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DSX Net Savior
Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 103 Location: In front of a computer, eating elote bread.
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 11:32 am Post subject: Megaman Ejecución (SPANISH ALERT) |
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First of all, this fic is in SPANISH. So if you don't understand Spanish, don't bother.Also has X8 spoilers.
This fic is rated PG-13 for excessive violence and a bit of sexual referance.
It is genred... umm... well, this fic is divided in 4 sagas. This one us AA, but the next... well, I'll tell you when I start them ^_^ .
-MEGAMAN EJECUCIÓN-
CAPÍTULO 1- DÍA FATAL
Año: 22XX.
Después de los fatales encuentros con el terrible Lumine y la eliminación definitiva de Sigma, la actividad Maverick ha disminuido al grado de ya no ser una amenaza para la supervivencia del planeta.
Los ataques Maverick siguen ocurriendo, pero son eliminados fácilmente por la gigantesca armada en que se ha convertido la organización de los Maverick Hunters.
Últimamente, el único Maverick que se considera una amenaza grave es Dark Angel, ya que su poder apabullante y su capacidad de absorber armamento y equipárselo lo convierten en un oponente casi indestructible. Normalmente los hunters son quienes buscan a Dark Angel, pero eso y todo lo demás cambiaron ese día fatal…
Aquel día, todo el trabajo de los hunters era localizar a Dark Angel, pero, esta vez, él vino a buscarlos.
En ese momento, X, Zero y Axl se encontraban en el HQ esperando que Alia les diera la ubicación de Dark Angel. Un cerbomotor se había descompuesto, por lo que Douglas se encontraba en el mismo lugar haciendo reparaciones. Signas, el comandante supremo, también estaba ahí supervisando que Douglas no volara los demás cerbomotores si se legaba a equivocar. Prácticamente, los miembros más valiosos de los Maverick Hunters se encontraban en ese lugar. En ese momento, una pared fue volada en pedazos. Al ver quién la había volado, todos los hunters se aterraron al ver la figura siniestra de Dark Angel.
Dos ojos casi o más rojos que el infierno mismo, una mueca espantosa que expresaba odio, locura y deseo de matar, una armadura negra y roja, un par de alas negras con plumas de titanio pintadas de color plata y un cuerpo, aunque musculoso, se veía bastante derruido por los efectos del virus e infinidad de piezas de artillería adheridas a múltiples partes de su cuerpo, esas marcas eran las que identificaban al maverick más temido y poderoso jamás conocido, el mismo que en ese momento estaba frente al agujero que había hecho en el HQ de los Maverick Hunters.
“¡¡Fuego a discreción!” ordenó Signas al sistema de seguridad, el cual obedeció y abrió fuego contra Dark Angel con gran variedad de armas. Misiles, armas láser, ametralladoras, lanzadardos, lanzallamas y muchas otras armas atacaron contra Dark Angel. Él las pudo bloquear con un rápido y sutil movimiento de su mano derecha. Todos los disparos se dirigieron contra…. el pecho de Douglas. Douglas no los puedo evadir. Las explosiones lo alcanzaron, destrozando su cuerpo.
Todos los demás se quedaron atónitos e inmóviles al ver la forma tan horrible en que había quedado el cadáver de Douglas. Signas, furioso por lo que le habían hecho a su colega, se lanzó contra Dark Angel, desenvainado sus dos katanas láser. Dark Angel fácilmente apretó su mano y el cuerpo de Signas empezó a brillar de un color azul espectral, antes de colapsarse y explotar. ¡Signas, el comandante supremo, había sido asesinado tan fácilmente por un maverick! Pensar en eso hizo arder en furia a X. Pero él se enfureció y se indignó más al ver cómo Dark Angel levantaba su mano y hacía una seña de “ven aquí”. Pensó que se andaba burlando de él, pero X se equivocaba.
En realidad Dark Angel hizo esa seña como una especie de conjuro de magnetismo, puesto que segundos después, Alia brilló de un color azul espectral, y fue atraída por una fuerza magnética hacia Dark Angel. Éste tomó a Alia por la nuca, levantó una mano y la puso sobre su cabeza y la aplastó de un solo golpe. Entonces dejó caer el cuerpo sin vida ni cabeza de Alia al suelo.
Esta vez X había explotado (literalmente) en furia, estaba tan determinado en destruir a su enemigo con sus propias manos que nada en el mundo lo haría desistir.
“¡¡¡¡¡Muere, maldito bastardo!!!!!”, fue lo que dijo X antes de correr lo más que pudo hacia Dark Angel e intentar darle un puñetazo. Dark Angel se hizo a un lado, esquivando el golpe lleno de furia de X y lo tomó de cuello. El sádico reploid alado tomó a X por la cabeza con su otra mano, y de un golpe rápido, sutil y certero se la arrancó. X, el reploide legendario había sido asesinado con gran facilidad.
