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Dr.V Guest
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 4:47 pm Post subject: The One Hundred Years War (AA,PG-13, WIP) |
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Author’s Notes:
Thanks for showing interest in my first Fan Fiction, well, ever. Of course this is based off the Megaman/Rockman series of games. I will be taking elements from every Rockman series except the Zero series (don‘t know much about it yet). This includes Classic, X, Legends/Dash and (mostly) Battle Network/EXE. The X and Dash elements won’t come in for a couple chapters, but it should be well worth the wait (I hope). Also I will be taking elements from the EXE games, anime, and magna. And of course I will add my own elements to the series. I have had this entire series in my head for a little while now, but just got around to writing it. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did thinking and writing it. Oh and one more thing. I have put myself in this as an OC, but I am not the main character. Rockman is and always will be, although I do play an important role. But enough of my ranting, lets get to the story shall we?
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Chapter 1:
Jack Out….Lan
At one point in time, something happened, created. It was a creation that would change the entire world for years to come. This creation was called the Net. Many people found it to be a joke when it was first revealed to the public. And there was one certain reason for that. Inside this Net were living creatures called Net Navis. Many did not like the idea of virtual “humans”. Soon after, the virtual “humans” were renamed as virtual pets, but it wasn’t something people were ready to have at that point in time. But the creators did not give up on their creations. At first just big corporations used the system and its Navis. The Net Navis helped do many different tasks depending on their programming. As time went on, more and more people were seeing the usefulness of the Net and the Navis and wanted to use them on their own. And so the Net was accepted by the pubic and PETs (Personal Terminals) were created to hold the Navis and give their Net Opps access to them at any time. But, as with all good things, there is a drawback. Two Navis were far overpowered. These two Navis were different. They were not governed solely by their programming and could think, act, and feel on their own. However, one of the Navis retailed and began destroying anything in sight causing problems all over the Net. The other Navi was sent to stop him, but failed. Humans were able to quickly contain, what they told the public, the powerful virus. In reality, these Navis were taken away, locked up, and deactivated due to the power they held. However, one of those Navis has been reactivated since and was given to a boy whom shared a very special bond with this Navi. Together they were able to defeat the WWW (World Three), the first crime organization to make a major impact on the Net, and make their mark in history. As for the other, rebellious Navi, his whereabouts are unknown to anyone now. Whether he is still deactivated or not is a mystery. Now a new organization is in the process of forming. But not everything is as it seems. The year is now 2005 and the Net is an essential part of life. Everyone in the world uses it daily for many different purposes.
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At a secret part of the Net, a Navi is talking to a hologram of a “human”.
“I understand that this….Lan boy is in the possession of a Navi named Megaman. Correct?” Asks the hologram of the “human”.
The Navi responds, “Yes. And they were the two responsible for defeating the WWW.”
“Heh, the WWW? I care nothing of those fools. They were weak and insignificant. Although, I do worry that Megaman may pose as a threat. Is there anyway we could….bring him to us?”
The Navi gets confused and asks, “What do you mean by that?”
“I want to talk to this Navi. I may be able to bring him to our side. But….I will need to get rid of that useless Net Opp that he is with. Continue on with the initial plan. I have some thinking to do.”
“As you wish.” The transmission ends and the Navi plugs out.
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“Lan……Lan…………..HEY!!! Lan!!!”
“What the hell?” Lan falls out of his bed and looks up to see his friend Maylu standing next to his bed. He gets up, rubs his eyes and asks, “What do you want so early in the morning?”
Meiru looks at Lan with her arms folded and yells, “Lan! Its 11:30 A.M. This is not early. And did you forget that you were supposed to take me out on a date today?”
“A date? What the hell are you talking about? We were just going to hang out and do some shopping.”
“Well I want it to be a date so it is. Now get dressed and let’s get going.” She throws some clothes at him and walks out of the room slamming the door behind her.
All of a sudden, Lan’s PET comes to life. “Hahahaha. To bad you over slept.”
Lan looks at Megaman angrily and says, “That’s your fault. You are supposed to wake me up every day.”
