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Nazne Shukei - Hakuteiken
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 7:01 pm Post subject: Just Seven Days [Laika x Pride] [R/Hu, PG, and whatnot] |
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And this is a oneshot. <_< BUT AT LEAST IT'S NOT 20 PAGES /o/ Read down, or just click on the FF.net link if you prefer.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2530020/1/
“Cheer up, sir.”
Most soldiers would have demanded a duel of honor on the spot if someone had referred to their state of mind as ‘sulking’. A warrior did not sulk. A warrior scowled, glared fiercely at enemies, went off silently to hone their skills alone or rage against inanimate objects, but sulking was beneath even the lowliest of footmen. Or official net battlers.
“You’re sulking again, sir.”
“I am not. I am huddled in a corner of my bunk with the blankets over my head in the middle of the day because I want to be.”
And there was just no way to argue that point with one’s Operator, if he happened to be a soldier of any sort--or worse, a Net Savior. Thus, Searchman usually kept fairly quiet when his Operator went into hiding under a pile of blankets. Such an occurrence, more often than not, occurred right after the departure of a certain plane bound for a certain country carrying a certain princess.
“It’s a hot day, sir, and still getting warmer. You are still in full uniform.”
No response. Searchman sighed. “Sir, it would perhaps be a bad example if you became the first casualty of heat stroke in Sharo in a decade.”
“I will not die of heat stroke. Go away.”
More than once, Searchman had wondered about the General’s sanity in giving his Operator a full week’s reprieve from Net Savior duties whenever Princess Pride arrived on one of her “diplomatic relations” trips. Not nearly enough to question the man’s authority, of course, or alert him to Laika’s state of mind whenever Pride departed, but just enough to wonder if a full week was really necessary. Fact being Pride always departed in the midmorning of the seventh day, leaving her mint-haired escort free from duties for the entire rest of the day, which Laika usually took as an opportunity to sulk. He was perfectly normal the next day, of course, upon reporting for duty--but Searchman had learned to dread that seventh day. Even more so, after his Operator had taken to hiding out in the barracks under piles of blankets. Searchman was sure Iriya noticed the unnaturally-human-shaped lump in the corner of his roommate’s bed, but at least the man had enough grace not to comment. At least not until the next day.
“Sir, if I may inquire...”
“Don’t.”
“What is the significance of the blankets?”
A thrown padded quilt covered the screen of the PET and effectively blocked further sound from reaching the Net Savior’s ears. Searchman sighed and returned to sorting out recently-obtained chip data, wondering if Princess Pride felt similarly out-of-character upon her departures.
* 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 *
“Please cheer up, milady.”
In a less dignified personage, the Princess’ response might have been referred to as a tantrum. Pride was too dignified for the usual sort, however, and her princessly tantrums usually took the guise of total silence through the entire trip back to Creamland. The flight attendants had long since gotten used to these flights by now, and wisely left their Princess alone once the plane was safely in midair. Knightman supposed he should as well, but silence from his outspoken, spunky mistress was completely unnatural.
“Milady, care for a game of chess?”
This request would normally have been greeted with enthusiasm. Ever since one of the Sharo visits--Knightman couldn’t remember which, there were so many of them now--when Laika had (modestly) checkmated the Princess after losing only four pawns and a knight, Pride had went to work on her chess skills with a will which might have resembled fanaticism in any lesser person. She could almost beat Knightman two games out of three now, and welcomed every opportunity to play.
But apparently princessly tantrums won over, for Pride merely sighed and turned to look out the window again, and Knightman fell silent. Until he realized that Pride was picking up his PET and beginning to type a message into it with the digital keyboard.
“...milady?”
[Knightman, I don’t want anyone else to hear me talk, or they’d all swarm in and start inquiring as to my health, whether I would like the pilot to make a detour over the Syaggler Range so as to admire their magnificence, or when I may feel rested enough to enter talks with a delegation from Darkland. Especially the last one.]
“...I understand, milady.”
