Poem for School

Haly K · Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 7:24 pm Post subject: Poem for School

Yeah, a poem I wrote for school. It's free verse, so it's ok that it dosen't rhyme. :] ( I'm not good with rhyming anyways. -_-; )

Sorrow
By: Haly K
DO NOT COPY THIS POEM!!! :grr:

Sorrow is the darkness within a heart.
The memory of a long lost loved one
Is enough to awaken that darkness
That darkness within a lonely heart.

Its great, dark arms wrap around you,
Choking you with painful memories
Bitter-tasting memories.
Suffocating you with its moldy smell
Its vile, evil smell.

You can hear gentle weeping
That has been done in the past.
Its touch is poisoned waters
Making skin crawl like a scarab.
A scarab across the Arabian sands.

It is the death of life
If one is consumed by it,
But things will be much better tomorrow
As long as you’re not devoured by sorrow.

*****

Yeah, it's a dark poem. I read Edgar Allan Poe poems/stories too much, that's why. Laughing

I'll post another poem I did here later.
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CrossFusionStarman · Posted: Sun Oct 16, 2005 7:27 pm Post subject:

Wow, it was very beautiful. Don't worry about it being dark, that made it all the better. Seriously, this was great. 10/10. Great job, Haly K!
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Haly K · Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 7:48 am Post subject:

Neh, thank you CFS! :] Here's another one: ( WARNING! Terrible rhyming ahead!! :O )

Shadows of the Night

Out of the Darkness
The Shadows leap
Upon their prey
For theirs to keep

Their only joy is
the terrible moan
of their prey
As they crunch on their bones

After feeding on
their victim's sorrow
They lie in wait
for the prey of tomorrow

*****

Like I said, I'm not good at rhyming. x.x; I used 'prey' too much, can anyone think of another word that means the same as 'prey'? Confused

( BTW, I wrote this one back when I was in 6th grade. :O )
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My Own City

CrossFusionStarman · Posted: Mon Oct 17, 2005 1:31 pm Post subject:

Hmm...well, it's good but you're indeed right, you used prey too much. I can't think of any other words for prey other than victim, but maybe this would work: Instead of "They lie in wait for the prey of tomorrow," try replacing prey with kill so it reads "They lie in wait for the kill of tomorrow." Hope that helps. Either way, another great poem.
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