“I did. You just didn’t hear me.”
Lan sighs and says, “Well whatever. Women are impossible to please anyway. Even if I was awake and ready to go hours ago, she still would find something to complain about.”
Megaman starts laughing and says, “That’s why I’m glad I’m in here. I don’t have to worry about such trivial things like women.”
Lan looks at Megaman and says, “What about Roll?”
Megaman gets angry and says, “Hey! She came on to me.”
Lan laughs and says, “Well, whatever. We need to get going anyway.”
Lan gets dressed and leaves with Maylu.
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Meanwhile at a nearby prison, guards are distributing newspapers to the inmates. One inmate doesn’t budge to get it after it is thrown into his cell. He sees the main headline that reads, “Local Boy Stops Net Crime Organization WWW”. After looking at the picture he sees Megaman on it. He quickly jumps out of his bed and runs to grab the paper to confirm what he sees.
“Oh….my….God….it is Megaman.”
He begins to ready the story, “Local boy Lan Hikari and his Net Navi Megaman stop the criminal organization known as the WWW. More details inside.”
“Hikari? Well, well, well. Yuuichiro decided to give Megaman to his brother. How interesting. I wonder when this happened……….And why didn’t he come to tell me who he picked for my Net Navi, my creation, Megaman? Oh well, I guess he is to busy now to come and visit an old friend.”
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Meanwhile, Lan and Maylu are inside a clothing shop. Maylu is trying on skirts. While Lan is waiting, he gets an E-mail.
“Who is from?” Lan asks Megaman.
Megaman shrugs and responds, “No idea. There is no name or anything. I did a scan, and there are no viruses attached so it should be safe.”
“Fine then. Just open it.”
Megaman opens the e-mail and begins to read it, “Hello fellow Net Battler. I am an Official who is doing tests on those who are worthy enough to become Officials. We are running low on quality Net Battlers and would be honored if you could come and take the test. Meet me in front of the Center for further details if you are interested. Thank you for your time…….That’s all.”
Lan begins to get excited. “That’s all!? This is great news. We are finally getting the recognition we deserve. Let’s get over to the Center right away!”
“Wait one minute.” Maylu stops Lan before he runs away. “We are on a date and we must both agree on what we are going to do.”
Lan begins to wine. “Oh come on Maylu. This won’t take all that long. I’m a really good Net Battler and could finish this test in a snap.”
“Ok, Lan. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. I really don’t think we should…” Maylu’s speech is cut off by Lan grabbing her arm and running towards the door. They burst out the door and toward the Center.
When they arrive, Maylu begins to get angry. “I can’t believe that you actually dragged me into this. I‘m still wearing the clothes I was trying on too. My stuff is at the shop.”
Lan continues to wine. “Please don’t make this sound bad. I’ll buy you a nice lunch after this to make up for it. And we can go get back your clothes.”
Maylu perks up, smiles and yells, “Ok. You got a deal. I love going out on dates with you.”
As Maylu hugs Lan he begins to look scared and says, “Yeah…..thanks……I guess.” Lan looks around and says, “Where is the Official anyway?”
Maylu looks around as well and says, “Let’s just wait a little while longer.”
On the roof of a building across the street a man is preparing a sniper rifle. He points the sniper toward the sidewalk by the Center were Lan and Maylu are standing. He looks into the scope and aims at Lan. When the crosshairs in the scope center in on Lan’s head, he pulls the trigger. Lan moves slightly and the bullet hits him on the side of his body instead of his head. Lan falls to the ground silent and unconscious. Maylu sees the blood and the wound and begins to scream.
On the roof of the building the man begins to aim at Lan again. “Damn. I missed his head, but this time, he is mine.”
As he begins to aim back on Lan’s head, people begin to crow around Lan and Maylu.
The man looks up from the scope and says, “Heh. Whatever. The wound will be fatal anyway.”
The man then throws the sniper rifle off the building and stands on the edge.
As the man looks down he says, “The human body is too weak and fragile to take a hit like that and survive. Now to dispose of this crap vessel.”
