the Navi doing?”
“So far, she’s recovering. It’s a good thing you got her out of danger, Chaud.” Dr. Hikari said.
“Protoman was the one who saved her.” Chaud answered.
“Something seems strange, though,” Protoman explained. “She had contracted a bug when I first found her.”
“Hm…The systems didn’t detect any bugs.” Dr. Hikari remarked.

“Hey, Dad!” A young boy exclaimed. Dr. Hikari and Chaud turned around and found that Lan and Raika had arrived.
“We’re back from our training in the Dimensional Area.” Lan noticed Naomi, who was recovering. “Who is she?”
“We don’t know, but we found her in Net City.” Chaud explained.
Naomi slowly opened her eyes and found the four people staring at her.

“Where am I?”
“Protoman saw that you were in danger so he got you out of it.” Chaud said. “You’re in SciLab right now.”
“Where is Bass?” Naomi began to panic.
“He’s a dangerous Navi. You shouldn’t go near him.” Protoman explained.
“No, you don’t understand. I have to find him.”
Everyone looked at her quizzically.
“I have to find him.”
“You should stay here. It’s safer.” Megaman replied.

In the midst of the conversation, the alarm suddenly went off.
“An unidentified Navi has hacked into the systems!” Dr. Hikari exclaimed.
“Leave it to us!” Lan said.

Lan, Chaud, and Raika jacked their Navis in the systems. Megaman, Protoman, and Searchman examined the systems’ mainframe and found the Navi.
“Bass!” Megaman exclaimed.
“Where is Naomi?!” Bass demanded.
“If you’re talking about the girl, you’re gonna have to get through us first!” Protoman snarled.
“Dark Destruction!!”
All three Navis was blown away by the attack.
“Once I’m done with you three, I’m taking Naomi.” Bass hissed as he was about to launch another attack.
“Don’t hurt them anymore.”
Bass looked ahead and saw Naomi standing in plain sight. He stopped his attack. Bass slowly walked toward Naomi until they were face to face.
“Show me who you are.” Bass reached out his hand and laid it on her forehead and began to scan her memories.

Thousands of images came to Bass. Some were the images of Naomi’s life. Others were completely meaningless pictures. There were even several images of Bass himself. Bass couldn’t take all the information in and broke away from Naomi.
“You… How do know me? Why have you been searching for me?” There was a pause.
“…I searched for you to heal you.” Naomi replied.
“What do mean?”
“The scar.”

[Mugen.exe]

Wow. Chapter five was like two chapter fours. I really wish more were that length (probably longer). The writing was smooth, although as Midnight said, hopefully it doesn't become too Mary Sue.
I liked it in spite of its shortness (hey! Bite-sized for those of us with ADD). Good work!
_________________

False Swipe is a great finishing move!
Witty robots, spunky orphans, and invincible pilots, this link's for you! A Gundam RP

[SoulAura777]

Thanks for the comments! :D Here's more, and it's longer!

Ch.6

Bass looked down at his chest, which bore the scar.
“I don’t need it healed. The scar is part of me. It is my symbol.”
“Your symbol is a Navi whose soul has been scarred.” Naomi replied.
Bass, enraged, slashed at Naomi with his Dark Arm Blade. A large, hideous wound opened at her right arm. She didn’t seem to even notice the wound.

“Don’t you remember?” Naomi said.
“I remember nothing but to destroy and demolish everything in my sight!!!” Bass shot a barrage of Wheels of Darkness. Naomi dodged all of the wheels. She suddenly noticed a warp hole appeared behind Bass.
“Get out of there!” Naomi warned. She used her wings to fly and help Bass, but to no avail both Bass and Naomi was hit by a dark energy that popped out of the warp hole.

“Hmm…it seems my accuracy has improved.” The cloaked Navi appeared out of the hole. “Then again, my accuracy is always perfect.”
“Who are you?!” Bass yelled.
The Navi took off his cloak and everyone except Naomi gasped at the first sight of him.

