OS/PG: Forte.EXE, The Musical

[Vanilla_Go_Rilla]

Erm...yeah. Take one insecure forum poster, add a bucketload of bargain price Chinese cuisine, a large Diet Pepsi, and a comfy couch. Stir in a radio blasting oldies at full volume, and THIS one-shot fanfic is what you get. Sit back, and witness the horror/humor/insanity behind...

FORTE.EXE: THE MUSICAL
A Vanilla_Go_Rilla Production
All characters in this musical belong to Capcom, Inc.

(We open the curtain on a ground view of a myriad of reflections in a battlefield filled with mirrors. Pan slowly toward the floor, where we see a lone cloaked figure standing eerily. Gazing at the reflections, we can make out the silhouette of the ultimate Net Navi, Forte. He tenderly begins to sing as the background music builds to a soft melody...)

"Your problem's lying in front of you," Shun-chan said to me.
Fighting is so easy if I take it naturally.
It must be more fun if he has to struggle to get free.
There must be eighty ways to kill a Net Navi.

My enemy says, "I've no intention to be rude,
But your fighting techniques and motives are oddly misconstrued."
But I do not care as in the end he will get screwed,
There must be eighty ways to kill a Net Navi.

Stab him in the back, Rock.
Punch his man-jewels, Blues.
Attack him in a swift blur, Slur.
Before he gets his arms free.
Feed him some gruel, thank you Metool.
No need to disguise it much.
It'll take him out clean.

I tell Gospel, "It grieves me so to have you pause again,
I wish you'd infect this network so we can be home by ten."
Gospel barks, "I'd like that too, but would you please explain
About the eighty ways to kill a Net Navi?"

I told him we'd infect another network tonight.
And when all is said and done, our evil plans will go just right.
Then I faced my rival Rockman and at that point I saw the light.
There must be eighty ways to kill a Net Navi!

Send him for a ride, Glyde.
Fill your kill quota, Aqua.
Kick his butt, Guts.
And then the plot will flow.
Feed him some gruel, thank you Metool.
No need to disguise it much.
It'll take him out clean.

(The music fades and we zoom in to show Forte directly. Across from him is Cross Fusion Rockman, knocked out and lying spread-eagled on the floor in one of the less common variants of the double-reverse Windsor position. Suddenly, he gets up and prepares to launch his ultimate attack. The music builds to a fevered pitch of techno, raves, and screams on the far side of manic, as Cross Fusion Rockman bursts into song.)

I am the very model of a Net Battler most powerful,
I can fight with weapons vegetable, animal, and mineral.
I know the virii of England and I pose in tights hysterical,
My battle aura glowing, my expressions diabolical.
I'm well acquainted too, with Battle Chips conventional,
I've memorized attack patterns, both the simple and quadratical.
From Yuuichirou Hikari, with all his lore I've been imbued,
With many cheerful facts about my general bad attitude,
With many cheerful facts about my general bad attitude,
With many cheerful facts about my general bad attitude,
With many cheerful facts about my general bad attitude.
There's silicon, calcium, yttrium, and lithium,
Sodium, uranium, iridium, and strontium,
Boron, actinium, rubi...(STAB! STAB! STAB!)

(Before Cross Fusion Rockman can even finish his first chorus, Forte.EXE stabs him repeatedly with Dark Sword, making a terrible mess on his cloak. The music, which has built to a climax of drums, cymbals, whistles, and conga drums, slows to a more relaxed pace as Forte begins a heartfelt soliloquy.)

I can't get no...satisfaction,
I can't get no....fightin' action,
Cause I try, and I try,
And I try, and I try,
But I can't get no...I can't get no...
Well I've just beat up this guy,
And this human comes and Cross Fuses,
And he's telling me more and more,
About how he likes annihilation,
As if that'll fire my imagination...

I can't get no,
Oh no no NO!
Ah hey hey hey...
That's why I slay...

(Is Forte really a heartless killer? Can Enzan solve the case of his Net Savior partner's defeat? How many corny one-liners and references to certain oldies songs can we possibly fit into this musical? And what about Shuuko Kido? Stay tuned to learn the answers to these questions, and maybe many more you didn't even want to know!)

WHAT THE CRITICS HAVE TO SAY ABOUT FORTE.EXE: THE MUSICAL

"I felt it explored the depths of a Net Navi's spirit the way few subtitled or badly dubbed series do. Forte's cloak representing knowledge, the smashed cockroaches representing an endless quest for power in the universe. Then there is the recurring theme of the Pikachu doll which would have been great if it actually appeared in the musical. Plus, the fudge popsicle scene is worth the price of admission all by itself."

-Random guy I paid $10 to say this

"One of the best films I've seen all hour."

-Rip-off Reviews, Inc.

"A tantalizing treat for all the senses, except smell, taste, and touch."

-Offbeat Medicinal Daily Review
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Better to keep your mouth shut and make people wonder if you are stupid, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

[King Reaper]

don't quit your day job........

[Sigma.exe]

Agreed with King Reaper, Vanilla-san. Even for you, this is slightly off-key. Good attempt, but a little corny.

All aside though...you done pretty good. Witty references to a few oldies songs, and even "I am the very model of a modern Major General. All in all, though, come to think of it, KR didn't state anything specific that was wrong. So don't take that comment too seriously. -.-
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I know the guy who lives next to me. He is a useless, good-for-nothing freeloader who sits in front of his computer all day and does nothing but eat, sleep, and ponder his mundane existence.

...Now why on earth would my neighbor say that about me?!

[Arison-chan]

dot

[Revenant]

Nice 'Major General' themes. That was a bit corny, but it IS a musical, so I like it. I break my thumbs in a extreme thumbs up. That was corny too, but that's not the point. Somewhat catchy ending part. Another note, I think that the mindsets for Forte and R-Rockman were switched...
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Hypothesis: Barrel > You
Conclusion: Godmode on