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Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 5:24 pm Post subject: Calling on Colonel *EXE5 Spoilers* One Shot G |
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Neko wrote me a one shot about this, and I write her a one shot back! mwahahaha.... >_> This is based after Rockman is kidnapped after defeating Cloudman in Team of Colonel.
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Netto rubbed his cheek softly as he walked to the command room in Sci Lab. Barrel had not been any soft to him when he decided it was necesary to knock some sense into him.
The young brunette didn't expect the elder man to slap him, but he couldn't say he didn't deserve it. It did hurt at first, that Barrel would ask him to replace Rockman just like that. But he understood it now -- the new navi wasn't a replacement, but an ally in his quest to find his navi and his father.
"I see you've come," Barrel's voice brought him back to reality.
"Yes... Barrel, I'm sorry. I will take the navi you prepared for me. I will find Rockman and my dad with his help. We'll liberate the network from Nebula!"
Barrel smiled lightly. He was right when he choosed this boy to join his team and be its operator.
"Very well, please, hand me your PET. I'll install your new navi right away"
Netto handed his PET, wondering what kind of Navi the leader of the team had in mind for him.
"The installation was a success," Barrel returned the item to the young boy, placing his hands on his jacket's pockets before he spoke once more. "Netto, this navi is very special to me. When you get Rockman back to you, be sure to return it to me."
The young boy nodded and looked at his PET. It was turned off after the installation, it required to be restarted so the new navi could take over. When the PET screen cleared up, a shower of pixels appeared on it, quickly taking shape.
"...This is..." Netto was speechless, blinking a couple of times to make sure his sight was not deceiving him, "...Barrel, this is really a very special navi," Netto could see a wider grin on his leader's lips. "I hope we can get along well... Colonel."
Colonel nodded slightly, looking up to his new operator. "We'll have to work hard to make up for Rockman's absence."
Netto smiled nervously, he couldn't believe Barrel would entrust his own personal navi to a child he barely knew. But it was a sign of trust on him and his abilities, and on his courage to fight to have his navi and father back, and into stopping the mad man that was endagering not only his loved ones, but the world as a whole.
"You may go now. I want you to review the situation in Endo Network and report to me." Barrel said softly before he sat down on the desk of the command room to review other things for their mission.
"Alright. Let's go, Colonel!"
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Netto dropped himself in his bed. Feeling as if the weight of the world was placed in his shoulders. Not more than 30 minutes ago, he had found out the fate of his navi. Rockman had been infused with the power of the dark chips, tainted to serve Regal's purposes. He had prevented Colonel from deleting him when there was a chance. He didn't know what he felt more guilty for, because he stopped Colonel, or not giving Rockman the peace he claimed for in those brief seconds his real self could take over the body.
Colonel watched Netto from inside the PET. He couldn't blame the boy for not wanting to delete Rockman when there was a chance. He didn't expect him to just jump and delete him without a second thought, but he knew he had to be prepared to confront that posibility once they gathered enough power to enter the Endo Network. The black navi couldn't help but feel sad about Netto, so young and the weight of the world was, indeed, laid on his shoulders.
"Colonel?" Netto glanced at the PET
"Um? Yes, Netto?"
"Are you angry at me?" The brunette sat up slightly, rubbing his eyes and yawning, in a failed attempt to hide some tears.
"Why would I be angry at you?" Colonel frowned.
"I stopped you from deleting Rockman when you had the chance. I put you in danger." Netto looked down, apologetic.
"That doesn't matter," Colonel shook his head "Netto, please look at me."
The boy did as he was requested, picking up the PET and looking straight to Colonel.
"You did what you thought it was best. I understand you don't want to just give up on him. Perhaps there is still a chance to bring him back to us, and recover the Rockman we known." The black navi sighed softly, pausing for a moment to choose how to word his next sentences, "However, you understand that the chances of him not coming back are also strong, right? I don't ask you to lose hope yet, just to think what will be best for him and the world if we can't succeed on have him back to us."