[Princesses don’t get nearly enough silence, and I enjoy reflecting on things much more than talking about them, I’m afraid. Please excuse my rudeness.]
“Milady,” Knightman ventured cautiously, and silently enough (he hoped) for no one outside the compartment to hear. “Would the aforementioned reflections have to do with your recent travels in Sharo?”
[Knightman, you know me better than that.]
“I do.” Knightman admitted. “Seven days of diplomatic relations go by quickly when they are spent with someone worth being around.”
Pride smiled, wistfully, and stared out of the window again. Her fingers were still typing, however.
[I will do my duty to my people fully and willingly, but loneliness does not care for duty at times, so I take heart in these seven-day intervals of “diplomatic relations” and silently plan the next one while on the flight back, because once I am on the throne again there will be no time and energy to spare on such thoughts. Commoner girls should be glad-in this aspect they have more freedom than the Princess of Creamland.]
Knightman racked his programming, but couldn’t think of anything to say, and Pride didn’t seem to mind. Silence reigned again.
For a while.
Then, quite suddenly, the plane buckled. Knightman found his PET suddenly flying through the air to hit the back of the seat in front of Pride’s, and Pride had grabbed tightly onto the arm-rests of her seat to avoid falling out of it. Another shake, this time in the opposite direction-Knightman slid across the floor until Pride’s foot pinned his PET down firmly. The plane was doing what appeared to have been a barrel roll, or so it felt to the Navi. If he’d had a stomach, he would probably have felt it tie into knots. Pride seemed to be faring little better, though at least she wasn’t screaming. Female shrieks echoed from the back cabin, where the princess’ handmaidens were located.
Then abruptly, calm returned. Pride settled back into the seat, looking shaken. “Just a bit of turbulence...”
“Milady, are you all right?” Knightman asked anxiously. “That was unexpected...would you like me to plug into the system?”
“No, it’s all right, thank you...”
A crackle, and then the pilot’s voice came over the intercom. “I’m sorry, Princess-bzzt-but there’s a monster of a-bzzt-storm in front of us, and we can’t go aroun-bzzzz-the weather forecasts never showed up anything like this when we-bzzt-left...”
“I understand.” Pride spoke clearly into the receptor near her head. “Freak summer storms are unexpected, but not uncommon, so far north. What are our options? I take it we’re somewhere over the Syaggler wildernesses now?”
“Actually...er...” There was a slightly embarrassed silence. “We’ve been fighting through a southerly wind for the entire morning, and-bzzt-only cleared the Sharo border half an hour ago...this storm is sweeping in from Syaggler. I’m afraid-bzzzzz-need to return to Sharo to take shelter, don’t know how long this will last...”
Knightman did not dare risk a look at his Operator’s face. Pride’s voice, when it came again, was calm enough, though the Navi could have sworn he heard a note of elation in it somewhere.
“Then I suppose my visit must be slightly longer than usual this time. Please contact the Sharo control tower and request an emergency landing.”
“Of course, Princess.”
The intercom shut off, and Pride picked up her PET. Knightman was not surprised at the bright, beaming grin she directed at him as she typed rapidly into his PET.
[Is it luck?]
“I might say divine intervention, milady.”
* 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 *
The room had been silent for some time. Judging by the last (muffled) sounds Searchman had “heard” through the PET’s receptors, Iriya had came in, pretended not to see the huddled, blanketed lump on the corner of the upper bunk, rummaged around beneath the lower bunk, and went out again.
The PET’s internal clock now read 2:30 P.M. Searchman had tried to call his Operator twice before, in half-hour intervals, with no success whatsoever. Either the blanket was truly sound-muffling, or Laika had fallen asleep. Searchman now feared his prediction of heat stroke coming true. It wasn’t the hottest day of the summer, but it was summer-and judging by the last-seen size of the blanketed lump, his Operator had no less than three still wrapped around him.
“Laika-sama!” The Navi called again, feeling slightly worried.
