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BenOniSaito
Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 26 Location: The Endless Desert
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Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2006 10:53 am Post subject: Chapter 15 |
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Well crap, I suppose it would help if you used this link instead
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3011857/15/
Apparently, I wore my baka-hat today
As for the names, I realize that I use the japanese names for everyone byt Lan and Enzan's last name
Honestly, it's because I am using the names I prefer, over the necessarily correct ones. It's weird, I know, but it's just how I wanted to use the names this time around. The next Rockman.exe story I'm putting out is entirely OC, short of a few cameos here and there.
This story is a tool to work on how I incorporate the style and concepts associated with the preexisting basis for the reality.
Simple, ne? _________________ Battle doesn't need a purpose; the battle is its own purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns. Don't ask why I fight. |
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BenOniSaito
Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 26 Location: The Endless Desert
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Viewtiful Starman Puzzle Game Addict
Age: 37 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 708
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Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 4:18 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, so I read the first chapter...
First off, the writing is very good and the two characters you've established (one possibly being dead, or maybe a zombie) are really interesting so far, even if one has been done before, as Middy said.
I do have one minor complaint though... Rockman's dialogue doesn't sound like something I can see him saying at all.
Even if he is fairly intelligent and polite compared to his brother, he's still for all intents and purposes 12 years old.
It's not bad dialogue at all, but it just doesn't really seem to fit him. |
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BenOniSaito
Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 26 Location: The Endless Desert
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Posted: Sun Aug 20, 2006 4:32 pm Post subject: |
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Viewtiful Starman wrote: | Okay, so I read the first chapter...
First off, the writing is very good and the two characters you've established (one possibly being dead, or maybe a zombie) are really interesting so far, even if one has been done before, as Middy said.
I do have one minor complaint though... Rockman's dialogue doesn't sound like something I can see him saying at all.
Even if he is fairly intelligent and polite compared to his brother, he's still for all intents and purposes 12 years old.
It's not bad dialogue at all, but it just doesn't really seem to fit him. |
Thank you for reviewing
1) Yes, Rockman's dialogue is out of character for him in the first chapter, though not intentionally. I have difficulty divorcing characters dialogues; Boushi has that . . . sophist dialogue style, and it rubbed off on Rockman, though I'm told it improves as the story goes on. Thank you, I appreciate honesty.
2) I expect you're referencing either Dante or Boushi with the comment about their originality. I'm not sure where you've seen similar characters, and I'm not saying it isn't entirely possible (that'd be stupid of me), I'm just saying that you should read on. You might besurprised by how the characters develop.
Or not, what the hell do I know? :] _________________ Battle doesn't need a purpose; the battle is its own purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns. Don't ask why I fight. |
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RT-fact Net Agent
Age: 35 Joined: 05 May 2006 Posts: 220 Location: Visby, Sweden
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 3:57 am Post subject: |
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Just to encourage your writng, I've finally catched up reading to your latest chapter release. [spoil:07d7eaf0c7]It's kinda sweet when Ben goes with Shuuko on a date. [/spoil:07d7eaf0c7][spoil:07d7eaf0c7]You've also described the battle well, although the enemies were quite overestimated or if it's the Net Saviours that are a bit underestimated.[/spoil:07d7eaf0c7] I might be curious where the name Silicon comes from. |
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BenOniSaito
Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 26 Location: The Endless Desert
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Posted: Sat Sep 09, 2006 11:30 am Post subject: |
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The term Silicon is used mainly as a reference to old Science Fiction. In this old movie where they build an AI, thrughout the movie he defies their expectations and becomes very human-like, experiencing emotions. He even falls in love with a female character, and ends up giving his life to save her. His last works were "I see Heaven, it's waiting for me, and I will wait for you there, beyond the gates."
He dies, and the movie ends with the girl and the robot's creator speculating the truth of existence over a few beers. She says "He was so human, more human than any of us. Do you think, maybe, he really did have a soul?"
The scientist says "of course he did; a soul of silicon, but a soul none the less."
Silicon is the primary component in the construction of all complex electronic circuitry, some authors even use it as a means to classify mechanical life forms silicon-based, as opposed to humans being carbon-based life forms.
