View previous topic :: View next topic |
Author |
Message |
Nenji Nenjiro ja ne!
Age: 37 Joined: 03 Oct 2005 Posts: 1535 Location: South...of the North Pole!
|
Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 8:07 am Post subject: Rockman EXE: Aftermath-5 ~Axess/Stream/Game Spoilers, PG-13~ |
|
|
Eh, I can't draw well enough to turn the idea into a Manga yet, and I really like it so I'll do a Fan Fic, but it's my first people so don't be too harsh please.
Okay, without further ado:
Rockman EXE: Aftermath
Chapter One: Dark Sama
-------
The room was illuminated by a single monitor, in front of which a man in his late teen years and possibly even entering his twenties sat. In the dim light one could tell he did not make much effort to grooming himself. His hair was unruly and unkempt and his clothes, if one could smell them would have smelt in desperate need of a wash.
He was typing a code very feverously, next to him was an older model PET. It was still quite functional, save for the fact it had no Net Navi assigned to it. The symbol was too shadowed to make out though.
Abruptly the young man finished typing.
"Is it time now?"
The screen flickered for a second, with a very evil grin showing in the split second.
"Yes, Netto-kun, it's time."
"Finally, we'll be together....Rockman."
-------
Next morning Netto woke up, picked up a change of clothes and finally stepped out of his room. He managed to catch the tail end of his answering machine.
"...please just talk to me Netto! I'm really worried about you, you haven't spoken to me in weeks. I know you're upset about...that...but if you talk about it..."
"This machine has run out of memory, you have 100 missed calls, clearing missed calls, now."
Netto looked crestfallen, but went and had his shower. It was a cold shower too since the Heating System for the water had been invaded by viruses a while ago and become inoperative. Feeling cold and slightly more awake he dressed himself, making a careful note to turn his Bandana inside out as not to show the Symbol.
-------
"Hikari Netto, this is most irregular! While this work is no doubt a perfect grade, we encourage our students to wait until the date of the exam before they sit it." The Principal of the college Netto attended was bright faced from a combination of indignation and disbelief. "I understand sir, but you said I got a perfect grade, so why get so flustered about it?" Netto replied, mostly seriously but with a grain of amusement from the fat man's indignation. "I will have to speak to the College Board about this, but I see no point in detaining you further, you may leave now." The Principal turned as he dismissed Netto, but noticed the PET in the young man's back pocket. ~That's an old model~ he thought to himself, without realising that Netto had never before brought a PET on campus.
-------
"Meijin! Dimensional Area!" Netto called into the PET. He'd had to look up the number from the archives since he had no Net Navi to organise the data for him. "Netto, is that you?" a rather surprised Meijin replied, he'd aged reasonably well, but still sported the same glasses as he used to. "You know that you haven't been a Net Saviour for several years now, plus you don't have a Net Navi to Cross Fuse with." Meijin added, with a deal of confusion.
"Oh doesn’t he?" a sinister voice asked, from the terminal next to Meijin. Suddenly, the doors to the room shut sealing the astonished Meijin in.
"Hikari Netto what do you think you are doing!?!"
"A little, research shall we say?"
"With HIM?"
"I need to access the core data that you kept hidden from me!"
"You KNOW why that was kept from you!"
"I also know a great deal of other things now too, once I hacked Sci Lab's mainframe I learned of where you kept the core data. Now, I have come to retrieve it"
"Oh Netto-kun, the way is clear now." an evil sing song voice rang out over the PA system.
"Our time is up Meijin, do not try to stop me, your skills are no longer any match for me." Netto told the scientist coolly and closed the call. He ran through the now unguarded Sci Lab until he reached the room which housed the data he sought. Using the manual transfer protocol he downloaded the entire contents of the High Security Mainframe, a Mainframe so secure only the head Researcher could access it, into the PET he carried.
-------
Netto had almost reached his exit when the walls began to discolour and an all too familiar hexagonal pattern appeared.
"On behalf of the Net Saviours, you are under arrest. Hikari Netto!" A voice called from behind him. Netto turned around and laughed quietly.
"We meet again, I did not expect you to reach me this soon however."
"Meijin told me what happened and I accessed the Dimensional Area Generators. How could you do this Netto!?!" the girl cried out, tears running down her cheeks.
"You'll understand Meiru-chan, I'll be reunited with him soon...soon, I will hear his voice again, see his face..."