“Y-you look exactly like…Bass!” Megaman exclaimed.
“I am the successful clone of Bass.” The clone looked exactly like Bass, only he had red streams on his cheeks and had red markings on his body instead of purple.
“I despise clones,” hissed Bass.
“I despise you being the real Bass. My goal is to delete you so I may be the real Bass. You can’t do anything better than I do. My creator made perfectly sure I would be infallible.”
“Who is your creator?” gasped Bass.
“Dr. Wily.”
“Impossible… he couldn’t have created you.”
“With a piece of the Virus Beast’s data, yes he did,” replied the clone.

The clone started to attack Bass with Dark Arm Blade. Bass retaliated with his blade. After several slashes, both were exhausted from the fight. The clone, figuring it was no use to fight any longer, retreated.
“Such a coward. Running away like that.” Bass muttered. He noticed Naomi, who was shivering on the ground. Black data began to rage over her body and she cried in agony.
“See? She did contract a bug!” exclaimed Protoman.
“I’m trying to delete the bug but it’s not responding!” Dr. Hikari panicked.
“It’s…no…use…The bug is… too powerful…to be deleted…It’s the remains of… the Grave Virus Beast.” Naomi choked.
Everyone was shocked to hear what she said.
“There has to be a way to help.” Megaman replied. A solution sparked in his mind.
“Bass, you can absorb bugs, can you?” Megaman questioned.
“Yes, I absorb bugs to grow stronger.”
“Please help Naomi. She needs your help.”
“Megaman, I don’t trust this guy. He could pull a fast one on all of us.” Searchman remarked.
“Bass will know what to do.” Megaman replied.

Bass looked at Naomi, who was lying down breathing heavily. She was a poor sight. Half of her body was infected with the bug and was progressing faster than before. The wound on her arm was still present. Reluctantly, he lifted his hand over Naomi’s symbol and absorbed the bug. But to no avail, the bug was still too powerful. Bass collapsed.
“Bass, wake up!” Megaman yelled.

Ch. 7

Images appeared from his mind. He was in the mainframe of a laboratory. A little girl who had long, white hair with light blue eyes and wore a sky blue dress walked shyly toward the computer screen where he was. Bass was surprised to find how the girl resembled Naomi.
“Um…excuse me. Do you know where my father is?”
Bass reluctantly spoke, “Who’s your father?”
“Dr. Cossack is my father.”
“…What’s your name?”
“I am Naomi,” the girl replied.

Bass gasped as he jerked upright. He was breathing heavily.
“It was all just a dream…or is it?”
“Bass, you okay?”
Bass looked up and saw Megaman, Protoman, and Searchman next to him. Naomi was nowhere in sight.
“Where is Naomi?”
“Dr. Hikari is helping her recover. She’s been through so much.” Megaman replied.

“You cruel, heartless freak!” Protoman shouted and punched Bass in the face. “You just had to hurt the Navi like that after she wanted to see you so badly!”
“She wanted…to see me?” Bass said in a surprised voice.
“Even though we told her that you were a dangerous Navi she desperately wanted to see you! I’ve never seen anyone crazy enough to see a wretched Navi like you!”
“Protoman! That’s enough!” Chaud ordered.
“Apologies, Chaud, sir.”
“Bass, if you want to see her, you’re gonna have to ask Dr. Hikari. He’s taking care of her in his lab right now.” Megaman explained.

Bass was gone in a flash of light. He found the server where Navis were being repaired. He saw Naomi recovering from her wound. Naomi woke up. Her eyes met his. Her serene eyes made Bass feel he was being engulfed in the blue sea, floating under the mystifying waters.
“Are…you okay?” Bass finally said.
“I’ll be fine.” She noticed his face and touched his bruised cheek. In an instant, the quivering pain and bruise vanished from Bass’s cheek.
“How did you do that?”
“I have the ability to heal.” Naomi replied.
“Can you heal your wounds?”
“The bug corrupted part of my data. I can no longer heal myself, but I can heal others.”
“…Naomi, tell me who you are. You told me your name, and I feel I’ve known you before, but I can’t remember.”
“Maybe this will help you remember.” Naomi touched his forehead. Bass body became relaxed and slumped to the floor.

