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Finalzidane-X Net Savior
Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Posts: 192 Location: Longmont CO. Being Head Amin of Rockman Exe NTS
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 5:07 am Post subject: Meiru, the vampire slayer. |
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This is a spin off of Buffy the Vampire mixed with Rockman Exe characters, so you know who's the main character. Anyway...
Chapter 1.- Welcome to the Hellmouth. Pt1
From the deeps of darkness, the whispers of those who claim to be the wind blow in the dark trees emlighted by the moonlight... "Akihara High"... the local school of Akihara town. A nice peacful town, very close to Electown. The halls in the school seem to be dark, and quiet. Rather and bright and noisy over the day. In the classrooms, the echoes of the everyday life resonate whithin the seats and desks. And the soft noise of chalk sliding on the blackboard.
In the Biology lab, many stuffed specimens brng the creepy gloomy sight at night. And the bubbling chemicals bring color to the darness... everything seemed to be normal... until.... "CRASH"... a loud noise seemed to crack the window. A hand covered by a black jacket jerked inside unlocking the window. A teenager peeked inside, and got into the room followed by a pretty blonde girl with light blue eyes. "A... Are you sure this is safe Jonathan?" The girl seemed to be nervous about breaking into the school at night. "Don;t worry Pride... everything will be fun. Specially the face of principal Flutie when he finds his office made a mess." The two teenagers walked into the halls... roaming in the darkness... as a soft noise resonated in the deepness of the hall. "What was that?" Pride shivered in fear. "What was what? Oh, must been the wind... Hello? Anybody home?" The soft echo of the boy resonated. "See? nothing. Aren't you scared?" "That's not funny Jonathan..." Pride replied to him even scared. "Don't worry... I'll hold you tight." "But... I just..." Pride turned around looking away from Jonathan. Jonathan seemed to stare at her like some sort of drink to satisfy his lust. "Oh well, maybe you're right." Pride turned around, and in the face of Jonathan, fear and shock, Pride's pretty face chaged for a grotescous face with yellow evil eyes and fangs beared. "Then, where were we?" Pride sunk her fangs into the boy's tender neck as she drank from the elixir of the boy, his blood. A faint scream was heard all over the school, but no one answered the call.
Meanwhile, a house was just sold to a very small family. A woman named Haruka Summers and her daughter, Meiru Summers. Meiru, was the pterry dark pink haired girl. She was sleeping on her fluffy and comfy white bed, but she seemed to be having bad dream. In her mind she was able to se blurry visions of underground caves, candles, crosses, and a certain book... And, the soft laughter of an evil being in the place... After waking up from the bad dream, sunshine was enlightening her pretty face. The soft calling from her mother were heard from downstairs as the blended smell of the hearty breakfast filled the place. "Meiru! You better hurry! You don;t wana be late for your first day of school!" Meiru rubbed her eyes, then stood up, opened her curtain and glanced at the morning landscape of the neighborhood. The call was heard again. "I'm coming mom!" Meiru dashed to her closet looking for a nice set of clothes to wear.
She hopes that her first day of school was a good one, but the people she was going to meet... wasn't just mere luck, but maybe fate by itself... _________________ This is my Sig Image. It is 500x120, so a Link will work just fine with me and the world to avoid possible problems which lead into a severe case of castration and Social outcast... yeah... that's it.
I make Avatars, Signatures, Wallpapers, Banners and Graphics. Want one? PM me then.
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Mari Elegantly Wasted
Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1025 Location: M.I.A.
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 11:35 am Post subject: |
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Some of the terms look a bit weird when mixed up -Buffy's last name with Meiru's name, Akihara 'High'- but I guess that comes with the package of mixing a series like Buffy with an anime like EXE.
Based on Meiru, the casting is going to look a bit off if you plan to follow Buffy's first season storyline; I'm supposing you're probably going to have Netto as Angel, which, EXE-wise, seems to be the most logical choice. Buffy-wise, however, it means that any David Boreanaz fangirl on the EXE fandom will probably chase you with torches and ten-foot poles, with the only purpose to stab you to death and make every inch of your body suffer.
