Ijuuin Enzan: Hellbound (finished?)

Geoff Mendicino

RATED T.

Well, this is my classic FanFiction I created during my days in a Catholic School...

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2099820/1/

I basically made a freakin' book out of the prologue, and that's where I stopped this story.

Despite what it warns, there is no boy/boy stuff in there... Just a warning though, the fiction is pretty realistic in darkness, and there are a number of sad scenes.

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Almost forgot to add this. If you're going to flame because this fiction is 'copied' off of the style of Hikari Enzan, please go {explicit deleted}. Really. I actually took the idea of Enzan, visualized his pre-character, and gave him a reason on why he seemed so distant from others.

Thank you.
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I suck!

YurikoOtaku · Net Agent Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 272

Very nicely done.However,[spoil:ce08dd322a]why did his father rape him[/spoil:ce08dd322a]: OOOOOOO

[spoil:ce08dd322a]And wan't it Shuuseki who killed Lily in the first place using his belt?[/spoil:ce08dd322a]

Geoff Mendicino · Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 5:52 am Post subject:

...Because I think his father's f***ing insane. XD

Thanks for the compliment, BTW. ^_^
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Nazne · Shukei - Hakuteiken Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133

...I'm sorry, but after I read that review I have sworn to God that I won't read any more of this story than I have, ever again. X_____x

-BMA

Lido Azn Girl · Posted: Fri Apr 29, 2005 7:18 pm Post subject:

I think that it's very well done. ^_^ Are you going to continue it?

Geoff Mendicino · Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 3:30 pm Post subject:

Nazne · Shukei - Hakuteiken Joined: 20 Mar 2005 Posts: 1133

I believe the word you were looking for was "wrong". :P

-BMA

Geoff Mendicino · Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 5:42 pm Post subject:

Atreyu · Net Battler Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 87

That's not what she meant. You're a very good writer, but you overdo the angst to the point of painfulness. And this completely butchers Ijuuin's characterization, even if that was your point. There are easier ways to make Enzan's life hard without pulling out a convoluted plot like this. His father hates him, so he rapes him? Not seeing it. He beats his wife to death, and no one gets suspicious? Ain't happening.

Enzan is too strong of a character to be like this. You're good at writing, and you're good at writing this character, but it isn't Enzan. This is an OC pretending to be Enzan, playing it up for the angst. You can do better than that.
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Also known as Atreyu452. Icon credit goes to hobbit_marked on livejournal.com.

I have nothing witty to say here.

Lido Azn Girl · Posted: Sat Apr 30, 2005 11:03 pm Post subject:

Geoff Mendicino · Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 12:42 pm Post subject:

Lido Azn Girl · Posted: Sun May 01, 2005 2:25 pm Post subject:

-.- Eh...no...

Atreyu · Net Battler Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 87

Geoff Mendicino · Posted: Mon May 02, 2005 6:08 am Post subject:

You mean my last work made for my little sister? XDD No worries. I just sped right through that one. I was an idiot for posting it on my site, and, like you said, I should've kept it to myself.

Well, like I said before, I'm probably not going to continue this; due to the fact that I'm busy maintaining my own website, balancing out my families, creating Rockman DDR stepfiles, and just plain school work.

Thank you, again, for the compliment, I could really use it from the great Ateryu.

To be honest, I can't believe I actually got more than 10 reviews... I know I didn't deserve most of them. Probably because I put a gun to the head of my forum members for them to read it... ^^;; Kidding.

And once again, thanks for the words of inspiration. I am sure to bring your suggestions and thoughts into any future works I might compose of. ^_^

-Geoff Mendicino
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