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Bassman4566 Net Battler
Joined: 27 Aug 2005 Posts: 86 Location: In deeps of the undernet with idiots
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 5:00 pm Post subject: A day that would never be forgetten |
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Yet another one shot without Chaud and Lan being brothers be warned there is AIDS in this story and I love to pick on Lan
A day that would be never forgotten
I t was normal day for Lan and Co. They just got out of school when Chaud came up to Lan.
“Lan we need to talk” he said. Lan left his friends and walked to Chaud’s Limo he didn’t know what was happening. He left Megaman at home that day and he was supposed to take his medicine when he got home, but because of his detour with Chaud he didn’t.
“Okay Lan tell me why did you post a message on the internet saying I was a gay person with a special partner?”.
“I uhh… I have to go now” Lan said
Lan tried to get out but Chaud held him back Lan eventually got out ran only to the park before Chaud tackled him down.
“Tell me Lan now” he snapped. Chaud was ready to punch him if he had no answer but “uh”. Lan said nothing so Chaud punched him. Since Lan wouldn’t answer Chaud punched him multiple times some blood came out of Lan cause Chaud used his nails to pinch him. Chaud was getting fed up with Lan and then since Lan didn’t have his medicine he started to burn up fast.
Chaud was ready to punch him again when Lan held his fist.
“Stop Chaud I need my medicine now” he said weakly.
“Yeah right your lying” Chaud said.
“No I’m not Chaud I have..I have..” he said once again weakly speaking.
“What do you have?” he snapped
“I have AIDS” he screamed. Chaud let Lan go when he said that. Then Mrs. Hikari appeared left Lan’s medicine and left*. Lan took his medicine and ran with it. Chaud ran after him. Lan made it to the entrance of Chaud’s house before he stopped. Chaud grabbed him and him brought him inside his house.
“Lan why didn’t you tell me you had AIDS?” Chaud asked.
“I was afraid people would treat me different if they knew” he admitted.
Chaud called Mrs. Hikari and told her Lan was staying the night. Lan was very quiet for the whole time. Chaud felt very guilty punching Lan like that. Chaud bandaged Lan up and put on the television. Lan did his homework silently. At dinner Chaud finally asked Lan something.
“Lan how did you exactly get AIDS?”
“I don’t know Chaud I just do” He said.
“Lan right now I don’t care you have AIDS I just care that you didn’t tell me” Chaud said.
“Chaud how could I about 3 days ago we were talking about it in class and all my friends said they wouldn’t like anyone who has AIDS” Lan replied.
“Well I know that hurt emotionally” Chaud said.
“Chaud I’m sorry for not telling you you’re my best friend and you should have known” Lan said.
“It’s okay Lan your okay with our without AIDS” Chaud smiled. Then both Chaud and Lan hugged each other and some time later they slept hugging together.
*Mrs. Hikari lefted because I'm still recovering from BOBOBOBO-BOBOBO
that show is crazy _________________
Rukario
credit to orinigal owner
"That's all she wrote" Syrus Trusdale |
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DjangoSP The True Solar Boy
Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 575 Location: Traveling the world, recruiting people to help me rule my manga, anime, and video game empire.
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 5:11 pm Post subject: |
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#1: This is really emotional. I like how you captured Enzan's guilt when he heard that Netto had AIDS. I cried when I read the Ryan White book, so this made me feel like crying, too. T_T But it was still good! :D
#2: Bobo-bo Bo-bobobo is crazy. But it's also hilariously funny!!! _________________ I am Solar Boy Django! TAIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!
Credit goes to X-Zero EXE for the uber-cool sig!!! :D |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 7:36 pm Post subject: |
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...o_o. Three words pop out of my mouth. WHAT. THE. HELL.
This has got to be one of the most absurd fics I have ever read, mostly because of its concept. Much of the text is somewhat badly written, and the numerous grammatical and spelling errors don't help you out much.
Enzan seems FAR out of character--he's not the kind of man who would absolutely go ape on another person and physically harm him. Likewise, Netto is too soft-spoken--and everything just moved FAR too fast. How does Enzan go from a nearly murderous rage to a yaoi-tastic scene?
The last part was really absolutely unnecessary--how does another anime interact with the characters as you have already put down?
I'm...at a loss for words. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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Mari Elegantly Wasted
Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1025 Location: M.I.A.
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 7:48 pm Post subject: |
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Ditto.
Some warnings wouldn't hurt, kid. Put them. NOW. In the topic. Rating, too.
"Oh, you've got AIDS! Die." This fic isn't even coherent enough; and 'picking on Lan' sounds more like 'making him suffer just because I want to'. :P
Sorry, but I don't think this makes sense at all.
Also, I'll leave it to my fellow mods to decide if this keeps here; not that we're intolerant to mature subjects -coherent mature subjects, mind you- or anything, but let's see. _________________
Currently fangirling Edgy Eft and mplayer1.0RC1 -- firefox 2 is just okay, those are pure awesome. |
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Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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I have to agree. There should be warnings about the topic. And a recomended age rating due to the touchy subject.
Along with that, not only the characters are completely out of character, but the way you've shoved the illness in the plot so randomly and without a reason or explanation to be is rather distasteful. Handled better this could have been a good read, but otherwise it can be offensive to use an illness of this kind for the mere sake of 'screwing a character' or make their lives 'suck'. _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon." |
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