It looks fine so far. I look forward to see what do you do with the characters and their probable conversions. _________________
Currently fangirling Edgy Eft and mplayer1.0RC1 -- firefox 2 is just okay, those are pure awesome. |
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HubHikari Net Savior
Age: 43 Joined: 02 Apr 2005 Posts: 151 Location: In Nettos Pet or on The Net
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 4:46 pm Post subject: |
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This is a very.....interesting fic so far there are minor spelling errors but other than that it looks promising.
Personal thing if you post netto in the mix it might be better to have him as Alexander as a friend and not as angel as a love interest. but thats just my opinion. Cant wait to read more ^_^ |
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Finalzidane-X Net Savior
Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Posts: 192 Location: Longmont CO. Being Head Amin of Rockman Exe NTS
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:21 pm Post subject: |
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Okay, take more time to read this one...
Meiru the Vampire Slayer.
Sorry guys, last chapter had t be short since I was writing directly on the forum. But since I’m using word now, I can take the time I want. Shall we keep going?
Chapter 1. - Welcome to the Hellmouth part 2: First day of school.
Akihara High in the morning. yellow school buses and cars driven by students arriving. Students gathered in circles around the trees in the green areas of the campus and small flocks of glam girls arriving discussing about their new shoes and homongous cleavages. A brown SUV arrived among them, and Meiru was about to get off of it. “Ok”. Haruka was relieved that her daughter was going to a good school for once. Meiru sighed as she opened the door. “Have a good time. I know you’re gonna make friends right away, just think positive.” Meiru nodded as she closed the door. “And, honey….” Meiru turned to her mother again. “…Try not to get kicked out.” She spoke in a nervous tone. Meiru just nodded with a smile. “I promise.” Haruka nodded as Meiru turned around and changed the gear to Drive and drove away. Meiru took three steps, looked around as she took a deep breath.
“Excuse me, coming through, pardon me” There was a boy on his skateboard. He was dodging the hordes of students in the place as he told everyone. “Excuse me, whoa! Excuse me, can’t stop, please move Whoa! Excuse me, whoa….” The boy for the moment stared at the new girl walking by. He was so distracted that his skateboard was still going, but he was stuck on his own dreamland. Almost drooling, but his parade stopped after he hits the stairs handle in the front of the school. “Whoa! Oh god! I’m okay, I feel good.” Very close to him, a girl in green school uniform and white tights stood at him with a nice smile. She had purple/blue hair with two ponytails. “Shukko! You’re so very much the person I wanted to see!” The boy stood up trying to pick up his skateboard. “Oh really Thoru? The what is it?” Shukko walked along with Thoru as he jerked his backpack. “You know, I had a problem with the math.” “Uh… which part?” “The math. Can you help me out tonight? Pleeeeease?” Be my study buddy?” Thoru begged Shukko with those puppy eyes as Shukko chuckles with his innocence. “Well, what’s in it for me?” “A shiny nickel.” Mmmmm… shiny…. “Okay. Do you have Theories in Trig? You should check it out.” “Check it out….?” “From the library? Where the books live.” “Right, I’m there. See? I wanna change.” Both walked into the school, in the halls busted with students, a voice was calling for Thoru and Shukko. “Hey!” “Hey Jessie! How is it going?” “Guess what Thoru?” “Guess what?” “New girl.” Thoru seemed to know about it already. “Oh! That’s right! I saw her. Pretty much a hottie.” “I heard someone was transferred in.” Shukko cleared things up. “So tell.” Thoru asked Jessie. “Tell… what?” “What’s the stitch? What do you know about her?” Jessie stood in silence looking for an answer. “New girl!” “You’re certainly a font of nothing Jessie.” “You’re welcome Thoru.”
