EXE fanfic(no title yet)

 
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Melanie_Hinoken
Net Battler



Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 50
Location: ACDC Town, Maha Ichiban

PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 1:32 pm    Post subject: EXE fanfic(no title yet) Reply with quote

this is kinda a Humor/romance & some other stuff, I cant write this stuff ^_^'so it might not even fit that genre -.- anyway it might have some romance, violence, language, a little OOC without me even knowing it & OC
Melanie Hinoken & Dragonman belong to me
Karasu Ijuuin & Reaperman belong to my friend Jiro
Blingman belongs to me & Jiro
this fic is currently a WIP so don't hurt me
(Btw it takes place somewhere in stream, I haven't seen it all so don't bash me if I get anything wrong)
ya it's kinda short
on with the fic!

Chapter 1: Phone line Follies
It was a beautiful morning in ACDC town, the birds were singing, Fish mongers were mongering, & little kids were running screaming from their burning houses, wait…kids running from their burning houses? Rewind! Tohru ran screaming from his house, which was pouring flames from the windows & doors. The fire fighters came & put out the fire, & the chief consulted Tohru, “Now what happened boy?” Tohru sniffled & wiped tears from his eyes. “I was on the phone with my dad, when suddenly my phone caught on fire! I tried to put it out, but it just grew” “That’s ok sonny” The Fire chief said, “This sounds familiar, we’ll get down to it right away!”
“Wow really Tohru?” Netto asked over voicemail on his PET. “Yes” Replied Tohru. “So I won’t be going over to Yaito’s later” “That’s ok,” Netto said. “She wont mind” He switched voice mail off. “Wow that sounds familiar” Said Netto. “Ya,” Started Rockman, “When I first came to you remember? When Hinoken was setting all those stoves on fire” “Oh ya! But, he wouldn’t do anything…would he?” “I dunno Netto, they’ll probably call us in on the case”
The next day was Sunday so Netto went to MAHA Ichiban at 9:00am, when it opened. “You’re here early,” Madoi said, flipping the sign on the sliding door from closed to open. “Ya” Said Netto, “Actually I need to ask Hinoken something” Madoi held the door open for him. “If it’s about those phone lines combusting, I can assure you he has nothing to do with it” She said keeping her eye on him as he walked in & took a seat. ”So what’ll it be?” Netto looked over her to see if he could see anyone in the back room behind the counter. “Uh, the usual I guess” “Ok, so 2 of every thing coming up”
A Girl with short blue hair & fuzzy bangs stalked through the sliding door, she looked around & took a seat on one of the stools at the counter. “Hello Karasu” Greeted Elec HakuShaku, “Everything’s running fine” “Just wanted to make sure no one was slacking off” Karasu replied. Karasu was Enzan’s twin sister, younger by 5 minutes, & because of that, Shuuseki favored Enzan over everything, even gave him Vice Presidency of IPC. Inc, leaving Karasu with a lowly curry conglomerate. She had owned the building that held the previous restaurant before Mahajarama moved MAHA Ichiban there, So she runs management, to the dismay of the X-convicts of WWW. She prefers to hover around there over all her other restaurants, just to piss them off.
Hinoken was about to leave on a delivery & was heading out the door with the curry, when Netto stopped him. “Tell me why you’re screwing around with the phone lines!” Hinoken stared at him then pushed him out of the way with his free hand. “Outta my way kid, I’m telling you, I didn’t do it, I work here 11 hours a day & the rest I spend at home. I have a life too ya know, I wasn’t just Wily’s lackey” & with that he stormed out the door, got into his beloved tiny car, & drove off.
A girl with frizzy red hair & dark cloths, an exception of her socks, one rainbow & one green, was chased out of the phone booth she was using by net agents Mysteriu & Black Rose. She ended up losing them in a maze of ACDC’s Alleys. She was new to the city, but she figured them out. She sat down on the cold ground & opened the cover of her PET “Those must be ACDC’s Net Agents” She said to her navi. “They look like a bunch of dorks & wads.” Her Navi sniggered. He was a heavy weight navi, with the torso & arms of a human, & the hands, neck, wings, tail & legs of a Dragon, the head was of a dragon too, but it was more robotic. “They really must be braindead if they can’t tell who you are! I mean you look just like-“ The girl cut her navi off with a solid glare, “I mean well you know Mel…hey, have you heard the one about the two people from Sharo in the kayak?” The navi continued to blab on, oblivious to the death threats his net op was hinting at.
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Neko
Queen of Fluff



Joined: 15 Mar 2005
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Location: The computer

PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 2:26 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, nice idea but a few things as far a grammar.

