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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 1:56 am Post subject: <no title> - Chapter 19a: Third Melee AA/OT/1PP/PG |
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I felt like writing again. Anyway, this has no title yet. Anyone can think of a title for this?
This is just pure fiction. Any resemblance on any part of anime, game, or whatsoever is coincidental, or just a product of my laziness. This is a first-person-perspective story. I believe this to be a PG...
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Chapter 1 - Irene's First Mission
Irene's Side
Bone Staff… Check. Bottomless Bag… Check. Snacks… Check. Some cash… Check. Yup, I’m ready to go.
Hi there y’all. My name is Irene. I’ll be the narrator of this side of the story. Nice to meet’cha all!
Today is my first day I try to make some cash all by myself. Remi-chan says he doesn’t mind givin’ me money, but I do (once in a while, that is). Besides, getting’ it free is borin’ compared to earnin’ it, right?
I’m ready to start. As I placed all of my stuff down this Bottomless Bag, I smelt an arome of somethin’ I so very much like. And so, out of my room I went, past Remi-chan’s room, down the stairs, and towards the kitchen. As I got closer, the aroma got really strong. I didn’t notice it at first, but I was kind of dancin’ afterwards towards the kitchen.
Inside that room, there I saw Remeer. I call him Remi-chan since we’re REALLY close. He was fixin’ me up my favorite breakfast: fish. I snuck up behind him, then landed a kiss on his cheek. “Mornin’, Remi-chan!” He looked at me, smiled, and returned the kiss I just gave him to my forehead. “Good morning, Irene. This fish is almost done. Go wait at the table.”
And so I did. As Remi-chan was puttin’ the fish to a plate, I pulled out this carton of milk out of the freezer. I don’t know why, but I am so hooked on fish and milk. Even before Remi-chan served the fish, I was luggin’ down this 1-liter box of milk. Remi-chan sat down next to me, watching me as I devour that fish with a smile on my face. He said “Today is your first day. I hope you do well.” With my mouth slightly stuffed, I replied to him. “I will!”
As I finished my breakfast, he continued. “Now, take as long as you want out there, okay? And don’t talk to strangers, okay? And if you’re in trouble, don’t hesitate to call me, okay? And –” Even before he continued, I frowned and interrupted him. “Aw, c’mon Remi-chan. Don’cha think I’m big enough to know what to do?” He smiled at me again, and said, “I believe you do, Irene. I’m just being worried.” “Aww, Remi-chan! You’re so thoughtful! That’s why I love you!” As I gulped the last piece of meat there is on the fish, I gave Remi-chan another kiss. This time, it landed on his lips. Whenever I do that, Remi-chan turns as red as my clothes. He’s so cute like that.
He followed me to the door. Before I could leave, he handed me some more cash, and held me by the hand quite long. I smiled, kissed him again, and said “I’ll be careful. You can depend on me, Remi-chan!” Until I was out of sight, Remi-chan was standing out there, smiling, watching me go. *giggle* He does worry for me…
We live near the Cornia Plains, next to the Magbee Forest, a few minutes away from the nearest town: Corneca. We may look like outcasts since we’re one of those who decided to live there, but we’re not. Anyway, my destination is Corneca. There’s this ‘agency’ there where you can take up requests made by others all over the universe. If you’re really good and have made a reputation there, then you can take up those high payin’ missions. Of course, I’m just getting’ started, so those will have to wait for me. I hear Remi-chan gets to travel the universe because he’s famous there. I’m so proud of my man!
Finally reaching my destination, I looked at this building that stands out from the rest. The houses and buildings of Corneca is made out of wood and stones, but the building was made out of metal and incredibly symmetrical stones. I wonder, is there really a place out there with houses and buildings made up like these? I’ll find that out someday…
As I walked in, a woman who was dressed funny greeted me. I mean, she was wearin’ shiny clothes, and she has this wiry stuff on her head. One end of that wiry stuff was placed on her ear, while the other one is placed in front of her mouth. What is that for?
Anyway, it would appear that she is the one to talk to about the missions. “Good morning, ma’am. Welcome to UAA - Corneca Branch. What can I do for you?” She asked as she bowed. Me, being new to all this, bowed to her as well, and said “I don’t know. What can you do for me?”
After minutes of explaining, I found out a lot of things, like what that wiry stuff is on her head. They call it a ‘microphone’. Also, UAA stands for Universal Aid Agency. According to her, they are scattered across the universe. From the simple planet of Phara, that’s where we are right now, to the ‘futuristic’ planet of Alexia. … Futuristic? What, the planet of Alexia is from the future?
Anyway, since I told her that I was a beginner, she gave me an easy mission. It was to find a blue crystal from the Mayan caves, not far from here. I kind of sneered at the mission, since it was too easy. But, according to her, the blue crystal she was talking about is supposedly rare and fragile. Others have tried this particular mission, but no one was successful. Also, there were supposedly some dangerous monsters there.
And so, I was off to the Mayan caves. If I remember correctly, Remi-chan said the Mayan caves were frequented by cave slugs. The slugs are commonly as big as a human child, but they are so slow that anyone can run away from them. That’s news for me, but I’m not here to run from them. Actually, I was kind of itchin’ to try all those moves Remi-chan taught me a few months ago. Cave slugs, here I come!
After passing through some foliage and vines, I came up to the entrance of the cave. You can feel a slight breeze coming out of there even before you enter. Once in a while, something that smells bad comes with the breeze. I have no problem with the stink, so I entered, brave and all.
Minutes after entering the cave, my progress came to a halt. Damn, it’s too dark in there! I kind of panicked in there, but I remembered my stuff. I magically pulled out my Bottomless Bag from nowhere. I opened it, and reached real deep in the bag. Where is that? No… Not this one… This is useless… No… No… Ah, here it is. Luminous Potion. I remembered Remi-chan puttin’ in lots of these potions inside this bag, just in case. I took that potion out, made my Bottomless Bag disappear, then drank the potion. Hmm… Tastes like lychee… Not bad…
Slowly, a dim light started floodin’ the cave walls. I looked down, and saw my skin glowin’ through my clothes. That’s a weird feelin’, seeing that I became something like a candle. I looked around to see where I was, and somethin’ caught me by surprise. I looked to my left, and there was this huge cave slug really close to me. I’d say an arm’s length away from me. Immediately, it swung its massive head towards me. I was able to dodge just in time, and was able to gain some distance.
This is a cave slug? It’s as big as I am! I thought they were as small as a kid! As it moved closer to me, I saw something being revealed behind him. It’s a skeleton of an animal of some sort, covered in the slug’s mucus. Eew. So that’s what happens to its victims. But wait, what’s that in between the ribs? Some sort of blue diamond? !!! Could that be…?
I pulled my Bone Staff out of my Bottomless Bag and was ready for action. It was so slow, that I can move around it and attack anywhere. I remember Remi-chan sayin’ that a cave slug’s weakness is under its shell, so I ran around it, and started hittin’ it from behind. Slowly, the shell was cracking up. If I keep this up, I’m as good as finished with the mission. Suddenly, the head of the slug appeared from behind. Wait! Wasn’t it facin’ the other way? I ran around again, and started beatin’ the shell. Again, the head appeared in front of me. What, it can pop its head wherever it wants to?