“Meiru Summers, sophomore, late of Hemery High in Electown. Interesting record… quite a career” Principal Flutie read Meiru’s papers as he sat on his desk. Taking the permanent record and tearing it into 4 shreds. “Welcome to Akihara. A clean slate, Meiru, that’s what you get here. What’s past is past. We’re not interested in what it says on a piece of paper, even if it says………. Whoa…” Flutie turned his sight to Meiru with some weird expectation. “Mr. Flutie…” “All the kids here are free to call me Bob,” “Bob…” “But they don’t.” Meiru took a deep gulp as she tried to make everything clean. “I know my transcripts are a little... Colorful…” “Hey, we’re not caring about that. Do you think uh, Colorful is the word?” He told her as he pasted the 4 pieces again in random order with invisible tape. “Not, uh, Dismal?” “Wasn’t that bad!” “You burned down the Gym.” “I did. I really did, but… But you’re not getting the picture here! I mean, that gym was full of Vampi---“ The principal stood at her waiting to complete the weird word. “… Uh, asbestos.” Principal Flutie nodded understanding her. “Meiru, don’t worry. Any other school, they might say, Watch your step, or, we’ll be watching you. But, that’s just not the way here! We want to service your needs! And help you to respect our needs! And if your needs and our needs don’t mesh…” He slammed the horribly pasted paper into her file folder as Meiru nodded nervous.
Meiru walked out of the office heading into the hall. She was checking for something in her bag, and from nowhere, a girl and a guy bumped on her. Her stuff, was dropped to the floor. They walked away, and she ducked to pick up her stuff. In the middle of her picking action, a boy appeared helping her. “Can I have you?” Meiru turned to him in confusion. “Uh, can I Help you?” “Uh, thanks.” Meiru smiled as she picked her stuff with a little help. “I don’t know you, do I?” The boy asked her. “I’m Meiru, I’m new.” “Thoru is--- is me. Hi.” “Oh, thanks.” Both kept picking stuff. “Well, uh, maybe I’ll see you around. Maybe at school, since both… go there.” Meiru stared at him with a brief pause. “Great! It was nice to meet you.” Meiru stood walking away leaving Thoru behind. “We both go to school… Very suave… Very not pathetic… Oh! Hey!” Thoru ducked picking something they missed. “Hey! You forgot your…” Thoru stared at the weird object. “… Stake…”
In a classroom, a hand wrote the words Black Plague on the blackboard with a white chalk. “It’s estimated that 25 million people died in that short 4 year span . But the fun part of the black plague is that originated in Europe how? Between the students in the classroom, there was a blonde girl with two pigtails writing something down on a Notebook, Meiru right nest to her. “As an early form of germ warfare. If you’ll look on the map at page 63, you can trace the spread of the disease into Rome and then north,…” Meiru looked around for a book. She didn’t have one, ad there wasn’t one under her seat. From her right, a book came by, the blonde girl was sharing her book with her. “Here.” “Thanks.” “And this popular plague... lead to what social changes? Steve?” The bell rang, and everyone packed their stuff. In the midst of the packing, the blonde girl turned to Meiru. “Hi, I’m Yaito.” “I’m Meiru.” Both shook hands gently. “If you’re looking for a textbook of your very own, there’s probably a few in the library.” “Oh great, thanks. And where would that be?” “I’ll show you, come on.” Yaito lead the way out of the classroom as Meiru followed her. “See, you’re from hemery, right? In Electown?” “Yeah.” Yaito sighed, as she seemed to be wishing for her soul. “Oh, I would kill to live in Electown—That close to that many shoes.” Meiru followed with a soft chuckle. Over by the nearby halls, they kept walking. “ Well, you’ll be okay here. If you hang with me and mine, you’ll be accepted in no time. Of course, we do have to test your coolness factor. You’re from Electown, so you can skip the written, but let’s see…” Yaito walked thoughtful as she passed down the