One. Only one person can talk per paragraph.

Two. Spaces, spacing your work makes it look neat.

Other then that, nice job! Seems like a nice fic.
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Melanie_Hinoken
Net Battler



Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 50
Location: ACDC Town, Maha Ichiban

PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 3:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

ok I'll try, anyway, here's Chappie 2


Chapter2: Catch the Culprit

The next day school was closed due to the phone line’s disruptions. Netto spent most of the day stalking Hinoken, trying to catch him red-handed, but all he did was deliver curry, go back to MAHA Ichiban, get some more, & deliver again. Then at 7pm he drove his tiny car to a grocery store, then to his house (that cool white abstract one) Netto was getting frustrated & started screaming & throwing a fit in the street. “Maybe it’s not Hinoken,” Rockman stated. “Maybe it’s someone else.” “I’m sure it’s him Rock,” Said Netto. “Who else would do that?”

Miyuki had just closed her Antique shop for the night, she looked to the left, then to the right, then flipped her hat inside out, so it was on the burgundy side with the eyeholes. (I’m not sure it’s reversible, but oh well) She was about to put it on her head, when Netto came running at her down the street. She flipped it back to the side with her navi symbol & stepped out of the way before Netto could run her over. “Netto you’re out late, what’s the matter?” She asked. Netto stopped & gasped for air as he ran halfway across town as he forgot his roller blades at home. “It’s about the phone lines! I know who did it!” He said. “I don’t think it is.” Miyuki said, opening the door to her store & stepping aside to let Netto in.

Netto & Miyuki took a seat on either side of Miyuki’s crystal ball. It glowed in an azure light, & Miyuki placed her hands on it. “You’ll recognize the culprit when you see her.” She stated. “She?” Netto asked. “Maybe it’s Madoi, she seemed a little too nice for her own good yesterday.” Miyuki stood up. “No, you haven’t met this person before, now I have to close shop Netto, I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Maybe you shouldn’t jump to conclusions Netto” Said Rockman. “Ya well, ya figure it’d be Hinoken, He’s a Pyro maniac” Said Netto. He was walking home & it was a cool night. Suddenly it got warmer. “Hey Rock, it just got hot,” Netto said. “NO DUH NETTO!! LOOKOUT!” Rockman yelled as a burning phone line snapped from its place on the phone pole & swung towards Netto. It was too close to move out of the way, Netto braced himself for the impact, but he didn’t feel a burn, but he felt himself fall to the ground.

Netto could hear Rockman calling, asking him if he was all right. He opened his eyes to see a big red blob on top of him. He pushed it off & stood up. “Hey it’s a person.” He rolled it over & it was a girl with frizzy red hair, many piercings, & was dressed really dark. Netto took a step back. The Girl opened her eyes & sat up. “I hope you’re satisfied” She said as she staggered to get up. Netto looked curiously at her as she picked up her PET, her sleeve was burnt off, & she had a burn & a large gash where the phone cord hit down her arm. “Uh..Are you ok?” He asked. “I’m fine.” She said. She turned to face him, as she did Netto noticed branded on her shoulder in black bold letters WWW. Netto stepped back again. “You’re with WWW!!” “Netto look!” Rockman said pointing at her through his viewing glass. The girl stood up straight “Yes I am with WWW, so? They’re over.” Netto choked up & started laughing. “What’s so funny!?!?” She screamed at him. “I pushed you out of the way of that phone cord, thanks a bunch” “Ya, Thanks for that,” Netto said, suppressing his laughter. “You look so much like him!!” “Told ya,” said Rockman. “Who? Look like who?” She asked confused. Her Navi, Rockman & Netto all blurted out at the same time, “HINOKEN!!”

“SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!!” The girl yelled. “Now I know what Miyuki meant!” Said Netto, he approached her, “You’re under arrest by Net Savior Netto Hikari” “Get the fuck away from me!” She yelled, turning tail & running into an alley. “Hey!” Netto called after her. “I’ll alert the net agents.” Rockman said, bringing up an E-mail window. “Ok, Hurry up!” Netto said running after her down the alleyway.