No response, as usual. Searchman sighed and contemplated turning on the PET’s alarm function, though he didn’t have high expectations of the sound reaching his Operator’s ears, either. His only hope for alerting Laika was Iriya, but the man knew enough not to disturb his friend on days like these, and he was probably off patrolling the base about now, anyway. It was hopeless.
Incoming call! Incoming call! Incomin-
Searchman shut the program up with a wave and activated the call program, finding Knightman’s signature upon it before he’d even opened its window. A flash, and the armored Navi’s face appeared upon the screen.
“It is good to see you, Searchman. Please alert your Operator that a sudden storm has forced the Princess’ flight to return to Base Airport. She expresses her regret that she must remain in Sharo for a few more days, at the very least, until this storm has abated.”
Searchman found his mouth hanging open, and hastily closed it. “I apologize for my incompetence, but Laika-sama is…unresponsive, currently--I believe he might be asleep-and I’m afraid I am temporarily disabled from disturbing him, though I have been trying for the past half hour. If you would like me to call for a soldier to escort-”
Knightman’s face disappeared from the screen, to be replaced by Pride’s. The Princess, Searchman was amused to see, was smiling warmly. “Please don’t. I’m sure they all have their duties to attend to, and I would not impose upon them something like this. Is Laika all right? Would he object to being disturbed?”
“Yes, and not at all, Princess.”
A few moments later, a copy of the barracks’ floor guide was flying through the network to Pride’s PET, and Searchman had began to pace around the PET network, feeling slightly smug. Navis weren’t supposed nor programmed to lie, but Searchman did not feel that his Operator would object to being disturbed by Pride. Though Laika might be rather upset if he found of his Navi’s involvement in the matter. But, Searchman reasoned, it was probably the only way to get the man out of his seventh-day blue funks.
“Well, it’s a gamble.” Searchman remarked to the call program. It beeped in agreement.
* 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 *
Several airport personnel were waiting for Pride when the plane returned to the base, having apparently been hastily snatched from their normal duties to provide a temporary escort for her.
“Please show my attendants to their quarters.” Pride told them cheerfully, indicating the small group of handmaidens with a wave. “Feel free to return to your work afterwards. It’s silly for you all to be missing important work because of me, when I already have a designated escort. I’m going to go look for Laika--oh, no, please don’t, I’d much prefer to go myself, it’ll be such a surprise for him to see me back in Sharo so soon, don’t you think?”
“Milady,” Knightman remarked, when they had left the slightly bemused soldiers behind with the rest of Pride’s group. “forgive my insolence, but that was excellent acting.”
Pride sighed, but smiled down at the Navi anyways. “Thank you. I really don’t like to act so much like a spoiled princess, but it’s what they expect, and at least I’m not being trailed by handmaidens...it’s this building?”
“Yes, milady.”
The barracks’ drab interior reminded Pride of the one time, in her youth, that she had visited the servants’ quarters in the back of the castle. It had been quite a dull contrast to the elegantly-designed, lavish halls and rooms she was used to, but she was amazed by how much more lively the maids and footmen seemed, in this area which didn’t reek of finery. Of course, someone eventually noticed the little princess wandering about.
And then Papa caught me and forbid me to ever go back there. Pride recalled, remembering the stern lecture--regarding one’s position in life--that had followed. Princesses did not mingle with the commoners. It just wasn’t done.
“Well, Papa...you wouldn’t approve of me now, would you.”
“Milady?”
“Sorry, Knightman. Just a few reminiscences...”
Knightman frowned thoughtfully, but said nothing. Pride continued up the lightly-carpeted stairs in silence, looking about as she did. The second floor seemed to have the exact same layout as the first, with the exception of a potted plant someone had left in the hallway outside their room, and a few more open doors--though no sounds came from any of the rooms. The entire building appeared deserted.
Of course, Pride thought, everyone’s out on duties. I wonder if this place is noisier at nighttime? Or mornings? It would be awfully dull to have to live somewhere this quiet all the time...
“Milady, the door to your left.”