"That's impossible and you know it! Stop chasing false dreams!"
Netto frowned, he had expected Meiru to understand and let him passed.
"It is unfortunate that you do not understand, however I am not ill prepared. I assume you mean to Cross Fuse?"
"You have no Net Navi, you cannot defeat me when I become Roll."
"Ah, but how did I disable the security remotely then?"
Meiru frowned, she had wondered this but hadn't had time to consider the matter fully.
"I assisted him." spoke the same evil voice that Meijin had heard.
"Dark...Rockman?!?"
Meiru pulled out her Synchro Chip and Netto pulled out a Dark Synchro Chip.
"How did you get that?" Meiru cried in surprise.
"I, acquired it from the storehouse."
"SYNCHRO CHIP IN! CROSS FUSION!"
R Roll and R Dark Rockman stepped out of the light.
"Battle Chip, Zap Ring slot in!" cried R Roll, hoping to paralyse the rogue Netto. However, R Dark Rockman merely sighed and began to overflow with Dark Energy.
"Dark Tornado!", and with that R Roll was sent flying back along with her Zap Ring which made contact.
"Oh and I decided to borrow your prototype portable Generator." called out R Dark Rockman. Carrying the small generator he vanished into darkness.
"Dark Invis!"
-------
Meanwhile in the deep depths of the Ura Net something stirred. A small blue Navi began to wake up, but there was something terribly wrong with him. He had no Symbol or pupils, casting him with a rather soulless appearance.
"Net..to-k...kun"
-------
Preview for Chapter 2: Revival of the Darkloids, Neo Nebula
"Hikari Netto..."
"DON'T call me that!"
"Dark...sama, we are ready to attack the Net Saviours and Net Police"
"Good, they will never realise my plan until too late..."
"It's early days, but no-one can stop me know"
And, what of the mysterious Rockman in the Ura Net?
--------
Okay, feel free to comment, advice, criticism or ideas if you like. Most of all I hope you enjoy the story. _________________
Previously known as "HiKaizer"
Last edited by Nenji on Fri Feb 17, 2006 9:16 am; edited 3 times in total |
|
Back to top |
|
|
LgacyDX banned onoes :<
Joined: 13 Aug 2005 Posts: 485 Location: New York, USA
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
Darth Osiris Net Official
Joined: 04 Aug 2005 Posts: 351 Location: Where do you think?
|
Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 6:50 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I'm sorry, man, but the whole "Netto goes insane" thing has been done before. Nevertheless, I find your take much darker. Good job. _________________
God, that's such an awesome line.
"Zatch Bell Gaiden" Chapter 1.
Accepting fan Mamodos, PM me. |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
|
Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 7:23 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Damn. This was certainly a thrilling read, and marginally better than the first works I've seen by many of the other authors in this section.
For a first work, this is certainly quite good. The theme may have been explored by many a writer before, but what theme hasn't? Anyway...this take is good. The character development is quite excellent in this chapter, and the action seems rather unbleached, which adds to its flavor.
The only thing that I am concerned about is the "backstory" behind the events of this fic, and I hope that you eventually set aside some time in this fic to explore the past before this alternate timeline and show Netto's fall from grace. Other than that, this is a superior read. Great job. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Neko Queen of Fluff
Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 1217 Location: The computer
|
Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 7:27 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Good but....
When a new person talks, start a new paragraph. It's a grammar rule.
Still, kickass beginning, although I would like to see more backstory, although I bet that was coming along, ne? _________________ Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you.
Avatar, credit Yakitate@devart |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Nenji Nenjiro ja ne!
Age: 37 Joined: 03 Oct 2005 Posts: 1535 Location: South...of the North Pole!
|
Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 7:41 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Oh I am aware it's been done before, the whole insane Netto thing, but I hope my take is different. Aside from that a good writer never gives away everything at the start, if you want to know what happens, you'll have to read the next chapter. _________________
Previously known as "HiKaizer" |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
|
Posted: Wed Nov 02, 2005 8:29 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Alright, first of all, some Moderator work:
Please make sure you label your work properly. "Adult themes" is a rather misleading for a warning. I'd suggest you to label it as PG-13 if the content includes cussing, cursing, and violence/gore.
Also, please mark possible spoilers in your topic as well. Remember that not everyone has seen all of Stream/Axess.