Hmm… This is harder than I thought…
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Maybe I'll continue the other one I had forgotten for quite a while. Once I'm done with my art requests... _________________ My deviantART...
Last edited by N2-0 Night on Mon Apr 17, 2006 7:30 am; edited 27 times in total |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 7:28 am Post subject: |
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Please do. I was wondering what became of your other fic with Roll...
Anyway...I am not sure what type of universe this story is set in, but I like what I am reading. One of the things that sets this apart from many other stories in this section is that it is told from a first-person perspective, so it is more of a narrative than a regular omnisicent third-person narrator. It makes the story flow a tad more smoothly this way it seems.
As for the title, I am absolutely clueless. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 9:36 pm Post subject: |
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I was looking at my files, and found out my Chapter 7 file for Double Trouble is corrupted. I know what the chapter is about, but how did it go?
Anyway, yeah, I felt like making a first-person perspective out of this one. Once in a while, one chapter will appear twice: one is for Irene, the other is for Remeer.
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Chapter 1 - Irene's First Mission
Remeer's Side
Greetings. My name is Remeer Valkyrie. I am 21 years old. I live here near the Plains of Cornia, south of Sinca, and here at the planet of Phara.
Today is a special day for Irene, my housemate. She starts her first adventure today, so I'm preparing her a dish she is so fond of: fried fish. Hmm... I wonder if she overslept... Oh, wait. I can hear her coming down now.
I wasn't looking, but I can tell that she was sneaking up to me. I played along, and acted like I was surprised when she jumped me. She kissed me at the cheek, and with a cat-like smile, she said "Mornin', Remi-chan!" Hahah... She warmly calls me Remi-chan... Even though I prefer to be called by my name, I always seem to allow her to call me that. As she smiled at me, I couldn't help but smile as well. I kissed her at the forehead, and said "Good morning, Irene. This fish is almost done. Go wait at the table."
After a minute of frying, the fish was done. Irene likes it crispy on the outside, but juicy on the inside. I took a plate and placed the fish there. As I turned around, I saw Irene drinking from the milk carton. She didn't bother putting it on a glass. I'd scold her for doing that again, but her face shows that she enjoys the milk so much... I decided not to...
I sat down next to her, and said "Today is your first day. I hope you do well." With her mouth full, she just blurted out "I will!". Again, she had no manners... I want to scold her again, but that face filled with delightment was just too much for my manner-strict heart. Again, I let her do what she wants.
Today is the 8th month of a Phara year. In Phara, a year is equivalent to half an Earth year, which is the standard for all planets within this system. Besides that point, this is the season where beasts and fiends are scarce. Even with that said, she's going out there all by herself, so I'm still worried.
“Now, take as long as you want out there, okay? And don’t talk to strangers, okay? And if you’re in trouble, don’t hesitate to call me, okay? And –” Even before I'm done with what I am saying, she frowned at me. She complained “Aw, c’mon Remi-chan. Don’cha think I’m big enough to know what to do?” ... ... What have I been saying? I sounded like I was this girl's parent. After seconds of thinking, I dismissed whatever I was about to say, and said “I believe you do, Irene. I’m just being worried.” She looked at me with those big black eyes, and said “Aww, Remi-chan! You’re so thoughtful! That’s why I love you!” After she took that last bite out of the fish, she sat to me real close, and kissed me at my lips. I can tell that I'm turning red again, what with Irene giggling at me whenever she sees me like that. Man, she's been living with me for half a year now. She kisses me all the time. I should be used to that by now...
As she walked out of the door, I followed her and gave her some spending money. I also held her hand, as if I was saying "Don't go..." Irene figured out what I was feeling, and said "I'll be careful. You can depend on me Remi-chan!" 'Depend on me', huh? It was kind of funny to hear that from Irene, since the past 6 months, she was depending on me. *sigh* It felt like I was taking care of her yesterday, and now she's off to see the world. ... ... What am I saying again? I sounded like a parent!
After she was gone, I went back inside, and sat on the sofa. I still have this hint of anxiety at the back of my head. After minutes of thinking, I decided to check on her secretly. I head her off to the UAA building, inside the town of Corneca, by flight. I haven't thought Irene how to fly yet, so she should only be inside the Magbee Forest by now.
As I entered, a woman by the name of Milky greeted me. "Ah! Mr. Valkyrie! Are you here to take another hihg-risk request?", she said. "No, I'm here for a different reason." I can tell she wanted to ask me for my reason, but I went to the other side of the hall, and sat near a row of tropical plants.
Not long after, I saw Irene enter the building. She was looking around like a kid. After all, she has never seen a building built like this. Maybe I'll take her to Alexia during the summer... After minutes of talking with Milky, she left with a somewhat intimidating smile on her face. After making sure she is nowhere in sight, I approached Milky.
"Yes, Mr. Valkyrie?" she said. I rested one of my hand at the counter, and asked away. "Tell me, what mission did you give that girl that just left?" "The girl that just left? Why, sir?" "Well, she's the girl I've been telling to you about. The one living with me?" Her eyebrows crossed, but that dissappeared when she gave me her face of recollection. "Ah! So that was Irene? She looked beautiful! How old is she?" ... I'm not sure if I can answer that question correctly. 16...? 17...? 18...? I can't tell. Even Irene herself can't help with that. She actually has amnesia. All she remembers is that 6 months of living with me... At any rate, I had to answer Milky, so I just blurted out "18."
"The mission I gave her is to obtain a blue crystal from the Mayan Caves. There are not so many monsters this month, and the Mayan caves are less frequented, so there should be little danger for her." Mayan Caves... Blue crystal... ... Ah! She's talking about a Blue Crystalline. That can only be found here at Phara, and moreso at caves and grottos like the Mayan Caves. Will she be able to find one? That's pretty rare. Having it is a prize itself. A gram of that crystal is enough to counter any known ailment throughout Phara. It's effect is even increased if it was passed through a purification process. In any case, the Mayan Caves are frequented by cave slugs. I know I thought her how to defeat those, so I am totally at ease now.
With that said, I waved farewell to Milky, and flew home. Now... What was I supposed to do today? ... Even before I reached the Magbee Forest, I felt dark powers nearby. Could this be...? To make sure, I landed and started looking around. The dark power is getting nearer by the second. How many are they? ... 3...? No, there's 4... No, there's 6... Coming from where...? 2 behind me... 4 in front of me... A pincer strike...?
This is getting annoying... For 6 years, I concluded that someone out there is trying to have me killed... The ones they send range from mind-controled beasts, to dark-powered demons, to paid assassins... Whoever it was sending these killers, I feel like they want me, either dead or alive... Preferably dead...
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This story is all made up. Let's just say these characters came from my own universe known as my mind :] . Originally, my title for this was Dead or Alive. The title was meant for Remeer's struggle against someone who wants his head. As I progressed, however, the focus of the story was split into two: the duo of Irene and Remeer. _________________ My deviantART... |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 6:54 am Post subject: |
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Intriguing.
I am a tad confused about the plot at this point, but I will admit that it is getting interesting to read. So, since it seems to be completely AU from anything I have read as of yet, I really cannot make any predictions about what is to happen--no basis in my head.