questions. “Vamp nail polish?” “um, over?” “So over… James Spader?” “He needs to call me.” “Frappaccinos?” “Trendy, but tasty.” “ John Tesh” “The devil.” Yaito took a deep breath as she turned to Meiru. “That was pretty much a Gimme, but guess what? You passed!” “Oh! Good.” Both walked over to the water fountain. There seemed to be someone there in her green uniform… “Oh, Shukko!” Shukko stopped her drinking to face Yaito. “Nice dress! Good to know you seen the softer side of Sears!” “Um, well—well…” Shukko looked at her dress as he replied to Yaito. “ My mom picked it out.” “No wonder why you’re such a guy magnet! Are you done?” “Oh!” Shukko walked away as Yaito proceeded in drinking water. “If you want to fit here, the first rule is Know your losers. Once you identify them all by sight, they’re a lot easier to avoid.” Meiru followed with a soft but faint chuckle, but felt guilty for the poor Shukko too… Both kept walking over to the library entrance. “And if you’re not too swamped with catching up, you should come by the Bronze tonight.” “The who?” “The Bronze. It’s the only club worth going to around here. They let anybody in, but it’s still the scene. It’s in the bad part of town.” “ Where’s that?” “About half a block away from the good part of town. We don’t have a whole lot of town around here. But you should show up!” “Well, I’ll try. Thanks.” The Bell rang as everyone was rushing to their classrooms. “Well, I’ll see you at Gym, and you can tell me absolutely everything there is to know about you.” “Great!…. Oh, that sounds like fun…” Meiru whispered in a very sarcastic tone as she opened the library doors.
Meiru peeked into the library… there seemed to be the old musty smell of old books in the air. Bookshelves stuffed with reading material, and green lawyer lamps on the oak table in the middle of the room. “Hello?” She walked over to the circulation desk as she took a nice look at the library. There was a bit of sunlight pouring in from the window. “Is… anybody here?” She placed her hands on the desk as she looked at today’s newspaper… there seemed to be an article circled with crimson marker… Local boys still missing… As she read through the article, a hand touched her shoulder. Turning around in a sudden reaction, she was relieved that no monster was behind her. “Oh! Anybody’s here.” The librarian wore his suit, but always wore his shades and spiky brown hair. “Can I help you?” She spoke with a calm British accent. “I… was looking for some…” “Books?” “Yeah, I’m new.” “Miss Summers?” Meiru stood in some sort o reaction. “Good… call! Guess I’m the only new kid here, huh?” “I’m Mr. Meiji, the librarian. I was told you were coming.” Meiji walked over to the other side of the desk. “Great! So, I’m, I’m gonna need Prospectives on 20th century…” “I know what you’re after.” Meiji pulled a book from under the desk and slammed it on the desk over the newspaper… it seemed like a thick black book with metal lock… Its smell was quite rather old… the mix of mustiness and humidity. The words on the cover read like this on golden words… Vampyr… which was Latin for Vampire… Meiru stood at the book, and then to Meiji with worry. “…That’s not the book I’m looking for…” “Are you sure?” “I’m way sure…” “Oh, my mistake then.” He sighed as he hid the book where it was. “So, what is it you sa---“ Meiru was gone.
Over by the girls lockers, there were a couple of girls on towels, and getting dresses. Most for PE classes, and others for going out. “The new kid? She seems kind of weird to me. What kind of name is Meiru?” “Hey Aphrodesia!” “Oh, hey!” What kind of name was what? “The chatter in the Caf is that she got kicked out and that’s why her mom had to get a new job.” The other girl told the girl with a name of a drug. “Neg!” She nodded. “Pos! She was starting fights.” “Oh! Negly!!!” “Well, I heard from Blue and she said---“ Her speech was interrupted by something that leaned over her from her locker. It seemed like a guy, but he was dead… she screamed as loud as she could, followed by the other girls.