The man jumps off the building.
“Lan! Lan! Can you hear me? Please answer me.” Maylu is kneeling beside Lan in tears.
Maylu‘s PET comes to life. “I have called the paramedics, Maylu. They should be here shortly.”
Maylu looks at the PET and says, “Thank you Roll.”
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Inside the Center, Dr. Hikari rushes out of lab he was working in. He is clutching his PET where Megaman has transferred himself to.
“I can’t believe this is happening,” Yuuichiro says as he runs into an elevator, “Why would anyone want to do this to my son?”
Megaman responds, “I bet this has something to do with the WWW. Probably some maniac that followed them wanted revenge.”
“It matters not. As long as Lan lives, I will be happy. But, whoever did this to my son….will pay in one way or another.”
The elevator stops and he runs out towards the door. As he is running up, he sees an ambulance and paramedics putting Lan on a stretcher. As he gets out the door they are loading Lan into the ambulance. Yuuichiro pushes his way through the crowd and to Maylu.
As he pushes the last person away to get to Maylu, he yells, “What the hell happened, Maylu?”
Maylu is still in tears when she responds, “I don’t know. I heard a loud noise and then Lan just fell to the ground. I saw blood and ordered Roll to call 9-1-1.”
“Thank you.” Yuuichiro goes to one of the paramedics and explains to him that he the father. They let him into the ambulance with Maylu and they rush off to the hospital. Inside the ambulance Yuuichiro calls Haruka. Maylu contacts Dex and Yai, and Megaman contacts Chaud. They all begin their ways to the hospital as soon as they hear the news. Meanwhile the paramedics are working on Lan. They hook him up to a few different machines. Yuuichiro and Maylu can only watch. When they arrive at the hospital, Lan is rushed into an ER room immediately. Yuuichiro and Maylu are sent to a waiting room near the ER. Neither of them says a word until Chaud arrives.
As Chaud walks toward them he says, “This is a tragedy. Lan was one of the best Net Battlers in the world. It would be a real we lost him.”
Yuuichiro looks up and yells, “You talk as if he is already dead! If all you are going to say is negative thoughts, then you need to leave.”
“I’m merely preparing for the worst, and I suggest you do the same. Trust me, I don’t want anything bad to happen to him, but if we think everything will be alright no matter what, then we could end up worse than if we believe everything will be perfect. I’m just being realistic, Dr. Hikari. I’m sorry if you don’t want to be.”
Yuuichiro sits back down and says, “I know that you are right. Thank you, Chaud, for your support.”
“I’m sorry I had to be like that. I‘m just trying to help anyway I can.”
At that time, a doctor comes out from the ER room and walks up to them. He stops in front of Yuuichiro and says, “Dr. Hikari, things don’t look good from where we stand right now. The bullet that was shot at him, hit him in the worst possible place, his heart. It hit him just right so it would pierce his arteries and even some of the heart. It is amazing that he is even still alive right now. His internal bleeding is very severe, and his heart is in very bad shape. I can almost guarantee that he will not survive the night. We will need to operate in a few hours to even have a chance of him surviving.”
Yuuichiro puts his head down, gets up, begins to walk away and says, “Let me talk to my wife before we make any decisions.”
The doctor nods and goes back into the ER room. As Yuuichiro is walking toward the elevator, Haruka, Dekto, and Yaito stop him.
Haruka asks, “Yuuichiro? What is happing to Lan?”
He looks at her and says, “Lan will not make it. A simple surgeon cannot save him……But I know of a cure that no other doctor knows.”
“What is it, Yuuichiro?”
“We need to do the same thing to Lan that we did to Hub.”
“Is there……..no other way?”
“No. The only way I believe Lan will survive is by doing this.”
Haruka puts her head down and says, “Then I know what you need to do.”
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t do more. But at least Lan will live.”
Yuuichiro takes the car keys from her, walks past them and goes out to the parking lot. He gets into her car and drives away. Yuuichiro thinks to himself, “This is the only way Lan will live. There is only one person who can save him. I only hope that I can get him out of prison without much trouble.”