Pride gave a start, realized that she had walked almost to the end of the hall without even realizing it, and chuckled. “Thank you, Knightman.”
The only thing which distinguished this door from the others was the gold-colored 306 carved into its upper half. It seemed utterly silent as well. Pride hesitated slightly, then raised a hand and gently rapped on the door.
“Laika?”
No response. Pride knocked twice more, hesitated again, then tried the doorknob. The door swung open easily to show a rather sparsely-furnished room, which looked exactly the same as all the rest of the ones she had seen. Except for the quilt thrown over a desk, draping onto the ground--and the human-shaped bundle of blankets on the top bunk.
“What...?”
The top bunk was slightly below eye level. Pride tiptoed over, inspected the bundle for a moment, then gently pulled aside the blankets, revealing the familiar mint-colored hair of her escort. Curled into a fetal position and still in full uniform, Laika was fast asleep.
“Well, well...” Pride murmured, smiling.
The princess withdrew her hand and merely stood, gazing down at the soldier. In sleep, Laika’s face had taken on a softer expression, one more reminiscent of a teenager than a hardened fighter. It was a look which Pride had almost never before seen on the Net Savior’s face, and the absence of Laika’s usual air of soldierly duty made him appear about five years younger.
He’s younger than he looks. Pride realized with a start, then smiled and shook her head. But that’s all right. Being a soldier and a Net Savior did force you to grow up fast, after all...
She found that she did not really feel like waking Laika any more. It would be a shame to disturb him for such a trivial task as being a princess’ escort, and he looked so peaceful. Pride sighed and wiped her forehead with the back of a hand, then realized that the room was heating up, the afternoon sun casting its first rays through the window on the far side of the room. She frowned, looked at Laika again--and realized that there were no less than three blankets still wrapped around him, not to mention the uniform. A slight glint of perspiration was beginning to show around the mint-haired soldier’s forehead.
“Aren’t you warm?” Pride whispered, and gently tugged at one of the blankets, trying not to wake Laika as she did. They were, however, firmly tangled about each other, and refused point-blank to separate. She pulled again, harder.
Laika opened one eye, blinked in a bemused sort of way, and focused.
“...Princess?”
Pride froze.
Knightman, afterwards, would refer to the event as “a storm of blankets”. Laika sat bolt upright, tried to leap off the bed, forgot that he still had three blankets around him, and almost fell off the bunk headfirst; Pride barely managed to grab him before he hit the floor. Then there followed a rather confused period of time in which both found themselves babbling apologies to the other. Pride stopped first, grabbed a corner of the blanket, and covered Laika’s mouth with it in mid-apology.
A rather strange silence ensued. Pride finally dropped her hand, feeling rather sheepish. “Sorry about that…I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Oh, no, it’s perfectly all right…” Laika still seemed slightly dazed by the sudden turn of events. “But…Princess, your flight…? Weren’t you…”
Pride shook her head. “A freak storm cropped up over Syaggler and the pilot decided not to risk it. Since it seems to be moving in this direction, my stay in Sharo will have to be prolonged for another week, at the least.” It suddenly struck her how foolish her request was going to sound. Not a spoiled princess, indeed. “I was hoping you would remain as my companion for this time as well, but if more important duties come up, I understan-”
“No.” A pair of white-gloved hands clasped hers. Startled, Pride looked up, directly into Laika’s serious blue-eyed stare. “I would be honored to serve you thus, Princess.”
There was not the slightest hint of an untruth in those eyes, only the loyalty of a soldier. And Pride smiled. “Thank you. Then, if that’s settled...would you like me to help get those blankets off you? They look rather confining.”
Laika stared at her for a moment, then looked down at the quilts still tangled about his legs, and abruptly began to laugh. Pride joined in.
* 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 * 8 *
It had not yet turned fully dark when he left Pride at her quarters, but the storm was on its way, and even without the imminent danger of a freak blizzard, no one wanted to be caught out at night in Sharo. As it was, it was already rather windy outside, and very cold, the sun’s last feeble rays notwithstanding. Laika pulled the green overcoat closer to himself and continued into the barracks, already noisy with the laughter of recently-returned soldiers.