Over by the courtyard, Shukko was pulling a paper bag from her backpack. It seemed like her lunch… In the bag, there was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich; She was unwrapping it, as Meiru got close by. “Uh, hi! Shukko right?” “Why?… Oh, I mean, hi! Uh, did you want me to move?” She seemed to be grabbing all of her stuff in a hurry. “Why don’t we start with Hi, I’m Meiru. And then let’s segue directly into me asking you for a favor? It doesn’t involve moving, but it does involve you hanging out with me for a while.” “But aren’t you hanging out with Yaito?” “Can’t I do both?” “Not legally.” “Look, I really wanna get by here. New school, Yaito being nice… to me, anyway… but um, I kind of have this burning desire not to flunk all my classes and I heard a rumor you’re the person to talk to if I wanted to catch up.” “Oh! I can totally help you out! I have 6th period free, so we can meet in the library!” “Or not… Uh, we can meet some place quieter… louder… uh, that place just kind of give me the wiggins…” “Oh, it has that effect with most kids. I love it though, it has a great collection, and the new librarian is really cool.” “He’s new?” “ Yeah, he just started. He was a curator at some Ameroupean museum or, The Ameroupean museum, I’m not sure. But he knows everything and he brought up all these historical volumes and biographies and am I the single dullest person alive?” “Not at all.” Meiru chuckled at Shukko’s nerves. “Hey! You guys busy? Are we interrupting, we’re interrupting?” Thoru jumped over the slope on the side of Meiru and Shukko followed by Jessie on the other side. “Hey there!” Jessie followed. “Meiru, this is Jessie, and this is Thoru.” “Oh, me and Meiru go way back. Old friends, very close. Then there’s that period of estrangement, where I think both grew as people, but now we’re here, it’s like old times, I’m quite moved.” Meiru just nodded lightly like wanting to laugh. “Is it me? Or you’re turning into a bibbling idiot?” Jessie asked Thoru. “No, it’s uh… it’s not you…” “Well, it’s nice to meet you guys, I think.” “Well, you know, we wanted to welcome you, make you feel at home—unless you have a scary home.” “ And to return you this.” Thoru handed her the stake he took from where they met in the hall. “The only thing I think is that you’re building a really little fence.” Meiru tried to fake her smile, but her nerves were taking over. “Aha, uh… nope, um… A-Actually, it’s for self-defense. Everyone has them in Electown. Pepper spray is just so passe.” Thoru sat by her side. “So, what do you do for fun? What do you like? What do you look in for a man? Let’s hear it.” “You have any painful dark secrets you’d like to publish to us?” “Gee… everyone wants to know about me… How keen…” “Well, not much goes on in one-Starbucks town like Akihara. You’re pretty big news.” “I’m not. Really.” Meiru followed with a soft chuckle. She was feeling accepted rather than obligated with Yaito… and talking of the devil… “Are these guys bothering you?” Yaito interrupted the nice scene. “Uh… no…” “She’s not hanging out with us.” Shukko followed. Jessie stood up by Yaito’s side trying to… score her… “Hey, Yaito.” “Oh please… I don’t mean to interrupt your downward mobility, but I just wanted to tell you that you won’t be meeting Coach Foster—the woman with the chest hair—because Gym was canceled due to the extreme dead guy in Aura’s locker!” Meiru widened her eyes as she wondered. “What?” “What are you taking about?” Shukko followed in confusion,. “Some guy was stuffed in her locker,” “Dead?” “Totally dead, way dead.” Yaito answered after Meiru asked her. “Not just a little dead, then?” Thoru followed up the questions. “Don’t you have an elsewhere to be?” “You know, if you need a shoulder to dry on of just nibble on…” Jessie told Yaito, but Yaito followed with a scoff. “How did he die?” Meiru asked Yaito in a concerned way. “I don’t know.” “Were there any marks?” “Morbid much? I didn’t ask!” Meiru looked away. With half of her mouth opened and looking at the air thinking. “Um, I gotta book. I’ll see you guys later.” She took her stuff and walked by Yaito. Yaito slowly turned to her a little bit freaked out. “What’s her deal?”
