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Fabiring
Joined: 01 Sep 2007 Posts: 10 Location: The net, yo!
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 10:38 am Post subject: The Heart of a Chip (G) |
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Yes! I'm back with my Mary/Enzan crazyness. If you don't know who Mary Towa or Ring are, please don't refrain from reading! You'll know them through this~
This story is also in Fanfiction dot net, drop some reviews if you'd like!
On to the story!
Disclaimer: I do not own Rockman.EXE or any of its characters. Rockman.EXE belongs to Capcom and such.
This story is roughly based on the Megaman Battle Chip Challenge and Rockman.EXE Axess plotline. Thanks for reading!
The Heart of a Chip
Chapter I
By: F.P (a.k.a FabiChan)
The Netopian International Airport was packed with people as usual; however, these masses of people weren’t actually there to board flights, but to receive one of the most famous NetBattlers of all times.
The fans yelled excitedly, waving their hand-made posters and trying to get pass the barrier of bodyguards.
“Enzan, Enzan!” One of the fan girls yelled at the top of her lungs, waving her hands to the side desperately.
The screams and squeals of the fans were quickly ignored by the dual-haired boy; he calmly walked out of his Private Jet with his hands in his pockets and frowning slightly. It was always this kind of turmoil whenever he reached a new town, though he has learned to ignore his rabid fans, he would always find them annoying no matter what.
“Enzan-sama.” A muffled voice came out of his pocket.
Enzan pulled his red PET out, displaying Blues on the screen.
“Why did we stop in Netopia?” He continued, “We were headed towards ADCD City.”
“The air traffic is horrible.” He simply answered, receiving just a nod from his NetNavi.
Enzan let out a sigh, turning off the screen of his PET and placing it back on his pocket. He kept walking towards the Airport’s V.I.P area he had reserved minutes ago from the plane, hoping to have a little rest before he could depart again.
---
A blonde girl sitting on the Cafeteria had watched she whole spectacle of Enzan’s arrival, but she didn’t actually know who he was. She rested her head on her hand, leaning on the table. It was hard to listen to any announcements or even her voice, the place was echoing with music, mixing with the announcements and the yells from the waitresses.
“Ring,” she mumbled, trying to get her NetNavi to listen to her.
“Yes, Mary-chan?” The outdated PET attached to her necklace quickly turned on, displaying a bright colored NetNavi, with a big grin on her face.
“Uhm, I… well, I was reading this magazine about… “The blond girl called “Mary” looked down, browsing trough the magazine she just bought. The cover read “Net World” and it had the news about the latest technology. She started flipping the pages, stopping once she got to an article called “Syncro It!” She glanced back at Ring, letting her see what it was about.
“This article…” Mary continued, “Describes something called –Syncro Chip-. Have you heard about it, Ring?”
The little yellow NetNavi rubbed her chin, performing a small search about it and then displaying it on the PET’s screen.
“According to this, it was some sort of Chip created by Dr. Youchiro Hikari.” Ring poked playfully one of the display boards, making it scroll down with more information. “It apparently allows a NetNavi and its Operator…”
Ring’s speech was cut off by the piercing sound of an incoming Announcement in the Airport.
Last Announcement, passengers of Flight number 2021 begin boarding in Gate B-12.
Mary gasped, looking at the digital clock inside the PET. She was so absorbed in Ring’s speech about Syncro Chips that she had ignored the past two boarding messages. She quickly grabbed the magazine and her bag as she strode out of the Cafeteria, hoping that she would make it in time.
“Mary-chan!” Ring said, re-appearing on the screen. “Do not force yourself, please!”
Ring only got a huff from her Operator as an answer. Mary continued running towards the Gates, bumping into people and hastily mumbling apologies.
---
Enzan took the last sip of his coffee. Stretching himself, he got up of his seat and pulled out his PET from his pocket. Blues appeared, reminding him of the time and schedule.
“Enzan-sama, we are delayed.” He said, displaying the digital clock.
“We’ll speed up, then.” He calmly said, holding his PET. He walked of the V.I.P room, clearly with no desire of rushing back to the Jet. He noted that his fan girls were now gone, to his relief.
Just as he was starting to walk towards the Gates when he was surprisingly taken off guard and accidentally tackled by a girl. Enzan’s Bodyguards panicked, afraid that this was one of his rabid fan girls. But the girl quickly got up, apologizing for the sudden crash.
“D-Désolé! E-Excusez-moi!(1)” Blurting out these words in her native language, she started picking up her belongings and rushed out of there, not letting the Bodyguards even touch her.
“Enzan-sama! Are you alright?” One of the men asked, watching the young boy get up angrily.
“Hmph.” Enzan straightened his vest, picking up his PET from the floor. It didn’t took him long to realize the sudden change of shape and color of his PET. He was holding a very outdate version of a PET, yellow colored and a ring shaped emblem. “… Impossible...”
Ring flashed into the screen, looking startled and confused by Enzan’s face. She rubbed her chin again, looking at him suspiciously.
“You’re not Mary-chan!” She squealed, pointing out the obvious.
“You’re not Blues.” Enzan raised an eyebrow, annoyed.
“Of course I’m not blue!” Ring bent forward, sticking out her tongue at Enzan.
Enzan brought the back of his hand to his forehead, letting out a sigh. His eyes traveled through the floor. Some random items were spread on the floor after his collision with the blonde girl. He walked up a little and picked up what seemed like a medication bottle, labeled as a Heart Medication (2).
“Oh no... That’s Mary-chan’s medication!” Ring squealed again. He raised the PET to his face, “If you have me, she’ll surely have your uhm…”
“Blues.” He repeated, looking more annoyed than usual. “Where were you headed?”