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A half hour later, Yuuichiro arrives at the highest security prison in the area. In the cell of one of the inmates, a guard lets Yuuichiro in.
The inmate looks at Yuuichiro, smiles, and says, “About time you got here. Took you long enough.”
Yuuichiro smiles and says, “Come with me. You are free now……..and……..I need your services.”
“Heh…..who is it this time?”
“It’s Lan. Please let us hurry. We don’t have much time. I’ll explain everything on the way to the hospital. Here.”
Yuuichiro hands the inmate a blue shirt, brown pants, and a white lab coat. The inmate goes into a room and changes. When he comes out, he and Yuuichiro get into the car and drive back towards the hospital.
Yuuichiro begins, “Lan has been shot. The bullet has hit is heart. He has been given a very small chance to live. And I want you to save him, just like you did to Hub.”
“I see. How long has Lan been in the possession of Megaman?”
“So you know?”
“They may not treat us the best in prison, but they don’t block us from the outside world completely. We still get the newspaper.”
“Megaman has been Lan’s Navi for a couple of years now. I’m sorry I didn’t come and tell you like I promised, Adam.”
“No harm done. You did get me out like you promised. Even if it was longer than I expected. But regardless, do we have access to the proper facilities to perform the operation?”
“Yes. I have set up a place in SciLab to do this.”
“Heh. SciLab. How is the old place?”
“More advanced.”
“As expected. Do you know who shot Lan?”
“No, not yet. We assume its some WWW follower who wanted revenge for their fallen leader.”
“On the subject of the WWW, I saw that Albert was the leader. What of his whereabouts…….because I would love to see him again.” As Adam finishes that sentence, he pounds his fist into his palm.
“The WWW base was destroyed, but Albert’s body has not been found. It could have been incinerated.”
“No. Not likely. Albert is smart enough to prepare for any outcome. If there is no body, then he is still out there. And it wouldn’t surprise me if Albert did this, or at least had something to do with it. But I guess it doesn’t really matter right now. We need to save Lan first, and find the shooter second.”
Yuuichiro nods and says, “Agreed. We are almost there. Other Officials should be awaiting our arrival.”
Yuuichiro looks up and sees the night sky begin to form. “We need to hurry.”
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At the secret part of the Net the “human” and Navi are talking again.
The “human“ begins, “So, Lan is still alive?”
The Navi nods and says, “Yes my lord. It appears our attempt wasn’t immediately fatal. Although, Lan has been given a minimal chance of survival.”
“Let’s just hope Lan doesn’t live. I need Megaman to be in a state of weakness. Because in weakness, anyone or anything is open to suggestion. That would be the best time to bring him to our side or delete him. His power will be useful either way. Continue to track Lan’s progress and inform me whenever there is a change in condition, positive or negative.”
The Navi bows and responds, “Yes, my lord.”
The transmission ends.
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Yuuichiro and Adam arrive at the hospital and are greeted by four other Officials. They all enter the hospital and go up to Lan’s room. There another Official is waiting with Haruka and Lan’s friends.
Yuuichiro asks the Official, “Have you explained what is going to be done?”
The Official nods.
Adam begins to walk into Lan‘s room and says, “Good. Let’s begin, shall we?”
They all go into the room and begin to hook Lan up to portable equipment. After he is ready, they bring him down to an armored vehicle in the parking lot. Yuuichiro, Adam, and the Officials go into it. Lan’s friends go into Haruka’s car and follow the others to SciLab. Megaman is in the possession of Maylu. When they get to SciLab, Lan is brought into a room in back of the building. Lan is put into a pod and hooked up to many different wires. Adam sits in front of the main monitor in the room and begins to open programs and input commands.
Adam jokingly says, “Computers move a lot faster now. Many improvements, but I hope we can still pull this off.”
As Adam begins to input more commands, two bars appear on the huge screen in the front of the room. One is labeled “Lan: Human” and is full. The other is labeled. “Lan: Navi” and is empty.
Another scientist in the room says, “All preparations have been complete. We are ready to begin the transfer.”
