View previous topic :: View next topic |
Author |
Message |
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 12:46 pm Post subject: new cross fusion |
|
|
After reading many fans of mega/rockman own stories I decided to do mine on anime dud fully with all know changed names this during the stream series.
Episode new cross fusions
Chapter 1 new s chips
Lan, Maylu, Dex Tory, and Suurho where all walking to get some lunch Saturday when
Lan got a call.
“Lan here”
Mr. Famous face appeared “Agent Lan I need you to come to your father’s lab
adamantly and bring your friends as well we have a little surprise to help with the
asteroid navi’s”
“You can count on me Mr. Famous”
“Just Famous”
“What was that all about?” asked Dex
“We got to get to sci-lab” said Lan
“Ah but I am staving here” said Dex everyone ignored him
Once arrive everyone went to Dr.Hikari’s lab inside and waited a couple minutes later
Dr.Hikari arrived with Mr. Famous Chaud and Laika. “Good morning everyone I got
Something to show to show you all” Dr.Hikari pulled out red Synchro Chip “These will
allow you to perform cross fusion with out a DA and anyone can use it”
End chapter _________________ i am the game master |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
|
Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 1:20 pm Post subject: |
|
|
So far, so good, I suppose. It's way too early to say anything about your stoyrline, as it seems generic. Put up a little more and maybe it'll start to take shape. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
|
Back to top |
|
|
TheWebbuilder I support Rhythm x Blues!
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 1124 Location: I don't know... But I hear laughing.
|
Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 1:34 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Please, don't double space everything! Just double-space between paragraphs, not lines.
Its too early to tell how this is going to turn out, so I'll wait to critique your story. _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Sun Mar 20, 2005 2:03 pm Post subject: |
|
|
TheWebbuilder wrote: | Please, don't double space everything! Just double-space between paragraphs, not lines.. |
I will try not to double space to much in the future also i will have the next chapter soon but got a lot of work to do now _________________ i am the game master |
|
Back to top |
|
|
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 4:53 pm Post subject: |
|
|
chapter 2 Frozen guts
“That assome dad now were at even ground with the A navi’s” “Dr.Hikari I get why Me Lan and Chaud are here but why are they here” said Laika looking at everyone else. “There here to test the new chips as well as you I based the design on Rush ability to come here but I don’t know that might happen till we tested things should go smoothly” said Dr.Hikari.
”Alright everyone prepare for cross fusion” said Mr. Famous in a test room.
Everyone held out there PET and slotted the s chip in
“Cross fusion” said everyone
Soon everyone was cross fused
R gutsman look like gut soul only bulkier with gray sleeves with guts symbol and gray mouth guard done. R iceman is Tory with iceman clothes with ice blue gloves and boots. R spoutwoman had aqua blue glove boots pants and sleeves as well as white body suit with a skirt, squirtman symbol, with a bubble head. They where with r searchman, r megaman, r roll, and r protoman.
“This is great now going to pound the Neo WWW and the a navi’s” said r gutsman then walk around and trip everyone laughed (expect r searchman and r protoman) but while laughing r iceman accidentally frozen him with a cyber blizzard “I got it luckily I download a couple chips” said r megaman
“Heat shot”
R gutsman was unfrozen but he had a little fire on these pants and stared running around like crazy “I put it out” said r spoutwoman
“Bubbler”
“ thanks” _________________ i am the game master
Last edited by gameman on Sat Apr 02, 2005 7:29 pm; edited 3 times in total |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Blue Bommer Net Savior
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Your shoulder, the left one.
|
Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 5:49 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Good, I would like to see more soon. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 8:55 pm Post subject: |
|
|
can soon of you guys and girls give my some idea got a little writer block and also for those who don't know spoutman is the dud name for aquaman _________________ i am the game master
Last edited by gameman on Sat Apr 02, 2005 8:00 pm; edited 1 time in total |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Bug.EXE
Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 12
|
Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 5:00 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Interesting story, I like it. Do Yai and Glyde not cross fuse? R Glyde would be an interesting fusion. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
R Glyde don not really work for me because he not very useful in a real fight _________________ i am the game master |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Hikari Angel Soul Unison
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 861 Location: Capital of Canada
|
Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 9:32 pm Post subject: |
|
|
i knew R glyde won't never work, but R gutsman? haha double dorks! _________________
"To give ourselves, and never count the cost of other's greater needs." |
|
Back to top |
|
|
railracer express Soul Unison
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 771
|
Posted: Tue Mar 22, 2005 10:26 pm Post subject: |
|
|
But Glyde has the ability to fly _________________ Avatar by May, many flowers and thanks for the wonderful avatar. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 3:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
how can being able to fly help that much _________________ i am the game master |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Bug.EXE
Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 12
|
Posted: Wed Mar 23, 2005 6:42 pm Post subject: |
|
|
-_-; Maybe Yai could use some of her fancy cannon chips and Glyde could give recon on what Asteroid navis are up to? |
|
Back to top |
|
|
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 9:26 am Post subject: |
|
|
Been awhile but here’s the next chapter.