Just a little Sci-fi footnote... _________________ Battle doesn't need a purpose; the battle is its own purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns. Don't ask why I fight. |
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BenOniSaito
Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 26 Location: The Endless Desert
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Posted: Thu Sep 28, 2006 8:14 pm Post subject: Apologies |
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http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3011857/16/
I apologize for taking so long, but here's Chapter 16. And just in case you're wondering, no, it isn't over. Not by a long shot. _________________ Battle doesn't need a purpose; the battle is its own purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns. Don't ask why I fight. |
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Cyril Net Battler
Joined: 12 Aug 2006 Posts: 54 Location: In a place. In my mind.
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Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 10:37 am Post subject: |
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The restlessnes caused
This piece of work did
I am sitting in silence
Over what I should rid
I see this writing
So eloquent and right
I seem to have lost myself
Though it isn't quite night
This story is one that...
With proper execution
Could rise up to greatness
I live for it's fruition
The good to evil
The common curse
I continue to read
Knowing before it get's better
It will get worse. _________________ Though some would contest the point that the words I have spoken mean naught, I choose to believe that the words I do speak will reach the souls of all those who choose to internalize their message. Such is with my music, my voice and my own heart.
~Connor Pelkey (Cyril Ookami)~ |
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BenOniSaito
Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 26 Location: The Endless Desert
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Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 11:01 am Post subject: Awe Struck |
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Wow, I have to say that is the most unique and impressive response I've ever recieved. Thank you so much! _________________ Battle doesn't need a purpose; the battle is its own purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns. Don't ask why I fight. |
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Cyril Net Battler
Joined: 12 Aug 2006 Posts: 54 Location: In a place. In my mind.
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Posted: Sun Oct 01, 2006 11:08 am Post subject: |
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Not to spam or anything, but...
You wrote that story so nicely, your characters are so compelling, the plot so thick that I was feeling extremely inspired. Normally when that happens I pick up an instrument and play it, or write more on my own fanfiction.
However, this could not happen as I am not at home... Singing along with DragonForce kept me in the game through the intense 16 chapters so far but after that last chapter I had to respond and unleash some of the creative tension that had bubbled up.
Without my instruements however I was unable to release some of that inspiration. So the only avenue for that was poetry, and since I felt that it was right I responded to your excellent piece of literature with my own poetic review.
Keep writing and keep enjoying it. This is Cyril signing out. _________________ Though some would contest the point that the words I have spoken mean naught, I choose to believe that the words I do speak will reach the souls of all those who choose to internalize their message. Such is with my music, my voice and my own heart.
~Connor Pelkey (Cyril Ookami)~ |
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RT-fact Net Agent
Age: 35 Joined: 05 May 2006 Posts: 220 Location: Visby, Sweden
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Posted: Mon Oct 02, 2006 4:02 am Post subject: |
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Cyril> Impressive! I've never realized that someone had such a passion to comment on this fan fiction this way.
BenOniSaito> Good work on the continuation. That brought up another surprising twist of the story. I knew that you had at least something left to write, and so is it yet too. You never bore me out. |
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BenOniSaito
Joined: 08 Jul 2006 Posts: 26 Location: The Endless Desert
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Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2006 8:22 am Post subject: Chapter 17 |
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http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3011857/17/
To everyone who feared that ben's death heralded the near completion of the story . . .
. . . you couldn't be more wrong . . . _________________ Battle doesn't need a purpose; the battle is its own purpose. You don't ask why a plague spreads or a field burns. Don't ask why I fight. |
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RT-fact Net Agent
Age: 35 Joined: 05 May 2006 Posts: 220 Location: Visby, Sweden
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Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 3:15 am Post subject: |
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Ex-human navi's for the winning!
Keep up the good work! Can't wait to see the continuation, but I don't want to hurry you up. Haste makes waste. |
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Cyril Net Battler
Joined: 12 Aug 2006 Posts: 54 Location: In a place. In my mind.
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Posted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 4:26 am Post subject: |
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And wasting makes hasting.
Anyway, I forgot to review this. ^_^;;
Very good, I cannot say that I am quite... odd about the human-navi bit, but I guess if it worked for Saito then it could work for Ben. At least the character isn't being godmode or anything.
That's what makes this good though, I suppose. I cannot wait to see the next chapter. And the next, and the next... *goes on for about 20 minutes before stopping* _________________ Though some would contest the point that the words I have spoken mean naught, I choose to believe that the words I do speak will reach the souls of all those who choose to internalize their message. Such is with my music, my voice and my own heart.
~Connor Pelkey (Cyril Ookami)~ |
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