Adam nods in approval and inputs more commands. After a few seconds, the bar labeled “Lan: Human” begins to drain and “Lan: Navi” begins to fill.
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The mystery Navi begins a transmission to the “human” and says, “My Lord, Lan has been hooked up to a machine in SciLab. They must be trying to save him there.”
“Excellent. I shall send an assassin.”
The transmission ends.
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Back at SciLab, the bars are at about halfway each.
Adam turns to Yuuichiro and says, “So far so good. It’s running really smooth. Have computers really gotten this advanced in thirteen years?”
Yuuichiro is silent and just stares at his son in the pod, but Chaud steps up and asks Adam, “I don’t know anything about you, but the way you speak makes it seem like you know very little about computers. Yet you seem to know how to operate one like you have for years. What is that all about?”
“Do not worry about that. Just know that the way things are going, Lan will be fine.”
“Oh, but I do worry. And I hope you will comply after this is all over.”
“And tell me, why should I tell you my story?”
“Because I am an Official and I want to know. If you don’t tell me, I can find out. Being a high rank Official as well as the vice president of IPC has its perks.”
“I will consult Yuuichiro about you before I tell you anything.”
Chaud is silent. Just before he is about to speak, an alarm begins to sound.
Yuuichiro turns to Adam and yells, “What the hell is going on?”
Everyone turns to the monitor and sees “Virus Infection” in red letters flashing on the screen.
Chaud yells, “A virus? How could that happen? SciLab has the best firewall in the world. No virus should be able to penetrate it.”
Adam turns to Yuuichiro and yells, “Give me Megaman! This virus could get in the way.”
Maylu walks up behind Adam and hands Megaman to him. When Adam looks at Megaman he begins to tear up and says, “It’s been a long time, my Navi.”
Megaman looks confused and says, “I don’t know what you are talking about, but right now, we need to save Lan.”
“Yes, we do. So let’s begin.” Adam takes the wire from the PET and inserts it into the panel.
Chaud walks up to the terminal and says, “I can’t let you do everything. Jack in…….Protoman……Transmission!”
Dex, Maylu, and Yai jack in their Navis as well. They all enter the Net and see a Navi in a pod like Lan’s on Earth.
Megaman walks up to the pod and asks, “So….is this what Lan will become?”
Adam responds, “Yes, Hub. What I’m doing to Lan is the same thing I did to you almost thirteen years ago.”
“What? You….you did that?”
“Yes. I will explain everything to you later. The virus is our priority now. Stay focused, Megaman.”
Megaman goes and joins the other Navis ready for battle. After a few seconds Megaman begins to feel weird.
“Something is wrong.” Megaman says.
Protoman responds, “What is it?”
“I don’t know. Something is hurting me. I’ve never felt this before. It feels like….my data hurts. Does anyone else feel this?”
The other Navis shake their heads in response. Suddenly, the Net around them begins to warp and go back to normal.
Megaman yells, “It’s getting worse. This pain is so weird.”
The warping stops suddenly. Then a massive rift appears in front of the Navis, and Megaman falls to his knees screaming in pain. The emblem on his chest begins to glow. Slowly a Navi begins to appear out of the rift shrouded in an aura floats toward the Navis. When the Navi fully appears, Megaman stops screaming. Protoman, Roll, Glide, and Gutsman prepare to fight the Navi.
The Navi begins to laugh and says, “Please. Don’t make me waste my time on you.”
Protoman yells, “You coward! Don’t hide behind that aura and show yourself to us.”
“Heh. Megaman is the only one worthy of seeing me. Now get out of my way.”
Protoman, Roll, Glide, and Gutsman are lifted into the air and forced into jacking out.
Chaud asks, “Protoman, why did you jack out? I didn’t order this.”
Protoman responds, “I’m sorry, Chaud. That Navi forced us all to plug out. I don’t know how he did it.”
The cloaked Navi moves toward Megaman and says, “Well, well, well. It’s been a very long time, Megaman. It’s nice to see you still in tact.”
Megaman slowly gets up and asks, “Who are you and how do you know me?”