Netto nodded and smiled slightly, his brown eyes suddenly filled with hope and determination, "I know Colonel. I'll do what I have to do when the time comes. I won't give up on hope! And you'll help me to try to have him back, right?"
"Of course." Colonel smiled and nodded, "We have a big day tomorrow, you better rest up."
The brunette's smile widened a bit more before he laid back on his bed, holding the PET close to him for a moment before looking back to the screen, "Thank you, Colonel."
"What for?" Colonel blinked puzzled.
"For helping me back to the right track. And for having faith on me." With that Netto set the PET back into its charger on his nightstand. "Night, Colonel!"
"Good Night... Netto-kun" The black navi smiled and watched the boy fall quickly into a deep sleep. He hoped, for his sake, that things would turn out for the better, and that Rockman would quickly come back to claim the place in the PET he currently occupied. With a last glance towards Netto's sleeping form, Colonel entered into the sleep mode of the PET.
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Huuur >_> Yes, it's short but I don't caaare. For Neko, because she writes some of the best fanfics. *rubs Neko's ego* /o/ _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon."
Last edited by Plantman on Wed Aug 10, 2005 5:31 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Neko Queen of Fluff
Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 1217 Location: The computer
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 5:29 pm Post subject: |
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Tch, what ego? I need one first Planty.
Netto smiled with nerviousism <---- Try Netto smiled nervously, I'm not even sure that's a word.
Now *switches to fangirl mode*
PLANTY~~~~ I LOVE EEET /o/ *huggles teh Planty tightly*
Thankies so much \o/ _________________ Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you.
Avatar, credit Yakitate@devart |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 5:31 pm Post subject: |
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Aww...another take on the ToC situation. Although I never really played ToC (hides his ToB cartridge), I found that this had a rather similar take on the situation as did Neko's fic. I'm not saying that it is a copy, though--there is a distinction between the way the both of you write, but you share similar interpretations of the subject.
Besides a few grammar errors, everything turned out fine.
Neko--Excise the word "with" in your correction and it looks that much better. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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ChibiForte ニンジャ
Age: 31 Joined: 19 Jun 2005 Posts: 675 Location: EA/TAU
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 5:39 pm Post subject: |
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...Absolutely beautiful. But then again, what are we to expect of a great author like you, Planty? I didn't see any errors myself, but then again, that's me. I watched my brother play his ToC a lot,*hides ToB cartridge also* and I still remeber watching Netto get slugged. Also, I think Netto's personality couldn't have been portrayed any better than it was! _________________
Sig made by me. <3 |
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Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 5:45 pm Post subject: |
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Midnight, yes the views are similar because it's a bit along the lines of a 'novelization' -yeah, right- of the events on EXE5. I did want to write up my 'version' of how Colonel would react, which isn't far from Neko's own view. :3
And Neko, I'm glad you liked it! \o/ Thanks for your comments, Chibi Forte. _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon." |
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Nazne Shukei - Hakuteiken
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 6:15 pm Post subject: |
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Funny. Netto slugs Enzan in ToB. /o/
It did seem similar to Neko's, but then again such is the case with novelizations-and this one was quite cute. Netto's concern for Rock was expressed very well.
-BMA |
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Kitty-Chan Net Police
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 438 Location: Massillon, Ohio, USA
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 11:13 pm Post subject: Re: Calling on Colonel *EXE5 Spoilers* One Shot G |
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This is really good!
Okay, you told me earlier you wanted to know how to improve; well, in terms of writing, you're great, but there are some grammar & punctuation errors that could be fixed. Most of it is just forgotten periods & commas, but there are a few other things I noted:
Plantman wrote: | Barrel had not been any soft to him when he decided it was necesary to knock some sense into him. |
Nonsensical. Maybe "held back any" would be better. Also, it should be "necessary".
Plantman wrote: | Barrel smiled lightly. He was right when he choosed this boy to join his team and be its operator. |
It should be "chose".