------------------------------------
Now, onto the review. While the topic has been considered a few times, doesn't mean it can't be the basis for a new fanfic. The issue, however is when things seem to lack a 'background'.
I understand you might be having the 'let's start for the 'middle' and work the background and progression in further chapters'. However, there's certain times when that doesn't completely work. I'm not sure wether it works here or not, but I admit, having more than a few hints of background would prepare the reader a bit better for what's to come.
Its a good start nonetheless, but things feel somewhat rushed and that Meiru was thrown in there without much real justification.
Aside from those little gripes, I think it's shaping up to be an interesting fanfic. But I'd suggest you to try to distinguish when a character is talking. It makes it very confuse. _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon." |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Nenji Nenjiro ja ne!
Age: 37 Joined: 03 Oct 2005 Posts: 1535 Location: South...of the North Pole!
|
Posted: Thu Nov 03, 2005 4:52 am Post subject: |
|
|
Okay, with all this advice I'm inspired to write the next Chapter and I'll try and keep in mind what people have said.
------
Rockman EXE: Aftermath
Chapter 2: Revival of the Darkloids, Neo Nebula
------
"Hikari Netto..." called out the prostrated Navi.
"DON'T call me that!" snapped the shadowed figure in the chair. He shifted in the large furniture piece as he hadn't expected it to be this uncomfortable.
"Dark...sama, we are ready to attack the Net Saviours and Net Police" the Navi came again, nervously but doing his best to sound confident
"Good, they will never realise my plan until too late." The figure came again, standing up as he said the words. "Take these chips, they will give you an edge against those using Cross Fusion." and with that the short figure held out some sinister chips.
"Dark Chips? Won't they degrade our data?" the figure replied with visible fear.
"You've been deleted so many time now Beastman, I couldn't possibly care. If you fail, you'll die more painfully than you can imagine." Dark Sama said. "Now go, but don't forget to share those with your...friends" he said, with a particular bite of bitterness in voice on the final word.
"No one can stop me now" the figure said as Beastman logged out. "Not even you…
… Netto-kun"
------
"No, he's always been strange during his time here but hasn't done anything malicious before" the College's Principal said nervously, writhing under the gaze of the young man. There pair were Net Saviours as they had already informed him, but were younger than he expected. The first one had white and black hair. The other was a young lady with a distinctive broach in her hair.
"As I am sure you are aware we have the authority to check over your video surveilance records" the young man said seriously. "We need to continue our background checks into the matter before we can continue the case. Most of the trouble seems to have begun close to the time Hikari Netto entered college."
The Principal was quite nervous now. Indignantly he shouted “This institute has a very long tradition of excellence and standard! We did not teach that man anything unlawful here, in fact we didn’t teach him anything at all! He turned up for classes with the terms work finished!”
"Enzan, I think that's enough." the girl said to him. "The principal doesn't have time to deal with all his students personally, we'd be better off talking to the teachers and other students."
"But, there is one thing" the Principal added, "His last examination is quite odd. He handed it in early which is irregular enough but...the programming is incredible". He handed the sheets of paper to Enzan. His hand tightened after quickly flitting through the exam.
"Meiru...it's the basic code for the Security System at Sci Lab." Enzan said, dumb struck.
------
Once again Netto was shut in a small room, working in front of his monitor. The door opened and another Netto walked in, his face opening into a wicked grin.
"How is it going Netto-kun?" he asked.
"Oh...Rockman, it's you..." Netto said distracted, not taking his eyes off the monitor. The other Netto blurred, slowly taking on the appearance of the Dark Navi.
"Have you found it yet?" Dark Rockman asked.
"No, the Core has a powerful encryption...my Grandfather was… certainly a genius to be sure" Netto replied.
"I have sent the Darkloids out to search for the next component. No doubt they will fail at the task miserably, even using the Dark Chips" the Navi said with much scorn.
"Why send them out then?" Netto asked, puzzled. He turned around on his chair and stood up.
"Because you and I have work to do" the small Navi replied, grinning evily.
“Work…” Netto’s face went blank.
“Yes, we have to find Rockman, my dear Netto-kun” the Navi said, his eye’s glinting with malicious intent.
------
"Enzan-sama, incoming call, it's the Net Saviours" Blues called out from the table where he'd been looking at video logs.