“Mary-chan and I were headed to Gate B-12.” Ring said, displaying a screen with Mary’s boarding tickets information.
Enzan nodded, quickly pocketing the PET. Seconds after doing so, he heard a shriek. He sighed and pulled the PET out.
“What now?” He asked, trying not to snap at the unknown NetNavi and glancing back at the angry Ring.
“We haven’t introduced ourselves!”
“You’re not my NetNavi.” Enzan held down the PET again.
“That doesn’t mean we cannot be friends!” Ring placed her hands on her hips, raising her voice, “You cannot ignore the Bishoujo NetNavi, Rin-”
Enzan turned off the PET, heading towards the Gates.
---
Mary finally reached the Gates, making it just in time. She stopped to catch her breath, managing to ignore the slight pain on her chest. Her hand searched through her pocket, pulling out the red colored PET. She gasped in horror, realizing she had lost Ring. Blues quickly appeared in the screen, startled by Mary’s face.
“Enzan-sama…?” He mumbled, his face remaining the same and not showing any emotion.
“A-Ah!” Mary bowed to the red NetNavi, “I-I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to… I… I…”
The Blonde girl stumbled a little, almost dropping the PET. She tried walking towards a set of chairs but she tripped again, falling on her knees this time.
“Miss…?” Blues said, glancing up at Mary. She seemed in pain, holding her chest.
“R-Rin…Ring…” Mary said, gasping for air. She grasped the chair beside her, making an effort to pull herself up but it was useless. She started feeling weak, her eyes slowly closing and tasting the darkness…
A younger Mary stood in front of a large-sized window. She was staring eagerly at the vibrant nature, colors and shapes of the blooming flowers. Spring has always been her favorite seasons of all times. She had always stood there, watching and hoping she could play someday with the children her age. She let out a sigh, but keeping her smile.
“Papa…” she turned around and slowly approached to her father’s laboratory.
Dr. Towa, Mary’s father, was a well-know scientist around the world, he had worked several times with some scientists from ACDC City’s SciLabs. He was always surrounded by work and new projects. Coming from Japan, He moved to France when he married a successful French woman. Their life had been fairly normal until Mary was born with a heart disease, changing their busy lifestyle.
However, it didn’t last long. Her mother wasn’t never at home and her father was always too absorbed into his Science Projects to pay attention to her. She didn’t care, though. Mary spent her days and sometimes nights, glancing through that same window. She always had a smile when she looked at the nature and the happy children, even though she knew…
She knew she would never be a part of them.
“Papa…” she mumbled again, trying to catch her father’s attention.
“Yes, Mary?” he said softly, stopping his current project.
“I want to go out and play.” She said, tugging of his clothes.
“Ah, little Mary-chan…” He held her high, placing her on his lap and gently caressing her face. “We have talked a lot of this, haven’t we?”
“Uhuh.” She nodded.
“What if I make a friend for you?”
“Silly Papa! You cannot make friends!” Mary laughed heartedly.
Her father chuckled and showed a PET to her, it had its own customized symbol that resembled a ring. Mary blinked, surprised yet not knowing what it was. Dr. Towa smiled and turned on the screen, revealing a cheery Ring with a big grin.
“This is your friend, Mary-chan.” He handed the PET to her and set her off in the ground. “She’ll keep you safe.”
“Hello, there!” Ring waved to her, “I’m The Bishoujo NetNavi, Ring!”
“Ring?” Mary blurted out confusedly, “Will you be my friend?”
“Yah! We will be best friends!” Ring said as Mary smiled and placed her hand on the screen.
From that day forward, she had only relied on her NetNavi, her only fiend.
A/N: Well, how’s that for a Cliffhanger? I hope you enjoyed this first chapter and expect more! Please comment and tell me what you think! Thanks.
(1) Translation: Sorry! Excuse me!
(2) I wasn’t sure which kind of medication Mary uses because her handicap was never defined, so… I just call it that. |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:35 pm Post subject: |
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I am wondering this work is a remake or a retelling of the story that you originally published here some time ago, or whether it is a completely independent story on its own. The plots seem to be similar based on what I remember, but this version seems a lot more unpolished than the one I originally read. Perhaps it's because you're coming back to it after an extended break, but it just doesn't seem consistent with what I've seen you write. This version seems to move at a slower pace than the other piece that you have written (assuming that this is in fact a retelling of the original story).
This fic seems to have its share of errors in it, and at times, it does impede the flow of the piece as a whole. In general, authors try to use physical breaks between paragraphs and/or pages in order to signify a shift in point of view or the like. Perhaps you could consider using them a little more liberally.
Other than that, this seems to be a fine job, even if it is a little rough around the edges. Good job. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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Fabiring
Joined: 01 Sep 2007 Posts: 10 Location: The net, yo!
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Posted: Fri Sep 07, 2007 12:53 pm Post subject: |
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OOoh, Midnight! It is a remake of "HeartBeat Chip".
Well, yeah. I noticed the change of paces myself, but I don't know what happened. I haven't written fanfiction in sooooooooooooooo long. If anyone could give me advice in how to fasten the pace that'd be awesome!
Thanks for the comment! |
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TheWebbuilder I support Rhythm x Blues!
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 1124 Location: I don't know... But I hear laughing.
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Posted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 10:38 am Post subject: |
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I wouldn't necessarily call taking it slower a bad thing, I actually enjoyed the slower pace. It felt nice after the whiz-bang plots I've been dealing with lately.
I have to agree with Mid, though. The writing felt awkward at times and incomplete in others. I could understand the the point of every action and paragraph, but I felt like I had to take a few detours to understand what was being said.
Enzan and Ring's interaction was brilliant, by the way. It was really well done, which makes me wonder how those two are going to fuction together during the long haul. |
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