Untopia Sci/Fi OF PG Ch 7: pt 2

[Roy Tanaka]

Indeed, let's.

Great chapter! I saw it here last night but I didn't have time to read it. I can't wait to see how this turns out.

One typo:

[Neko]

“Hey Skye, look over here!” Rai jumped up and down while waving her hands in the air in an excited way. Folfie sniffed around her and sneezed when his nose touched the dirt. Rai giggled and pointed to a patch of bare earth, “Can we plant the seeds here?” she asked him, excited that she had possibly found the ideal growing spot.

Skye eyed the dirt and saw that it was arid, dry and pretty much anything but fertile, “I don’t know…” he admitted, “It doesn’t look to good.”

Rai looked upset, “But its dirt, why can’t we make things grow here?” he asked.

“Because it’s not healthy dirt,” Skye said, “It’s dry and nothing is growing there to begin with, so why bother?”

“Oh,” Rai said softly.

“Are you trying to upset her?” Bin Bin hissed from the handheld.

“You be quiet,” Skye snapped back. “I didn’t want to do this in the first place.”

“What kind of dirt do we want?” Rai asked while ignoring the argument.

Skye looked up to the sky in thought, “Well, it should be dark brown, and have plants already in it, that way we know things can live there,” he said finally.

“Okay!” Rai exclaimed and looked down at her new pet. “Let’s go find it, Folfie!” she cheered and ran off with the strange animal at her heels.

“Ah, wait up!” Skye said warningly as he took off after his sister.

“He’s too strict,” Bin Bin muttered in the handheld so only Data could hear her.

“He’s protecting her,” Data explained. “Bin Bin, Skye has been on the run from invisible demons for 15 years, of course he’s a little paranoid.”

Bin Bin sighed, “I guess,” she admitted. “But he still needs to lighten up.”

Data grinned, “I think he’s starting to.”

“What on earth are you two chatting about?” Skye asked them, finally taking notice of their hushed conversation.

“Nothing,” they said quickly.

“Right,” Skye said skeptically.

After running for a few more minutes Rai finally stopped and pointed to a small patch of earth with wild flowers growing every which way. Under the bowing stems of the flowers Skye could make out a weathered metal panel about two inches high keeping the flowers from spreading. He figured that the box was once a garden it’s self, but time had done its worst and the faded border was all that remained. “How about there?” Rai asked excitedly.

Skye felt the border with a careful hand and glanced around. “You know we’re going to have to pull up the flowers?” he asked her warningly.

She nodded, “But we can save them for a little bit. Mommy said that if you put flowers into water, even after they’ve been cut, they can live for a little while.”

“And why would we do that?” Skye asked her.

“To make the room pretty,” she said matter of factly as if stating the obvious.

“It sounds like a lovely idea,” Bin Bin cut in before Skye could say anything. “We’ll find a pretty bowl to keep your flowers in after we finish with the garden.”

“Yay!” Rai cheered and Folfie yipped, not quite knowing what was going on, but wanting to be apart of it none the less.

“Start picking the flowers,” Skye instructed.

Rai nodded and knelt down by the wild flower patch and began to pick them with care. Skye on the other hand just bent over and started to pull them up in clumps. He figured he would let his little sister take care of the decorating part.

Once they had pulled all of the flowers out of the small box they then began to move the soil around to tear up the roots and make it easier to dig up. Rai of course thought this was a wonderful adventure and she took great delight in pushing her fingers into the dirt. After a little while of moving the dirt around with forks Bin Bin let out a small yelp. “What’s wrong?” Skye asked.

“What is that?” she asked while pointing at the ground through the monitor.

“Oh cool!” Data said ecstatically, “An earthworm.”

Skye grinned and pulled the hapless creature out of its hole and helt it up to the monitor, “Do you like earthworms, Data?”

Bin Bin backed up as far as she possibly could while Data started at the earthworm in fascination. “Yeah, I saw pictured of them in my textbook or Earth Studies, all the time,” he grinned.

