LightRoll's Fanfic~ LightRoll is Born

LightRoll.ExE

"Maylu, he's too strong!!!", yelled Roll at the top of her lungs.
"Try to counterattack with HeartArrow!" yelled Maylu.

"I can't!!!!!"

" Then I'll have to insert a battlechip, Buster Sword"

"Both of you are pathetic", said Starman.

_ _ _ _ _ _
Roll had been in a fierce battle with Starman in the N1-Grand Prix for about an hour now. She was pretty wiped out, so was Starman, but Starman had enough juice to finish her off,s had been avoiding his attacks for sometime, but she can't keep it up forever.
_ _ _ _ _ _

"CyberSword Battle chip in" yelled Starman's Operator.

Suddenly Roll and Starman disappeared. They were fighting with the last of the strength that they had. They were jumping as fast as lightning, clashing their swords left, right, and any other direction imaginable.
In the blink of an eye, Roll got her arm cut off by her opponent's sword.
Starman was looming over her. She was on the ground yelling in pain.
Starman raised his sword high and was about to make the final blow, but Roll wasn't about to let that happen. She jumped backwords and landed on a metal panel.
_ _ _ _ _ _

"I'll never let you win" yelled the badly damaged Roll.

"Haha. Foolish girl, you already have, just look behind you" said Starman

Roll looked over her shoulder. She saw two Flame Towers heading toward her. She tried to move, but her body wouldn't respond. It was hopeless. She couldn't log out because the damage was too severe. It was time to be deleted, to see the light of Net-Heaven. She slowly collapsed and closed her eyes. Her life passed right before her eyes. She saw Maylu, Megaman, and Lan. All the fun times she had had with all of them slowly flashed before her eyes. She remembered her first battlechip, her rivalries with other net-navis. She knew it was over and accepted that.

Maylu started tearing up.

"Roll....please...don't die...you're my best....friend"

"You're mine too...I don't want to leave...but I guess it's my time..Goodbye Maylu, I"ll never forget you"
_ _ _ _ _ _

The Flame Towers were near Roll. They were closing in like missles-precise and fast. Suddenly they all hit Roll. There was a big exsplosion
and then smoke was circleing around the spot where the exsplosion had been.

"Hehe, I knew I would win...wimp" said Starman in satisfaction.

The water in Maylu's eyes turned into tears.
" Roll....I....Don't want it to end..."

"It doesen't have to" said a voice from where the smoke was clouding around.
_ _ _ _ _ _

All of the sudden, a white light shot through all the clouds of smoke.
Everyone gasped. It was Roll. She had survived the atack, or had she?
Roll was now fully recovered, except she was now white wherever she was formely pink. She had a white Aura around herself.

"I am LightRoll I have returned from Net-heaven...It seems I was too nice to leave this world they said. So they gave me new found power and sent me back".

"ROLL, you're back. I'm so happy. I was so worried"

"Me too. Now let's show Starman what we can do!"

"uh-oh" said Starman.
_ _ _ _ _ _

Roll teleported Around Starman as quick as lightning. She was going so fast that she made illusions of herself all around him. He went crazy. He couldn't figure out which one was the real one, he started balsting everywhere. He hit the illusions but couldn't find the real one.
Finally, a ray of light came down from the top of the battle arena.
It hit Starman and forced him to log out.
_ _ _ _ _ _

"We won, but there will be more battles to come, are you with me Maylu?"

" All the way Roll...er....LightRoll....I'll never leave your side"

LightRoll, has been born...
_________________

Thank you so much Hikari Angel!!! You are the best!

"I must merge with light again"

Midnight · Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 5:38 pm Post subject:

Hmmm....fascinating.

That, of course, means that I am intrigued by what you are writing and would like to see an extension. There's a lot of spelling errors here and there, and the line breaks seem all too random. The emotion is there, but it seems to be rather canned--nothing about it stands out as original. It's strong, don't get me wrong, but it needs some tweaking.

I'll let it sit on my brain for a while, then I'llget back to you. I hope.
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Jenova Spawn · Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 6:12 pm Post subject:

Thats pretty good! There were a few punctuation mistakes...but that doesn't matter too much. Nice work!
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LightRoll.ExE · Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 6:24 pm Post subject:

Oi, punctuation, grammer, and spelling errors...i have to correct this...a lot.

Thanks for the criticism guys.

to Midnight Critic: what do you mean by "Canned"?

_________________

Thank you so much Hikari Angel!!! You are the best!

"I must merge with light again"

Midnight · Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 6:26 pm Post subject:

Oh sorry. I meant that the emotion was exceedingly generic--looks like something that was used repeatedly, and was thus bashed to death.

Don't be discouraged, though. This is shaping up to be something quite good.
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

LightRoll.ExE · Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 6:28 pm Post subject:

I dont get what ur saying..im not processing it.
It's a good thing that it is turning to something good though.
_________________

Thank you so much Hikari Angel!!! You are the best!

"I must merge with light again"

Midnight · Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 6:31 pm Post subject:

OK. I mean the emotions in the scene can be seen in practically every other scene of the same kind. I think that should clear things up.

If not, well, feel free to PM or AIM me. I'm always open to talk...
_________________
Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy

The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals

Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

LightRoll.ExE · Posted: Wed May 18, 2005 6:33 pm Post subject:

Okay, so thats what you mean. Thank you so much for telling me, I'll be working on that later!
_________________

Thank you so much Hikari Angel!!! You are the best!

"I must merge with light again"