Al ver los fluidos vitales que salían del cuello desgarrado de X, Dark Angel rió sádicamente y arrojó su cuerpo adonde estaban Zero y Axl, quienes seguían horrorizados, pero ahora al ver la forma tan sanguinaria en que X perdió la vida.
Zero reaccionó y antes de ir a atacar a Dark Angel le dijo a Axl: “¡¡No te quedes ahí parado, cúbreme por detrás!”, a lo que Axl obedeció corriendo hacia un lado mientras le disparaba a Dark Angel con sus dos A-Bullets. Dark Angel fácilmente hizo a un lado los tiros con otro conjuro magnético. Zero, por su parte, se abalanzó sobre Dark Angel, sable en mano. Dark Angel hizo lo mismo que hizo con X, esquivó el furioso ataque de Zero, lo tomó de sus largos cabellos rubios, y lo ejecutó con sus múltiples armas de fuego. Poco quedó de Zero, sólo una gema verde, un minúsculo mechón de cabello quemado, y un pedazo de metal rojo lleno de ceniza.
Axl se quedó sin moverse, atónito, pero sobre todo, asustado. Ya todos sus amigos habían sido asesinados brutalmente por ese maléfico reploid, seguramente él seguía, y todo lo que hiciera no dañaría en lo más mínimo a Dark Angel. Éste último rápidamente volteó a donde estaba Axl y disparó una gigantesca bomba. Axl no la pudo esquivar y murió desintegrado. Lo único que quedó fue una misteriosa gema roja.
Dark Angel se alejó, riendo sádicamente al ver que había eliminado a los 6 más grandes Maverick Hunters. Poco después, un pequeño reploide entró al edificio en ruinas y tomó 3 pequeñas gemas de los restos de X, Zero y Axl.
-FIN DEL CAPÍTULO 1- _________________ Overconfidence is the greatest enemy.-Yoshimitsu, Soul Calibur 2.
-Sig made by Crystal.EXE-
Get Clicked! Know what DSX means (no, it's not DarkSoulX)!
Besides me is ZERO!!! Sorry girls and guys, but I tainted him with elote bread to be my pal and I don't share, nor Zero, nor my elote bread!!!
Last edited by DSX on Sun May 15, 2005 10:21 am; edited 1 time in total |
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Sketch The Boy who is Very Sart
Age: 37 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 2349
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 1:50 pm Post subject: |
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Is their some reason as to why you have written this in Spanish? You can clearly speak/write English.
It seems kind of silly to write a fic in a language no one else can read unless they already know Spanish. _________________
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gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 2:27 pm Post subject: |
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I agree with Sketch there is most likely little to no one in the forums that can read spanish _________________ i am the game master |
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Nazne Shukei - Hakuteiken
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 5:04 pm Post subject: |
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Planty, Shadowman.EXE, me, and I know there were quite a few more people who know some Spanish. :P
Still, kinda pointless to do it in Spanish if you can use English. <_<;
-BMA |
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TheWebbuilder I support Rhythm x Blues!
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 1124 Location: I don't know... But I hear laughing.
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 5:14 pm Post subject: |
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Don't forget Mari.
And if I remember right, the mods said that fics could be submitted in any language, so why the fuss?
I don't really care. If DSX wants to do it in spanish, fine, I'll go elsewhere -shrugs-. (That's not a snide remark, just a comment)
Although I don't know how much response you'll get if it's in spanish. _________________
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gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 5:30 pm Post subject: |
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hey i was just pointing out that not many people here speak or in this case read spanish _________________ i am the game master |
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XHunter17 DS Rockman.Exe
Age: 36 Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 1650 Location: The Internet @.@
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Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 5:55 pm Post subject: |
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Sketch wrote: | Is their some reason as to why you have written this in Spanish? You can clearly speak/write English.
It seems kind of silly to write a fic in a language no one else can read unless they already know Spanish. |
Mari and Malik decided fanfics on any language can be posted here. The fact he can communicate in English doesn't mean he feels skilled enough to write a fiction on English as opposed to spanish.
While I try to write in english so most of people can understand my fanfics, other people feel more comfortable writting on a different language. _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon." |
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Mari Elegantly Wasted
Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1025 Location: M.I.A.
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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I agree completely with Planty. And Malik and I had agreed on this a long time ago, we just never had the chance to apply this rule.
However, DSX, I'm gonna have to ask you to put a small warning in your subject topic, just specify the language the fic's written in.
I'll get to read that later, I oughta take a shower.
ETA: Added to the rules.
And here's the critique.
Er, no, first, mod sense is tingling, so I oughta fix this first: PUT A SPOILER WARNING IN THAT TOPIC SUBJECT. This fic has spoilers for the ending of X8, and since it's a relative new game, not everyone has played it nor finished it (myself included). This would also qualify as an off-topic fanfiction, since it's not EXE, so you oughta mark that too. Fix that asap.
Back to critique...
First of all, stick to a tense. You're switching from present to past with nearly no warning at all and it makes the reading a bit confusing.
