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Ageman20XX
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Joined: 17 Mar 2005
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Location: Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada
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 Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 2:24 pm Post subject: OT - ChAos Legends |
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Title: Chaos Legends
Story: Adrian Marceau
Writer: Chris Lawrence
Editor: Various teachers/friends/etc.
Genre: Fantasy/Adventure
Rating: PG13 {if only for the fact that there is some minor violence and perhaps harsh language}
NOTE: Please take note of two things, I'm sure you all know how to pronouce "Adrian" - Ay-dree-an. As for "Lief" I just KNOW 90% of you are gonna say "leaf" when it's not. It's pronounced Ly-ef. Two syllables....mmkay? Thanx.
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| Quote: | Chaos
By Chris Lawrence and Adrian Marceau
Chapter One
_____ The clock refused to move.
_____ Adrian tried pleading with it. Adrian tried reasoning with it. Adrian even tried threatening it; quietly, of course, as what would anyone think of a thirteen year old youth shouting at a timepiece? But no matter what he tried, Adrian could not move the clock.
_____ Adrian Marceau sat uncomfortably at his seat in fourth period Math class, alternating a blank stare between an assignment he wasn’t making any progress on and a clock that seemed determined to sit motionless at two twenty five, five minutes before the dismissal bell. He silently wished he was in Art class; after all, who could stand Math for a whole period anyway? He looked around. Apparently everyone but me, he thought, as he sent the clock another menacing glare.
_____ He wouldn’t be having this problem if he were in Art class. Adrian was a brilliant artist; a cartoonist and with an uncommon gift. It was an ideal channel for a mind overflowing with creativity. Armed with nothing but a pencil, Adrian could build up an entire world on a simple piece of paper.
_____ But he couldn’t stand an hour and a half of Math. It wasn’t that Adrian was at all lacking in his more academic abilities. He simply did not have the patience for numbers and variables and equations that he knew he would never use past the final exam. As if that wasn’t enough to blunt his interest in the course, Math tended to dump more homework on a typical student than all the rest of his or her classes combined. Adrian couldn’t just sit at home and simplify expressions all day. He had a life, after all.
_____ And a very active life at that. Adrian was by his very nature a very outgoing and personable teenager, and a master diplomat. He could walk up to a person who epitomized every thing Adrian loathed in life, and speak in the sweetest of tone and humblest of manner, belying not the slightest inkling of ill-sentiment or sarcasm. It was a useful talent, keeping his enemies to a minimum and putting him the good side of nearly every student at Westlane Secondary School.
_____ It would, however, have been a grievous error to assume that Adrian was some sort of fair-weather friend, not to be trusted. He may have been able to keep his tongue in check, but he never sold his peers his soul, or submitted to their convenience. When he made a friend, it was for life, forging a bond of caring and fealty that nothing could rend. He was honest, good natured, and dependable above all else.
_____ Finally, all at once, Adrian was thrown out of a daydream by the impartial school bell. He had made a point of routinely checking the clock, but it had seemed frozen up until the last possible instant, when it must have inexplicably jumped ahead five minutes. In any case, Adrian was finally free of his prison of a classroom, as the chains that were his schedule fell from his hands and feet. Gathering his things, he made haste to his locker, and from there, the north exit. After all, he had appointments to keep.
_____ In the hallway, he briefly brushed past a modest-aired girl of petite figure and warm smile. Her name was Sarah Joncas, and she exuded an innocent beauty of tranquil serenity, her fair features a portrait of a girl who had somehow avoided most of the corruptions of adolescent life. She was an absolutely amazing painter, so uniquely gifted with both talent and vision that her work could have sat comfortably in a museum between masterpieces of Da Vinci and Picasso. As it was, important names in the world of art were beginning to pay the humble young painter from a humble young town more and more attention and Sarah found herself selling away her paintings for hundreds of dollars apiece.
_____ As he passed her in the corridor, Adrian greeted her with a warm smile and a wave. With her soft, dark eyes lowered to the ground behind her raven hair out of shyness, she managed a quiet “Hello” back, along with an innocent smile. Clutching a fresh canvas, and miraculously steering it through the busy hallway, Sarah hurried off, and disappeared into the crowd.
_____ Finally, Adrian reached the light at the end of the tunnel, and exited the North Door of the building in a stream of students.
_____ “Wow, I sure am glad to be out of there,” came a voice from behind.
_____ Adrian turned around, recognizing the voice immediately.
_____ “What have you got to complain about, Chris?” Adrian asked, turning his head in mock offence. “I have Math for my final period.”
_____ Behind him, the eccentric looking Chris looked puzzled, as he adjusted his glasses. “Umm, Adrian,” he began. “So do I. I’m in your class. It couldn’t have been more than ten minutes ago; I was beginning to wonder if you’d been abducted by aliens just as the bell rang.”