…..
“Where’s my father?”
“He went down the main laboratory.”
“Thank you. You’ve helped me so much.”

…..
“Dr. Cossack, your daughter spends too much time with the Navi. She’s hindering our research.”
“She’s just making friends with Bass.”

…..
“Father… I’m nervous of how this will turn out.”
“Don’t worry Naomi… I promise you’ll make it.”

…..
“Father, I promise I’ll find him…and we’ll be together again.”
“Be careful. I want you to be safe and happy.”
“I’ll do my best.”

Many scattered images filled Bass’s mind with Naomi, Dr. Cossack, and himself. One particular image caused him to wake up with shock.
“Something wrong?” asked Naomi.
“I…I saw Pharaohman.”
“…..Your data fused with his when you were on the verge of being deleted.”
Bass shuddered at the thought of how the humans betrayed him and prosecuted him when he really was innocent.

“When Dr. Wily captured Pharaohman and broke his data apart, you somehow managed to break free. The rest of the data mutated into the Virus Beast.”
“Then how did you contract the bug?” Bass asked.
“I was searching for you when I almost got caught in the beast’s snare. I escaped–barely. I ended up being infected with the bug and it has been slowly consuming me ever since.”
“How long have you been like this?”
“It’s been nearly 4 years since I became a Navi.” Naomi sighed.
“You were… a human?”
“I was diagnosed with a fatal disease. Dr. Cossack, my father, found a way to upload not only my consciousness but my soul as well.”
“Where is he now?” Bass questioned.
Naomi lowered her head and said with hesitation, “…He’s dead.”
Naomi’s reply stabbed Bass in the heart.
“Because he was blamed for the malfunction of the prototype of the Net, he was sent to Prison Island.”
“What…happened…there?”
“…His death sentence was confirmed….He was executed there. He…wanted to tell you how much he loved you. You were a son in his eyes. He wanted you to be happy. He–”
Naomi’s words were muffled by Bass as he embraced her tightly. Tears streamed down from Bass’s eyes. In her ear, Bass whispered, “Forgive me…”
Naomi answered back, “You are.”

[Midnight]

Hmm.

Well, I never thought of it that way, but I suppose having short chapters confers a small advantage.

The motif of Forte and his past is actually explored in another long-standing fic here--long as in duration of its tenure, and long as in its sheer length. Both of these fics present the same situation. However, don't feel discouraged about it! It's always nice to see two contrasting authors and their viewpoints on similar situations. Anyway, even if the chapters seem too short, they don't waste too much time. I do think, though, that perhaps with some scenes, such as the flashbacks, it may help if you elaborated on them a little bit. That way, they are much more vivid to the reader and stick much better, thus having a greater impact.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[Mewpink]

I enjoyed this fic very much, Soul. (I CAN call you Soul, can't I?)
Forte is always an interesting character to read about. ... ... ... ... I want to be hugged by Forte too!!!!! T_T
I hope you'll write something else soon.
_________________

[SoulAura777]

Mewpink: Sure. You can call me Sue or Soul. ^_^

Here's chapter 8!

Ch. 8

“If you’re gonna make up, you guys should do that somewhere else.”
Bass whirled around and saw Searchman standing behind them.
“Y-y-you’re actually…CRYING?!” Searchman exclaimed.
“Shut up, I’m not crying.” Bass denied, though the evidence was clear.
“Hmph, whatever.” Searchman replied.
“What brings you here, Searchman?” Naomi questioned.
“Oh, just to check on you.” Searchman winked. Naomi blushed and Bass threw a scowl at Searchman.

