No Regret - Contest Peice PG Angst

Neko

In my entire life I have never regretted anything. I have done my very best to live each day to the fullest and move forward without looking back. I did not marry the man I loved, but instead grew to love the man that was chosen for me and through that love I gained the thing that is most precious to me in this world.

My little Enzan.

I know I am dying, I can feel it in my body. My arms are heavy and my chest hurts as I force air into my deflated lungs. I know I have probably only a few hours left to live but I have decided that I will die the way I lived my life. I will die without any regrets.

As I gather my son into my frail arms, I am overcome with a strong desire to stay tethered to this earth. A mother’s want, my want, to see my son grow into the wonderful man I know he will become. I want to stay here, with him and with my husband and continue living the life I had before I got sick. It’s a selfish desire but I guess my love for them has made me a little selfish.

I will not regret passing though, I will not be unhappy as I go into the next world. I will stand erect and take my divine judgment as it comes and whatever choices and decisions that are pointed out to me as less then virtuous I am confident I can look my maker in the eye and tell him that I do not regret it.

My precious little boy is sniffling as I run my fingers through his fine hair to get him to calm down. I know he is sad, and that makes me sad. For a child so young, he is very adult and very mature and I can only hope that one day he is shown the true meaning of being a child before it’s too late. Shuuseki is too rough with him, but I know I won’t be able to do much about that now.

Shuuseki, ah, my darling husband. The man I loved to hate, then grew to love in earnest as I slowly saw the kind and gentle man he could be when given the chance. My marriage to him against my will, the first few painfully lonely months and then, seeing for the first time what he really was. It took a while, perhaps years to get to see his true self and I can only hope that after my death he continues to show himself to other people. His hardened face will only turn away those who want to help him.

I pray one day he will be able to see Enzan for the precious gift he really is. As a son, as a child, as my baby boy and not as an heir to a throne. I hope that he will be able to see Enzan through the eyes of a father and not those of a businessman.

But I digress in my thoughts as I cuddle my child with my remaining strength. I could hope and wish for a lot of things in my final hours. I could wish for world peace or to get better but I know that it won’t happen. Still, I hope and I pray, for their sake.

I murmur words of love and encouragement as he cries softly. For a child so young, I’ve only seen him cry seven or eight times since he could talk. Tears do not come so easily to the prince of IPC. I do hope that he learns of what friendship is truly like before he grows too old.

Actually, I know he will. I can feel it. My son is destined for great things, and I know they don’t have anything to do with companies or titles on a nice plaque on a desk. He has a wonderful future ahead of him and I am glad. So, very glad.

As he drifts off to sleep, it hurts more and more to draw in breath. I am glad, that I get to spend my last moments on this earth with my joy. My pride and my love, my little Enzan.

I know he will grow to be a wonderful person, and in turn I know that Shuuseki’s eyes will shine with pride some day when he’s seen the wonderful man Enzan has become. I am not worried for them now, I don’t need to be. There will be hard time, there will be sad times and there will be angry times, but life will run its course and before it is through I know they will both be better people for it.

I kiss the top of Enzan’s head and brush a lock of his hair out of his angelic sleeping face. He stirs a little and I smile my last smile. “I pray you become everything you want to be and more,” I whisper in his ear. “I hope your father can be proud of whatever you become. I know I will be, I am already.”

My time has come, and I know it. I am not afraid, and I am not scared. I will face the door with pride knowing that I’ve lived my life exactly the way it should have been lived. I can feel my eyes slide shut and I let my final breath pass between my lips with little struggle.

I know I can leave this world without any regrets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*sniffle* This was amazingly hard to write ;~;
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Darth Osiris · Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:23 am Post subject:

I was going to enter the contest, but, as they say, crap happens. :] Now, after reading this, I'm glad I didn't enter. Nice job.
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Neko · Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:29 am Post subject:

Why? I'm sure your fic would have been good o_O
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Midnight · Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:45 am Post subject:

That was beautiful, Neko.

You did a great job of keeping Enzan's mother in check, and I enjoyed how you characterized her as a person with no regrets. She didn't regret anything about how she lived her life, and with basically zero knowledge of her in the anime canon, you managed to develop her into a minor charcter that you yearn to learn more about.

And Darth, why on earth would you think that? My entry was the first piece of fiction I have ever written in this genre, and I knew I was going to be outgunned by some of the writers. I still entered, though.

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**Sol** · Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 1:05 pm Post subject:

Man, I really liked this one. Despite us never knowing anything about Enzan's mother, you pulled this off masterfully. We never know her name, but you can really feel for her as she reminiscences. Very nice introspective and background, Neko.
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Kitty-Chan · Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 2:56 pm Post subject:

Truly a touching piece. It's no wonder the rest of us never stood a chance.
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Mugen.exe · Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 4:53 pm Post subject:

Wow. Nearly speechless. Such a moving piece for having little-to-nothing to go by. Sublime work Neko, you captured her last moments beautifully *wipes tear from eye. ... perfect.
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Wackoman.EXE · Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 3:01 pm Post subject:

Another masterpiece Neko; you pull off the angst genre perfectly. Enzan's mother was perfect, and as I always though she'd be; the perfect opposite to Enzan's father. I thoroughly enjoyed this, and I normally am not a fan of angst.
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YaminoMiko · Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 4:37 pm Post subject:

*sniff* This is a wonderful piece. Why didn't we write anything for the parents?

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Atreyu · Net Battler Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 87

Ow. Man, is first-person hard to write. I first have to applaud you for making sure the tenses and the feel of it all flowed together well. That is easy for some people and really hard for others. For me, first-person is like pulling out fingernails.

Second, characterization. It's difficult to write for a character with no known name, much harder when they don't have any known personality. Laughing

However, going on what little we've got (and boy is it little), you were able to produce a believable story about Enzan's mother from her point of view, which is nothing short of awesome and amazing.
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Neko · Posted: Thu May 18, 2006 5:24 am Post subject:

*blushes* Thank you ^^ very much.

Yeah.... first person isn't... forgive the pun, my forte. I had to edit this poor thing to all hell and I still see a few mistakes. Still, writing her wasn't too hard, just difficult to peice together. I wanted it to seem like her last moments not her thinking about her whole life from the beginning.
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