“Interesting. I can feel human DNA inside of your system. Were you the lab rat to this horrific experiment?”
“Horrific experiment? We are trying to save my Net Opp’s life. And if you have come here to stop that, then I will fight you.”
“What a pity. Even you have gone to trust the human race. I expected more of you. But if you are that determined to save him, then come. Let me see if that DNA has weakened you.”
The Navi’s arm comes out of the aura with a Dark Sword in hand.
Adam yells, “Megaman use your sword to fight him.”
Yuuichiro yells, “He can’t create weapons from data around him anymore. You need a Battle Chip.”
Adam yells, “Battle Chip? What the hell is a Battle Chip!?”
Chaud pulls out three chips and hands them to Adam. “Use them in the same order I give them to you.”
“Ok” Adam slots in a Sword, Widesword, and Longsword battle chips.
A Life Sword appears in Megaman’s hand and Megaman swings at the Navi. The sword is absorbed by the aura. Megaman is lifted above the ground by the other Navi‘s mind.
“So your reliance on humans has left you weak. Just as I expected. You are no longer useful. Prepare to become a part of the darkness that is death.”
The Navi swings his Dark Sword at Megaman, but is stopped in mid attack. The emblem on Megaman’s chest lets out a flash of light.
The Navi says, “So, you are not as weak as you appear. You do still have your old powers despite the DNA in you. So keeping you alive may be worth wile after all.”
Megaman is thrown behind the Navi. Then the Navi charges at Lan’s Navi pod.
The Navi yells, “Its time to finish what I started earlier.”
Yuuichiro see this and yells, “Noooo!!! Get away from him you basterd.”
Its too late. The Navi slashes the pod in half. The Navi begins to laugh and says, “Hehheheheh. What a waste of life. The human essence is so fragile. I’m amazed that he even survived the bullet wound I inflected on him earlier.”
Adam looks confused and asks, “How could you have done that? You’re just a Net Navi. Or was it your Net Opp?”
The Navi laughs and responds, “Net Opp? Do you honestly believe that I would be under the control of a human?…………Actually, it’s quite the opposite.”
Chaud steps up and says, “What does that mean? That you can control humans?”
The other scientist in the room begins to laugh and says, “That is exactly what I mean. When you find the body of Lan’s shooter across the street from the Center, know that it was me who did it to both.”
“You killed him?” Adam asks.
The scientist pulls a gun out of his lab coat pocket, aims it at his head, and responds, “Of course I did. Those I control mean one less human I have to worry about later. Once I’m finished, I simply get rid of what no longer has any use.”
Adam yells, “That’s sick. What gives you the right to mess with people’s lives?”
“Heh, heh, heh. I don’t need permission from humans to do this. Their opinions are meaningless to me. I shall demonstrate just how much control I have over your weak minds.”
The scientist pulls the trigger and falls to the ground, dead. The Navi is back inside the Net and says, “If I were you, all of you, I would prepare for what is about to come. Both the Net and Earth are about to become my own personal playgrounds. Death will soon be upon you all.”
He moves toward Megaman who is barley standing. The Navi lifts Megaman into the air and says, “I have an offer for you. If you join me, we can erase any memories of these pathetic creatures and you can start anew. All of your powers will be restored and together, side by side, we can rule both worlds.”
Megaman yells, “You can go to hell for what you have done.”
The Naiv’s hold on Megaman is broken and a sword forms in Megaman’s hand.
Adam sees this and yells, “There we go. I knew he still had it in him.”
Megaman lunges at the Navi and swings the sword. It only slashes a small hole in the aura. Megaman looks into the hole and sees a small amount of the Navi’s emblem. All he can see is black.
The Navi turns and yells, “Well done. I see much promise in you now. I have no reason to fight you now.”
A portal appears in front of the Navi and he goes though. Everyone in the room is silent and horrified by what they just saw. The silence is broken by Yuuichiro’s soft voice.
“Lan…….Lan can you hear me?”
Lan slowly responds, “Hey dad……..It doesn’t look like I can talk long.”