“Hey, guys!” Megaman greeted when he entered. “Say, Naomi, Bass. Would you like to meet other Navis tomorrow? Everyone is meeting at Net City to have some fun. There’s gonna be lots of net battles, and sight-seeing.”
“Megaman, don’t be so naïve. Don’t you know that I’m not part of the Net society?” Bass said.
“I don’t think it’s a bad idea. It might be fun to meet others.” Naomi replied.
Bass looked at her. She has been through so much. Maybe it is a good idea to go. She could feel acquainted with others. However, she might need me for protection, thought Bass.

“…..Fine, I’ll go as well.” Bass sighed.
“Where will you rest, Naomi?” Megaman questioned.
“SciLab should be a safe place for me to rest for the night, that is, if Dr. Hikari would allow me.”
“I’ll go ask him now.” Megaman replied as he left. At the same moment, Protoman logged in the server.
“I just wanted to see how you guys are doing.”
“We’re fine.” Bass and Naomi replied.
“Naomi.”
Naomi saw a screen which depicted Dr. Hikari.
“Megaman has asked me about it, and you may stay here. I’ll upgrade the security systems tonight.”
“I wish to stay here with Naomi as well.” Bass announced.
“You are not gonna stay here.” Protoman answered.
“Even with the security systems, my clone could return and attack Naomi. He did manage to avoid the security systems the first time.”
Protoman stared at Bass right in the eye. He then looked up to Chaud.
“Chaud, I wish to stay here tonight. I’ll guard the systems and make sure no perpetrator enters SciLab.”
“…..Fine, just make sure to be careful.”

Dr. Hikari thought deeply. He knew Bass could not be trusted. Yuuichirou couldn’t help but notice the dramatic change in Bass’s attitude. Maybe Naomi is the cause of Bass’s change in personality, thought Yuuichirou.
“Alright Bass, I trust you that you’ll guard her.”
This human…he actually trusts me…? Thought Bass. I wonder if humans can be trusted…then again the humans’ lies are the reasons why I intended to destroy them. However, for Naomi’s sake, I’ll have to adapt.

With the sunlight sinking into the darkness, nightfall greeted Densan City with rain.
“Well, I’ll be going. Please be careful.”
“We’ll be just fine.” Protoman and Bass replied.
“Good night.” Naomi said.
“Pleasant dreams.”
Naomi manually retracted her wings and went to the guest area where Navis rested.
“I wonder when Bass will be ready to move on….” Naomi whispered as her mind became lost in her sleep.

The rain in the previous night had brought the diamond beads of dew in the morning with the fresh scent of grass on the grounds of Densan City.

“Mmmm…..Huh?” Naomi moaned and rubbed her eyes.
“How was your sleep?” Bass asked as he entered the guest server.
“I feel much better….Where’s Protoman?”
“Some task he tried to do. He blacked out during the night because he was tired.”
“What about you, Bass? Did you get some sleep?”
“I never sleep.”

Naomi was shocked when she first saw Protoman. He was lying on the ground, snoring.
“Ummm….Protoman?” Naomi called.
“Hmm…wha…?”
“Are you awake?”
“…..Oh, shoot. Forgive me.”
“Hee, hee. It’s fine.”

“Well, are you guys ready?” Megaman asked as he came.
“Naomi, these are my friends, Lan and Maylu.” Megaman said as he pointed at the young boy with brown hair with a blue bandana and the magenta-haired girl who were both depicted on the screen.

“And don’t forget me, Mega.” A blonde-haired, pink Navi with yellow head bands came immediately after him. “I’m Roll, Maylu’s NetNavi. Mega told me all about you and Bass.”
“Pleased to meet you.” Naomi made a deep bow.
“The others are down in Net City. Protoman, Chaud wanted you to come with us down there. Ummm…what’s with the drool on your face?” Megaman pointed.
Protoman quickly wiped off the saliva on his mouth.