Skye let the worm fall back onto the ground where it promptly busied its self with diving back into the soil. “Earth Studies?” Skye asked as he started to poke around the area with his slightly rusted fork.

“Yeah, it’s a class I take at school. It’s about the Earth and what lives on it, like earthworms,” Data explained happily.

“Data really likes animals,” Bin Bin added.”

“School?” Skye asked thoughtfully.

“Yeah, where we go to learn,” Data said. “Haven’t you been to school?” he asked.

Skye shook his head, “No, my mom taught me how to read and stuff. And Rai,” he glanced over at his happy go lucky sister, “She doesn’t know anything.”

“Aren’t you going to teach her?” Bin bin asked.

Skye laughed harshly, “When? Before or after I’m done looking for food, clothes and supplies.”

“We could teach her,” Bin Bin offered, “And you too, about other stuff.”

Skye stabbed the earth viciously with his fork, “And what would that accomplish?” he asked testily. “We have to use for education/ All we’re trying to do is survive and be slightly happy.”

Neither Data nor Bin Bin quite knew what to say to that.

“I found a bug!” Rai screeched.

“Oh, let me see!” Data cried, half out of need for the subject change and half out of genuine interest.

Rai ran over to the handheld with her hands cupped over something. She opened them to reveal a green caterpillar moving around slowly, “Cool!” Data said excitedly. Bin Bin merely backed up again, not quite being as interested in the insect as her friend.

“You know that will be a butterfly someday,” Data told Rai.

Rai’s eyes widened, “Really?” she gasped.

Data nodded, “Yeah, it’ll spin its self into a cocoon,” he started.

“What’s a cocoon?” Rai asked.

“Well…” Data faltered. “It’s a special kind of home the caterpillar weaves its self into so it can metamorphoses,” he explained.

Data could see the explanation fly over Rai’s head. “Meta… what?” she asked.

Data sighed and attempted to explain the idea of the life cycle of a caterpillar as best he could to a five year old while Skye continued to plow the small field diligently with his rusty fork.

A half an hour later, the field was ready, Rai knew where butterflies came from and Bin Bin was thoroughly disgusted by the bug content of the outside world. “What do we do now, Skye?” Rai asked her older brother after he had rested for a little bit.

He held up the small seeds and Rai looked at them, “Well we put these in the ground,” he started.

“Okay,” Rai said seriously.

“We cover them with dirt,” Skye continued.

“And?” Rai asked.

“We water them,” Skye went on.

“Then?” Rai inquired breathlessly.

“We go back to the library and wait,” Skye concluded.

Rai resisted the urge to playfully attack her brother because he was so tired, even though he had led her on like that. “How long?” she asked.

Skye sighed, “Days,” he muttered.

“Aw…” Rai whined, “Why so long?”

“Skye shrugged, “Because it takes time to grow. You need to be patient,” he told her seriously.

Rai nodded back, “Right,” she said. “Can I plant them?” she asked suddenly.

A small smile played on Skye’s lips,” Oh, I don’t know. Planting seeds is a really big job. Are you sure you can handle it?”

“Yeah! We can, can’t we Folfie?” she asked the animal at her heels. It yipped in reply and Rai looked back at Skye, “Please?” she asked.

Skye tossed her the packs of seeds. “Make a hole, two seeds per hole, cover it up and a different row for each pack,” he instructed her.

Rai nodded, “Right,” she said and walked back over to the garden while muttering his directions under her breath.

Skye sighed and stretched out in the sun. “Aren’t you going to help?” Bin Bin called over from the handheld.

Skye shut his eyes, “Why? She’s a big girl; she can handle it on her own.”

Over by the garden where Rai was carefully packing the first seeds into the ground Rai overheard the conversation and smiled at her brother’s compliment. She was big enough, he said, and she would prove him right.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

:OOOO Neko is continuing her OF /o/ OMG!

Heh, I love this story, I can't really let it die.
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[Midnight]

I'm sure you do, Neko. This is shaping up to be one long review, so bear with me, okay?