The afternoon had passed quickly--far more quickly than he would have liked, though the General had charitably granted him another duty-free week upon hearing of the circumstances, and the storm was promising to be a big one. While Laika had marveled at the coincidence, Pride had only laughed, citing divine intervention as the cause. If it was the case, then he had cause to feel very kindly towards whatever higher power had intervened.
Though the same could not be said for a certain Navi.
“Searchman.”
“Yes, sir?”
Seated at the desk with the green PET in front of him, Laika ran a hand through his hair, but resisted the urge to rip out a handful. “Please explain how the princess learned of the exact coordinates of my room and my physical condition at the time.”
Searchman merely looked at him for a moment, then sighed. “Please give me leave to speak freely, Laika-sama.”
“Proceed.”
“I merely wished to rouse you from your state of depression, sir. You did make it clear that I was not to do so, or disturb you in any way from your sulking--or so I take was the meaning of that thrown quilt. But, truth be told, sir...” Searchman paused, as if trying to word the next comment accordingly. “...I did not believe you would be upset at being disturbed by Princess Pride. Forgive my presumption, but she is the reason for your retreat into a fortress of blankets every seventh-day of her visits?”
There was a small silence, in which Laika buried his head in his hands and hoped desperately that the Navi had not said as much to Pride. Which would, probably, explain the princess’ coming to look for him, except that “sulking” was not a good condition to see anyone in.
“I’m sorry, sir.”
“No...you’re right...”
Laika raised his head, suddenly feeling very tired. Well, it had been a long day, after all. “I am a fool. Pride has a ruler’s duty to her people, and I to my country...but when she visits Sharo, she passes for an ordinary citizen so well even I forget that she’s royalty. But...”
“When she returns to her people on the seventh day, that fact comes crashing down.” Searchman replied, frowning. “Laika-sama, you don’t mean...”
Laika had buried his head in his arms again. “Pride will make an excellent queen, of course...she is sympathetic to the cause of her people, commoners and nobility alike, but queens do not consort with the sons of poor miners from foreign countries. She has a duty to her people to form alliances with power...”
“...You can’t honestly believe that, sir.”
“...what?”
Night had fallen, and the room was completely dark except for the faint light of the PET screen, which Laika now stared at as if it was an utterly foreign object.
“Sir, Princess Pride, by your own admission, is a people’s ruler; she is not likely to hold to standards of rank and superiority even if her ancestors were firm followers of such. She also cares greatly for you. Even in this graceless age, sir, there is something to be said for the utter force and tenacity of love.”
“You sound like Hikari Netto.” Laika whispered.
“He had a point, Laika-sama.”
“He did, eh...”
But the sudden warmth of the feeling which spread through him, at that moment, was far too much to brush off as the result of wishful thinking. Perhaps Hikari Netto had had the right of it after all...
“And even if there was no way to succed, sir, would you truly abandon Princess Pride?”
“No.” Laika murmured, realized that he was drifting off, and made a forceful attempt to stay awake. “To never again serve her, or see her smile…that is the crime I will never commit.”
And, moments before he dozed off, Laika had a sudden realization.
“…Searchman, you scheming little…”
Searchman waited for a moment, until he was sure that his Operator had fallen fully asleep, and smiled.
“Good night, Laika-sama.”
Author’s Note: The quote ‘graceless age’ was shamelessly ‘borrowed’ from Izumi’s Fullmetal Alchemist, Royai, fanfic, “In This Graceless Age”. Yarr. >>
-BMA |
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Wackoguy Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 141 Location: On your head! WHEE!!
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 9:46 pm Post subject: |
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That was soo nice. Laika x Pride! Yatta-!!! :D
Well,they definitely seemed close,and that was some good humor too. I was clueless about the "graceless age" comment,until the end-note.