Over by the Gym halls, Meiru sneaked by without getting noticed in a Metal Gear Solid act. She arrived to the girls lockers door. She jerked the doorknob, but the door was locked. After deciding, she grabbed the knob with both hands and pulled. The section of the mechanism was pulled like a bent needle off the flesh of someone. Meiru had very tough strength. She entered the room closing the door to avoid problems. She walked by the blue lockers as she noticed the strange bulk of man covered by a blanket. She walked by it as she uncovered the boy. A single glance at his neck was everything she needed to see to realize what was going on. She took it pretty well… “Oh great…”
Meiru slammed the Library doors open as she picked air in her lungs. “Okay! What’s the sitch?” “Sorry?” Meiji’s voice was heard over the bookshelves. “ You heard about the dead guy, right? The dead guy in the locker?” “Yes.” Meiji came to her from the bookshelves as Meiru placed her bag on the oak table. “’Cause, it’s the weirdest thing. He’s got 2 little little tiny holes on his neck and all of his blood has been drained.” Meiji stared at her with a weird look with one of his books. “Isn’t that bizarre? Aren’t you just going Ooh?” “I was afraid of this…” “Well, I wasn’t!… It’s my first day! I was afraid I was gonna be behind all of my classes, that I wouldn’t make any friends, that I wouldn’t have last month’s hair. I didn’t think there could be vampires on campus! And I don’t care!” “Then why are you here?” Meiji asked her, but Meiru kept three seconds of silence. “To tell you that… I don’t care, which… I don’t, and now have told you. So… Bye!” She turned around fast wanting to get out of there in that same second. “Is he—will he rise again?” “Who?” “The boy.” “No, he’s just dead.” “Can you be sure?” “To make you a vampire, they have to suck your blood. And then you have to suck their blood. It’s like a whole big sucking thing. Mostly, they’re just gonna kill you……. Why am I still talking to you?” Meiru walked away a few steps. “You really have no idea of what’s going on, do you? You think is coincidence your being here? That boy was just the beginning.” “Why can’t you people leave me alone?!?” “Because you are the slayer… to each generation, a slayer is born… one girl in the whole world… a chosen one… one girl born with the strength…” “The strength and skill to hunt Vampires, stop the spread of their evil blah, blah, blah, blah. I heard it , OK?” “I really don’t understand this attitude. You’ve accepted your duty, you slain vampires before.” “Yeah, and I both been there and done that, and I’m moving on.” Meiji backed away a little pointing his hand at Meiru. “What do you know about this town?” “ It’s 2 hours on the freeway from Neiman-Marcus.” “Dig a bit in the history of this place and you’ll find a steady stream of fairly odd occurrences. I believe this whole area it’s a center of mystical energy that things gravitate towards it that you might not find elsewhere.” “Like… Vampires?” “ Zombies, Werewolves, Incubi, Succubi—everything you ever dreamed that was under your bed but told yourself couldn’t be under the light of the day, they’re all real.” He told her as he placed a couple of black books in her arms. “What? You like sent away for the Time/Life series?” “Oh, w-well, yes.” “Did you get the free phone?” “Um, the calendar.” “Cool.” She placed the books back on his arms. “ First of all, I’m a vampire slayer. And secondly, I’m retired. Hey! I know! Why don’t you kill them?” “I’m a watcher, I haven’t the skill…” “Oh come on! A stake through the heart, a little sunlight— It’s like falling off a log.“ “A slayer slays and a watcher…” “Watches?” “Yes… No! He, he trains her, he prepares her.” “Prepares me for what? For getting kicked out of school, for losing all of my friends, for having to spend all of my life fighting for my life and never getting to tell anyone because I might endanger them? Go ahead! Prepare me!” After a brief sigh, she turned and walked away. “Damn…” Meiji rushed after her in the halls. Between the shelves, Thoru came out with a book on his hand. “What?”
Meiru tried to forget what Meiji said over in the halls, but Meiji caught up with her. “It’s getting worse.” “What’s getting worse?” Meiji pushed her to the wall, but not like abuse. “The influx of the undead, the supernatural occurrences, it’s been building for years! There’s a reason why you’re here! And the reason why it’s now!” “Because now it’s the time my mom moved here?” “Something’s coming. Something—something—“ She placed his arm in front of her to stop her walk. “Something is—is gonna happen here. Soon!” “Gee, can you vague that up for me?” “The signs as far as I can tell, point to crucial mystical energy point to a crucial mystical upheal very soon! Days, possibly less!” “Oh, come on… This is Akihara! How bad and evil can there be here?”