Still--couldn't you compress the introspection for both of the characters into one chapter? I know it is probably impractical, but I find it a bit disheartening to reread the same period of time in two consecutive chapters. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 12:04 am Post subject: |
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Uh… I don’t think I can compress both introspections into one. It might turn out as a third-person perspective, and that’s not my aim here… All in all, Irene will be talking in all of the chapters, while Remeer will fill in on events that Irene never knew at that time.
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Chapter 2 – First Melee
Irene’s Side
This is hard. That huge face of the slug is gettin’ on my way. I wonder what would happen if I hit the head? … Aw, heck. There’s one way to find out.
I charged forward at the cave slug and swung my Bone Staff at full force. The slug didn’t move. My Bone Staff just went through it. Since my full force applied on my Bone Staff had nothin’ solid to hit, I went crashin’ to the wall. Ouch… Crud… So that’s why you should only hit it’s shell…
I looked at the cave slug, and noticed that it’s face is kind of swollen. What, it has somethin’ in it’s mouth? Suddenly, it spitted somethin’ at me. I jumped away to avoid gettin’ hit. I don’t know what that was, but by the bright colors this cave slug has, I’d say that was poison. It got even harder for me. Whenever I try to circle him, his face kept getting’ on my way. Also, I’m havin’ a hard time getting’ near it, since it kept on spittin’ when I’m too close. What do I do?
Eventually, he was chasin’ me. I got cornered to a wall. The slug noticed, and started to move faster towards me. I can’t go at any direction. Doin’ so will only bring me closer to the monster. The only direction I see open is up…
That’s it! Jump over it! It’s risky, but I have no other choice. I started runnin’ towards the cave slug. As I did, it started spittin’ again. I was lucky to avoid all of those shots. As I jumped, it still kept spittin’. It stopped when I was directly on top of it. That’s when it hit me. What if I stood on top of it’s shell?
It started spittin’ on me again once it got it’s head facin’ me again. Now knowin’ what to do, I ran to gain some momentum. At the last moment, I was able to jump on the it’s shell. The cave slug went wild. It kept slammin’ it’s head towards me from all directions, but it just can’t reach me. From there, I started to plunge my Bone Staff down the shell. Eventually, the shell cracked open. As I jumped down, the cave slug started to melt. I guess the shell was keepin’ it all up together…
Yes!! My first great victory!! I wanted to jump up and down, but I found out that I couldn’t. The cave slug actually got me. My left leg was hit with the poisonous slime. Even with the boot on, I can still feel the searin’ pain. I removed my boot, and found that my left leg was really burned… This wasn’t such a great victory at all…
I looked around my Bottomless Bag, but found nothin’ that can help me… Well, not that I know what each and every potion there is in here. Remi-chan’s stuffed this bag with potions for any situation. The only ones I recognize here are the ones that kill the pain, and those shiny little bottles. I figured that I should at least make the hurtin’ stop, so I drank up one of the pain-killers. Immediately, the burnin’ sensation stopped.
I tried standin’ up, and found out that my left leg was still hurtin’. This time, it’s because I was standin’ on it. How am I supposed to go home now? What, should I crawl my way back? I figured that I use my Bone Staff as a walkin' stick. It’s better than nothin’ I guess…
I approached the skeleton that was under this cave slug. Between the ribs, I found this huge blue crystal. How it got there, I have no idea. As I pried open the ribs, this awful smell of decay went flying through everywhere! Eew! Eew!! It shtinksh!! I sheizhed that cryshtal and shtarted to get out there!! It shtinks sho awful!! Ugh!!
As I got out of the cave, the stink was replaced by something nice. I can’t describe it. It smelled kind of sweet, and dry… I really can’t describe it… I looked around, and found that it’s this rock I’m holding. I took a huge whiff out of that gem, and I immediately felt relaxed. Too relaxed, that I forgot the pain on my left leg… … Wait! I don’t feel any pain on my leg. I looked down, and saw that my left leg was completely healed. How did that happen?!
As I had no use of my Bone Staff anymore, I placed it right back into my Bottomless Bag. On my way back to Corneca, I was still wondering, how did my left leg heal? Was it because of this rock…? I was so curious, that I felt like breaking a piece of it. … Wouldn’t you know it? The stone broke into 9 pieces. It really is fragile…
Back at the UAA building, I gave the girl 8 pieces of that blue stuff. I took one, in case y’all are wonderin’ what happened to the last piece. She was like “You actually found some? Wow! You really are lucky!” I smiled, and said “Lucky? I’m good. That’s why I found ‘em!” I sounded real boastful then, and kind of worried of how this girl will react. Guess what? She laughed! I like this girl!
She took ‘em all and suddenly started doin’ somethin’ at this box-like object in front of her. Meanwhile, she was talkin’ all by herself. I was wonderin’ if she was losin’ it. I asked around again, and found out some more I never knew. That box-like object is called a ‘computer’. Meanwhile, she wasn’t talkin’ to herself. She was talkin’ to someone with that ‘microphone’ on her ear. I wonder, what kind of magic was used to create all this? It all seems complex…
The girl looked at me after a minute or two, and said “The company that gave this request is starting to calculate your reward according to the amount you just gave us. Please wait.” And so I did. I went across the hall and sat on a bench near a row of plants… … I think I smell somethin’… … I-I recognize this smell… It’s… It’s Remi-chan’s! Remi-chan was here?
I approached the girl to ask about Remi-chan, but before I did, she handed down a bag to me. “Here’s your reward. 800Cr.” Woah!! That’s 8 times bigger than what Remeer gives me!! Yeah!! Yahoo!! … … What was I supposed to ask this girl again…? … Oh, whatever… I’m rich!! I’m rich!!
After some Corneca sight-seein’, I went straight home. As I entered the Magbee Forest, I noticed that some of the trees here have fallen and rocks crumbled. What happened here? It looks like a battle happened here… Oh, well. Remi-chan said that the Magbee Forest is heavily enchanted. Even if you burn it to the ground, it will regenerate in a day. I guess all these trees will be standing again tomorrow…
Inside the house, there I saw Remi-chan, quietly lyin’ on the sofa. I snuck up on him again, and jumped on his stomach. Remi-chan didn’t show any sign of pain. He is so strong…
As the two moons of Phara went way up to the sky, I was tellin’ Remi-chan all that happened to me that day. I never thought I was tired, until I suddenly felt sleepy just talkin’ to Remi-chan about my first adventure…
So sleepy… Remi-chan carried me up to my room… Changed my clothes… Layed me on my bed… Kissed me goodnight…
ZZZ… ZZZ… ZZZ…
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Well, this is inspired by alot of shows I have seen so far. Then again, aren't all fictions inspired by something. _________________ My deviantART... |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2005 11:24 am Post subject: |
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That they are.
Nothing I really can see wrong with this chapter. It is adventurous enough, and it helps that the protagonist speaks in her narrative form. The changing of the style of naration throughout the combat scene was also helpful, as it served to more effectively immerse the reader into the story. Good work. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 3:29 am Post subject: |
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I'm happy to know that you find this nice, Midnight Critic (can I call you MC?). Anyway, here's Remeer's side.
