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Rock Miyabi
Knifey/Spooney!
Age: 43
Joined: 07 Jun 2006
Posts: 870
Location: The Land of 10,000 Lakes
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 Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 4:59 pm Post subject: Now where will I get my fake news?! |
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Looks like it's going to be a sad day sometime later this month. Quick, run to your local grocery store and grab copies while you can. The best fake newspaper in the world is going away:
| Quote: | Weekly World News isn't dead; it's just going home
Time's up -- on this planet, at least. Now how will we ever keep tabs on Elvis?
The Weekly World News will cease publication this month. It will be missed, being the only newspaper that covers Sasquatch, space aliens, ghosts, Elvis sightings and Bat Boy, among other vitally important things.
You might remember the WWN for breaking the story about space aliens in the U.S. Senate. Holy cow! What if one of them gets elected president? Well, it won't be that big a deal, because space aliens have been advising our presidents for years.
In its 28 years of publication, the Weekly World News has gotten many scoops, leaving the rest of the mainstream media so far back in the dust that they didn't even try to catch up.
Who can forget the revelation that the CIA was keeping Saddam Hussein and Osama bin Laden prisoners in the same cell, and that they'd fallen in love? You didn't see that anywhere else.
Not to mention: "Hell is on the planet Venus, says Bible expert!" That seems like something everyone would want to know.
True, the WWN didn't get much respect in the journalism world. But the "Men in Black" knew better. In the 1997 movie, when Agent K is showing rookie Agent J the ropes, one of the first tips is that the Weekly World News is must reading for any alien hunter.
In the 1990s, I was a reporter on an investigative-projects desk staffed by people with a deep and abiding appreciation for the WWN. So we bought a subscription, thus ensuring we'd have some laughs every week, no matter what else was going on.
We took to taping the best WWN covers on the walls, and one of my favorites was "Farmer Says: ELVIS IS HAUNTING MY COWS!" Next to it was a story about Elvis' being seen alive somewhere, making me wonder: Don't these guys ever check the old clips? Both stories can't be true.
I could imagine the reporter writing the cows story going to his editor. "Boss, I got some bad news. We've carried about 50 stories recently saying Elvis is alive. So he can't very well be haunting cows then, can he?"
The boss's response: "Maybe he just died. Didja ever think of that?"
One of our favorite WWN moments, though, was the day it published in the back pages, next to the psychic ads, a tiny story saying that in the next month, time would start to go backward. I don't remember what the cover story was, but how could time going backward not lead the paper?
Upon hearing the news about the News this week, one of my colleagues on that desk said, "It's a sad day for pretend journalism."Pretend journalism?" Well, yes. Everyone knew that, right?
We thought it was self-evident, but lately the WWN had started publishing a notice on Page 2 admitting that it made up most of the stories. It was in tiny print, though, so I doubt it was read by anyone who could benefit from it.
Like every newspaper, the WWN has been covering the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. As usual, it has had some exclusives, such as "VAMPIRES ATTACK U.S. TROOPS: Army of undead taking over mountains of Afghanistan!" and "SATAN CAPTURED BY GIs IN IRAQ!" Where will we get stories like these after the WWN is gone?
Another innovation has been the publication of corrections. One recent gaffe was in a story about the discovery of the actual Valley of the Jolly Green Giant, where it turned out more than one giant resided.
The correction said the paper got the giants' height slightly wrong.
-By Larry Williams, Hartford Courant |
I'll miss you, Batboy! 
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Tachyon360
Le Croissant
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 740
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| Posted: Tue Aug 07, 2007 9:31 pm Post subject: |
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Aww, now I'll never find out what happened to that angel that got shot down by Coalition troops in Iraq.
'Tis a sad day for all.
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Zippo
Hoshi no Senshi
Age: 40
Joined: 10 Jul 2005
Posts: 849
Location: Pupupuland
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| Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 5:25 pm Post subject: |
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Oh man, this sucks! Now how will I keep up on Bat Boy?
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Unknown Neo
Cross Fusion!
Age: 40
Joined: 16 Mar 2005
Posts: 2933
Location: Unknown
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| Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 5:57 pm Post subject: |
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| I must be the first person that doesn't care. It the one I disliked the least because the stories could never be true. |
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Heliumbunny
Bacon Master
Age: 32
Joined: 10 Jan 2007
Posts: 183
Location: US
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| Posted: Thu Aug 09, 2007 9:35 pm Post subject: |
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Does this mean Conan o'Brien will stop showing pictures of bat-boy? 
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Chipnyu
Net Battler
Joined: 31 Mar 2005
Posts: 90
Location: THE BATCAVE WITH DICTOR WILLY
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| Posted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 10:38 am Post subject: |
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BAT BOY LIVVVVVVVVVES
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Dark Roll
Net Official
Age: 33
Joined: 03 May 2009
Posts: 319
Location: Follow my orange navi Jyazu, she'll lead you to me
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| Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 1:51 pm Post subject: |
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| Tachyon360 wrote: | Aww, now I'll never find out what happened to that angel that got shot down by Coalition troops in Iraq.
'Tis a sad day for all. |
that's funny, and sad. i dont know if i should laugh, cry, or both.
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Saito-kun
Nebula
Age: 33
Joined: 20 Aug 2008
Posts: 645
Location: Custodian on Duo's comet
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| Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 2:38 pm Post subject: |
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Sat Aug 11, 2007.
Seriously. 2007. |
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Ryouko
Kitties Love Bunnies
Age: 42
Joined: 14 Mar 2005
Posts: 2085
Location: Sharo
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| Posted: Thu May 14, 2009 3:03 pm Post subject: |
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Dark Roll, this is your very last warning. The next time you revive a dead topic, it's a permanant ban.
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