Net City was wild with Navis. Soon after summer vacation started, all students and Navis celebrated with screams, cheers, and parties, and net battles.
“Everyone, this is Naomi.” Megaman announced.
“Hi!” Everyone exclaimed. Gutsman, Glide, Aquaman, Iceman, and Tomahawkman greeted Naomi warmly. They all jumped up when Bass joined the group.
“Hey, it’s Bass! What’s he doing here?”
“Relax; I’m not threatening you all.” Bass replied coldly.
“Hi, Naomi! Did Bass and Protoman hurt you in any way?” Searchman asked as he came along putting one arm behind Naomi’s shoulder.
Naomi shifted uneasily.
When did this Navi became a pervert? Thought Bass.

“Did anyone notice these white birds that are flying all over the city?” asked Tomahawkman.
“They’re my birds. I wanted them to bring liveliness in Net City.” Naomi replied.
“Cool! You can summon birds?”
“Yes…” Naomi blushed.

“Well, let’s go see some net battles.” Megaman said. “I hear there’s this really awesome battle coming up in the Net Stadium.”
Everyone agreed to go to the stadium (although Bass was quite reluctant). The humongous, dome-shaped stadium had thousands of spectators. Everyone was yelling at the top of their lungs out of excitement.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” a screen depicted a woman wearing a frog hat. “Today the battle will be on fire as Greenman and Scorpionman competes!” Ribbita announced.
The crowd roared excitedly.
“Let the battles begin!”

“Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh…..It’s almost time…” the clone said in a low voice. “Prepare for the infiltration of the Stadium!”
“Yes, sir!” the clone’s servant replied.
“I’m sure the others will enjoy tearing Navis into shreds, especially one in particular…”

“Scorpionman wins!”
“YYYEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!”
“Who’s man enough to challenge me?” Scorpionman shouted.
Bass felt his urge to battle. He entered the arena.
“I challenge you.”
“Heh, you got guts, kid, but don’t get cocky.”
“Don’t underestimate your foes.”
“Begin!” Ribbita signaled.
“Dark Arm Blade!”
Bass knocked Scorpionman with one slash.
“Want some more?” Bass taunted.
“Grrr….”
“Incredible! The mysterious Navi defeated Scorpionman with one attack!” Ribbita reported.

Bass suddenly felt vibrations under the stadium.
“Something coming…Everyone get out!!!”
Bass dodged just in time as an explosion from under the stadium blew off debris.
“Well, finally we meet again…”
Bass noticed the voice. As smoke cleared, a Navi stood within Bass’s sight.
“Slur!!! I thought I deleted you!” Bass said in surprise.
“I came back just to have revenge on you. Now get ready to be deleted…..”

To be continued…..

[Midnight]

Huh.

Well, I still think that you do not put sufficient focus on some of the events in your chapters, but I cannot say that this is bad. You do a good job with the small amount of prose that you devote to each chapter, though I guarantee that it would become a lot better if you spent a little more time on each chapter and expand some of the more pressing events.

I'm still a little shaky with Naomi's presence, but I think you're doing a good job of keeping her in check.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[SoulAura777]

Sorry for not replying for a week ( I was fasting). Here's Ch. 9! ^_^

Ch. 9

“How did you come back?” Bass asked.
“I owe my life to your clone. He collected the remnants of my data in the cyber world and used his powers to restore me. He then asked me if I would help him delete you. I said I would be more than happy to have my revenge on you.”
“I deleted you once before, I’ll delete you again!” Bass yelled as he summoned his blades.
“Celestial Strains!” Slur lifted her hand and attacked with wires. Bass became entangled in the web.
“Impossible… I can’t move!” Bass struggled to break the wires, but it was no use.
“My powers have maximized thanks to your clone.” Slur boasted.
“Enough about my clone! Where is he?! He’s a coward if he sends his henchmen to do his bidding!”