Lan begins to move his hand around to find his father in his blindness. Yuuichiro grabs Lan’s hand and holds it to his face. Yuuichiro’s tears begin to flow off of Lan’s hand.
“Don’t leave me Lan.”
“Thank you…….for trying to save me……..I’m sorry I….couldn’t do everything…..you wanted me to do…….but…..thanks for the life…..you….gave….me….”
“Please Lan…….don’t give in……”
“…There is ..…..nothing…....more for me……now…..can I….talk to Megaman….one…last time?”
Adam walks up to Yuuichiro and hands the PET to him. Lan takes the PET from his fathers hands, puts it near his heart and says, “Megaman….no…..Hub….my brother……thank you…..for everything……you were…..the best…Navi….I….could…..ever…..h..a..v..”
Before Lan could finish, he closed his eyes and went to sleep…..permanent sleep. Everyone crows around the pod Lan was in and all kneel down beside him. Adam stands back to let Lan’s friends and family are around his deathbed. Everyone is silent. The only sound that could be heard was the sound of morning. After a few minutes other Officials come to take Lan’s and the other scientist’s body away. Everyone is now in the lobby of SciLab trying to take in everything that just happened. Everyone is still silent until Adam breaks it.
“So we are up against a Navi that can control humans? Now what do we do?”
Chaud looks up and asks, “How can you think of that right now after what just happened. You failed in saving Lan. And now all you can think of is fighting some Navi?”
“Do you want something more like this to happen to others? Maybe even yourself? If not, then I suggest you begin to think about the next move. We are dealing with a supernatural force here. Unless it is a common thing to have a piece of data control a human and force him or her to commit suicide.”
Chaud begins to walk out of the building, but stops in front of the door. He turns and says, “I need to return home. I’ll be in contact with you tomorrow. I expect you to have your story straight.”
Adam stares him down and says, “Just go.”
Chaud turns and walks out of the building. Yuuichiro stands up and says, “We should also get home. The other kids need to be back with their parents.”
Everyone begins to get up and walk out the door. Only Adam and Yuuichiro remain.
Adam says, “I hate to bring this up right now, but I kinda don’t have anywhere to go.”
“Don’t worry, Adam. You can stay at our house.”
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t do more. The operation would have been a success if not for the Navi attacking.”
Yuuichiro responds, “Well, it was just Lan’s time. That could not be helped.”
“You are being very strong right now.”
“I need to be around the other kids. However, when we get home I may not be able to contain myself. And I’m sure my wife won’t be able to do the same.”
“I know. I will leave you two alone.”
“Thank you. I’m ready to get home now though. Let’s go. I’m very tired.”
“I know. Come on. We all need to get some rest.”
They both walk out of the building together.
To be continued………
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Author’s Notes:
Thank you for reading all the way though the first chapter of my Fan Fic. I hope it wasn’t to long (or to short). And most of all I hope that you enjoyed it and want more. It was more of an introduction than anything. Anyway I hope you will continue to read as long as I continue to write. This leads me to my next point…what happens next:
Next Chapter: 2-1: <No title yet>
A new threat is appearing on the Net, calling themselves Gospel, and the world turns to Megaman again. But with Lan gone, Adam takes control of Megaman. Everyone has mixed feelings about Adam and his mysterious, criminal past.
On a final note, feel free to give me advice, good or bad.
Thank you for reading. |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 6:03 pm Post subject: |
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You wanted a review? Okay, you're going to get one.
Let me tell you straight off that I am not too thrilled with how this opened up. Although this is better than some of the other stuff I've seen here, it's not too good, and definitely does not compare to some of the better pieces of fiction that I've seen posted here.
First of all, let me quote the disclaimer:
You wrote: | I have put myself in this as an OC, but I am not the main character. Rockman is and always will be, although I do play an important role. |
This immediately sets off alarms in my head. I've read too much material that has had author insertions. Most of this material, unfortunately, has had the author insert grow far too powerful far too quickly, and inserting him as a character with a great deal of importance, as you have done now, is quite volatile. Other authors in this position have used it to usurp the main characters, and take center stage. This is not good fiction--it's merely ego-rubbing.