_____ Adrian laughed, shifting the weight of his backpack to his other shoulder. “Guess you got me there. Sorry I took off.”
_____ “Well, who else could possibly be getting you through the Algebra unit alive?” Chris asked rhetorically, as he moved up to walk alongside his best friend. “Without me, you’d be dead.”
_____ Adrian grinned. “Basically.”
_____ He could always count on Chris to lighten the mood. In the same grade, but nearly a year younger than the charming and handsome Adrian, he was a tall, thinly built boy that seemed to embody quirkiness. But where others would be mortified by awkwardness, Chris found nothing but amusement, projecting an air of utter randomness and nonsense to everyone around him. For his friends, however, Chris was inclined to level off, if only a little, and Adrian was his best friend. To those he liked and trusted, Chris was capable, at his choosing, of being an insightful, highly intellectual thinker, and his marks in school reflected this. Adrian and Chris had known each other since the seventh grade and in their almost-three years together, had stayed close and saved each other’s hides on countless occasions. That was not to say, however, that the two high school freshmen always complimented each other perfectly. Chris in particular, on the rare occasion, could get himself caught up in emotional dramas, mostly concerning girls of his admiration. At such times, Adrian could only do his best to put some much-needed direction into an otherwise lost ship. Adrian had always been a bit more rational about girls; he simply wasn’t interested in them the way Chris sometimes was.
_____ The pair ventured across the school parking lot, as Chris folded his arms behind his head, staring off into space.
_____ “What are you up to, tonight?” he asked, running a hand through his messy brown hair.
_____ Adrian smiled. “Lief’s meeting me at the gate. We’re going to hang out.”
_____ Chris raised his index finger to the sky, as if he had made a brilliant discovery. “Ah, of course, Lief!” he exclaimed, feigning surprise. “What else could possibly be on Adrian’s mind?”
_____ “Oh shut up,” said Adrian, trying not to laugh at Chris. “You’re going to help me with my Science project tomorrow at lunch, right?”
_____ Chris nodded. “Yup. Let’s make something that explodes.”
_____ Adrian gave Chris an apprehensive look. “Yeah... about that. Erm... try to brainstorm safer projects tonight, okay?”
_____ “Right on,” came the boy’s casual reply, accompanied by a shrug of the shoulders. “I’ll see you later. I just remembered I left a textbook in my locker.”
_____ “Okay, bye!” called Adrian, as Chris ran off back to the school.
_____ At the gate was a tall, dashing young man with short, dark hair. He had recently graduated from high school, and was taking a year off before his post-secondary education. Lief was a few years older than Adrian, but they were as tight a pair as could be nonetheless. They had met about a year ago, and had since become close; sometimes more so than either would admit or even realized. Adrian and Lief could be quarrelsome at times, but in the end, they always knew what was most important; their connection.
_____ “Adrian!” he called with a wave. “What took you?”
_____ Adrian waved back. “Some of us do go to school, you know.”
_____ Lief grinned. “I already did my time. I’m taking a well-deserved break.”
_____ “Sure,” came Adrian’s playful reply. “So... what do you want to do?”
_____ Lief shrugged, “We can figure that out when we get to my house. It’s only a short walk from here.”
_____ Adrian nodded in agreement, and fell in step with Lief as they left the gate.
_____ Lief smiled warmly, “Why don’t you tell me about your day?”
_____ Adrian lit up. “Sure!”
_____**********
_____ “…And then Mr. Coull had a pop quiz in Math today, but Chris provided some much-appreciated salvation by sending me hints in sign language.”
_____ Lief raised a pierced eyebrow, “You know sign language?”
_____ Adrian grinned. “Chris taught it to me just for times like today.”
_____ “Well you are resourceful, I’ll give you that,” replied Lief, with a chuckle.
_____ A bump in the pavement went unnoticed. Without warning, Adrian caught his foot under it, and toppled over, hard concrete rushing up to meet with his face, as he closed his eyes in painful anticipation
_____ But there was no meeting to be had between face and sidewalk. Adrian opened his eyes, to find Lief holding him up. With a lopsided grin, Lief hoisted Adrian to his feet, and put his hands to his own hips.
_____ “You should be more careful,” he said, “One day I might not be here to point out a bump in the sidewalk for you. What will you do then?”
_____ Adrian turned a little pink. “I’ll probably be rubbing my head is what,” he said, sheepishly.
_____ Lief laughed a little while he gestured to the left - the pair had approached an intersection, “It’s this way.”
_____ “Don’t you think I know that already?”
_____ “Just checking to see if you’re paying attention,” Lief winked at Adrian.
_____ As the two youths walked down the street, the cool breeze that had served as the only relief to the burning sun died down. The calls of birds seemed to fade, as traffic thinned and finally died altogether.
