Reality Check (Enzan) PG

Enzan_Blues_FanGirl · Posted: Thu Mar 31, 2005 9:23 pm Post subject: Reality Check (Enzan) PG

NVM...

I'm sorry. Atreyu!
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Megaman 7 · Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 12:02 am Post subject:

Thank you so much for putting in english names Enzan_Blues_FanGirl. It sounds alot better with english names. I love your fanfic! ^_^ I can't wait to read more! You did a really good job on it. Its really interesting.
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Nazne · Shukei - Hakuteiken Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133

Ah, the beautiful storyline of Mary Sues, lousy paragraphing, and general madness with no end in sight.

<__<;;

I am sarcastic. If you were to perhaps slip a bit more grammar in and maybe cut this thing into more paragraphs, I may be able to comprehend it without attempting to rip my eyes out. And even understand the plot. Now wouldn't that be fun? Because so far, it's starting to resemble Hikari Enzan a lot.

-BMA

Megaman 7 · Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 12:16 am Post subject:

I still think its a cool fanfic. I love it. ^_^
I wonder what Chauds Mother looks like? I bet She was a really nice Mother. I feel bad for poor Chaud. Sad

..."Mary sues"?...what the heck is that? :eyes:
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Nazne · Shukei - Hakuteiken Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133

Mary Sue: Fan character who instantly causes a storyline character to fall in love, is perfect in every way, makes main female characters bitchy, and is generally annoying to everyone but the author.

Apart from that, Enzan is horribly out of character. Having been brought up not trusting anyone by that bastard of a father he has, one would expect him to be not overly accepting of someone who just up and claims to be his real family one morning. I repeat, this is just another version of Hikari Enzan, only not nearly as good.

-BMA

Atreyu · Net Battler Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 87

I am the author of Hikari Enzan, it reads very close to my fanfic, and frankly, I am not amused. This idea has been done before; it has been written by me, and I'd appreciate if you would consider rewritting your plot so as it will not match up with mine. If you would like to discuss this over to clear things up, you can PM me.
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Megaman 7 · Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 12:54 am Post subject:

Oh,and i like your fanfic too Atreyu. How long did it take for you to right it? I loved the story. It so cool...i think i'll read it again. :V
EDIT: Oops, i ment to say "How long did it take for you to write it?" Laughing

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Midnight · Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 8:34 am Post subject:

Well...I can probably comment more when things are cleared up.

The first scene seemed arbitrary and the mechanism overused. Seriously, who hasn't read a story deemed something like "Freaky Friday"?

I do concur--Chaud is simply out-of-character...yet it seemed fine for a first attempt.

Nonetheless, if you managed to space out your paragraphs and separate the lines of dialogue, it may have some merit. It's a fine start, and I'd like to see more.

You go girl! Smile

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Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

Enzan_Blues_FanGirl · Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 3:35 pm Post subject:

Thanks guys.. but.. Like you may see.. I'm not going to finish it...

Author of Hikari Enzan...
I'm really sorry.. See... i read your fanfic. AND LOVED IT!. So.. I tried making something like it.. But I can tell you this... Mine will NEVER be has good as yours is... I'm going to PM you for details...

I'm sorry everyone.

PS: I love your avatar Miss Author!
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Atreyu · Net Battler Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 87

Enzan_Blues_FanGirl · Posted: Fri Apr 01, 2005 7:10 pm Post subject:

It's down... I'm sorry...
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Atreyu · Net Battler Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 87

Thank you. You merely made a mistake; I'm not going to hold it against you. I look forward to seeing what you can come up with on your own.
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**Malik** · Local Prinny Deity Age: 34 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1179

You are free to make another topic, but I have to close this one in case people start praising Atreyu for her fic. Those should stay in her fic. Terribly sorry for the trouble, both of you.
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