FIGHT FOR JUSTICE - PG (Spoilers)

[Viewtiful Starman]

So... a few disclaimers before I start.

1. The nature of these spoilers happen to be in the form of an EXE 6 character and his navi, so if you're trying to avoid character spoilers, then now is the time that you turn back.

2. This is a one shot, of most one shotius nature. So no chapters for you!

3. I wrote this at 4:00 AM, listening to My Pace. All blame for this fic goes to that. Taking in to account how incoherent I am at just 3:00 AM, listening to nothing, consider thyself warned.

4. Everybody's OOC! Party!

So anyhow... on with the fic!

FIGHT FOR JUSTICE

It was a dark and stormy night. REALLY dark and stormy, in fact. The kind of dark and stormy night that probably inspired really short electric safety videos, like that crappy Electrojuice one.
Regardless of how dark and stormy a night it was, it was the perfect kind of dark and stormy night for... a CRIME!
Yes, as shocking as it is in a peaceful, quiet town as Akihara with it’s wonderfully clean track record for destructive Godzilla-like rampages, a crime was going on. But this wasn’t just any crime... It was a crime perpetrated by a character with an individual character mug shot, the most heinous crime of all.

Infamous for his giant cloudfro, the truly twisted weather themed villain known as Nyuudo (or Vic, for those dubbies) was at it again, this time perpetrating the most horrific attack the town had ever seen!
Well, that was his plan. But all that was open was a 24 hour donut shop, so he went for that.
This was quite a popular donut shop though, so naturally the only net savior ever available, Netto Hikari was brought on to the scene immediately.

“Why hello Netto Hikari, how nice of you to come!” Nyuudo said in a fashion only achievable by an author who’s never actually seen any of his translated dialogue.
ANYWAYS, Netto responded with something along the lines of “Nyuudo! You’re attacking the donut shop! I’ll stop you!” or something like that, Nyuudo wasn’t paying much attention.

He did pay a bit more attention though, when he heard a cry of “Rockman.exe! Plug in! Transmission!”, indicating the start of what would likely be a very deus ex-y battle.

“Elementman! Plug in! Transmission!” Nyuudo exclaimed, making a very elaborate motion with his PET that probably involves his cloudfro, and then plugged Elementman in to the donut comp, to face Rockman.

“I-AM-ELEMENTMAN!” The navi said very loudly, robotically and probably OOCily. “YOUR-DESTRUCTION-IS-EXTREMELY-IMMINENT! BE-PREPARED-TO-BE-TERMINATED!”

“Elementman! You’re attacking the donut shop computer! I’ll stop you!” Rockman exclaimed, pointing his Rockbuster at his robot-y opposition.

“I-DO-NOT-THINK-SO! METEO LIGHT!” Elementman monotoned, turning red and summoning a multitude of large meteors from the sky.
Rockman got hit by the meteors in an extraordinary panning still shot, appearing on the ground a second later even though no one ever quite saw the meteors hit him.

Now I think I should take a bit of time here to explain something. Some people blame the animation studio for this kind of thing. But did it ever occur to you that this is what really happens? You see, despite all the magical science advancements in the Rockman world, they still couldn’t QUITE get the internet speed thing down, so as a result PETs tend to have a bit of lag and every one of those still panning shots when somebody gets hit is from the operator’s view.
Right, so... Rockman got hit by the meteors, and fell down in pain.

“Netto-kun! I need battlechips now! I don’t know how long I can hold up! Elementman is too strong!”
You see, that’s another thing. Battles aren’t short because of lazy writers at all, navis are just kinda wimpy in general and mostly go down after a few hits. Seriously.

AAAAAAAAAAAANYWAYS, without any further distractions, Netto acted. “Battlechip! Area Steal! Wide Sword! Slot in!”
Netto considered this somewhat of a genius strategy, and in the writers’ defence, it DOES work on most days and Netto’s an idiot. But today wasn‘t one of those days and with another yell of “METEO LIGHT!” (since I don’t know any other of his attack names), Elementman sent of flurry of meteor still shots at Rockman, knocking him right down again.

“Don’t worry Rockman! I’m sending you another chip!” Netto bad dialogued, as he reached in to his magical wristband for another chip.

“Not so fast!” Nyuudo uttered, pulling out a gun.

“That’s cheating!” Netto yelled, whining at the sudden turn of events that somehow never happened to him before.

“What the hell are you talking about you little scrub?” Nyuudo said laughing. “It’s called being smart! more villains should really look in to it y‘know?”

However at that moment, a sound was heard from the shadows and a Battlechip flew out of nowhere, knocking the gun out of Nyuudo’s hand. A shadowy form began to appear in the darkness, and began a speech in a rather familiar voice that Netto couldn’t quite put a finger on.

“A hero, shifting through the shadows in the night.” He began, jumping off the shadowy rooftop.
“Using his power, charm and sex appeal to right the wrongs of the world.” He approached a fearful Nyuudo.
“With my mighty, flaming power of justice, I bring defeat to all villains.” He began to enter the light.
“You shall not escape, doer of evil! Prepare yourself!” Netto began to recognize who was in front of him and nearly died from shock.

“I am... GEISHA ENZAN! DEFENDER OF JUSTICE!” As the name implies, this mysterious stranger was revealed to be one Enzan Ijuin, dressed (as the name also implies) like a geisha. But not just any geisha, a geisha of JUSTICE!
Geisha Enzan jumped in to the air as a red aura surrounded him.

“BURNING GEISHA KICK!”

Geisha Enzan posed seductively in the air and his foot caught fire. Flying downwards from his pose, Geisha Enzan delivered a deadly burning kick to Nyuudo, knocking him to the ground and lighting him on fire simultaneously.
As the authorities arrived, Geisha Enzan turned to Netto. “Always fight for justice and the geisha way! Do that and your heart shall always remain pure!” Before jumping upwards back in to the night.

Netto never forgot that incident and indeed, after he recovered from shock, his following laughter could be heard for hours, throughout nearly the entire town. Enzan never forgot that night either, but that’s Netto’s fault.

Oh yeah, somewhere along the line Elementman fell in a hole.

The End

[ElecmanEXE]

That is definitely a crack fic. You should have also blamed geisha fights last night too. XD

The humour and all is very comical and the satire isn't too extreme. Great fic. =D

And poor Elementman fell in a plot hole. XD
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[Mugen.exe]

Wow! That was great satire worthy of a cola-addicted, ADD-crazed Terry Pratchett fan- good work! That bit about the hole... and the image of Enzan that will be forever burned into my mind (alongside the cherry Coke spilled on my shirt while laughing at it). Great!
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[Midnight]

...words cannot describe how utterly ridiculous this is. Normally, that wouldn't be a good comment, but because of the genre and purpose of this fic, consider it praise.

Reading this reminded me a lot of the Kingdom of Loathing--since a lot of their item descriptions and other texts use much of the same sorts of comedy and their descriptions have wanton disregard for the integrity of the things that they are poking fun of.

This was certainly a good opener to the day. Good work.
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