A Netbattler's Guide to the Universe - Semi OT :<

[Nazne]

“I’m not too sure what to expect from this, actually.”
“Don’t expect and yo-”
“Yes, yes, I know, shut up.”
The red Navi blinked at both the bespectacled scientists looking down upon its holographic projector-projected hologram, and wondered what the scientists were arguing about now.
“What are you two arguing about now?”
The above sentence was only included because the author likes being redundant.
“Nothing. Man, I’m dead…I need to go home. My wife’ll decapitate me if I stay out late here again. Let’s work on the data code tomorrow.”
“Fine, let’s-”
And then the sun of the solar system in which the planet of the two scientists was located abruptly supernovaed, instantly turning the planet into a few scraps of iron and carbon atoms floating about in the midst of a large flamey ball.
What, did you actually expect this to be a plot point?

The red Navi, quite suddenly, found itself in the midst of Wild CYNDAQUIL appeared! Go! Totodile! What will Totodile do? ATK ITM PKMN RUN
“Hold it!” The Navi yelled, just as the little girl who was holding the gameboy gave a squeal of surprise, and coincidentally, the squeal was so loud and so synchronized with the Navi’s protest, that the girl didn’t hear the voice coming out of her gameboy at all.
“OMG WILD CNDAQUL I DUN BELIVE IT!! HAY NATHAN COME SEE!”
The Navi, having had enough, turned tail and ran from the grinning, pixelated picture of a blue stunted crocodile which had appeared before him. In the distance, outside of the network of who knows where, he heard the girl and boy yelling at one another about “wat u lyin” and “no im not it was rite there”. But then he jumped into a convenient plot hole which had just opened up in front of him, and he couldn’t hear any more.

The plot hole opened. He had no idea of the passing of time, but it must have been a long time since the last world, because he felt like an ancient, super-powerful Navi awaking from a long slumber caused by its creators. He had no clue what that was supposed to feel like, but he thought it would have felt just like what he was feeling right now. Minus the ‘super-powerful’ part. In which case he was probably a main character waking from an age-long sleep brought on by an ultimate nemesis who was, at that moment, busy cackling and trying to take over the world.
“Dude. You’re like…the uber final program of that ancient prophesy, aren’t you?”
The Navi looked around. “Who said that?”
“Me, dude. Come with me, and we’ll take over this world together. Or you could choose not to, and I’ll just have to destroy you. Whatever you want, dude.”
“How about…no.” The Navi said, feeling very heroically sarcastic, and dove back into the plot hole, which wasn’t an extremely heroic or sarcastic move, but then again main characters always had to stay alive until the final conflict, and he had a feeling that this wasn’t it. Plus, there weren’t any weak Navis around he had to heroically defend, or sacrifice himself for.

The plot hole didn’t open this time. It was utterly dark, so he decided to sit down and think for a bit. Not that he could even see the ground. For all he could tell, he was probably floating or something. Like a science experiment in a vat of stereotypical green scientific fluid which kept the experiment…afloat? Sterile? Isolated?
He ignored the gleeful random probings of the plot hole and went back to his original line of thought. His original planet had been destroyed in a great big flamey explosion, but apparently a plot hole had teleported him away before his data went boom as well. So now that he was the lone survivor of his kind, he was probably supposed to undergo rigorous training to become an ultimate warrior in order to avenge his species…but it was kind of hard to take revenge on the burnt-out corpse of a formerly large ball of flaming gas. Especially when he had no idea where in the universe it was.
“Oh, to hell with this.” He muttered, ripped a hole in the fabric of the plot hole, stepped out, and was immediately absorbed into the Lifestream of a random planet, where he had fun controlling the lives of that planet’s inhabitants until its sun blew up in another supernova and reduced him to a bit of static in the midst of space.

A few hundred light-years away, human scientists duly noted this bit of new static data in their record books, then promptly forgot about it. A few years later, a plot hole came and ate up their civilization, leaving empty temples, towers, ruins, and lots of ancient super-powerful Navis sleeping in a network which was still floating around somewhere three thousand years later, after a new civilization had developed networking technology.

Netto closed the book with a snap, looking very confused. “A Netbattler’s Guide to the Universe?”
“The name sounds familiar, Netto-kun…” Rockman replied, “But I can’t quite place it.”

You all have permission to shoot me now. >>

-BMA

[Midnight]

Bahaha. Oh dear, I suppose I shall have to read "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" eventually, since I do admit that I have never read the novel nor seen the movie. However, I think I know enough about it to give what I think about it.

It's so..random, and yet so well done at the same time. How the "protagonist" went from realm to realm and encountered things that were stripped down to its satirical frame. And how in the end, it was merely a figment of Netto's imagination.

I liked it. Even if it had not a shred of seriousness, it was still an amusing read. Great work.
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[NotJim]

Plot holes own you, and you know it. XD I was particularly amused by the last two paragraphs of this short story. Nice read for light humour.
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[Mugen.exe]

Great fic, Nazne. I sense a little bit of Terry Pratchet in the fic too, with the line about the static signal being discovered, then promptly forgotten about. Isn't a line like that in "The Color of Magic? I really liked the part about the "Wild Cyndaquil Appears!!" That was awesome! I love the Hitchhikers series. Will you make a sequal? Maybe "So Long, and Thanks for all the Chips," or "The Curry Shop at the End of the Universe"?
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False Swipe is a great finishing move!
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[Kupo.EXE]

I love hitchhikers guide and you copied the writing style flawlessly, I believe I'll wait for the next bits. I enjoyed this quite well.