“You have made a serious error…” A cold voice echoed through the hole in which Slur exploded through. The clone floated in the air by Slur’s side. “I always want to take care of my business personally. Now that you will be gone in this world, I’ll be the true Bass that everyone fears so greatly.” The clone prepared to attack.
“Not so long as I’m here!” Naomi yelled. “Soul Blade!!”
With exact precision, she sliced the wires that enraptured Bass. Bass dodged his clone’s attack just in time.
“Hmmm…it appears you still have most of your powers, Naomi. Too bad the virus that I implanted in you will consume you.”
“What?! You’re the one who implanted the virus in Naomi?!” Bass questioned.
“You heard me.” The clone hissed. “I am NeoForte, your clone. I was born through the remnants of the data fused from Pharaohman’s and yours. When the Virus Beast was destroyed, Dr. Wily managed to retrieve some of its data. He then performed all kinds of experiments to create and modify me. As for Naomi’s condition, I lost the chance of consuming her data, but she still became infected. I was the Grave Virus Beast.”
Bass froze at the last sentence. He paused for a moment before he responded.
“So, Wily’s the head of your syndicate?”
“Your so clueless these days…I gave him thanks by destroying his hideout and him. I have others who just love to rip everything apart.”
Bass too enraged to listen to NeoForte’s boasting, summoned Wheels of Darkness. Though the wheels were in target, NeoForte dodged both of them.
“My, your accuracy has been diminishing. When did you become so slow?”
“Shut up!!!” Bass retorted and attempted to attack again, but NeoForte and Slur together countered with each of their swords.
“We have unfinished business with you.” They both hissed.

“We’ll help you!” Megaman, Protoman, Searchman, and Tomahawkman called to Naomi as they joined the fight. The rest of the Navis helped others who were unable to get out of the Dome.
“All right.”

“Megabuster!”
“StepSword!”
“Scope Gun!”
“Tomahawk Swing!”
“Soul Blade!”
All five Navis targeted NeoForte and Slur. The two noticed the attack and pushed Bass in front of them to receive the blow instead.
“What?!”
There was a loud explosion that shook the ground. Thick, black smoke crawled everywhere around the Dome. Outside of the Dome, everyone had evacuated safely. They too, heard the explosion.
“What do you think could have happened?” Roll asked nervously.
“It appears they might need our assistance.” Glide responded.
“We should go help beat those evil Navis, Guts!”
“Iceman and I will also go, too.” Aquaman replied.

As they entered the stadium, smoke began to clear up and Roll and others joined with the rest of the gang.
“Mega! I’m so glad that you’re okay!” Roll hugged Megaman. “What happened?”
“Well, we tried to attack NeoForte and Slur, but it hit Bass instead.”
“You better take a closer look, Megaman.” Protoman informed.

Out of the smoke was Naomi, standing in front of Bass, who was unharmed.
“You used your barrier to save me?” Bass questioned.
“I don’t want you to get hurt.”
“How sweet. See if you can dodge my attack. Slur Sword!”
Slur tried to pierce Naomi, but she used her Soul Blade to counter Slur’s sword. Both struggled to overcome one another.
“You think you can defeat me, you pathetic Navi?” Slur taunted as she shattered Naomi’s sword.
There’s no other option for me… I have to use it, Naomi thought. She retreated a safe distance from Slur and lifted her hands up in the air. A glowing sword rapidly began to form in her hands.
“That source of light! …Can it be…?” Protoman whispered in awe.
“Dream Sword!!!!!” Naomi shouted as she launched the attack.
“Urrghh!” Slur barely dodged the attack, but her entire right arm was blown off to smithereens.

“Slur! We’ll have to retreat!” NeoForte shouted.
“But…”
“Are you questioning my authority?”
“No…”
Slur turned toward Naomi and Bass and screamed, “Once I fully recover, I’ll have my revenge on both you! You’ll never defeat the Forte Destruction Army!”
And with that, NeoForte and Slur disappeared out of sight.

The Forte Destruction Army… That means there must be thousands of them trying to get to me…I’ll have to be more cautious. Bass thought deeply.
“Bass, are you alright?”
Bass turned around and met Naomi’s eyes.
“…I’m fine.”