Well...chalk this up for another of your stories I have read. Sitting and reading from the beginning is a good thing, because it means that this fic is compulsively readable, as are the majority of your other works of fiction. The only reason I've had to stop was because of time restraints.

Towards the beginning of the fic, I found myself confused by some of the plotlines, especially that of the the politicians, of which you'll forgive me, because I cannot recall their names at the moment. Although there is enough to show that their ulterior motives are devious, that is all I could get out of them--it seems that their personae are simply too underdeveloped to delve into with much fervor. I also can't seem to extract a lot about them--besides the fact that they plan to use our protagonists as stepping stones to their position of power.

The most intriguing character you have here is Skye, to tell you the truth. The fact that he seems to be a cold-hearted bastard at the start, and his transition to that of one who is more accepting of others strikes home with me particuarly effectively for some reason, and I don't know why. His devotion to keeping Rai in good hands is admirable, and is characterized quite well.

Your diction and syntax remain top-notch, as always. There are minor spelling errors spattered throughout the six chapters insofar, but none of them are particularly noteworthy--they are minor and don't impede the plot all so much.

All in all, this is turning out to be QUITE the original work. This is a fantastic job, and a welcome respite from some of the shorter vignettes that you have turned out recently. Best of luck with completing this work, and I dearly await what happens next.
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Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

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[Neko]

“Hey Bear, are you sure we’re on the right track here?” Mouse asked his large friend.

“That I am,” Bear said in a deep voice. “The one kid erased the trail but it goes into the old metropolis computer ways.”

Mouse nodded, “Is there any trail that’s still fresh?” he asked.

Bear sniffed around the old computer and looked up. “Maybe…” he muttered and went into an old decaying link.

“Hey Bear, can you fit in that thing?” Mouse asked as his friend tried to squeeze his enormous bulk into the half corroded data way.

“Give me a little bit, Mouse, I think I can… make it…” Bear grunted. He finally managed to push himself into the link and go through to an old abandoned stop light hanging over an empty street.

Mouse sighed and followed his friend having a bit of an easier time getting through the link then Bear did. “The kids came through here,” Bear growled.

“You sure?” Mouse asked.

Bear nodded and tapped his nose, “This never lies.”

Mouse patted his mammoth friend on the elbow, “Can you tell where they went?”

Bear sniffed the air again and nodded, “Through, here,” he said pointing to an equally corroded link.

Mouse eyed it uneasily, “You sure, big guy?”

“Positive,” Bear said.

Mouse sighed, “All right then, after you.”

Bear tried to push his massive bulk into the link and about halfway through he found he couldn’t move. “Mouse?” he called.

“Yeah?”

“I think I’m stuck…” Bear said slowly.

Mouse sighed and began to push on Bear’s back end. “Well, try harder,” he grunted.

Bear pushed himself against the half gone walls of the link and kicked against something that gave him the momentum in order to push through the link. Unfortunately that something was Mouse. Poor Mouse was bowled over as Bear went through the link, however he calmly stood up, brushed himself off and walked over to the link and threw himself in.

“You okay, little buddy?” Bear asked.

“No more link travel,” Mouse growled.

Bear realized what he did to get through the link, “Oh, sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“Are we there?” Mouse asked.

Bear looked out the monitor at the seemingly lived in library, “I don’t know…” he said in a stunned voice. “You tell me.”

Mouse peered around his large friend and looked at the recently moved books, food, towels and other paraphernalia that was dotted around the large room. There was no dust, mold or anything to suggest age. And a few towels stained red suggested that something was injured recently and recuperating in the room. “Oh man,” Mouse said softly.

The two heard voices coming towards them. The hid out of sight in the monitor and waited with baited breath. “Awww, come on, how long will it take?” a voice of a young girl whined.

Another, older male voice sighed as if he had heard the question many times in the recent past, “Not for a few weeks, give it time. Even if the seeds are genetically altered it will still take patience on your part.”

“But…” the young voice started.

“Ah ah!” another, older, rather bossy sounding female voice tutted. “Your older brother told you to be patient.”

“Yeah…” the younger voice sounded indignant.

