Rockman.EXE Maximum

Venus · Joined: 11 Nov 2006 Posts: 4

Here's the link to my fanfic: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3240199/1/

PS. Ignore the reveiws! >_<
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NetOperator Wibby · Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 4:09 pm Post subject:

i like it! it seems the person doing the reviews a jackass who loves the spam, but i digress...my only complaint is that the chapters are too short for my taste! i was getting really interested too. hurry with the next chapters! Smile

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Midnight · Posted: Mon Nov 13, 2006 7:21 pm Post subject:

Hmm.

First off, for future reference, it's probably better to cross-post the work to the forum itself--that way, it is slightly easier for any readers to access it without too much hassle. That being said...

I'm a bit confused, to be frank. You have introduced a lot of new characters, and they mostly overshadow the older ones. I have a hard time keeping them straight. In addition, with a lot of the new characters, you seem to neglect their development--both in the reader's mind's eye as well as their personae. To me, they just seem really flat--coupled with the fact that I have not a clue what they look like visually makes this read not so good.

I also must comment on the brevity of the chapter. Yes, it is short, and usually terse pieces are good. However, this seems to be missing quite a lot--much of the action was merely glossed over, and where detail was due, like in the opening paragraph, it was missing. I think this chapter would have been better if you spent a little more time describing the scenes and characters within, so that they go along with the reader more readily.

In addition, I believe that it is best that you remove the underlined bits and actually integrate them into the story. As they are seperate scenes, they do need some sort of divider between them, but a single divider will do--no need to add a caption to it. By integrating the change of scenery into the prose itself, the work flows along a lot better and doesn't feel as fractured.

That is my advice. Take of it what you will.
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Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

Venus · Joined: 11 Nov 2006 Posts: 4

Everyone's a critic. Thank you, NetOperator Wibby, for the comment. Your the first one to give me a good comment ^_^ . Cyril left some things I need to change. Prologue and the Chapter Four will be up shortly.

PS. To see Cyril's comment click the link: http://www.exe-undersq.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=3318
_________________
Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.
Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that.
-Martin King Luther Jr.