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Chapter 2 – First Melee
Remeer’s Side
This isn’t exactly my first melee. In fact, I’ve been fighting so much since the past 6 years. I’ve probably fought by the thousands. I’d say it’s a miracle that I’m still alive after all these years.
So, there are 6 of them surrounding me. By the amount of dark energy these are emanating, I’d say they are mere mind-controlled beasts. It’s a pity, I’ve tried to counter the mind-control on them before, but the curse is just too powerful. Add to that the fact that they are trying to kill me with relentless, suicidal tendencies. Whoever it was doing this, they are very well-trained in the arts of manipulation.
I waited to see what they were. Let’s see… Brownish-red skin… Horns shaped like a ram’s… Winged… Vramijans! These beasts are only found in the planet Char! How did they get here? … No matter. Knowing that these have no magical enchantments on them, I just gave a sigh of exhaustion. The same story all over again…
I’m outnumbered, but that doesn’t mean I can’t defeat them. Still, I decided to increase my odds of victory. Vramijans are not used to traversing dense places, so having them fight me inside the Magbee Forest is a huge windfall for me. From there, I’ll…
The plan is set…
The Vramijans started charging me in a pincer formation. The Magbee Forest is just behind me, whereas there are 2 Vramijans in that direction. I can break through them, as long as I avoid their attacks. I started charging towards the 2, leaving the rest behind me. I made sure I slowed down just inside their range of attack. They slashed down on me, but to no avail. I jumped away even before their claws went coming down. They are just not fast enough for me. Now that they are wide open, I left them where they stand. The Magbee Forest is now in front of me. I ran inside, but only as fast as the Vramijans can chase me as to not lose them.
Now that we are all inside the Magbee forest, I turned around to face all 6 Vramijans. With their size and their massive wings, they are having a hard time to even get to me. As a result, they can only get to me one at a time. Each one tried attacking, but with all of these vines and their huge size, each movement they make are restricted.
This is another chance for me. Let’s see if my powers are now enough to destroy this mind-control… ηαλτ τηισ βιζαρρεο οβεδιενχε… ρετυρν το ψουρ χονσχιενχε… ΔΕΣΤΡΟΥ ΜΙΝΔ-ΧΟΝΤΡΟΛ!! … … … No use… I have no choice but to destroy them… Sad…
There is no use to delay this situation any further. Time to finish this…
My fist found home right inbetween one of the Vramijan’s chest. The impact… immediately destroyed the chest… literally blowing off a hole through the beast… deing instantly… … Normally, Vramijans retreat if they found out that their prey is too strong. These ones… are still struggling to attack me… They are toppling trees in their movements… Destroying rocks in their senseless rage… Again, I have no choice but to kill them…
…
After a few minutes of blood, I am surrounded by wooden debris, and half a dozen of dead beings… This has always been what I have been avoiding, for the past 6 years… … … There’s only one thing left to do… I pulled out a sword out of my Bottomless Bag, took off the sheath, and covered the blade with the blood of these 6 beasts. Afterwards, I stood in the middle of them, and stuck my sword to the ground. I kneeled… then I prayed… μαψ τηεσε σουλσ φινδ ρεστ… μαψ τηεσε σουλσ φινδ πεαχε… μαψ τηεσε σουλσ φινδ μερχψ… ΣΑΛΩΑΤΙΟΝ!!
As my prayer was said, the bodies of the beasts started sublimating unnaturally… All traces of blood were sucked down to the earth, as it is with the blood covering my sword… As I stood up, having said my prayer, I pulled out my sword… Along with my sheathing of the sword, ethereal light started coming out of the ground… These lights… going to the infinite sky… are the souls of the ones I killed…
…
Back home, I was lying down on the sofa, contemplating about my life so far… All this battles… This all started when I couldn’t care about anything anymore… This all started when I lost all hope for myself… This all started when I began living on my own… This all started… when I lost my parents… Is this… worth it…?
My parents… My parents… My parents… My -
Ugh!! W-wha?! W-what the?!
I looked down, and saw what suddenly hit me. It was Irene. She was sitting on top of me. Why is she here? Better yet, what time is it? I looked outside, and noticed that it was already dark. Woah!! All that time flew by?! Even before I could talk, she started away by telling me everything that happened to her day. As she did, I quickly prepared dinner for Irene.
Irene was so psyched up. She couldn’t eat a bite out of the steak I prepared for her. To her, it was like the beginning of her story. She even showed me the money she got, and the Blue Crystalline that she took home as a souvenir. She was happy. Her smile was so infecting, that my sadness a few moments ago melted to my own smile. That was when I started to believe that this was all worth it…
She kept on telling every detail of her first adventure, until a yawn came out of her mouth. In an instant, Irene was suddenly sleepy. She became so sleepy that she couldn’t finish the steak I prepared for her.
She couldn’t stand up, so I was forced to carry her upstairs. I could smell some sweat from her, so I decided to change her clothes as well. Changing a half-asleep person’s clothes was time-consuming, add to the fact that I tried not to look too much at her. After all that, I layed her on her bed, and gave her a kiss goodnight. She was still awake then, so she smiled back at me before her exhausted eyes closed for the night.
I better get my own sleep, too…
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Nothing to say. See y'all! _________________ My deviantART... |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 7:13 am Post subject: |
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I have no qualms with anyone who wishes to call me MC. That or Midnight is acceptable. And now, to the review.
It's of similar quality to that of the previous chapter. It's slightly less immersive than that of the previous chapter, but it still does its job. I do wonder, though, how Remeer reacted to Irene's discovery of that strange stone. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 12:56 am Post subject: |
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This is one of the chapters where only Irene speaks of it. After all, Remeer was with her the whole time.
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Chapter 3 – New Discoveries
Today, Remi-chan is goin' to teach me some magic that might help in my travels. Accordin' to Remi-chan, I'm capable of using magic. I don't know how he can tell that, but this should be fun. I've always wanted to try that.
As I followed him outside, he turned and told me to stand still. I wonder what for? He approached me, and held my forehead. Afterwards, he was chantin' somethin' on me. What, is this some sort of initiation or somethin’? … I kind of recognize some of the words Remi-chan is sayin’… ιδεντιφψ… συιταβλε… ελεμεντ… Hmm… Those words should mean “identify suitable element”… Oh, I get it! He’s checkin’ what kind of magic is best for me! I wonder? Is it electric? Or maybe wind? Or, or maybe fire?
After all the chantin’ is done, Remi-chan looked at me, and said “Your element is fire!” Woohoo! I’m a fire girl! I haven’t learned nothin’ yet, but I suddenly feel like I can burn everythin’ on my sight! … Oh, but not Remi-chan. I don’t need to burn him. He’s hot for me as he is…
“Well then,” he continued. “Let me show you the simplest fire magic: Fire Bolt.” He was pointin’ his hand to the sky, so he won’t burn anythin’ as he demonstrated how to create fire. He let out a small flame that shot all the way up to the sky. That was so cool! I-I feel like I can actually do that right now!