This Dark Angel guy... is he a new character? You introduced him with nearly no background at all, and it almost sounds like a Gary Stu, wiping out the Maverick Hunters' arses with nearly no effort at all. He can be a decent fan-character if you level up his power a bit, in my opinion.
Quote: | Todos los disparos se dirigieron contra…. el pecho de Douglas. Douglas apenas tuvo tiempo de evadir los ataques, más bien, no los puedo evadir. |
Now, here... choose an action. It can't be both; either he couldn't evade the attacks, or he barely managed to avoid them. Pick one. The phrasing sounds a bit confusing there.
Also, about those exclamation marks, if you're going to add five marks at the left, you should also add them at the right, which, by the way, it's gramatically wrong... just stick to one mark each side. If you want to give a strong impression on an exclamation, I believe caps work better for that. ¡MALDITO BASTARDO! instead of ¡¡¡¡¡¡Maldito bastardo! would look good. Those extra marks look odd.
Overall, looks decent, just work in those details. _________________
Currently fangirling Edgy Eft and mplayer1.0RC1 -- firefox 2 is just okay, those are pure awesome. |
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Vanilla_Go_Rilla I Used to Be Sexy
Joined: 06 May 2005 Posts: 776 Location: Lumine av. (c) meh
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Posted: Sat May 14, 2005 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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This is quite interesting, a Rockman X fanfic in Spanish! I took a few courses a while back but haven't practiced recently, and with that said, I can probably understand a sizable chunk of this fic, but not enough to truly understand what's happening. I understand that fanfics can be posted in any language desired, but may I suggest perhaps posting an alternate English version in the meantime for those who have trouble understanding Spanish? I understand most of this, but I don't know what I could be missing out on, and it's most likely a lot... _________________ Better to keep your mouth shut and make people wonder if you are stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. |
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Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 12:19 am Post subject: |
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Main problem is sometimes it cannot be done by the author itself, maybe it can be allowed that someone other than the author that feel can grasp the content could do a translation, that has to be discussed with the other mods. _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon." |
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Elementalman.EXE Time to play the Game
Age: 33 Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 1430 Location: Researching the JFK and RFK Assasinations
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 4:01 am Post subject: |
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That took forever to translate
Oh well, I sort of like this writing stlye, It's the Third Person right? I think I might of saw one or two grammer errors, Don't ask me where, It would require me re-translating it, and
Also Planty is a New Mod? How long till you get the PlantMan sybol under your name? _________________
Elementalman.EXE
Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted.
1000 Post on Sept. 18 2005 at 6:29pm |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 6:17 am Post subject: |
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I thought Planty was an "unofficial" mod for quite some time now--it was the only explanation of her custom title while being a regular member.
Anyway--*reads through text* I'll need a dictionary. Too much I have forgotten. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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Elementalman.EXE Time to play the Game
Age: 33 Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 1430 Location: Researching the JFK and RFK Assasinations
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 6:33 am Post subject: |
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Not Really unless X is also an unoffical Mod of the Art Department
But Plantman has been added to the Mod cenus so it's offical
Muy Bueno, Muy Bueno _________________
Elementalman.EXE
Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted.
1000 Post on Sept. 18 2005 at 6:29pm |
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Sketch The Boy who is Very Sart
Age: 37 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 2349
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 7:38 am Post subject: |
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I had no idea you two had said that. Stupid me. XD
I just thought it was kind of...unnecessicary to write a fic in a language only a handfull of people here can read. Then you wouldn't get the kind of critiques you would need as a writer if no one could read what you wrote. XD
But Still...sorry for acting like the way I did, not thining straight. ^^; _________________
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DSX Net Savior
Joined: 10 May 2005 Posts: 103 Location: In front of a computer, eating elote bread.
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 10:27 am Post subject: |
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OK, I've edited the first chapter.
Don't expect the Chapter 2 in almost 1 or 2 weeks max. You know, hard times at school and all.
And, about why I wrote that in Spanish, well, it's because I'M MEXICAN. (like Planty ^_^ )And I'm proud of that.
Also, the exclamation signs problem, is because I've copied and pasted the text from a fanfic I published in Fanfiction.net, and the word proccessor from that page modified the text making 5 signs on the left and 1 on the right. Sorry!
Also, Dark Angel is a new character. The only copyrighted characters in the fic are X, Zero,Axl, Signas, Douglas and Alia. _________________ Overconfidence is the greatest enemy.-Yoshimitsu, Soul Calibur 2.
-Sig made by Crystal.EXE-
Get Clicked! Know what DSX means (no, it's not DarkSoulX)!
Besides me is ZERO!!! Sorry girls and guys, but I tainted him with elote bread to be my pal and I don't share, nor Zero, nor my elote bread!!! |
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Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2005 6:51 pm Post subject: |
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I was given the custom title because I signed up for the forums rather quickly and I had been member for a while already. I was just made a mod last night and I snatched Shademan's symbol e_e;;
Alright, that said let's go back to topic, please _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon." |
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