[Midnight]

Hmm...

Again I'm a bit 'put off' by the fact that the chapters are on the short side and the combats that are presented seem to be somewhat linear, but I can still see definite signs of potential. However, I am noting that Naomi is beginnng to teeter towards that of becoming too central to this fic, and I hope that she does not continue along this path.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[SoulAura777]

Sorry, I've been quite sluggish... -_-;

Ch. 10

“It’s a good thing you two are okay.” Megaman said. “Sorry, Bass. We didn’t mean to aim our attacks at you.”
Bass ignored Megaman’s comment.
“We should leave. I doubt this place will be any safer in this condition. We’ll have to go back to SciLab.”
“Well, if you say so.”
“Naomi, will you come with me back to SciLab? It’s safer for you.”
“Whatever you say.”

At SciLab…

“Naomi, may I talk with you, in private?”
“What is it, Protoman?”
“Just a simple conversation.”
By now, Bass was extremely protective of Naomi. He stepped in front of her.
“She needs to rest. The virus could attack her at anytime.” He explained.
“No need to worry, Bass. I’m sure it’ll be short.” Naomi said.
“…..If that is what you wish.”

Protoman and Naomi went into the guest server. The two sat and talked.
“Naomi, how were you able to use the Program Advance without the requirements of using three battlechips first?”
“I’m not exactly sure how my father did it, but he knew I was going to need these powers in order to survive while I was searching Bass. So, he somehow found a way to negate the requirements of the Program Advance.”
“…..Why were you searching for Bass and how long has it been?”
“…..I was searching for him to heal him. Bass wasn’t evil in the past. He was so nice and gentle when I was young. He always smiled at me, and…he was like…a brother to me. I was originally human. Four years ago, my father wanted me to find him. At that time, I had a fatal disease that couldn’t be cured. So, Dr. Cossack uploaded not only my mind but my soul as well.”
“I’m sorry…You were searching for Bass and now that you’ve found him, why aren’t you going to heal him now?”
“…Protoman. I want Bass to decide that for himself. He’s an AutoNavi. He has his own emotions, his own personality, and his own soul. I’ll wait for him to come and say, ‘I’m ready’. I can’t force him to do something that could go against him.”
“But, that would be pointless. You finally find him, and next thing you know he could be gone the next minute.”
“Even so, I’d still search for him.”

Protoman saw the determination in Naomi’s eyes.
“You must have gone through a lot…Master Chaud had a painful past as well.”
“What do you mean?”
“…His mother died when he was young. He suffered a lot. His father forced him not to cry for her.” He lifted his head and remembered those times when Chaud was young and inexperienced. He helped Chaud get out of tough situations and pain.

For the first time, Protoman saw a tear slowly dripping down to her face.
“….Chaud…he’s your NetOp, right? Does he… at least know how his mother was like? Does he know how she looked like?”
Protoman nodded.
“That’s good…I…don’t even know my mother…I was her first child. She died when she gave birth to me…I don’t even know how she looked like...”
At this, Naomi burst into tears, yet sobbed in silence.
“I’m sorry for you suffering so much like this.” Protoman held her in his arms and patted her reassuringly.
“We should go back; Bass could be fussing about how long we’ve been gone.”
“*Sniff*…..All right.”

One week later…

“Hmmm…It appears we’ll have to reinforce the army with more powerful Navis.” NeoForte mused.
“Yes, some of these clones are nothing but worthless data.” Slur replied. Her right arm had fully recovered from the blow she received from Naomi.
“Time will soon come when I will be the Ultimate Navi…”NeoForte made a malicious grin. “Slur, delete all the unworthy Graveloids and make more useful soldiers. I can just taste the excitement of the glorious day of my ultimate power…”
“Yes, sir.”