“This is it Net Agents!” Commander Beef’s voice rang through the large room with many chairs in the net agent’s HQ, that only 3 people sit in. “We got an E-mail from Netto, he found the culprit. I’ll dispatch as soon as possible” “But Commander,” Black Rose cut in “Shouldn’t WE dispatch?” Commander Beef let out a hearty laugh. “I’m sorry, but I’m going it alone!” with a whoosh of his cape, he was out the door. “Oh Myseriu” He popped his head back through the door well. “Make sure my fish doesn’t over heat in the oven.” “Oh but commander Beef gets hives at the thought of fish.” Black Rose muttered to herself.

“Mel I don’t think you have to run anymore, I think we lost the wad” The girl, Mel’s navi said. Mel stopped & looked back. “Guess so” Suddenly Netto turned the corner. “Found you!” He said. “Ya we sure lost him didn’t we Dragonman!!” She said before taking off again. Dragonman shrugged.

Mel kept twisting & turning through the alley mazes trying to throw Netto off, but he just kept coming. Mel looked back & noticed Netto was losing pace. She smirked & looked forward again, only to see the wall as she smashed face first into it, a dead end.

Dragonman burst out laughing like a hyena, until Netto caught up. Mel looked up at him “hehehe… ^_^” Netto snorted, then sat on her, so she couldn’t get away while he waited for Commander Beef.

“BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEF!!!” Netto looked up after hearing the crazy commander’s battle cry as he jumped from the top of the nearest building. He landed perfectly, but then fell over screaming “AH! Leg cramp!!!”
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Neko
Queen of Fluff



Joined: 15 Mar 2005
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PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 3:49 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Okay, this is cute and funny, but once again, you had Netto and Rockman (in one instance) talking in the same paragraph. Also, don't use smileys is a peice of fiction, it takes away from the story.

Eh, heh, "BEEEEF!" Wow, haven't heard that in a long time.
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RockNetto
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Joined: 16 Mar 2005
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Location: Croatia

PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 4:22 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

cute :D .what pairings are here?
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Melanie_Hinoken
Net Battler



Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 50
Location: ACDC Town, Maha Ichiban

PostPosted: Mon Apr 04, 2005 4:40 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

how's it cute? everyone I know says that & I don't get it!
Pairings, I've got OC Mel/Enzan, a little Mel/Laika & Mel/Netto but Laika & Netto won't even last a chapter. OC Karasu & Meijin Eguchi & Tesla/Sunayama, possibly hinting or a bit of Madoi/Hinoken

Chappies 3 & 4

Chapter 3: uh I dunno

Commander Beef hoisted himself off the ground muttering about calcium. He stood up straight & looked over the two children in front of him. “This is the culprit? Some little kid?” He started laughing. “I’m not little! Ok well…SHUT UP!! & Get off me you fat pig!” Mel yelled struggling.

“Pig?” Netto asked in a weepy voice. “It’s ok Netto, she’s only trying to get on your nerves, so you’ll get off her.” Rockman stated. “Well I’m not gonna get off that easily.” Netto boasted. Suddenly Mel’s knee found it’s way to Netto’s ass. & He jumped off cursing & holding his ass.

“That’s foul play” Said Commander Beef. Mel got to her feet. “You aren’t taking me with out a netbattle” She stated, aiming the laser pointer from her PET at a Jack in the wall. “So be It.” said Commander Beef, doing the same.

Black Rose & Mysteriu sat on the curb at the mouth of the alley Commander Beef entered, complaining. “Why does he get all the credit?” Asked Black Rose. “We do all the work! What makes him think he’s so great?!” “You’ll get you’re credit very soon Saloma,” Mysteriu said glancing into her crystal ball. “Um, Mysteriu, It’s Black Rose”

Sharkman & Dragonman Logged in & faced each other. “My water attribute will give me a total elemental advantage over you!” Sharkman stated. Dragonman fell over, killing himself laughing. “What’th tho funny lithard breath?” Asked Sharkman. But Dragonman just burst out laughing harder. Sharkman sweatdropped. “I don’t get it.” “Your-HAHAHAHA-your-HAHAHA Oh jeeze!” Dragonman started his sentence, but he was laughing so hard he couldn’t talk properly. “HAHAHAHAHAHA It’s your Lisp! HAHAHAHA”

Sharkman took a step back. “HEY I DO NOT HAVE A LITHP!” He screamed shooting his fin cutter in every which way or direction. Dragonman took to the air to avoid the assult, no longer laughing since these water attacks could easily take him out. Mel slotted a magbolt chip in to shoot at Sharkman, but he dodged.

“There’s no way we can win this” Mel said to herself. She logged Dragonman out, & shone the laser pointer from her PET into Commander Beef’s eyes, it didn’t effect him that much because of his helmet, but his eyes still hurt, leaving Mel to run past him & the injured Netto.

