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Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:11 pm Post subject: Challenge entry - Into the Darkness |
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First of all, contratulations to the winners! All the entries I've read were maervelous.
Now, a little note prior to posting mine. Into the Darkness was conceived as a much larger idea that occured to me for the sake of this contest, this is the short version for the challenge, but I'll probably post the full thing later on:
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Where is he?
A young man paced around the floor as silently as he could, turning around occasionally to look at the lithe form that rested in a single bed.
Father, please hurry. She needs you. The black haired young man moved towards the window of the hospital room, hoping he could make out his father's form in the dark. Please, father. Don't fail to her, please!
"R-Regal..."
A weak but gentle voice interrupted his thoughts, the young man turned around quickly and moved towards the bed, kneeling by it.
"Yes, mother?..." He asked softly, taking the diminute hand of his mother between his, the simple action reminding him of the current condition of the one that brought him to life.
The pale and weak woman smiled gently, reaching weakly to caress the young man's cheek. "You know he's not going to come, don't you?"
"He... He said he'd come. He will be here, mother."
"My child... I'm not a little girl, you know?" the woman spoke softly, trying to keep her voice loud enough without exhausting herself, "I married him... I know he's not going to come."
"He has to!" Regal said pleadingly, begging through his desperation for his mother to hold on a bit more.
"Regal, I love your father... and I know him. He doesn't want to have this memory of me being the last one... He's hiding... in his work again." The pale woman felt the young man's cheek nuzzling gently against her hand, a childhood habit to comfort himself. "Remember... I love you both..."
"It's not fair." Regal whimpered, closing his eyes tightly as he nuzzled onto his mother's hand, clenching his teeth as he felt her hold on his hand weaken progressively, until it fell limp. "It's not fair! He should be here, with you!"
The black haired young man made no more efforts to hold back his sadness and despair, his eyes glassed by the whirlwind of emotions as he looked down to his mother's face, her breathing slowing down until it was no more. Letting out a shaking sigh he laid a loving kiss on his mother's forehead to bid her farewell.
Why? Why didn't you come, father? Was this project of yours more important than your wife?! More important than us??
He asked himself as he slowly moved towards the window, resting his hand on the cold glass of the window, staring absently at the buildings ahead. The truth that his mother had left them beginning to sink into him, the painful realization coming to him. His mother would no longer be there to greet them every morning, and tell them how proud she was of her two special men.
He wondered if his father would feel like he did, quickly deciding that the man was too busy with his projects to care anymore, feeling a string of envy at the man. Envying his ability to be able to just ignore the pain, the loss. Regal realized how much of a child he still was.
I... I wish you were here, and made this pain stop. Father, tell me how to make the pain go away! Please... Please don't leave me behind as well... Teach me father... Teach me to not care... Make the pain go away...
Regal turned around once more to look at the lifeless body of his loving mother, gently brushing his hand through her hair, holding back any tears that he could shed for her. "Good bye, mother... I love you."
He looked away as he walked towards the door, keeping his tears and pain to himself, as he left the room to report his mother had passed away, not looking back to one part of his past that was now gone. A part of his soul staying behind with it. _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon."
Last edited by Plantman on Tue May 16, 2006 7:18 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Neko Queen of Fluff
Joined: 15 Mar 2005 Posts: 1217 Location: The computer
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 7:14 pm Post subject: |
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I can see why Sol chose this. Wow planty, that was very powerful. I loved it, so sad and so... in character. Wonderfu job. _________________ Roses are #FF0000, violets are #0000FF. All my base are belong to you.
Avatar, credit Yakitate@devart |
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Kitty-Chan Net Police
Joined: 08 Jul 2005 Posts: 438 Location: Massillon, Ohio, USA
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Posted: Tue May 16, 2006 8:03 pm Post subject: |
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Jeez, that was a real tearjerker. I was actually crying. Well done, Planty, well done. _________________ Need more Zero/X, Netto/Rock, Rock/Netto, Forte/Netto, & Blues/Netto. PLEASE!
Ano sa...could someone please make me a Zero/X, Blues/Netto, or Forte/Netto avatar/banner? I would greatly appreciate it...
Thanks for the avatar, Mandi!
People! We need more Blues/Netto & Forte/Netto on the net. Come on; help me out here! *gives everyone her Super-Adorable Irrisistable Sad Kitty Eyes(TM)* |
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Plantman It's only Forever... Not long at all!
Age: 44 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 1819 Location: Mexico
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 12:36 am Post subject: |
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n_n Thank you, I'm glad you guys liked it :3 _________________ Hecha en MÉXICO - Avatar by Me.
"Logic is the Ultimate Weapon." |
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Midnight This is a Hilbert Space
Age: 37 Joined: 18 Mar 2005 Posts: 3089 Location: The AfterMath. Otherwise, New York City.
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 7:22 am Post subject: |
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Indeed, indeed.
This one was quite definitely charged with emotion. This definitely makes it quite more vivid, and having Regal left all alone in his own world was quite cruel. The reader can definitely sympathize with him, as his abandonment becomes closer and closer to reality.
A lot of fiction that is especially charged with emotion often turns out to be the kind of material that is quite easy and compelling to read, and this is no exception. Great work. _________________ Today, these three players are after Big Bucks! But they'll have to avoid the Whammy, as they play the most exciting game of their lives! From Television City in Hollywood! It's time to 'Press Your Luck!'--Rod Roddy
The Kingdom of Loathing: An Adventurer is You! // I ♣ Seals
Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3 |
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Darth Osiris Net Official
Joined: 04 Aug 2005 Posts: 351 Location: Where do you think?
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 8:45 am Post subject: |
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Kitty-Chan wrote: | Jeez, that was a real tearjerker. I was actually crying. Well done, Planty, well done. |
Not to be heartless, nor that it wasn't emotional, but I didn't shed a single tear. I mean, it was very good, Planty, but pretty tame tearjerkerwise. _________________
God, that's such an awesome line.
"Zatch Bell Gaiden" Chapter 1.
Accepting fan Mamodos, PM me. |
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Wackoman.EXE HOHOHOHO
Age: 32 Joined: 05 Apr 2005 Posts: 1372 Location: SUPER SPIRAL GALAXY
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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 2:54 pm Post subject: |
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Wow. Character past pieces really end up being excellent; Regal really is an interesting character. This shows why he went down the path of evil (good lord that sounded cheesy); it was a fascinating read Planty. Keep up the good work. _________________
Transcendent Super Spiral Dreadnought Gunmen |
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