The Comet's Ordeal

[Nazne]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2375423/1/

Kindly comment with something more than OMG THAT SUCKS or I'll stab you all with a rake. :P

But, in all seriousness, I don't write all that well. I know myself. And I know I need improvement. Constructive criticism would be nice.

-BMA

[Geoff Mendicino]

*smiles* I'll be glad to read your writing. I'll try finishing it ASAP with a full review for you.

//I'll edit this space for my full review.//
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I suck!

[Chaos_Master]

[Removed by self] From what I have read, it is very well. I am going to finish reading it right now.(Had went for lunch.)
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"An unholy light is here again. Our lost souls gather to it, as if mourning to our past. We do not deserve the pain in which we place ourselves. Humanity is without that need..."

[Nazne]

I'm sorry, but I do not read Yuugiou fanfiction. If others would actually like to help with posts relevant to the actual topic, instead of advertising others' work in my thread, I would perhaps react less bluntly, but in this case I do not see the point in exchanging review for review.

-BMA

[Neko]

okay first of, you don't buy reviews. She wrote this cause she wanted to, not so other people could ask her to review.

Nazne, that was brilliant. I LOVED it. Videoman and Flameman and everything was very well written. The only tiny thing I had was that Enzan seemed a bit to succumbing to his wants er... OOC. However since that's the plot, it doesn't matter! Yay, okay keep it up. I want to read more :D
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[Malik]

Kindly do not advertise.

What I said earlier when I beta'd it, including how funny Videoman-gollum is. It's good to know that some people actually listen to their betas. Cliffhangers, evil, yes, but makes people want to read. There's a tiny bit of OOC of Enzan (in my opinion) but it's hard to notice.
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[Malik]

Kindly do not advertise.

What I said earlier when I beta'd it, including how funny Videoman-gollum is. It's good to know that some people actually listen to their betas. Cliffhangers, evil, yes, but makes people want to read. There's a tiny bit of OOC of Enzan (in my opinion) but it's hard to notice.
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[Pyroman.EXE]

Wow... that's actually pretty good. I thought your writing style was fine, IMO. Good job with this. I can't wait to read more.

[TheWebbuilder]

I liked it.

It was good to see ol' Flamo make an appearence.

Although Enzan/Chaud did seem to crumble a little too easy there, I'm going to keep my eye on this one...
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[Chaos_Master]

Woah I enjoyed that alot. its cool how you wrote it. Keep it up!
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"An unholy light is here again. Our lost souls gather to it, as if mourning to our past. We do not deserve the pain in which we place ourselves. Humanity is without that need..."

[Nazne]

Enzan's OOCness was due to a part of the story I stuck in there and forgot to explain. X__x;; I'll see if I can edit a bit of Slur's dialogue to include it in there.'

Edit: Edit'D. :P But a few hours must be waited for the changes to take place. <_<

-BMA

[Sigma.exe]

From what I can tell this story is quite well written. The plot flows very easily, not too slow or fast, but just at a nice enough pace to keep the reader engaged. I found the fight scenes not only exciting, but also full of angst and desperation, mostly with Enzan. From experience writing parts like this, it's especially difficult to work something like this into an action scene, but it pulled off quite well in your story. Considering the circumstances of the fight against the Neo WWW, Enzan's desperate attitude probably isn't THAT out of character. More drama than usual, that's all.

Overall, an engaging and gripping story, written with the flair of an A-list action/suspense movie. Ya done good, Nazne...can't wait to read more!
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I know the guy who lives next to me. He is a useless, good-for-nothing freeloader who sits in front of his computer all day and does nothing but eat, sleep, and ponder his mundane existence.

...Now why on earth would my neighbor say that about me?!

[Midnight]

Hmmm....interesting.

You certainly do not fail to make it an engaging read. Much of the battle was quite aptly done, and I applaud you for that.

Something was out-of-touch with Enzan...I cannot put my finger on it...but he seemed more apathetic and desperate than he usually appears. The fact that his allies had to save him several times pays heed to this. I suppose it is slight OOC, but from your notes up top, there should be an explanation in due time.

I'd say more, provided that my brain is not a writhing mass of Mandarin vocabulary words I have to get down before tomorrow afternoon.

I hoped that helped in some way.
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The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

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[Chaos_Master]

Seems that my little bro enjoyed your story like I did. Best put up more! :]
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"An unholy light is here again. Our lost souls gather to it, as if mourning to our past. We do not deserve the pain in which we place ourselves. Humanity is without that need..."

[Nazne]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2375423/2/

OMG I UpdAATED!!111oneone

<<

Some oneshot.

-BMA

[Midnight]

O_O

It is certainly something that I didn't see coming, but I am not surprised as to its appearance.

This turned out to be a much better job. It seems as though a lot of the OOC-ness that pervaded the last chapter was eliminated in this one. There is no lack of action...but I am a bit hesistant on the placement of the flashback about the light gun. It seems to break up the story a touch. But then of course, introspective scenes usually do this, so who am I to complain?

One nitpick...

[Nazne]

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2375423/3/

Bah. >> Thanks to Neko for the advice in this one, though. XD Not that I think anyone's reading this fic, but STILL >D

-BMA

[Neko]

I AM! Therfore you will finish it :E

Oh, and you know my reply on this so I shan't delve any further. Nice job :3
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[Midnight]

The fact that I have left a review for every chapter so far must be a blinding indication that I am no longer reading the fic. </blatant sarcasm> Moving right along....

It certainly is a clever idea that was brought up--how it seems that the entire world is merely a holographic projection and the humans within are merely test subjects that are being studied by a higher being. The plot and revelation is reminiscent of a Star Trek: Voyager episode, to tell you the truth--I forget the title--but it is still an excellent read nevertheless. I would have eventually suggested an introspective chapter--and you delivered before I could ask. What are you, psychic or something?
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Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[Nazne]

No, that would be Neko XD Too much action and not enough development isn't good for readers, neh?

-BMA