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GospelDS Net Battler
Joined: 02 Oct 2005 Posts: 87 Location: Sunny and beautiful Oran Isle.
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Posted: Sun Nov 27, 2005 9:25 am Post subject: Zero.EXE- Chapter 1 |
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Alright , this is my second attempt at writing , Because I really didnt like my first .
Zero.EXE
ACDC Private School
“Wave Slash !”
On the net , a laser wave deleted multiple mettaurs . Seven mettaurs were still standing .
“Program Advance , LifeSword !”
A red navi morphed his hand into a huge sword . He slashed , and the last few mettaurs disappeared in a shower of pixels .
SIMULATION COMPLETED
“All right , Zero , Log out .”
“Roger that .”
Zero disappeared in a beam of light , and big letters on the net read :
ZERO LOGGING OUT
A boy with brown hair with a double crown wearing shorts and a t-shirt was holding a PET . He glanced at Zero with a look that clearly read “Great Job !” and smiled at his navi . Zero had a white bodysuit and red armor , which included gloves , boots and a chestplate . His helmet was totally red and there was messy blonde hair coming from the back of his helmet . In his hand he was holding his trusty Z-saber .
“Congratulations , Blake Knoite , you pass the entrance exam to ACDC Private School .”
“Yes !” Blake was jumping up and down in excitement . ACDC Private School was one of the most prestigous schools in Electopia . The school had the best science and math classes in the country , plus there was a two hour netbattling class , because the country was inspired by the world’s yougest netsaviors , Lan Hikari and Chaud . The netpolice had started the school , in hope of drawing in future police .
“Enter , please .”
The gate opened , revealing a gigantic school –
“Stop gaping in awe and hurry up . There are other people waiting to take the test .” the man said .
“Sorry .” Blake said apologetically .
He walked through the gate and started toward his dorm . In the school you stay until you go home for the summer . He had found the boys dormitories on the map he had been given .
“Um , excuse me , do you know the dorm for Blake Knoite , please ?”
“Oh sure .” The man at the desk looked through a few files on the computer , then said:
“Room 101 .”
“Thank you .” Blake said .
“Hmmm … Room 101 !”
“Hello?”
A boy on the bed tried again . “Hello?”
Startled , Blake replied . “ Huh , ? Whoops , sorry . You must be my roomate . I’m Blake Knoite . What is your name ?”
“Ryan Firell , nice to meet you .”
“Is this your first year here ?”
“Yeah-’’
“Good . So let me fill you in on the first rule here : If you ever want to show your face around here , you have to netbattle the first person you see !” Ryan smiled .
Blake obliged with one quick sentence . “Jack in , Zero , power up !”
On the net Zero appeared in a beam of light on the computer net . A red navi was with white armour was standing there . He had a red visor and his whole left arm was a giant bazooka .
“I’m Fefnir . You the noob’s netnavi ?”
“Yes , I am Blake’s netnavi . So are we going to battle or just watch you admire your bazooka ?”
Fefnir didn’t rise to the bait. “Battle Start !” he yelled .
Fefnir made the first move by trying to blast him with his bazooka. Zero jumped , and triedto slash him. Both attacks missed by a hair , and Fefnir planted his weapon into the ground as soon as he landed . Flares started spew from the ground and Zero was caught off guard .
“Arrgh !” Zero screamed .
Fefnir smiled . “Time to finish you off !”
He blasted his cannon . When the smoke cleared , Zero was not there .
“Huh , that was a little too easy .” Fefnir sneered .
Suddenly Zero came down from the netsky , rolling as he fell , his sword in front of him . He cleanly cleaved off Fefnir’s left arm.
“AAAHHHH!” Fefnir cried in pain .
“Nice move Zero . Now , use his weapon against him !” Blake said encouragingly .
Zero took his arm , and started batting him with the bazooka . Fefnir grinned , and said : “Blast him!”
The arm came alive in Zero’s hand and he got shot in the chest .
“Owowowowow !” Zero screamed .
“Zero ! Are you okay ?” Blake called from the real world .
“Fine . Just fine ,” Zero grunted . “But a little help would be nice .”
“Gotcha covered . Seaseed , battlechip in , download . Tornado , battlechip in , download !” he said triumphantly .
Zero first threw the seaseed where Fefnir was , and in another quick motion he blasted the tornado .
“Fefnir , are you all right ?” Ryan asked .
“Fine . But in case you haven’t noticed , I am unarmed .” he said , pointing to his arm , which was disappearing in pixels .
“Oh , yeah ,” he said. “TankCannon1 , battlechip in , download !”
Fefnir’s remaining arm transformed into a cannon , and he immediately fired three shots at Zero .
“Owowowowowow !”
And then Ryan slotted in three more chips .
“Cannon , battlechip in , triple download !”
“Sword , Widesword , Longsword , battlechips in , download !” Blake said .
The force of the two Pas logged both navis out .
Ryan only said one word :
“Crap .”
“Well , it was a good battle .” Blake said .
“Yeah , it wa-”
“Hey , has it occurred to you that it is nine-thirty ?”
“Crap , our first lesson is at eight AM . I think we should be going to bed .”
“Alright .
They changed into their pajamas , and fell asleep .
CHAPTER END
So please read and review , and please no flames . _________________
Awesome sig by XHunter17
Favorite Quote
-No . Let's not and say we did .
DS rules !!! |
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DjangoSP The True Solar Boy
Joined: 25 Jul 2005 Posts: 575 Location: Traveling the world, recruiting people to help me rule my manga, anime, and video game empire.
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Posted: Sun Dec 18, 2005 1:03 pm Post subject: |
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Cool, GospelDS! But you made the story seem a little rushed. Try to make paragraphs longer, please. Aside from that, awesome work! ^_^ _________________ I am Solar Boy Django! TAIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!!
Credit goes to X-Zero EXE for the uber-cool sig!!! :D |
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Darth Osiris Net Official
Joined: 04 Aug 2005 Posts: 351 Location: Where do you think?
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Posted: Mon Dec 19, 2005 10:21 am Post subject: |
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Also, these stories that have Zero as the main character's Navi are rather cliched. I can understand if you don't want to change Blake's Navi, but next time, try for a little originality in Navis. _________________
God, that's such an awesome line.
"Zatch Bell Gaiden" Chapter 1.
Accepting fan Mamodos, PM me. |
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