People walking by the curb pointed & whispered about the net agents sitting there. Black Rose was getting pissed off. “What’s taking the great Beef so long?” She asked. Footsteps could be heard coming from the alley mouth. “Maybe that’s him now,” Mysteriu said. Black Rose turned around to see the frizzy red haired girl they’d been chasing before running at them. “GET OUT OF THE WAY!!!” CRASH! Mel tripped over Black Rose, knocking both of them to the ground. Mysteriu slapped handcuffs on Mel & said. “Well Sal, there’s your credit."



Chapter 4: I dunno, Enter Karasu(the scary bitch of the west)

A week later Mel was let off, but had to pay with community service hours, lots. So She was to be dumped off at MAHA Ichiban.

Mel had an interview with Karasu, that didn’t go too well, but Karasu had no choice in the matter, so she had to give her the job

It was 9:10am, & Hinoken was about to make a delivery, He opened the sliding door, to see hatred filled green eyes glaring at him. “I-It’s you!” He started; he dropped the curry & hugged the owner of the eyes tightly “Oh Melanie! Where have you been!” She pushed him away “Where have I been? You’re the one who left me to join WWW you bastard!” Madoi mopped up the curry then hovered over to them “What’s going on? Hey Kenichii that little twerp looks just like you.” Hinoken turned around & glared at her. “This twerp’s my daughter.”

Mel was shown off to the rest of WWW Mahajarama, Madoi & Elec Hakushaku. “I already know these people.” She said. “I was the little nerd sitting in front of Wily’s master computer” She sat herself on a stool & crossed her legs. “So what am I supposed to do?” Mahajarama stepped out from the back room. ”Of course I HAVE to cook, Hinoken does deliveries, Elec, you can clean up, Mel, you can be counter” Elec interrupted. “That’s my job!” Madoi stomped on his right foot. “At least you aren’t stuck with dishes!” “OW THAT’S MY FAVORITE FOOT!!!”

Karasu appeared at 10am to see how the new worker was holding up. Mel was sitting on one of the stools with her feet on the counter, & wearing one of those jail hats (the white & black stripped ones)”GET THAT THING OFF YOU’LL SCARE AWAY THE CUSTOMERS!!!” Karasu screamed. Mel rubbed a finger in her ear as if to clean it out. “Chill it n’k? Are all you Electopians really this bitchy?” She said taking the hat off & jumping the counter to the other side. “Happy now?” Karasu grumbled & ordered a large pork curry, & 14 triple mocha chocolate lattes.

Meijin Eguchi was sitting beside Karasu, stabbing at his food, each stab making the screech of fork against plate, over & over again. Karasu glared at him. “Can you stop that!? It’s annoying the customers!” but Meijin kept going. “HEY MISTER!! CUT IT OUT!” She yelled. Everyone there gasped, not because of her out burst; they were used to that, but mister? She didn’t know who he was?

Karasu looked around. “What’re you all lookin’ at?” Meijin turned to face her & pulled his glasses down to look at her, of course, no one could see his eyes. “Did you just call me mister?” He asked. “Ya what about it?” Karasu asked raising an eyebrow. Meijin fitted his glasses back into place & said. “I’m not a mister, I’m not 30 yet.” She kind of giggled to her self after is last statement, & turned back around in her seat facing her many mugs of coffee & plate of curry. “I heard that.” Said Mel.
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Hatsuya Kanzaki
Net Savior



Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 129
Location: Cybertopia (Philippines)

PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 9:36 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

May I borrow Dragonman and ReaperMan?
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Melanie_Hinoken
Net Battler



Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 50
Location: ACDC Town, Maha Ichiban

PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 4:35 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hatsuya Kanzaki wrote:
May I borrow Dragonman and ReaperMan?


uh NO! but you're probly one of those people who would take them anyway right?
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Sketch
The Boy who is Very Sart
The Boy who is Very Sart


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PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 6:17 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Melanie_Hinoken wrote:
Hatsuya Kanzaki wrote:
May I borrow Dragonman and ReaperMan?


uh NO! but you're probly one of those people who would take them anyway right?


Do you realize home many people have a made a Dragonman before or have a Dragonman as a fan-navi? I had a Dragonman before I came up with my navi.
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Melanie_Hinoken
Net Battler



Joined: 24 Mar 2005
Posts: 50
Location: ACDC Town, Maha Ichiban

PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2005 4:56 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

well then there wasn't much point asking then yes?
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