"Alright, put me trough" said Enzan. Meiru sat down next to Enzan as his PET brought up a holographic image of Manabe.
Manabe looked very grim as she spoke, "We have a Dimensional Area in downtown Akihara. Somehow they have located the second part of the Core Data. We need you to get to the scene immediately to back up Nenji and Tesla."
"What about the other Net Saviours who can Cross Fuse?" asked Meiru
"Either in their home countries or unable to get there in time, now you need to hurry." Manabe said and finished the call.
"We'd better hurry then...why is Netto doing this?" Enzan said...puzzled and saddened by his friend's actions.
------
Meanwhile, Tesla and Nenji were in trouble as they were outnumbered two to one.
R Napalm: "Heat Shot, Heat V, Heat Side, Slot in! Program Advance! Heat Spreader!"
R Magnet: "Magnet Line, Elemental Rage, Double Slot in!"
However, Beastman simply evaded the Heat Spreader, while Drillman went into Drill Mode and began to cut through the heat blast until he contacted with R Napalm. Beastman followed up, slashing the Cross Fused Navi viciously, R Napalm just managed to block in time but was forced back into a wall.
R Magnet did not fare much better. Plantman used Dark Invis and snuck behind her while she was distracted by Desertman. Plantman trapped her in his vines and began to leech her energy and while she was immobilised Desertman used a Lionhead attack.
Both Net Saviours were running out of energy, if they ended Cross Fusion at this point they would die. However, at that moment a blinding light lit the area and revealed R Blues and R Roll.
R Roll: "Super Kitakaze, Wind, Tornado, Triple Slot in"
R Blues: "Airboom Sword!"
Drillman and Beastman were blown back by R Roll's heavy gust, while R Napalm used his weight to withstand the gale force winds. R Blue's Airboom cut through Plantman's vines freeing R Magnet, who jumped back. The four Net Saviours got ready to counter attack when suddenly Netto stepped out of the shadows.
“That's enough Darkloids, we have captured the Server in which our goal is stored” He yelled to the Navis.
"Netto?!?” exclaimed the four Net Saviours in unison.
"I told you, I will get him back...I must get him back!" Netto cried out.
"Rockman was deleted…you can't do anything about it Netto, he's GONE!" R Blues yelled at Netto.
"You may have replaced me with Meiru as a Net Saviour, but you can't replace Rockman!" Netto cried out, his face livid with rage. "You didn't even try to help him! You just watched as we were..." suddenly Netto's face went blank. Dark Rockman walked out from behind him and grinned.
"I think it's time we left, Netto-kun" he said gently.
"Rock...man?" Netto said, still blank faced.
"ROLL ARROW!" R Roll yelled out, firing at the small Navi. Beastman dashed to block his master from the shot. "Roll Arrow, Roll Arrow, ROLL ARROW!" R Roll continued to scream, repeatedly firing at Beastman, until he reached critical damage and was deleted.
However, the others had left, and the Dimensional Area deactivated, leaving the Net Saviours to deal with their wounded.
------
And in the Ura Net the little Blue Navi slowly walked along, until he encountered a group of sinister looking Navis.
"Look kid, beat it or else." one said to the small Navi, grinning savagely. To which the Blue Navi shoved his hand through the other Navi's chest, slowly absorbing his Symbol until it appeared on his blank one.
A small time later the Navis were deleted leaving only the Blue Navi standing.
“I will find you…Hikari Netto”
-------
Preview for Chapter 3: Net Saviours regroup!
“What are you saying!” Meiru cried out to the man from Sharo.
“If we encounter Netto again, we may have to terminate him.” Laika replied, coldly and without emotion.
“That’s enough Laika” Enzan said sharply, “We have not killed anyone before and I do not plan on starting any time soon.”
“We should be able to capture him if we work together.” Charlie added, sneaking a look at Miyabi and Yuriko.
“And if we can’t?” asked Miyabi even more coldly than Laika. “Are you prepared to let Netto revive the Beast? After it nearly beat us last time?”
“I have faith in Netto” said Meiru, but without confidence
-------- _________________
Previously known as "HiKaizer" |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Kitty-Chan Net Police
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 438 Location: Massillon, Ohio, USA
|
Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 8:55 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Interesting; it's a little choppy, but it has promise. _________________ Need more Zero/X, Netto/Rock, Rock/Netto, Forte/Netto, & Blues/Netto. PLEASE!