Plantman wrote: | But it was a sign of trust on him and his abilities, and on his courage to fight to have his navi and father back, and into stopping the mad man that was endagering not only his loved ones, but the world as a whole. |
This whole sentence is rather awkward; both of the "on" should be "in", "have" should be "get", & I'm not sure how to fix the last part. Oh, & it's "endangering".
Plantman wrote: | "Perhaps there is still a chance to bring him back to us, and recover the Rockman we known." |
It should be "knew".
Plantman wrote: | "However, you understand that the chances of him not coming back are also strong, right? I don't ask you to lose hope yet, just to think what will be best for him and the world if we can't succeed on have him back to us." |
It would probably make the first sentence flow more smoothly if you put a "do" between "you" & "understand". The "on have" should be something more along the lines of "in getting".
Plantman wrote: | "I know Colonel. I'll do what I have to do when the time comes. I won't give up on hope! And you'll help me to try to have him back, right?" |
There shouldn't be an "on" before "hope", & "have" should be "get" or something of the like.
If I'm being nitpicky & annoying, please tell me; I just want to help one of my favorite authors become an even greater writer. I won't be offended; most people find me annoying & nitpicky. -_-; _________________ Need more Zero/X, Netto/Rock, Rock/Netto, Forte/Netto, & Blues/Netto. PLEASE!
Ano sa...could someone please make me a Zero/X, Blues/Netto, or Forte/Netto avatar/banner? I would greatly appreciate it...
Thanks for the avatar, Mandi!
People! We need more Blues/Netto & Forte/Netto on the net. Come on; help me out here! *gives everyone her Super-Adorable Irrisistable Sad Kitty Eyes(TM)* |
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Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
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Posted: Wed Aug 10, 2005 11:16 pm Post subject: |
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On the countrary, helps me out to improve my english. It's rather lame, I'll fix up what typos you've identified. Thanks a lot for the pointers, I really do appreciate them. XD _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon." |
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Kitty-Chan Net Police
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 438 Location: Massillon, Ohio, USA
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 12:29 am Post subject: |
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*blushes profusely* No problem. Your English isn't really that bad; I used to proofread the school newspaper when I was in high school, & believe me when I say that your writing is a kagillion times better than theirs. :grr: Drove me nuts trying to figure out what they were trying to say, & those idiots have been speaking English their whole lives; not to mention, they all have spellcheck, although you never would have known it. -_-; _________________ Need more Zero/X, Netto/Rock, Rock/Netto, Forte/Netto, & Blues/Netto. PLEASE!
Ano sa...could someone please make me a Zero/X, Blues/Netto, or Forte/Netto avatar/banner? I would greatly appreciate it...
Thanks for the avatar, Mandi!
People! We need more Blues/Netto & Forte/Netto on the net. Come on; help me out here! *gives everyone her Super-Adorable Irrisistable Sad Kitty Eyes(TM)* |
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ChibiForte ニンジャ
Age: 31 Joined: 19 Jun 2005 Posts: 675 Location: EA/TAU
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 12:35 am Post subject: |
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Heh, Kitty-chan, you'e starting to sound like my nii-chan,(CrossFusionStarman, for the thousandth time,) he's a walking dictionary and spellchecker, although I am also. Is that what we get for reading too much?? Uh oh, I mustn't smart off to people older than me... _________________
Sig made by me. <3 |
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Kitty-Chan Net Police
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 438 Location: Massillon, Ohio, USA
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 10:27 am Post subject: |
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Yeah, reading a lot tends to have that effect, & don't worry; you aren't smarting off at me. _________________ Need more Zero/X, Netto/Rock, Rock/Netto, Forte/Netto, & Blues/Netto. PLEASE!
Ano sa...could someone please make me a Zero/X, Blues/Netto, or Forte/Netto avatar/banner? I would greatly appreciate it...
Thanks for the avatar, Mandi!
People! We need more Blues/Netto & Forte/Netto on the net. Come on; help me out here! *gives everyone her Super-Adorable Irrisistable Sad Kitty Eyes(TM)* |
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