_____ “That’s weird,” said Lief, looking around. “This street’s usually pretty busy.”
_____ “Yeah,” said Adrian, folding his arms close to himself. “Kinda creepy.”
_____ Lief froze, grabbing Adrian’s arm to halt his footsteps as well.
_____ “What is it?” asked Adrian.
_____ “Shh. I can hear something.”
_____ Adrian was slightly confused but obeyed, trying to listen for what Lief was hearing. A faint clip-clop came from ahead.
_____ “A horse?” Adrian whispered.
_____ “I’m not sure,” Lief mouthed back, “sounds like it.”
_____ The source of the noise revealed itself, as a figure emerged from an alley up ahead. Lief nearly gasped, but caught himself before he could make a sound.
_____ The creature did indeed have four hooves, and the lower body of a horse. But where the head should have been, a muscular and imposing upper body of a man sat instead. The beast had a bald, armored head and a heavy jaw. It carried an enormous spear, as it sniffed the air, seemingly on its guard. Adrian was bewildered.
_____ “Is that a…a Centaur?” he began. “But they don’t exi-”
_____ Lief tried to clamp his hand over Adrian’s mouth, but it was too late. The Centaur snapped its head in their direction, clenching its spear.
_____IMAGE OF EVENT
_____ “You two!” It called. The beast looked directly at Adrian with wild, orange eyes. “You must be the ones I’ve been sent for!”
_____ Adrian pointed to himself. “Us?” he asked. “What do you want us for?”
_____ But the Centaur gave no reply. Instead, it snorted, pointed its spear, and charged straight at Adrian, "You shall be first in line!"
_____ Everything after that was a blur. Adrian felt himself take a step back. He faintly heard Lief shout. He was dimly aware of being pushed out of the way, into the street.
_____ But the loud, clear, SHHHUUNK of the spear was unmistakable. All at once, Adrian caught on to what was happening.
_____ Lief stood unmoving, glaring at the Centaur. The centaur scoffed, looking down.
_____ The spear ran down from the Centaur’s grip, and through Lief’s Chest.
_____ With a snort, the Centaur flicked the spear, and Lief was flung into a wall like a limp doll.
_____ “LIEF!” Adrian yelled. But Lief was already gone. As he sagged to the ground against the wall, a glazed, shimmering gaze was stamped to his face, while he slumped, lifeless.
_____ Adrian stared, a step above dumbfounded. How had this happened? It was all so fast... he was gone, just like that... gone....
_____ The Centaur snorted, pointing the spear at Adrian. “Always have to do it the hard way, you humans,” it muttered. “Oh well - makes things more interesting.”
_____ Shock and terror paralyzed Adrian where he stood. There was no way he’d get away. Before he knew it, he would be with Lief again. The Centaur pulled the spear back, and prepared to thrust it forward for the kill.
_____ But the weapon never found its mark.
_____ A cloaked figure dropped from the skies, landing a swift kick to the Centaur’s back. Roaring in surprise and pain, the beast doubled around to see its attacker. Bewildered at this new turn of events, and still dumbfounded by the shock of Lief’s death, Adrian could only gawk stupidly at the newcomer.
_____ As the figure landed, he was joined by two others; similarly garbed in robes. The figure pulled back the hood of his robe, revealing piercing yellow eyes and long, flowing golden hair. The other two pulled back their hoods as well. The one on the left appeared to be a young woman, with a steady gaze and a cascade of lavender hair obscuring one eye. The one on the right, also a woman, had a softer stare, and ornately styled raven locks. All had the same electric stare.
_____ “Ugh…Who dares to interfere with the business of a Centaur?!” the Centaur roared. But the three figures gave him no reply.
_____ “We are late, Atropos,” said the raven haired girl softly.
_____ “But not too much so, Lachesis,” came the golden-haired man’s simple reply, as he met Adrian’s gaze. “The boy is unharmed.”
_____ “But his friend is not,” said Lachesis flatly. “His friend has died.” The two seemed to pick up each other’s sentences.
_____ “Clotho has that man’s thread,” Atropos replied, looking over his shoulder at his lavender haired companion.
_____ “So I will have a look at him,” she continued, moving swiftly to Lief.
_____ “While we take care of the beast,” Lachesis finished.
_____ Atropos looked at the angry beast, unimpressed.
_____ “He is just a Centaur. Nothing that would give us any tro-”
_____ The swipe of the spear came without warning, and too quickly to see. Atropos dodged, swinging his head back... but only just.
_____ “Nothing that would give you any trouble, hmm?” the Centaur asked, as it advanced.
_____ Atropos stared at the beast, bewildered. He felt his face, fingering a small cut beneath his eye. “Something is not right here, Lachesis,” he said. “Twice we have erred.”