Ano sa...could someone please make me a Zero/X, Blues/Netto, or Forte/Netto avatar/banner? I would greatly appreciate it...
Thanks for the avatar, Mandi!
People! We need more Blues/Netto & Forte/Netto on the net. Come on; help me out here! *gives everyone her Super-Adorable Irrisistable Sad Kitty Eyes(TM)* |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Flame Buster FLAMBE
Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 843 Location: hard to tell, I keep moving
|
Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:06 pm Post subject: |
|
|
HiKaizer wrote: |
R Blues: "Airboom Sword!" |
What is an airboom sword? Are you referring to Sonic Boom?
errr, when did Rockman die? Or are you making some kind of Foreshadowing? _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
Nenji Nenjiro ja ne!
Age: 37 Joined: 03 Oct 2005 Posts: 1535 Location: South...of the North Pole!
|
Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 9:45 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Yeah, I'll get confused on some names, but don't worry. If I finish it I'll go through and correct such naming errors and all that.
And yes, there is a LOT of foreshadowing. The fic is loosely based on sections of the game and sections of the Anime. There will probably be continuity issues as well, so for the best read treat it as a stand alone universe that loosely ties into the Canon ones. _________________
Previously known as "HiKaizer" |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Flame Buster FLAMBE
Joined: 05 Jun 2005 Posts: 843 Location: hard to tell, I keep moving
|
Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 9:53 am Post subject: |
|
|
Okay. Well, it was a good read, there are some points that needed a little detail such as when R-Roll fired her Roll arrow.
8/10 _________________
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
LgacyDX banned onoes :<
Joined: 13 Aug 2005 Posts: 485 Location: New York, USA
|
|
Back to top |
|
|
Yami Jay
Joined: 06 Nov 2005 Posts: 39 Location: Canada
|
Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 2:16 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I have to say ti's very interesting. But I agree with some of them: what happen to get Rockman deleted? It would make some sense if we knew this part of the story. _________________ ~Yami Jay~ |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
|
Posted: Tue Nov 08, 2005 2:28 pm Post subject: |
|
|
As much as the concept is good, it still is a bit choppy. In fact, the plot itself seems to be a touch disjointed. A lot of it seems to not have any reason to exist...yet. There are still some problems with the grammar and the way the dialogue was set up, and the characters that you bring in seemed to serve no purpose than to just get the snot beaten out of them until the cavalry showed up. Other than that, it turned out well. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
|
Back to top |
|
|
YaminoMiko Rabid Roxas Fan
Age: 33 Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 701 Location: California
|
Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 6:34 pm Post subject: |
|
|
I agree with most people here. Choppy but still good. BTW... How the heck did Rockman get deleted in the first place? _________________
I wanna sleep, but I don't wanna sleep at the same time. @_@.
Repetition(RnREXE) |
|
Back to top |
|
|
RollSoul Net Savior
Joined: 11 May 2005 Posts: 168 Location: Under your bed. O.o
|
Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 7:35 pm Post subject: O.o |
|
|
Great story i swear i've heard something JUST like this beforeI dont know where tho. _________________
NOTICE: This user no longer uses this account, they made a new account cuz they dont like the name of their account anymore =3 |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Nenji Nenjiro ja ne!
Age: 37 Joined: 03 Oct 2005 Posts: 1535 Location: South...of the North Pole!
|
Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:48 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Well, now that I've finished my Exams I'm working on Chapter 3, as I said this is my first Fan Fic so it's a learning process for me in a sense, but I believe that the story will fit together soon.
And yes, I did bring back the Dark Loids just to be fodder, but that's the point, it's to illustrate Dark Rock's personality. _________________
Previously known as "HiKaizer" |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Nenji Nenjiro ja ne!
Age: 37 Joined: 03 Oct 2005 Posts: 1535 Location: South...of the North Pole!
|
Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 6:39 am Post subject: |
|
|
Chapter 3: Net Saviours regroup!
Security Alarms went off in a cacophonous unity, screens flashed and warnings displayed wherever possible. The entire climate of the facility changed in an instant, from the relaxed casualness it normally was, to a precise and professional air.
“Status Report” barked a silver and black haired man, walking in calmly looking at the men and women at the work stations.