I can tell he was about to explain how that magic worked, but I did somethin’ unexpected. Without thinkin’, I just said “Like this, right?” and pointed my hand upwards. Before I knew it, I produced a flame that reached as high as Remi-chan’s Fire Bolt did! W-what the ****?! D-did I just ******* do that?! … I looked at Remi-chan, and he was surprised as well! I couldn’t say a word after that! I really did that?
I tried to figure out how I was able to do somethin’ like that. Nothin’ was comin’ to my head, until Remi-chan came to me and gave his idea. “Maybe you already knew that magic before. Your amnesia is probably just keeping you from remembering that you already knew that.” Maybe. Remi-chan might be correct…
He gave off a laugh of excitement. “Well, you just did a high-level fire magic known as Flame Tower. If you already knew that kind of magic, then I’ll teach you something non-fire magic.” He looked at me in the eye. I wondered what he would teach me? Slowly, I noticed that I was slowly lookin’ up to him. What the ****? Is he… floatin’? “Want to know how to fly around?” he asked in an enticin’ voice. Do I?! Oh yes!!
First off, he explained that there are lots of ways to fly. One is by using elemental magics as a propeller, and one is by using spiritual force, like Remi-chan did. He began explainin’ to me how to channel my force on my surroundings. Accordin’ to him, as long as there is anythin’ around me, like air for instance, I can push myself to any direction I want to.
My first few tries of flyin’ were a little rough. There was this one time I fell REALLY high. I thought I was a goner then. Good thin’ I have Remi-chan to save me, catchin’ me in mid-air and breakin’ my falls. Oh, he’s so cool!
After an hour of test tries, life-threathenin’ situations, and a few bruises from crashin’ here and there, I finally got the hang of it. Remi-chan was surprised again. He said that not many can learn to fly, and do so in just one day. Maybe I’m just gifted. Or maybe I’m just too good for magic! … Nah… Who am I kiddin’?
As Remi-chan’s way of testin’ my flyin’ capability, he tapped me and said somethin’ I never expected from him. “Tag! You’re it!” Ooooh! Remi-chan wants to play! The next hour was just pure fun for me. We were zoomin’ past trees and twistin’ through the air. Remi-chan was so quick. I was always this close to actually taggin’ him, but he kept on dodgin’. Oh, I will get him!
…
After all the flyin’, he suddenly stopped in mid-air. He turned around, and opened his arms for me. I saw that, and I was so eager to quickly charge in for a hug. Hahaha! That was fun!
As I was laughin’, Remi-chan said “Look down…” And so I did. I suddenly realized we were on top of a city. But wait! This doesn’t look like Corneca. Where are we? Before I could look back up to Remi-chan, he said “This is the town of Zhou, south of Corneca. Want to go look around, or maybe a little shopping?” I looked closer at Remi-chan’s eyes, and said “As long is it’s on you!” He just laughed and went down. I already know what that means, and followed down with a smile.
Zhou isn’t any different than Corneca. It has the same shops and the same things to sell… Well, maybe not everything. Zhou has a fountain at the center, there is no UAA buildin’ here, and there’s this big buildin’ over there. I believe that is called a church… Anyway, we walked into a plaza. Remi-chan led me to an unoccupied table, and started askin’ what I want to have. Let’s see… There’s some honey-dipped sliced fruits over there… Freshly-baked bread… Corn covered with butter… Hey, what’s that over there? I pointed out to a stall serving something on a piece of bread. Remi-chan looked, and said that was a ‘hamburger’. A hamburger? I wonder what that tastes like? Curious, I pointed out to that with a grin.
Remi-chan went back, having two hamburgers on him. He gave one to me, slightly pipin’ hot. So, this is served hot, huh? What’s this in the middle? Looks like meat, but why is it round? … Well, there’s only one way to find out what this tastes like…
… … … !!!
Not bad! This is good! Whoever came up with this is a genius! Remi-chan smirked at me when she saw my face go wide open. He explained that this kind of food originated from Earth and Alexia. So this is what Alexian food is like…
Speakin’ of which, I hear Alexia was this ‘futuristic’ planet. I couldn’t stop askin’ Remi-chan about it. Remi-chan was tellin’ me of ‘cars’ and ‘computers’ throughout that snack we were havin’. I was heavily wonderin’ what the planet really looks like, until Remi-chan said somethin’ to me. “Want to see Alexia? I have a house there, and I can take you there tomorrow if you want.” I was surprised. He has another house? In Alexia?
After we ate our hamburgers, I dragged Remi-chan around the town of Zhou. I did said it wasn’t any different than Corneca, but I didn’t said I don’t want to see everythin’ inside Zhou. When the two moons was comin’ up again, we went home. I brought home two dresses, and a pendant that Remi-chan liked me to have. This sure is a great day for me.
And tomorrow, I’ll find out what this ‘futuristic’ planet is about! I’m so excited! I don’t think… I’l be able to… sleep like… this…
ZZZ… ZZZ… ZZZ…
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Can you tell what kind of planet Phara is compared to Alexia? _________________ My deviantART... |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 7:33 am Post subject: |
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I have an idea, but my brain is still shot.
Anyway...why do I get the feeling that I am the only one reading this? Oh well.
This was a nice filler chapter. It wasn't as active as the previous two, but that is to be expected, since it's usually a good idea to spell the action at times with some more introspective characters. I'm still a little shaky on how Irene and Remeer are related, but it's nice to see that they enjoy each other's presence. I just hope that Irene doesn't turn into the shallow, stereotypical girl who is blinded by love for someone else. Otherwise, another nice read. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 10:00 pm Post subject: |
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Midnight Critic wrote: | Anyway...why do I get the feeling that I am the only one reading this? Oh well.
This was a nice filler chapter. It wasn't as active as the previous two, but that is to be expected, since it's usually a good idea to spell the action at times with some more introspective characters. I'm still a little shaky on how Irene and Remeer are related, but it's nice to see that they enjoy each other's presence. I just hope that Irene doesn't turn into the shallow, stereotypical girl who is blinded by love for someone else. Otherwise, another nice read. |
I was about to say that, MC. Maybe this isn't interesting enough for the others? Or maybe it's ignored because it has no title? ... Well, whatever the reason, I don't mind that much. I'm just happy to let all of what's in my mind go out.
Always having to fight is tiring (think about it). It's only natural for me to make a chapter that has no fighting involved. About IreneXRemeer (yes, you've read right. IreneXRemeer, Irene is more 'active' than Remeer is), their relationship is, uh... strong (understatement).
Well, I don't know if Irene will turn out like that. Maybe give her a few more chapters? _________________ My deviantART... |
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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 7:01 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 4 – Past
Irene’s Side
There’s this portal at the basement. I never knew that until Remi-chan showed me there. All I can see are drawings on the ground. He says that’s what that portal looks like while inactive… Inactive, huh… That drawing looks like a six-pointed star…
He says he can connect that portal to places where he has already set one. As for Alexia, he has two portals for that: one is inside the basement on his other house, and another one that he never even described where it goes. Hmm… I wonder where that portal is? Anyway, he says openin’ an inactive portal will take minutes, so he suggested that I do somethin’ else while he does all that chantin’ stuff.
Well, while I am waitin’, wan’na hear my story on how I ended up with Remi-chan? It’s kind of short, considerin’ I have amnesia. So, wan’na hear it? Do you? Do you?!