Chapter 3: neo WWW attack
A week after the cross fusion experiment had passed. Lan’s was in is room reading comic’s when all of a sudden “Lan you got a net savior call”. “What’s my assignment Mr. Famous?” asked Lan “Just Famous anyway the Neo WWW are attacking armed cars with bank deposits in three separate spots” “Why would the Neo WWW be attacking that don’t they usually involved in net crimes?” “Yes well we thinking it my be a trap so use extreme caution they navi’s attacking are Desertman, Videoman, and Savageman. You and Maylu while attack Videoman, while Dex and Chaud will go after Savageman, and Tory, Shuuko, and Laika will peruse Desertman.” “Alright I’m on it”
Across town Chaud and Dex got out of Chaud’s limo. While in the shadows Inukai is waiting “setting up DA canceller no they won’t be able to cross fuss. “Alright Chaud time knock Savage brain light out”
“Cross fusion”
“How did you do that without a DA” said Savageman surprisingly Inukai was just as surprised There goes are plan to stop them from cross fusioning and then capturing them he thought.
“Does not matter to me I will destroy you anyway Wild Rush” his claws and head separated from his body and launch right at them “I got this” said R Gutsman he punched both claws and gave an uppercut to the head. “Sonic boom” R Protoman fired his default attack.
"Savageman Logging out"
Meanwhile in another part of town R Iceman, R Spoutwoman, and R Searchman where fighting Desertman. Sunayama had been as surprised as Inukai Just got to hold them off for know he thought“ice ball” “Aqua boomer” the to attacks hit Desertman at the same time Desertman was frozen solid “Search boomers” as R Searchman launched three grenade like bombs
"Desertman Logging out"
Meanwhile R Megaman and R Roll where facing Videoman. “Wind cutter” Videoman launched a wind of film at them. “Long sword” R Megaman sliced the film “Roll blast” a swirl of hearts hit Videoman. “Mega blast” red cannon fired at Videoman “Trident” a fish virus appeared in front of R Roll and the fish shot a trident from its mouth striking Videoman “Alright let finish it slasher” the sword hit Videoman multiple times
“Videoman Logging out”
At Sci-lad Magnetman with Flashman where leaving “Mission complete Tesla we got a piece of Bass’s data from when he tried to get to Dou’s asteroid” said Magnetman “Excellent soon we will rule the net and real world”
-----------------------------------------------------------
You guys decided what there facing next
E-mail me and chose if you want a coned Bass or the Gave virus beast (Gospel) clone _________________ i am the game master
Last edited by gameman on Sat Apr 02, 2005 7:31 pm; edited 2 times in total |
|
Back to top |
|
|
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 10:51 am Post subject: |
|
|
really guy I need your votes just click on the e-mail button please _________________ i am the game master |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Nazne Shukei - Hakuteiken
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133
|
Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 5:33 pm Post subject: |
|
|
We don't really respond to fics we don't like that much in the first place. <_< The grammar isn't great. You need more commas-sentences right now are rather blocked up, and it would be advisable to put dialogue into separate lines, instead of sticking it all in the same paragraph.
Meanwhile, the storyline isn't all that intriguing either. Same characters, but without Dimensional Areas? Same old thing. Unless you can actually make no-D-Area fighting different from D-Area fighting, there's not that much new. Maybe consider telling the story from only one person's viewpoint? You can delve deeper into their thoughts and personality that way, and it would give better insight into what's happening.
-BMA |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
|
Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 7:07 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yeah, I will say that it's very choppy. Hard to read at times, and it seems as though you rush through things, like you were under a word limit or something.
I'm not understanding or picking up any ulterior mtives here--it just looks, well, random. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
|
Back to top |
|
|
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 8:12 pm Post subject: |
|
|
fine if you guy's don't like it I will stop writing then :grr: . I had this whole thing where the grave virus beast or bass clones come a whole army of them I just whanted to have soon fun right I can't help if a have a learning disabiltty making me bad with essays and spelling _________________ i am the game master |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Blue Bommer Net Savior
Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 175 Location: Your shoulder, the left one.
|
Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 9:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
No, you should still write. It may be short, but I still think you should try. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
gameman Net Savior
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 104 Location: Hoosick Falls Ny
|
Posted: Fri Mar 25, 2005 10:01 pm Post subject: |
|
|
thanks bommer but I don't really whant to after all the rude comments _________________ i am the game master |
|
Back to top |
|
|
|