“Intruder in section 4, we have yet to attain a visual confirmation.” A stout woman replied, and then putting on a brave face she added “Ijuin-Sama, we believe that they’re after the Battle Chip Gate.”
“I’m not surprised, all things considered I’m surprised it hasn’t been targeted earlier, but who’s the culprit I wonder…” Enzan mused. “Initiate a Dimensional Area, I’ll handle this myself.” Enzan got up, his hair waving as he strode quickly out of the room.
He ran down the corridor, went through a door and stopped momentarily at the site of the wall next to him. There was a great hole in the wall, which had been built to withstand almost all know conventional explosives. Now he knew who was behind the intrusion, he had to hurry before it was too late.
Enzan reached the room where the Battle Chip Gate was stored. Upon entering he whispered into his microphone “Now!” upon which the room sealed itself.
“There was no point in whispering Enzan; we could hear you perfectly clearly. Aside from that the room didn’t seal itself in a very subtle way either.” R Dark Rock languidly walked out from the shadows, carrying the Battle Chip Gate.
“Why do you need that?” Enzan asked carefully, not wanting to sound too curious. “You can already use Dark Chips freely, of what use are regular Battle Chips to you?”
“Oh, we have reasons” R Dark Rock replied, “But, it will give us a little bit more flexibility in Battle against you and your friends. While we may not have any difficulties dealing with you, we can hardly expect the Darkloids to be competent now can we?” said the pair, continuing to walk sinisterly to Enzan.
“CROSS FUSION!” Enzan yelled out, engulfing the room in light before becoming one with his Navi. “It won’t help you here!” he yelled out.
R Blues: “Battle Chip, Long Blade, Slot in!”
R Blues lunged forward at R Dark Rock, who jumped back into the shadows. Then he proceeded to blend in with the shadows.
R Blues: “Battle Chip, Blinder, Slot in!”
The room was engulfed in light revealing R Dark Rock sitting atop of a very evil looking Trumpy virus. Suddenly, the virus began to play its tune, which paralyzed R Blues with it’s inaudible but painful sound.
“You can’t stop us with that level of power” said R Dark Rock, nonchalantly walking up to R Blues. He patted him on the shoulder, and walked to the wall. After examining a few points he used another Dark Chip which turned his arm into a huge Drill, which penetrated the bulkheads as if they were paper.
“Wait!” R Blues shouted out feebly as the Trumpy virus ended its song. But Netto had escaped again, making a fool of him in the process.
Meanwhile in the Ura Net, a small blue Navi kept on walking. Heading towards that light, which although too distant to see, he could feel…the only thing that he could feel. He had to reach that light, and nothing was going to get in his way.
“It’s been awhile since we were all together, hasn’t it?” Charlie said light heatedly. The original group that had traveled back in time to confront Duo and to save the world were all here, minus two. Barrel had of course, died many years ago and they were reluctant to use the Spectral Program and Time Tunnel more than they had to. Netto too was missing, but for obvious reasons.
“I wish it was in more pleasant circumstances.” Enzan said formally. “As you understand, we cannot perform this operation under the jurisdiction of normal Net Saviors, which is why I asked you all here.” Only barely into his twenties and Enzan’s face was already being etched into that of a competent commander. He looked impassively at the people there and spoke again; “If you join me in this, you will most likely face heavy repercussions.”
“When Netto is involved when do we do anything by the book?” said Yuriko almost grinning. “We at least owe him something, especially after what happened with Proto…”
The room was silent for a moment, so Enzan spoke again. “Anyone who doesn’t wish to join me may leave now.”
No one moved. So Laika spoke this time “How far are we going to go to save Netto though?” he mused, “If he tries to resurrect Proto we will have to stop him and if it comes to it, with force”
“What are you saying!” Meiru cried out to the man from Sharo.
“If we encounter Netto again, we may have to terminate him.” Laika replied, coldly and without emotion.
“That’s enough Laika” Enzan said sharply, “We have not killed anyone before and I do not plan on starting any time soon.”
“We should be able to capture him if we work together.” Charlie added, sneaking a look at Miyabi and Yuriko.
“And if we can’t?” asked Miyabi even more coldly than Laika. “Are you prepared to let Netto revive the Beast? After it nearly beat us last time?”
“I have faith in Netto” said Meiru, but without confidence.
“Netto’s behaviour was very strange when we fought the Darkloids” Nenji interjected. “Especially when he talked about the battle with Proto, he seemed to go blank at the memory.”