There were minor typos here and there,but this one-shot me like! Whee-!! :V
(Yeah,I like Pride fics a lot,and this one I like too!) _________________ "When it rains,it pours. When it pours,get out of the rain." -quoth me!
Megaman Melee! HUTTAH and HUZZAH!
"I ate your siggy..." |
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Wackoman.EXE HOHOHOHO
Age: 32 Joined: 05 Apr 2005 Posts: 1372 Location: SUPER SPIRAL GALAXY
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Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2005 9:56 pm Post subject: |
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Excellent job Nazne! Laika and Pride are my favortie fan couple and this fic was prefect for the two of them! Beautiful, just beautiful. _________________
Transcendent Super Spiral Dreadnought Gunmen |
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HubHikari Net Savior
Age: 43 Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 151 Location: In Nettos Pet or on The Net
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:24 am Post subject: |
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Excellent job Nazne this fic is wonderful and very well written I hope you write more like this It would be good to read more!
Keep up the great work
I give it 5 Laughing Rockmans! |
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Kitty-Chan Net Police
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 438 Location: Massillon, Ohio, USA
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:25 am Post subject: Now I'm a believer |
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You know, before reading this, I never would have thought of those two as a couple; now it makes perfect sense. You should write one where Netto hooks them up. _________________ Need more Zero/X, Netto/Rock, Rock/Netto, Forte/Netto, & Blues/Netto. PLEASE!
Ano sa...could someone please make me a Zero/X, Blues/Netto, or Forte/Netto avatar/banner? I would greatly appreciate it...
Thanks for the avatar, Mandi!
People! We need more Blues/Netto & Forte/Netto on the net. Come on; help me out here! *gives everyone her Super-Adorable Irrisistable Sad Kitty Eyes(TM)* |
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Sol Fanfic Guru
Age: 37 Joined: 02 Aug 2005 Posts: 685 Location: Where all the badfics roam
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 12:43 am Post subject: |
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Nice. Very well thought out and executed. Although both Laika and Pride seemed slightly OOC, it just added to the overall theme of the story.
First off, I'm going to have a few nitpicks. First off, there are some run-on sentences inside the 3rd paragraph. Although it is somewhat hard to tell, the slight overuse of commas indicates it.
Second, you have a slight tendancy to interchange hyphens and semi-colons. While most of the time this isn't a problem, it sometimes makes a sentance awkward. Like this part:
Quote: | Searchman found his mouth hanging open, and hastily closed it. “I apologize for my incompetence, but Laika-sama is…unresponsive, currently--I believe he might be asleep-and I’m afraid I am temporarily disabled from disturbing him, though I have been trying for the past half hour. If you would like me to call for a soldier to escort-” |
The hypens are a bit overused, and a semi-colon should be inserted where you put the double hyphen in.
ETA: You may want to rewrite the part before the double hypen unless you intended to have that comma. It's a run-on sentence, and there should be a period after unresponsive. It should be like this:
Quote: | Searchman found his mouth hanging open, and hastily closed it. “I apologize for my incompetence, but Laika-sama is…unresponsive. Currently, I believe he might be asleep, and I’m afraid I am temporarily disabled from disturbing him, though I have been trying for the past half hour. If you would like me to call for a soldier to escort-” |
The bolded part is mine. As I said, you have a tendency to write run-on sentences when you have characters have monologues or they are talking.
And finally, try to avoid block paragraphs. They are a pain to read, and I'm sure you'll agree when I say they can blind you. XD
That's all I have to say. It was a very nice one-shot. Sorry if I seem overly nitpicky...>_> _________________
<3 Planty~
Art in icon done by Raburabbit. |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 5:00 am Post subject: |
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Sol wrote: | Second, you have a slight tendancy to interchange hyphens and semi-colons. While most of the time this isn't a problem, it sometimes makes a sentance awkward. Like this part:
Quote: | Searchman found his mouth hanging open, and hastily closed it. “I apologize for my incompetence, but Laika-sama is…unresponsive, currently--I believe he might be asleep-and I’m afraid I am temporarily disabled from disturbing him, though I have been trying for the past half hour. If you would like me to call for a soldier to escort-” |
The hypens are a bit overused, and a semi-colon should be inserted where you put the double hyphen in. |
The double-hypen is actually a dash--which I recommended her to use. The dash (or double hyphen, as you refer to it as) is often used as a replacement for the semicolon--it simply joins two independent clauses that are related into one long sentence.