[Mugen.exe]

Excellent chapter. Bite-size yet again, but it helped reveal some of Naomi's past, which was good. And Slur is showing up in the next chapter too, which I can't wait to read about!
Keep up the good work!
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False Swipe is a great finishing move!
Witty robots, spunky orphans, and invincible pilots, this link's for you! A Gundam RP

[SoulAura777]

So busy through the week... -_-;

Ch. 11

At SciLab, everyone was thinking of last week’s event.
“We’ll need to be more cautious when we’re around the Net.” Bass explained.
“More importantly, we need to find out what’s really behind NeoForte and his so-called Forte Destruction Army.” Protoman said. “Obviously, they want to get rid of you, Bass. But we haven’t figured out exactly why they want to delete you.”

“Naomi, do you know anything about NeoForte and his syndicate?” Protoman asked.
“Well, NeoForte is a copy of Bass, only his data is also mixed with Pharaohman’s and the Virus Beast’s. I first met him three months after my soul was uploaded in the cyberworld and…for some reason he really wants to be the Ultimate Navi.”
“You’ve met him before?!” Bass exclaimed.
“Yes. At first, I thought he was you. Then I noticed his red marks and he tried to absorb my Ultimate Program. He’s been chasing me ever since.”
“That could be exhausting.” Tomahawkman commented.
“How did he know you in the first place?” Bass asked.
“He scanned my memories while I was caught off guard. When I woke up, he was gone.”

Something’s amiss here. If NeoForte wants to be the Ultimate Navi, why couldn’t he just absorb Naomi’s Ultimate Program. Bass was thinking so deeply that he didn’t notice Naomi looking at him face to face.
“You shouldn’t worry so much. It could wear you out.”
“Y-yeah.”

“Hey, guys. Do you wanna go and try to find out where NeoForte and his gang are hiding?” Megaman questioned.
“Megaman, you shouldn’t do something so rash if you don’t know what their up to.” Protoman said.

“We shouldn’t just lounge around here worrying! What we need is a relaxation.” Roll announced. “Who wants to go to that new Cyber Beach in the weekend? It has just opened three days ago.”
Great… More pointless vacations, Bass thought.

“Hey, we NetOps need a vacation too, you know.” Lan replied.
“Alright, then. Why don’t we go to Oran Island in the weekend?” Said a young girl that had a shiny forehead who wore a red dress. “I hear that the island just became a tourist attraction. Oran Island is also linked to Cyber Beach. We can go on my luxurious ship. Are you coming, Chaud?” She looked at him dreamily.
“I don’t know, Yai. It depends whether I’m gonna have a lot of work tomorrow or not.”
Chaud was the vice-president of IPC, one of Electopia’s top gaming companies. He never had the time to take a vacation.
“Please…”
“I’ll try…” Chaud sighed.

“Hey, Raika.” Searchman said.
“Hm?”
“Your uncle sent an e-mail that since there’s been some quiet around Sharo, he says that you can stay here a bit longer, that is if you wanted to.”
“Don’t start trying to persuade me going to the beach.” Raika protested.
“Well, why don’t we invite Princess Pride, Jasmine, and FyreFox?” Lan replied.
Both Raika’s and Maylu’s faces went up red, with each of them having different reasons why.
“…They could get a vacation, too…” Lan peeped.

“Alright, then it’s decided. Meet me at my mansion at 9 o’clock sharp-that is if you can. I’ll send the invitations to the three.” Yai announced.
“Wait, what about Naomi and Bass? How are they gonna come?” Lan asked.
Everyone looked at him.
“Oh, no…”

“Why did I have to open my big mouth?” Lan sighed.
“Wow, Lan. Your room’s pretty neat.” Naomi said.
“Actually, my mom’s the one who cleans the room.” Lan replied.

“Can I stay in your homepage?” Naomi asked.
“Sure, why not?”
“I need to stay in your homepage as well.” Bass said to Lan.
“Hmmmmm…” There was a pause. “All right. I guess you want to protect Naomi from NeoForte’s army, right?”
Bass nodded.
“I’ll stay in my PET,” Megaman explained.
“OK, well, good-night guys.”