It all started when I regain consciousness inside his house. I didn’t know where I was back then, so I was like “Where the **** am I?” I tried to sit up from the bed, when this splittin’ headache gave me hell. Aagh!! I feel like my head was hit with a huge club…
I tried to deal with the blasted pain until it went away. That’s when I first saw Remi-chan. He was hesitant to enter this room, which will eventually be mine afterwards. Anyway, he sat down next to me, and started askin’ away. “Are you okay?” “Can you speak?” “What’s your name?”
Me, only meetin’ Remi-chan for the first time, kept my mouth shut. I was like “Who the **** is this guy? Why is he askin’ too much?” I was so quiet that I swear I made him feel awkward just bein’ there. I also stared at him, real bad. His eyes were shaky, tryin’ to avoid lookin’ me in the eye too long. Eventually, with all this silence, he excused himself, and left.
Okay, so now what happens? I don’t feel like bein’ cooped up here, so I decided to leave without sayin’ anythin’. That’s when I found out I was in a very bad shape. I had bandages all over my body. What the heck happened to me? I guess I have no choice here…
The following days where really uneasy for both of us. Once in a while, I’ll pass out from my body pains. As for Remi-chan, he kept tryin’ to talk to me while I was conscious. I still didn’t want to answer him. Sometimes, I just threw scratches at him whenever he gets on my nerves. I just don’t feel like it…
Finally, after a week of restin’, I feel like I can get out of this place. I don’t wan’na go through that door. I might meet that guy again. That’s when I decided to leave through the window. That’s when I noticed that I was on a second floor. No matter. I can get down from here. As I jumped down, I immediately ran as far as I can. I don’t know… I just feel like bein’ alone, so I tried lookin’ for a place where no one, not even that guy, to see me…
I haven’t gone that far inside this forest nearby, when someone did see me. Rather, somethin’ did see me. It was a huge beast, chewin’ down a pile of raw meat. It looks hungry… W-why is it lookin’ at me…? Oh uh… Oh no!! It’s headin’ straight for me!!
That huge beast chased me, with it’s mouth wide open, ready to swallow me whole! I tried to lose him around the forest, but it was quick to move around all these trees! In fact I think it’s usin’ the trees to it’s advantage! What do I do? Should I leave this forest? I just picked a direction, and went straight, hopin’ that I get out of here soon enough…
As I passed the border of this forest, I ended up on these rocky mountains! No! this isn’t the place I was hopin’ to be! I turned around, and saw the beast still chasin’ me! With all these rocks and crags, I’m slowly bein’ cornered…
Eventually, I got cornered! A cliff behind me, huge rock faces on both sides, and the beast just in front of me! That’s it… This is it for me… I closed my eyes, hopin’ that a miracle would save me… I heard the beast snarled, and attacked me…
… Somebody… Help…
… … Huh…? Nothin’ happened?
I slowly opened my eyes, peekin’ at first to see what happened. The beast stopped from it’s attack. It’s back was in front of me. It was snarlin’ at somethin’ else. It still looked fierce, but I somehow could tell that it was afraid. What could this beast be afraid of? … Could it be a bigger one? No, I hope not!
As I heard footsteps getting’ closer, the beast lost it’s will to fight, and fleed. W-what could possibly scare somethin’ of that size? … Somethin’ bigger perhaps? No, I hope not! I tried to get out of where I am, but I heard the footsteps real close. That means I lost my chance to escape. Again, I closed my eyes… Hopin’ not for the worst…
That’s when I realized I was safe. I heard a voice, sayin’ “Are you alright?”
I looked up again, and saw the same guy again. The one I was tryin’ to leave behind. He saved me? He approached me slowly, probably tryin’ not to incite me or somethin’. He was like “Do. Not. Worry. I. Am. Not. Going. To. Hurt. You.” What, he thinks I can understand what he is sayin’? Curious I am now, I asked him “Did you… save me…?” He was surprised. He thought I never understood a word he said durin’ the past week.
I tried to walk, but I fell on my knees. I never noticed it, but I saw my leg was in a really bad shape. I mean, I was losin’ blood. How did I get that wound? Maybe I didn’t notice with all that runnin’ away. He approached me, took out his sash, and wrapped it around my leg to stop my bleedin’. Afterwards, he carried me back home to recuperate. That’s when I started to trust this person…
Back home, I finally started talkin’ to this guy. I asked him first, startin’ with his name. He answered “My name is Remeer. Remeer Valkyrie. What is your name?” Remeer… A cute name. Sounds like a name of a prince. Anyway, I was eager enough to answer my hero. “My name is –”
“??? M-My name… is –”
“W-what is… my name?”
That’s when we found out that I have amnesia. I tried to remember other things, but my mind was all blank. What bothered me is that I can’t remember my own name. I spoke out the alphabet, hopin’ that I can recall my name in the process… No luck… I am nameless…
Remi-chan cleared his throat, and suggested. “Well, if you can’t remember your name how about I give you one?” Give me my name? That sounds interestin’. I nodded, and looked at him curiously. I wonder what name he would give me?
A moment passed, and then he looked at me. “Irene…”
Irene…? … Yes… Yes, that sounds good! I’ll be Irene!
“Hello, Remeer. My name is Irene. Nice to meet’cha!”
And that’s how it all started. For 6 months, I got to know Remi-chan better. Eventually, I just decided to show my appreciation for him, startin’ with our very first kiss. He was really red back then. Heehee! He’s so cute like that!
Oh, look. Remi-chan finally opened the portal. Time for us to go. Alexia, here we come! _________________ My deviantART... |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2005 6:47 am Post subject: |
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Hmm.
Interesting backstory you have here. With the prospect of amnesia a lot of possibilities open up, as the heroine does not know anything about her past, except for the one man who ended up saving her.
I'm imagining Irene now, and for some reason, I'm not too comfortable with the way she speaks. Notably this line:
N2-0 Night wrote: | Well, while I am waitin’, wan’na hear my story on how I ended up with Remi-chan? It’s kind of short, considerin’ I have amnesia. So, wan’na hear it? Do you? Do you?! |
Something about that seems to clash with her character. I'm simply not comfortable with that line. Otherwise, everything else turned out great. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 9:43 am Post subject: |
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Midnight Critic wrote: | Interesting backstory you have here. With the prospect of amnesia a lot of possibilities open up, as the heroine does not know anything about her past, except for the one man who ended up saving her.
I'm imagining Irene now, and for some reason, I'm not too comfortable with the way she speaks. Notably this line:
N2-0 Night wrote: | Well, while I am waitin’, wan’na hear my story on how I ended up with Remi-chan? It’s kind of short, considerin’ I have amnesia. So, wan’na hear it? Do you? Do you?! |
Something about that seems to clash with her character. I'm simply not comfortable with that line. Otherwise, everything else turned out great. |
Yes, one thing I learned is that a character having amnesia can be good. A lot of possibilities open up for that character, and possibly those around him. The problem is that that idea is somewhat overused. And according to one of my friends, you could screw up some/all of the plot because of that.
Eh? Irene's speaking is not comfortable? Well, my idea for Irene's way of talking is simple: she shortcuts on some words (slanging?). Once, I wrote some of her lines in Kanas (Hiragana/Katakana), and even there, I placed some changes on her words (like "Hanasenai..." becomes "Hanasenee...")