_____ “And twice it has nearly cost us,” finished Lachesis.
_____ “Err this!” The Centaur shouted, thrusting his spear forward.
_____ The spear lanced forth lethally, but was stopped in midair. An energy barrier halted the weapon’s further progress. Lachesis, with her right hand extended forward, began to shake under the might of the Centaur.
_____ “I do not know where he is getting this power,” she began.
_____ “But your force field cannot hold him for long.” Atropos finished, as he began to charge a tightly packed sphere of deep purple energy with his hands.
_____ Just as the barrier broke, and the spear resumed its fatal stab, the energy sphere peaked, and Atropos flung it at the Centaur from point blank range. The monster was blown back, and landed on the pavement hard. As it hit the ground, the earth trembled under its weight.
_____ As the dust settled, Adrian finally found words, taking a step forward, his wild eyes fixed on Atropos. “W-who are you people?” he stammered. He noticed Clotho by the wall, leaning over Lief’s body. She obscured his friend from view. He wanted, so desperately, to believe Lief was okay after all, but Adrian had seen his face. Lief was already long gone.
_____ “What are you doing to Lief?!”
_____ None of the figures gave him an answer. Atropos turned to Lachesis.
_____ “That blast won’t keep the Centaur down for long,” he said.
_____ “So I have to send the boy now.” she replied.
_____ Lachesis approached Adrian, extending her hands and closing her eyes. Numerals began to circle Adrian, faster and faster.
_____ “What are you doing to me?!” he yelled. “Who are you people!?! Leave Lief’s body alone!!!”
_____ But before he could speak any further, everything faded to white, and Adrian was gone.
_____ The glow faded, as the Centaur began to stir.
_____ Lachesis looked at Atropos with concern. “I hope this plan was wise, Atropos.”
_____ Atropos raised his hand, charging energy, as he prepared to finish the Centaur.
_____ “Only time will tell, Lachesis.”
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Last edited by Ageman20XX on Tue Aug 02, 2005 10:45 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Midnight
This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37
Joined: 18 Mar 2005
Posts: 3089
Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 2:58 pm Post subject: |
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Ummm...wow.
The quality and structure of the text I have seen so far is excellent. As if it were taken right out of a novel. The format looks a lot cleaner than the formats that some of the other writers use for their fics. The added description and use of more arcane words is a pleasant touch as well.
As I read the chapter, I was tempted to think that it was a normal, everyday novel-type story. As the supernatural characters came into play though, I felt as though it were a bit excessive. Half of the time after the latter half began, I was simply thinking "What the [bleep] just happened?"
Somehow, when I see centaurs, I don't imagine seeing energy spheres and barriers in the same situation. They are both fairly good concepts on their own for a ficticious scene, but together they seem to clash and make the scene TOO unrealistic.
I hope that helps.
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Ageman20XX
Net Savior
Joined: 17 Mar 2005
Posts: 104
Location: Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Jul 28, 2005 3:09 pm Post subject: |
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| Midnight Critic wrote: | Ummm...wow.
The quality and structure of the text I have seen so far is excellent. As if it were taken right out of a novel. The format looks a lot cleaner than the formats that some of the other writers use for their fics. The added description and use of more arcane words is a pleasant touch as well.
As I read the chapter, I was tempted to think that it was a normal, everyday novel-type story. As the supernatural characters came into play though, I felt as though it were a bit excessive. Half of the time after the latter half began, I was simply thinking "What the [bleep] just happened?"
Somehow, when I see centaurs, I don't imagine seeing energy spheres and barriers in the same situation. They are both fairly good concepts on their own for a ficticious scene, but together they seem to clash and make the scene TOO unrealistic.
I hope that helps. |
I don't really now how to reply to that. You see, it's the fact that they're too unrealistic that makes you say "wtf?" and want to understand what just happened. Its important to understand that these characters (Adrian and Lief) are in a world exactly like our own. Seeign as Centaur is enough to make someone faint because, well, they simply don't exist. But it all happens so fast that the characters (and hopefully the reader) is left in awe. Think greek mythlogy, gods and godesses here. The Energy balls and barriers are not sci-fi at all, so don't get the wrong idea. Think more of a magic-base and it should flo with the mythical Centaur a lot more. Also, note that in a normal situation, seeing a Centaur is enough to make a person pass out from aww, but there was little time to do that...Lief was killed in the blink of eye without any time for Adrian to properly react to such a situation as a CENTAUR showing up in his city...no..sorry...on his PLANET. A creature that is supposed to only exist in stories...just waltzes on into the middle of the city... it's supposed to make you say "wtf" and want to read more..understand what happened.
The three charactrers that show up, I wont say who they are because that would ruin the story, but really look up their names and you'll see who they are and why they are able to use such powerful magic. I don't really know what to tell you, really, other than the fact that this was all planned out and it's supposed to make you slightly confused, and wanting more explanation.
-Age
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