You already know what I say about this. It's quite masterfully done. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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Neko Queen of Fluff
Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 1217 Location: The computer
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:08 am Post subject: |
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Nazne fixed eeet! /o/ Yay!
And you already knew I loved this fic to peices :3 _________________ Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you.
Avatar, credit Yakitate@devart |
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Nazne Shukei - Hakuteiken
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:45 am Post subject: |
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Quote: | Searchman found his mouth hanging open, and hastily closed it. “I apologize for my incompetence, but Laika-sama is…unresponsive, currently--I believe he might be asleep-and I’m afraid I am temporarily disabled from disturbing him, though I have been trying for the past half hour. If you would like me to call for a soldier to escort-” |
In that particular example, I was actually trying for a run-on so as to express the fact that Searchman is surprised and doesn't know what to say. Though, I'll take a look through the fic and see if I can find others. ^^;;
Sankoo all~
-BMA |
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Soala Net Savior
Age: 35 Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 172 Location: Absolutely appalling. I am disgusted.
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 4:50 pm Post subject: |
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I am in your topic, reading your fanfic while you shower. D:
The fic was really good. All the characters' interaction was done very well. I don't really remember there being much Laika x Pride around so it's unique, I think.
My only gripe with it is that the dialouge was kind of, I don't know, boring. The only character that actually kept my attention was Knightman. Everyone else had boring lines. That's just me though. ~~~/o/ _________________ get out |
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Unknown Neo Cross Fusion!
Age: 40 Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 2933 Location: Unknown
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 9:01 pm Post subject: |
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That was really cute. You would have never thought of laika doing something like that. But I'd do something like that too if the girl I like went back home. |
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Nazne Shukei - Hakuteiken
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133
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Posted: Fri Aug 12, 2005 11:21 pm Post subject: |
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Boring dialogue! |nn|/ O___O \|nn|
...anyways. That would have to be my fault. XD This is actually my first time actually writing Laika or Pride, so I sorta went with the basics and didn't try to overdo things for fear of OOC-ness. Though I'll watch for that next time. /o/
-BMA |
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mabi_chan Net Battler
Joined: 23 Jun 2005 Posts: 53 Location: Sharo... It's where everything happens!
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 11:01 pm Post subject: |
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I LOVED IT!!!!
Absolutly awesome! On a scale 1 out 10 I would say.....
*drumroll*
...... A 9!!!!
:grr: :grr: :grr: :grr: :grr: :grr: :grr: :grr: :grr: _________________ It's ethier that slug I ate or I'm having an epiphtinay!
Join my site!
[admin: sorry, your location's stretching the page - please keep it in your sig] |
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Ming Yi Nebula
Joined: 17 Apr 2005 Posts: 562
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 11:05 pm Post subject: |
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I spent the whole day reading your story. (It's really well-done!) I know I will look forward to your future works if you decide to write any.
Pride visits Raika a lot? o__O I guess with him being a Net Savior and her being the princess and all....
Quote: | “And even if there was no way to succed, sir, would you truly abandon Princess Pride?” |
"Succeed" was spelled incorrectly. (I'M NIT-PICKY! It's harmless though, I guess...) _________________ I'll remember that day, and I won't let it go. |
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Nazne Shukei - Hakuteiken
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 12:15 am Post subject: |
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Baaah. XD I would have spellchecked it...if Word hadn't been such an annoying grammar-oriented bastard >__>;;;
Thanks for pointing that out, though. It's the little problems that get you. /o/
-BMA |
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