The whole opener to the chapter was somewhat bland, as if you took the introduction to a few EXE games, almagamated them together, and rewrote them. That part can most definitely be culled with no loss to your voice.
The next part had Netto getting shot, and clinging to life. To me, this is a further warning, since you seem to want to insert yourself into the position of Rock's operator. As the chapter progressed, you pretty much had Netto fade from existence, and this really set off warnings in my head. I advise you to be very careful with how this story proceeds, because it can easily fall the way of the Mary Sue.
Your villain seemed to have the textbook characteristics--it didn't seem that he had anything that distinguished him from any other charlatan or ruffian that is encountered in many a fic like this. This doesn't work--it seems that the character is really flat and doesn't have a lot of life breathed into him. It detracts from the flavor of the fic as a whole.
About the story as a whole, it seemed to be littered with random spelling and grammatical errors. Mostly, these are merely eyesores, but some of the errors make your point a bit ambiguous, and make the story a little harder to read by introducing road blocks.
To summarize, it's got promise, but so far it hasn't had a stellar start. I hope the next chapter comes out a tad more lively than this. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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Dr.V Guest
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Posted: Fri Jul 21, 2006 9:41 pm Post subject: |
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I'll break this down one piece at a time.
Midnight wrote: | You wanted a review? Okay, you're going to get one. |
Good. I'm ready.
Midnight wrote: |
Let me tell you straight off that I am not too thrilled with how this opened up. Although this is better than some of the other stuff I've seen here, it's not too good, and definitely does not compare to some of the better pieces of fiction that I've seen posted here. |
Ok, so I'm in middle. Better than the worst.
Midnight wrote: |
First of all, let me quote the disclaimer:
You wrote: | I have put myself in this as an OC, but I am not the main character. Rockman is and always will be, although I do play an important role. |
This immediately sets off alarms in my head. I've read too much material that has had author insertions. Most of this material, unfortunately, has had the author insert grow far too powerful far too quickly, and inserting him as a character with a great deal of importance, as you have done now, is quite volatile. Other authors in this position have used it to usurp the main characters, and take center stage. This is not good fiction--it's merely ego-rubbing. |
I understand your concerns. I will not make the other characters fade away. I'm just part of a bigger picture.
Midnight wrote: |
The whole opener to the chapter was somewhat bland, as if you took the introduction to a few EXE games, almagamated them together, and rewrote them. That part can most definitely be culled with no loss to your voice.
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There is a small diffrence in there that is important to my fic that will become apparent later.
Midnight wrote: |
The next part had Netto getting shot, and clinging to life. To me, this is a further warning, since you seem to want to insert yourself into the position of Rock's operator. As the chapter progressed, you pretty much had Netto fade from existence, and this really set off warnings in my head. I advise you to be very careful with how this story proceeds, because it can easily fall the way of the Mary Sue.
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Netto is not gone completely. His death is important to the story of my fic. And me taking control of Rockman is also important as I can activate abilities that he would otherwise not be able to use.
Midnight wrote: |
Your villain seemed to have the textbook characteristics--it didn't seem that he had anything that distinguished him from any other charlatan or ruffian that is encountered in many a fic like this. This doesn't work--it seems that the character is really flat and doesn't have a lot of life breathed into him. It detracts from the flavor of the fic as a whole.
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He seems bland for now, but I hope you will find him more interesting later.
Midnight wrote: |
About the story as a whole, it seemed to be littered with random spelling and grammatical errors. Mostly, these are merely eyesores, but some of the errors make your point a bit ambiguous, and make the story a little harder to read by introducing road blocks.
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I'm going to fix those now. I'm sorry about that, I know it takes away from the fic.
Midnight wrote: |
To summarize, it's got promise, but so far it hasn't had a stellar start. I hope the next chapter comes out a tad more lively than this. |
I hope you will like it better as well.
This is my first attempt at writing something this big so I am here to learn as well as entertain (I hope). Thanks for the review Midnight, I will take your advise into consideration in the future. |
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