As for the line you just quoted, how is it clashing? I don't find it like that, but maybe you can point something out.
You're probably the only one reading this fic. You're probably the only one bothering with this fic, but I'm not sour -_-; ... _________________ My deviantART... |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 11:12 am Post subject: |
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Hmmm...now that I look over it, the last part seems to be nonsense. I really don't know why I pointed that out...but perhaps it was that I expected Irene to speak properly--not use shortcuts in her speech. Now that I look back on it, her diction adds to her character--and I'm sorry for bringing up an extraneous point. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Tue Aug 30, 2005 9:27 pm Post subject: |
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Chapter 4 – Past
Remeer’s Side
Today, I am going to bring Irene to my house in Alexia. As I lead her down to my basement, I explained how we would go there: via portal. She stopped in awe as she saw this ornate drawings and writings on the floor. This is the portal while inactive. Opening this portal takes a few minutes, so I told Irene to do something else while I am at it.
Τιμε… Σπαχε… Βυρδενσ οφ τραωελ… Πυτ ψουρσελωεσ ασιδε… Αλλοω υς το τραωελ ατ νο χοστ… ΟΠΕΝ ΠΟΡΤΑΛ… There. Now, all I have to do is focus some of my energy to open this portal.
While I am at it, let me tell you part of my past. Oh, don’t worry. I can talk while I’m opening the portal. Let me think, where do I begin?
6 months ago, I was on my way home from one of my travels. I came back from one of my own missions. As I was flying past the Magbee Forest, I decided to stop for a rest on the lake situated inside it. There, as I drank the fresh water and ate a fruit that grew on these trees, I saw this girl… She was lying lifeless near the bushes… Her position suggests that she fainted before she reached this lake for a drink… The rags she was wearing, smudged with dirt and blood, is a great hint of what she has been through…
At first, I couldn’t think what to do with her. I hesitated. Eventually, I decided to take care of her. As I carried her over my shoulder, on to my house, I was thinking of what reason I took her with me. Was it because I felt pity for her? Or was it because I was… somewhat smitten with her tranquil sleep…? … No, that can’t be it… It must be pity…
As I lay her on a bed, in a room I never use, I examined her body. Bruises and gashes cluttered her body like some disturbing skin infection. From there, I made haste to cure and mend her wounds, as I gave her a potion to enhance her recovery. Afterwards, I decided to change her dirty clothes. It might infect her wounds if I don’t. Who knows what kind of filth and germs are on these rags…? For 2 days, she slept there, with bandages all over her body…
One day, as I came home and checked on her, there she was, with eyes wide open. Her stare kind of scared me, so I couldn’t decide what to do. Should I leave, or should I enter? Well, leaving her just as we have seen each other is not decorum, so I entered, with legs a bit shaky.
As I sat down next to her, she kept her glare on to me. It was difficult to talk with her eyes locked on to me. I tried asking her questions, like what is her name and such, but to no avail. She kept silent. Back then, I felt like I was with a ghost…
The next few days are no different than the first. The same episode as always. She kept glowering at me whenever she is conscious, and I haven’t heard even a sigh from her. Could she be mute…? Once, as I went closer, her hand went for a scratch on my face. It was painful, but at least she can move now… What is it about me that she detests? Do I smell funny or what? … No, I don’t smell even a hint of sweat on my clothes…
Each passing day, I slowly lost hope on knowing this girl. One day, as entered for what I have decided to be my last try, I was stupefied. The girl is missing!! Where did she go? I looked around, and found no sign of movement anywhere. Could she have left through this door, or… !! The window! I looked outside, and from that vantage point, I saw footsteps running towards the forest. No!! She is in no condition to move right now, and this is the month where beasts roam that forest!! I immediately flew off the window, following the footsteps of this girl. I pray not for the worst…
I came to a halt just before entering the Magbee Forest. The tracks stop there. The forest floor is not suitable for leaving imprints. That, and the rain that is slowly forming will only hinder my range vision. Now, what do I do? I hovered around the forest, hoping to see her before something else does…
Minutes have passed. I pray for nothing to befall her, or at least that she made it out of this forest unscathed. As the rain is coming to a halt, I saw a flock of birds way over to the east. These birds have been disturbed… Could she be there? I flew as fast as I can there…
As I scanned the place where those birds were, I saw nothing. My search should have come to a stop, but my gut feeling told me to continue on eastward, towards the Shenbao Mountains. That place, although frequently used by merchants as one of their routes, is known for it’s treacherous cliffs. There have been fatalities there…
As I scanned around the mountain, I heard some movement along a cliff. Could she be there? I landed down, hid behind a rotting tree, and took a peek… There, I saw this huge beast… Hmm… Tiger-like stripes… 4 fangs from the jaw… A Kanban! Kanbans only live inside forests. They are completely territorial, and will relentlessly chase anything who intrudes on their territory.
Why is a Kanban here? Could it have chased something…? … Could it be chasing the girl?!
Immediately, I jumped out of my hiding place and charged at the Kanban. Kanbans are afraid of fires, so I just let out a huge wall of fire on it’s path. Suddenly jumping away from fright, it felt that I was behind him, and turned around. As brave as it could put on it’s face, the Kanban knows he can’t fight with me. It just ran around me, and went hurried back to the forest.
Hmm… That Kanban was charging towards behind these rocks… Could she be there…?
I walked between these crags, and saw the girl, inches away from the cliff, and cowering in fear. To show that she is no longer in danger, I spoke out to her. “Are you alright?”
Slowly, she looked at me, with eyes rather filled with fear. I slowly walked towards her, hoping not to provoke her to do something crazy. “Do. Not. Worry. I. Am. Not. Going. To. Hurt. You.” … She tilted her head, as if she was recognizing my words. She uttered “Did you… save me…?” Oh! She can talk!
She stood up, and tried walking towards me, but she fell as quick as she tried. I saw her left leg bleeding profusely. As a quick aid, I removed my sash, and firmly tied it on her leg, keeping her from bleeding anymore. She still has some bandages around her body, so I brought her home to help her heal.
As I finished replacing some of the bandages, she suddenly spoke out to me. “What is your name…?” I was happy to hear her talking to me that day. I believe that she finally trusts me. I replied “My name is Remeer. Remeer Valkyrie. What is your name?” She paused, and smiled. “My name is –”
“??? M-My name… is –”
“W-what is… my name?”
Oh my! This girl has amnesia. She looked around, as if searching for her name. I believe she even whispered the alphabet, maybe as an attempt to recall anything. Moments passed, but she came up with nothing.
How do I address this girl if she has no name…? An idea hit me. What if I just give her one? I cleared my throat to catch her ttention, and made this suggestion. Her eyebrows crossed for a moment, then she nodded. She looked at me closer, waiting to hear what name I would give her…
Let’s see… I found you peacefully sleeping, so… Peaceful… Tranquil… Serene… Serene…? Hmm… Serene… Lorene… Karene… Irene… Irene…? That sounds nice… I wonder if she’d like that…
“Irene.”
She looked down for a moment, then looked back up to me with a smile. “Hello, Remeer. My name is Irene. Nice to meet’cha!”