It was then they came into view. There was a tall boy escorting a very young girl by her hand and no others. The boy sighed and plugged something into the computer, “You know you two should go home soon.”

Bear and Mouse exchanged surprised looks as the two young programs they had been sent to find and return to Digurb appeared in front of them. The girl who the file told was called Bin-Bin crossed her arms. “You can’t make us do anything!” she snapped.

“We can leave and go to places you can’t,” the boy said coolly.

Bin Bin narrowed her eyes. “You wouldn’t dare…”

“Yeah! You promised!” the little girl said in a loud, obnoxious voice.

The boy sighed and the Program they knew to be Data giggled softly. “Don’t worry about it,” he told Bin Bin softly, “He cares too much about Rai to move.”

Bin Bin rolled her eyes, “Really?” she asked dryly.

Bear and Mouse then caught one another’s eyes and nodded. They stepped out into plain view and glared at the run away Programs. “Actually,” Mouse said, “You should come home.”

Bin Bin and Data both gasped. Skye turned a sickly shade of white and Rai ran over to the monitor. She peered at the two Programs then waved cheerfully, “Hi!” she said happily. “My name is Rainbow! Are you two friends of Data and Bin Bin?”

Bear and Mouse were at a loss for words. Data took the opportunity to try and calm Skye down, “Don’t!” he yelled. “They won’t tell anything! Don’t run away!”

Skye was ready to grab Rai and make a run for it. “Who are they?” he hissed.

Bear and Mouse had never heard that kind of tone be used before. It was filled with hatred, anger and above all, fear. Bear stepped forward and held out his hands in a pacifist gesture, “Don’t worry,” he said in a deep, calm voice. “We’re just here to take the children home, we have no reason to want to cause you harm.”

Skye gulped, “Who are you?” he asked again.

Mouse gave the teen a genuine smile, “Name’s Mouse! And this is my buddy, Bear. We’re here on orders from President Megami to take these kids back home.”

“The President?!” Data squeaked.

Bear nodded, “Yes, she was worried about you,” he said with a grin. “Because she’s a nice lady, unlike her, ow!” Bear’s slip of the tongue was cut off by Mouse’s sharp elbow in his side.

“We just need to go back,” he said.

“Fine with me!” Skye said.

“No!” Bin Bin and Rai said at the same time.

Bear and Mouse raised an eyebrow, “Why not, little lady?” Bear asked.

“They need help,” Bin Bin said. “They’re starving and running out of resources. There has to be something we can do, and I’m not leaving till I discover it.”

Bear and Mouse sighed, “Little lady…” Bear began.

“I won’t!” Bin Bin snapped and placed her foot on the ground fro good measure. “And don’t tell anyone about them, or he’ll,” she glared at Skye, “run away.”

Bear and Mouse exchanged a glance and nodded. “If we help you,” Mouse said. “When we discover something, will you come back with us?”

Bin Bin and Data nodded, “Yes,” they answered at the same time.

Rai giggled, “Yay! More friends!” she cheered.

Skye sighed but decided to keep his comments to himself for the time being.


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yey... the ideas keep coming. Next part is about Megami and her sister's betrayal. It sets forth the motion needed to finish the book. Or the climax XD
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[Midnight]

Well...

For some reason I see some sort of devious undertones in Bear and Mouse's agreement to work with the main protagonists. Although they seem to be a tad mentally underdeveloped, they seem to have some sort of devious, cunning aura about them. Beyond that, it turned out to be another nicely written chapter.

I am intrigued with your next chapter, as it seems that the antagonists are under the lens, now.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[Neko]

Megami laced her fingers together and sighed heavily. “Oh dear,” she said softly. “Where are they? I sent Bear and Mouse out ages ago, why aren’t they back yet?” A hard rap on her door interrupted her thoughts as she pondered that befell her soldiers. “Yes?” she called out.

Her sister came in to her office, looking very smug. “Hello, sister dear,” she said with a rather nasty looking grin.

The way she looked set Megami’s nerves on edge. She knew something was wrong even though she had no idea what that may have been. “Dea, what do you want?” she asked.