It was time for kids to get out of school already. But as these teen masses live their lives, they are not aware of what’s going on under them… Right under the grass, under the soil, under the sewage system, a deep system of tunnels connects the entire town. Underground caves, which look like remains of some sort of underground shrine… Men walk by with torches as a single voice resonates with some sort of bible portion… Over, by a red throne, a small pond lies… the pond looked like it was filled with red water… red crimson water… There were corpses… like boys dead… the big guy with the shark fin hair was the one saying the strange praying… he had a vampire face… and his words were… “The sleeper will awake…. And the world will bleed…. amen…!”
Oh well, this was longer than before. Hope you guys are liking it so far. And I guess I did a good job with the character replacing from Buffy with Exe characters. Just wait to see who I got for Netto…. _________________ This is my Sig Image. It is 500x120, so a Link will work just fine with me and the world to avoid possible problems which lead into a severe case of castration and Social outcast... yeah... that's it.
I make Avatars, Signatures, Wallpapers, Banners and Graphics. Want one? PM me then.
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Nazne Shukei - Hakuteiken
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133
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Posted: Thu Aug 04, 2005 10:55 pm Post subject: |
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I tried to read and got bogged down by the first paragraph. X_o
Dialogue is usually separated into separate lines, one line for each speaker-mashing it all into huge paragraphis is a pain in the ass to read and looks terribly unprofessional. Plus, readers are scared off. <_<
Why is Haruka Meiru's mother, again?
-BMA |
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Finalzidane-X Net Savior
Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Posts: 192 Location: Longmont CO. Being Head Amin of Rockman Exe NTS
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Nazne Shukei - Hakuteiken
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133
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Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 10:09 am Post subject: |
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Well of course no one's perfect. What I know of fanfiction, however, suggests that it is best to actually strive for some close semblance of perfection rather than blow off criticism and write however you like. You may do that on your own time, but as soon as you start displaying your work with intentions for it to be read, it's going to be a bit more imperative that you actually attract readers. Perfection helps that. :P
-BMA |
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Aquaman OS Net Police
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 448
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Posted: Sun Aug 07, 2005 2:00 pm Post subject: |
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I don't want to sound mean here, but you should really drop this. Your asking for a world of pain. Buffy fanboys are of the absolute worst kind on the entire planet. This is only advice though. If you are brave enough go right ahead. |
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Finalzidane-X Net Savior
Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Posts: 192 Location: Longmont CO. Being Head Amin of Rockman Exe NTS
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feepitsrule Darkloid
Joined: 05 Aug 2005 Posts: 544 Location: Everywhere You Want To Be
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Posted: Tue Aug 16, 2005 11:54 am Post subject: |
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This story is going nowhere. Really. And where did Roll go?? Its just like buffy, just with the names changed around. |
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Mari Elegantly Wasted
Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1025 Location: M.I.A.
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 11:31 am Post subject: |
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Aquaman OS wrote: | Buffy fanboys are of the absolute worst kind on the entire planet. |
You're making it sound as if there weren't more fanboys in the world. =P
I'd suggest not trying to go by the whole pilot script here. Delete some scenes here and there. Add some scenes of your own. Make it interesting by making it different.
And no one's perfect, that's correct, but Nazne was merely making a point -which I second, you need to break the dialogue into separate lines; as it is now, it's awfully hard to read.
I do agree with the last commenter; when your story gets to the point you can replace "Netto" and "Meiru" with whatever given character of any fandom, and you notice there's no difference whatsoever, that means you might be heading the 'wrong' way. The point in crossovers is to keep a trace of what made the characters in question popular, despite how farfetched the fic is. IMO. _________________
Currently fangirling Edgy Eft and mplayer1.0RC1 -- firefox 2 is just okay, those are pure awesome. |
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Finalzidane-X Net Savior
Joined: 22 Mar 2005 Posts: 192 Location: Longmont CO. Being Head Amin of Rockman Exe NTS
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