Dingo turned around startled looking at Nenji. “What do you mean blank?”
Tesla answered him this time. “His face seemed to lose all emotion, and then Dark Rockman began to manipulate him”. Yuriko looked up at the mention of Dark Rockman, but turned her attention back to her PET.
“What concerns me is the way they talk about Rockman” said Jasmine. “We saw him being deleted in the final battle in Proto, and his residue data being devoured too…how can they revive him?” she said, sounding confused and worried.
At that moment Enzan’s PET started beeping, alerting him to an incoming call. “Pull up the call please Blues” Enzan said, motioning the others to leave the room.
“Off course Enzan” Blues replied, co-ordinating the Hologram of Manabe so that Enzan could talk.
“Kifune is not happy with you Ijuin Enzan” she said sternly. “Just because you have different views about the matter does not give you the right to become a vigilante.”
“Is this the only reason for the call? I’m really quite busy and must attend to matters unless this is urgent” Enzan replied tersely, barely letting Manabe finish before he started.
“No, I’m calling to let you know that Netto is attacking a manufacturer of chips and parts as we speak. So unless you want Kifune to REALLY arrest you, go and do your job!” she said and cut the call.
“She’s sent us the address Enzan” Blues said before continuing, “So, what do we do now?”
“We’ll all go, it’s time to talk to Netto I think.” Enzan said, rising from his chair.
In the last few years, Dimensional Areas were becoming increasingly common. Some malls even had areas where one could talk and play with your Navi face to face. Naturally these had become very popular, but they were also difficult to maintain due to the risk Viruses posed, so Net Police had started to use Cross Fusion to protect areas such as this. So, the Darkloids attacking the warehouse were not having free reign. But, by the time Enzan and the others arrived they were very out matched.
One of the Cross Fused Net Police cried out; “Battle Chip, Mega Cannon, Slot In…what on Earth?” and watched as the Darkloid, a copy of Burnerman used the Mega Cannon against him.
“The fools have no idea that I can steal their Chip Data with this Battle Chip Gate” said Dark Rockman derisively as Netto picked out chips and components he needed. Dark Rockman laughed as the last Net Saviour fell victim to the Darkloids and retreated. However a Helicopter landed at that moment on the roof on top of them, having snuck in while the fighting was going on.
“Synchro Chip, Slot in! CROSS FUSION!” yelled out eleven voices as the light of Cross Fusion burst out from their PETs. They jumped down and engaged the remaining Darkloids. R Napalm and R Gyro took on Brightman, R Shadow and R Tomahawk took Starman, R Medi and R Knight took Burnerman, R Needle and R Roll took on Gravityman, leaving R Blues to deal with Dark Rockman and Netto.
Enzan leapt at Dark Rockman and yelled out; “Battle Chip…” Dark Rockman activated the Battle Chip Gate again just as Enzan finished saying; “Jealousy, Slot in!” This caused Jealousy to loop on itself, overloading the Battle Chip Gate for awhile.
R Napalm: “Iron Body, Slot in! Vulcan, Double Slot in! Double Vulcan Arm!”
R Gyro: “Super Kitakaze, Bamboo Lance, Double Slot in!”
R Napalm summoned both Vulcan Arms, before his twin Vulcans kicked in. As R Gyro used his Propellers to give Super Kitakaze a power boost R Napalman used Iron Body, so that he was heavy enough not be affected by the furious wind. Brightman was too busy dodging the barrage of shots from R Napalm to dodge the blast of wind, which sent him flying back against a wall and into the Bamboo Lances. However, the energetic Navi picked himself out and attacked back.
Starman was easily avoiding R Tomahawks attacks, but failed to notice R Shadow behind him, who used his Backstab technique. Starman however jumped on R Shadows sword, jumped into the air and yelled out; “Dark Meteors!” summoning a swarm of shooting stars and sending them hurtling at the two Cross Fused Navis. R Tomahawk jumped around for a few seconds before summoning his totem to protect him, while R Shadow cloned himself with Kawarimi Magic, confusing the hurtling rocks.
R Medi: “Mark Cannon, Paralyse Capsule, Double Slot in!”
R Medi combined the Mark Cannon with a Paralyse Capsule, took aim and attacked with the modified Mark Cannon, paralysing him in mid attack.
