alagory OT

[kuro-kitsune]

>___> *deep breath* this is a school assignment that a friend of mine edited for me. because if it wasn't for her awesome english skillz, no matter how well i did the plot, i would never get 100%.

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Deep in the forests of Kilsburough, a golden-furred fox flew through the woods to a clearing, where he and his friends had arranged to meet. However, the usually lively clearing was devoid of life.
The fox glanced at the sun, trying to determine if he was late. But no: he was on time, and his friends had never been late before.
"Oi! Where is everyone?" he barked as he wandered through a patch of flowers at the clearing's edge. He sniffed the air, hoping to catch his friends' scents, but soon plopped down on his haunches dejectedly, as that proved unsuccessful. He began to wonder where his friends could possibly be.
"Hey, Naota," a small sparrow chirped from the branches of a nearby yew tree, "everyone's down by the stream." She cocked her head to one side before quickly taking flight.
"Thanks, Tammy!" Naota yipped, before taking off towards the stream.

~|~|~

"Now, can someone explain to me exactly why we're at the stream today, and not the clearing?" a young black cat asked.
"It's simple, Sinclair. Naota is just too loud. If we allowed him to stay with us, my owner might actually find me (Forest forbid!), and it will definitely mean trouble for the rest of you!" a white rabbit, Lunal, replied knowledgeably.
An unexpected splash caused Sinclair to jump, and he turned to see a nearby racoon plunge into the stream, vainly attempting to catch a fish.
"It seems that the fish don't want to be eaten today. Wouldn't you agree, Nomdre?" noted a sparrow sitting on an overhanging branch. The soaked racoon simply growled.
There was another loud crash as the golden fox burst through the surrounding bushes. Lunal, caught in the middle of chewing on some clover, froze.
"Hey guys! Why did you change the meeting place? I thought we were going to meet in the clearing." He jumped up onto the sun-warmed rock next to Sinclair. "Weren't we?" Naota asked the black cat, confused.
The cat shot him a look of disdain before turning his attention back to the racoon. The fox fell silent as they watched the racoon attempt to catch fish, until Nomdre finally gave up and stalked off towards the sparrow's tree.
"So, Zerah ... How was your day?" Naota asked cheerfully, trying to engage the aloof sparrow in friendly conversation.
Zerah looked casually in the other direction, ignoring the rambunctious fox. Tammy landed next to her relative and looked around before finding Naota sitting near the tree. Naota smiled at her, and she looked away quickly, embarrassed.
"Naota, why must you be so loud?" complained the rabbit, having finally recovered from her shock.
"I'm not loud, I'm just happy to be with my friends," the fox replied.
"Hmph! Everyone knows that an animal that's lived with humans is stupid. You've never even seen a human, yet you always act like an idiot! Come on. Think reasonably for once, can't you? We don't want you here because you'll draw unwanted attention. You always do, Naota."
The fox stared at Lunal in shock. For the first time in his life, he had thought that he'd finally found creatures he could call friends. Was that all he meant to them? A scapegoat; a beast lower than the insects. Naota couldn't help it if they found him annoying at times. They should have expected him to always play pranks. Everyone knew that foxes were born tricksters! Besides, the expressions of the other animals always amused him.
Naota rarely allowed himself to be depressed. His late mother had loved his smile, so he tried to smile as much as he could. Even when scared out of his wits, he refused to give up, and always managed to make it through whatever life threw at him. But his friends' betrayal hurt Naota more than anything else had. The pain he'd been holding inside from his mother's death, combined with this new pain, had devastating effects on Naota's emotions.
Naota watched Lunal for a few more moments, noting how she looked at him like he was a piece of rotten carrot, then got shakily to his legs.
"Guess I'll be seeing you, then ..." Naota muttered as he stumbled off. However, Naota failed to see the slightly worried expressions on the other creature's faces.

~|~|~

Naota sat by the waterfall, watching the moon set and the sun rise. He had become completely drenched through the night, but was now numb, which suited him just fine. He'd often sat here before, whenever he felt angry or sad. He liked the waterfall: though loud, the sound of water crashing down soothed him. He'd never stayed this long before, as he knew the dangers of letting the water cloud his senses.
Naota watched as the sky turned brilliant hues of red and gold, but this time felt no pleasure. No one wanted him, so what did he have to live for?
He stood up, shook himself dry, and began to wander off. Maybe there was a way he could make everyone happy. He was not welcome in the forest--perhaps if he went away permanently ...
Naota turned decisively, his mind made up, and headed towards the edge of the forest, and the farm just beyond that.

~|~|~

A single gunshot echoed through the woods.
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*cough* and that's my edited alagory... >___> the idea is that people take permanent solutions to temporary porblems. now i shall return to the fanart section... flee~\o\

~kuro-kitsune~

[Neko]

It's not bad >.>

Really, the end is kinda sad as it should be and it makes a nice impact. The dialogue seems to be a bit forced at times and I'll leave anything gramatical to Midnight ^^

All in all though, not bad, not bad at all. Nice job, Kuro-chan.
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Avatar, credit Yakitate@devart

[Midnight]

Why do I have to do the grammar? *end whine*

Well, I'll agree. It's certainly not bad. I seem to connect quite well to the main character, as it seems that he is an allegory of my life. In fact, the entire fics seems to be an uncanny loose retelling of some of the events of my life...yes, I was that pathetic. V_V

The last line was fabulously placed. Sure use of a suspenseful line is old, but it's still effective at keeping the reader's attention. Nice job.

It looks to be okay, grammar-wise. Of course, I only read this for content, not for errors. If you want me to read for grammar, I'd be happy to do so. Just let me know.
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Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[kuro-kitsune]

>___> i don't care.... <_____<

;O; thank you for the comments neko-sempai, midnight-san.

although, to know that this is actually very close to someone's life scares me... >____>

i'll just retreat to the fanart section now.... ~\o\

~kuro-kitsune~