That is how I met Irene. After 6 months, she got to me real close. She was so affectionate for me, and she wasn’t afraid to show that everyday. Her way of showing: a kiss…
Okay, the portal is open. Time for us to go. See you there. _________________ My deviantART... |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Wed Aug 31, 2005 7:43 am Post subject: |
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Mmm-hmm. Another introspective chapter.
I admit, I wanted to read something like this, since now we are aware of both sides of the events beginning the story. Now that we know Remeer's side of the story, and the fact that he seems smitten with Irene, which is perfectly understandable, I guess it is not so far-fetched to see a relationship emerge between them.
Good work. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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Lan1220 Net Agent
Joined: 12 May 2005 Posts: 279 Location: Lurking in a dark corner of the forum.
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Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 1:57 am Post subject: |
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Now you dare say only Midnight reads? (actually, i read it after he told me about it Xp) Intresting fic, very intresting. Great job _________________
Sig credit goes to Hikari Angel |
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N2-0 Night Gnihtemos od thgim I...
Joined: 17 Mar 2005 Posts: 992
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 6:38 am Post subject: |
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I'm here.
My computer just took a turn for the worse. Now, I'm stuck with my sister's PC. I could work with this one, but I'm not sure if this PC can handle Photoshop...
Anyway, here's Chapter 5.
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Chapter 5 – New World
I was kind of flustered lookin’ at this blue portal in front of us. No matter which direction I look at it, it still appeared to be facin’ me.
My anxiety grew as Remi-chan told me to walk into the portal first. You want me to walk inside this endless void…?! Well, that’s what I would have said, but I trust Remi-chan. A bit shaky, I closed my eyes and entered.
I have already taken quite a few blind steps now. I should be inside this rift. I slowly took a peek, and saw that I was still standin’ on solid ground. Wait a minute… I thought I was inside the portal now. How come I have my back facin’ the portal?… Hmm… Maybe I am already at the other side?
As I turned around, I saw Remi-chan walking out of the portal. I was about to ask what happened, but he spoke first “We’re already in Alexia!” What?! That was sure quick… Hmm… This place still looks like the basement in Phara…
Remi-chan showed me to the door. Even the wooden stairs we took in Phara are identical to this one. Is Remi-chan sure we are in Alexia? He opened the door, and my eye was suddenly gazin’ around this house.
Woah! This place is totally different! The floor is made out of marble-like tiles. The walls are made up of white symmetrical stone. There are some things attached on the ceilings, and there are more stuff here that I never saw in Phara. Is this what an Alexian home looks like?
I turned around to ask Remi-chan, out of curiosity. “How come you have a house here, Remi-chan?” He cleared his throat, and commented with a hushed voice. “Even before I met you, all I did was make myself as rich as possible…” Really now. How rich could he be? He anticipated my question even before I could ask. He continued, “I am so rich now, I can retire anytime…” That rich?! I never knew Remi-chan was so loaded!
I had so many things to ask about. For once, I couldn’t stop my mouth from givin’ out questions. What’s that? What’s this? What’re those? What does this do? What’s that for?
After minutes and minutes of my non-stop queries, Remi-chan said to me “We are going to stay her for at least 2 weeks. Do your asking some other time, okay? Right now, let me buy you some clothes.” Ah, that’s a nice idea. I wonder what Alexian clothes look like? Before we walked out, he went inside his room and changed his clothes. Woah! Even Remi-chan looked different!
He took me outside. My eyes were zoomin’ from left to right again. This place is totally different. I saw roads made out of stone. I saw people dressed a bit differently. I saw buildings that looked like they were racin’ towards the sky. And I think I saw some sort of vehicle that moved without anythin’ pullin’ it. Is this what futuristic means? Again, I had so many questions, but Remi-chan said to ask later…
Remi-chan brought me to a place a bit crowded. Remi-chan told me that it’s a mall. From the looks of it, this is some sort of glorified market. I can hear some sort of music inside this mall, along with the usual noise a crowd creates. Well, I wonder what clothes he’s goin’ to buy me?
We arrived at a shop filled with flashy garments. I can tell that this shop is famous, what with all these people browsin’ around. There were statues at a nearby wall, wearin’ some of the clothes this shop has to offer. These clothes are really interestin’. Some are plainly colored, and some are really elaborately decorated. Some looked too heavy for human wear, and some, well, looked like it was made out of a single piece of cloth… Isn’t that one too revealin’…? I wonder what would Remi-chan think if I wore that for him…?
He just told me to look around for anything that I like, so I did. I went through rows and rows of clothes, wonderin’ what I would look like in them. Hmm… I don’t like this color… I don’t like this design… I’d probably look fat in this… Hey, this looks good. Let’s take this one. Let’s see… What else…?
I came back to Remi-chan, holdin’ on to five things that I found appealin’ for me. A woman in blue approached me, and told me if I want to try them all on. I nodded, and made Remi-chan hold those things I have. I was about to pull my pants down, but Remi-chan hastely stopped me. “D-don’t change here!!” What? What’s wrong with me changin’ here? Remi-chan pulled me away, and started whisperin’ to me “Doing that in a public place is indecent!” Oh… It is…?
The woman, surprised by my attempted action, showed me to a very small room. She told me to change there. What kind of room is this? There’s only a huge mirror here, and some hooks to hang my clothes in…
After all that changin’, I looked at the mirror, and the sight astonished me. I look like… Like… How do I describe how I look…? Well, let’s see how Remi-chan would react to this. I walked out of the room, and called on Remi-chan. The minute he saw me, he stared at me from head to toe. I mean, his jaw dropped open just like that! *giggle* Remi-chan likes it! Yes, this will definitely do! I’ll wear this on the way home!
Remi-chan walked to the counter, and paid for the clothes. Hmm… I didn’t see any money involved. All I saw was Remi-chan handin’ this card to the salesperson, and then receivin’ the card back… Is that how Alexians pay for their expenses? Again, another question formed in my mind. I hope I can remember all of my questions until later…
We walked around some more inside this mall, and saw that Alexia isn’t that different to Phara. At least, this mall has things that I already saw. There was this fountain at the center of this mall, only that it’s enormously huge. It went as high as the third floor, and it somehow moves around, as if it was dancin’. Also, there were tables around the fountain. I knew these were for those who wish to dine.
Remi-chan brought me there, and pulled me a seat. He asked for what I want to eat. I looked around, and my mind was totally out of it. These stalls have lots and lots of mouth-waterin’ goodness. I wonder, which should I try out? Oh, look! A hamburger stall!!
Before I could point out to that stall, from out of nowhere, I heard a girl screamin’. “Thief!! Thief!!”
Thief?! Where?!
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I'll introduce a new character at Chapter 6. _________________ My deviantART... |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:38 am Post subject: |
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Nice.
I'll admit--I think the story is slowing down a touch, which is a bad sign, but then again, the characters are more developed in this chapter. It basically carries on the purpose of the previous chapter, and helps to keep the characters in tune. The near-disrobing scene was a bit strange, but it got the job done and shows how helpless Irene seems to be.
The last line is an overused plotline, I'll admit, but it does keep the reader roped in. Good job. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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