R Knight: “Royal Wrecking Ball!”
R Knight’s mace sent Burnerman flying backwards, but reversed himself and used the force to speed himself up, hurtling at R Knight.
“Stone Body!” cried out R Knight, protecting herself in just the nick of time. However, Gravityman suddenly used “GRAVITY DRIVER!” causing all the Cross Fused Ops to kneel, struggling against the force of Gravity.
“Are you done yet Netto-kun?” called out Dark Rockman into the warehouse; he was answered by Netto walking out, with two plastic bags full of equipment. Netto was looking blank faced again as Dark Rockman handed him the Battle Chip Gate. “Be a dear and fix it Netto-kun” he said, with pitiless mirth.
“Off course, Rockman” Netto murmured back.
“Please stop Netto!” R Roll cried out, causing Netto to look up for a moment.
“I must…must find Rockman…before it’s too late” he murmured again. He pressed a sequence of buttons and the Battle Chip Gate unfroze.
“If you would do the honours then?” Dark Rockman said inviting to Netto. Netto pressed another sequence of buttons and the Darkloids, except for Gravityman who was still pinning everyone down with Gravity Driver, raised their hands in unison.
Netto: “Program Advance! Hi Cannon, Triple Slot in! Giga Can-”
Netto collapsed suddenly, and the Program Advance was left incomplete. Just as suddenly Netto spasmed, sat up and cried out “ROOOCCCKKMMAANNN!!!” However, Dark Rockman gabbed him, and kicked him in the stomach, winding him and sending Netto back into unconsciousness.
“Darkloids! Pick up those bags, we’re leaving” said Dark Rockman, picking up the Battle Chip Gate and slotting in a Hole Chip.”
Enzan jumped up however as soon as Gravityman released a hold of them, charging at Dark Rockman.
R Blues: “Battle Chip in, Murmasa! SLOT IN!”
Dark Rockman turned around smiling, countering with a Dark Sword.
R Blues said through gritted teeth, “Just what are you doing with Netto?”
To which, Dark Rockman replied; “I need him to revive Rockman, and when he does, I will destroy Rockman. Then Netto will be all mine, forever!” Dark Rockman jumped back into the hole, which without the Battle Chip Gate to support disappeared.
“Netto…what’s happened to you?” Meiru sad softly to herself, holding back tears that threatened to ruin her composure.
And Enzan thought to himself, “Don’t make me have to hurt you Netto…please don’t leave me without any other choice.”
Preview for next chapter:
"We couldn't have known how the Data Drain from Proto would affect a person while in Cross Fusion" Meijin said, summoning various graphs and diagrams on a display.
"So, Proto didn't just drain Rockman's Data then?" Enzan said shocked.
"No, Netto must have been affected by it too..." Yuuichiro said, his eyes full of grief over his son's misfortune.
Rockman EXE Aftermath: Chapter 4, Of Beasts and Villians _________________
Previously known as "HiKaizer" |
|
Back to top |
|
|
Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
|
Posted: Sun Nov 13, 2005 1:58 pm Post subject: |
|
|
Hmm. I admit that the concept is good, and the writing is done well, but there's still a few nitpicks I have with your style.
The first is that there is a major lack of punctuation when it comes to your interfaces between dialogue and narration. Call me crazy, but proper punctuation is something that should be followed in a piece of writing. Although I perfectly understand what you are trying to say, it is still a bit troubling to see a lack of punctuation. See if you can clear that up.
Another thing is how you actually decide to prsent the dialogue. When you get into dialogue, you convert the story from a narrative-based format to a script-based format. That really is an eye-sore, and it breaks up the continuity of the plot.
One final thing--
HiKaizer wrote: | Enzan leapt at Dark Rockman and yelled out; “Battle Chip…” Dark Rockman activated the Battle Chip Gate again just as Enzan finished saying; “Jealousy, Slot in!” This caused Jealousy to loop on itself, overloading the Battle Chip Gate for awhile. |
This seems a bit ambiguous. Although I commend you on thinking creatively for how Jealousy would work in such a situation, I'm confused. Enzan uses the chip, and the chip would loop on all other chips and cancel them, right? How does Jealousy loop on itself and seemingly deactivate itself? _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
|
Back to top |
|
|
|
|
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
|
Bluetab template design by FF8Jake of FFD
Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group
|