Dea’s grin widened a little more over her face. “I’ve come to take over the office of president,” she said in a low voice.

“What?” Megami snapped. “What are you talking about, Dea?”

Dea started to laugh, “For three years I’ve lived in your shadow and you never even suspected that I was going to pull this. I have over 50% of the army behind me, big sister. You can’t win.”

Megami stood up, the force knocking her chair over behind her. “I don’t understand,” she said.

It was exactly what Dea wanted to hear and Megami knew it. “Of course you don’t. You live here in your pretty little office not caring about anything that goes on around you. All you see are slips of paper that require your name, you don’t actually know anyone in your little ring of people. I can’t believe you didn’t see this coming.”

Megami gritted her teeth, in truth she had known this was coming for a long time but she just wasn’t expecting it to be so soon. She thought she had more time to plan out something, but now she was going to have to rely on her wit to get herself out of this. “The disappearance of those Program children,” she gasped.

“Oh that was convenient,” Dea said with a smirk. “Did you know that their disappearance has sparked a mass movement of paranoia? There are rumors going around right as we speak, everything from Re-Programs to those saying that the humans are back.” Dea snorted, “However I’m more interested in pulling myself up at this point. Look at you, you’re the elected ruler of this whole world and you didn’t even know your own cabinet was plotting against you.”

‘I wouldn’t be so sure of that,’ Megami thought bitterly. “Fine,” she said out loud. “What do you plan to do next?”

“I plan to take over this pathetic world,” Dea said with a grin.

“That’s it!” Megami screeched.

“That ALWAYS been it,” Dea retorted. “It’s always been about power, influence and the ability to control the lives of others, hasn’t it?”

Megami clenched her fists until they shook, “So you’re going to throw Utopia in chaos just so you can have power?” she asked her in a tight voice.

Dea smirked and twirled a lock of her hair around her finger, “Who knows?” she asked in a fake cutesy voice.

Megami glared daggers at her sister, “So what will you do with me?”

Dea’s gaze softened for a second then became un-readable. “I will give you 24 hours to run,” she hissed. She walked across the room and leaned in over the desk until her face was mere inches away from Megami’s face. “Since you are my sister, I will let you run. Then I will come after you with everything I have. I suggest you get out now.”

Megami gaped at her little sister. She had known for months that betrayal was immanent but she never suspected the depth of the hatred that Dea obviously felt for her. Finally she closed her mouth and with as much grace as she could muster she walked across the plush carpet to the open door. For a second she hovered in the doorway with her back still facing Dea and said, “I really hope you know what you are doing, little sister,” then she was gone.

Dea snorted and picked up the chair that Megami had knocked over in her shock. “You under estimate me, sister,” she spat at the now empty doorway. “I can rule, and I will. I will prove to you all of what I am capable of.”

“That you will, my dear,” a silky voice said.

Dea swirled around in her chair to see Dr. Binary giving her a small grin. “Ah, so you finally come when it’s safe,” she smirked. “Like a mouse coming out of its hole.”

“You belittle me,” he said sharply.

“I belittle no one,” Dea snapped. “I came up with this plan and I carried it out. This was all my doing.”

“But it was my plan,” Dr. Binary reminded her.

Dea ground her teeth together. “Be that as it may, I was the one who took the necessary risks of taking over the office.”

“I didn’t expect you to let your sister live,” Dr. Binary said. “Are you sure she won’t interfere with our plan?”

Dea scoffed, “Now whose belittling whom?” she asked. “I know exactly what I’m doing, Doctor,” she said condescendingly. “It looks like you’ll just have to trust me, doesn’t it?”

Dr. Binary’s lips formed a tight grin. “We’ll see my dear. We’ll see.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Next part... ugh... can't breathe @_@
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[Midnight]

Hmm. Very nice.

Well...this usurpation of power certainly went off rather quietly. Somehow I expected there to be a little more of a struggle, but then again, that could just be the influence of the movies that I watch occasionally...

Otherwise...I really don't have any other comments.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3