CopyBots Version 2.0 [WARNING: PG-13, Hu, WARNINGS INSIDE]

DSX

WARNING: Drinking alcohol is hazardous for your health. DSX does NOT drink alcohol, but he sure does write some crude humor fics, as this one. Also, this fic is written in... SCRIPT FORMAT!!!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

COPYBOTS VERSION 2.0

Somewhere in the Central Town Park....

Navi On A Screen- Ladies and Gentlemen; the new Mayor of Cyber City, Dennojuu A. Uthor!!

Uthor- Thanks, LaughtrackMan.

LaughtrackMan On A Screen- *laughtrack sound*

Uthor- Putting that aside, the reason of this GLOOOOOOOOOOOOOBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAL ANNNNNNOOOUNCCEEEEEEEEEEEMEEEEENNNNNNNNT...

LaughtrackMan- LOL

Uthor- ...was to make an announcement.

LaughtrackMan- UBERLOL

Uthor- About the recent happening of romances between humans and Navis... I have developed with a big bad load of help from SciLab, the new CopyBot, The COPYBOT VERSION 2.0!

Nameless Guy #1337- What's so special about this new version of the CopyBot?

LaughtrackMan- That's not LOL.

Uthor- The difference between the CopyBot 1.0 and the 2.0 is that the Copyroid Version 2.0 has a special feature that lets humans and Navis do "that kind of stuff".

Random Guy #1337- What kind of stuff, Mr. Uthor?

LaughtrackMan- That's not LOL.

Uthor- You wouldn't want to know.

Fangirl- Test it!

Uthor- WHA! HOW?

Fangirl- Between you and your Navi!

Fangirls- YAOI! YAOI! YAOI!

Uthor- Nope.

Fangirls- *going BeastOut* DESTROY!!!!!!

LaughtrackMan- Umm... Mr. Uthor.

Uthor- What?

LaugtrackMan- Somebody stole the CopyBot.

Uthor- Oh.

Somewehre on the Central Town Residential Area...

Lan- YAHOO! We stole the special CopyBot that lets people...

Megaman- NOT HEAR EVIL!

Lan- Sheesh.

LaughtrackMan- *from a vera long distance* LOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!

Megaman- So.. Lan, what are you going to do with the CopyBot?

Lan- What else? Test it out!

Megaman- WHAT! First of all, we're brothers! Second of all, we're both boys! Third of all.... er... I GET TO BE ON TOP!

Lan- NO! I didn't mean that!

Fangirls- *finishing BeastOut* Next we get to kill Lan.

Lan- I meant going to look for Iris, transfer her to the CopyBot and then I can test it out!

Megaman- Can I get to use the CopyBot next and test it with Mayl?

Lan- WHAT DID YOU SAY!

Megaman- Erm... test it out with Jasmine?

Lan- That was better. Now... Megaman, Jack In! Transmission!

Random Guy who was Passing By- *hangs a sign that says "NO MORE MARIJUANA FOR YA!"

Somewhere in the Net, Megaman finds Iris.

Megaman- Iris...

Iris- What... do.. you... ... wa..n...t...?...

Megaman- Well, I wanted to ask you if you would like to cross?

Iris- CrossFuse?

Megaman- Nope, crossbreed.

In the next paagraph, Iris will use a lot of swearing (OOC!), so it will be replaced by some other stuff.

Iris- WHAT! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM?! A cheap ZOMG that LMFAO with the first WTF that crosses her! I can't believe that you're doing this! I'm so gonna kick your LOL until Protman comes and ROFL you!

Megaman- I didn't mean that. It's Lan who wants to do stuff with you.

Iris- *cheery* Oh! That changes the situation! So, where's the CopyBot I jump in?

Iris jumps in the CopyBot.

Iris-*transformed into CopyBot* Take me, Lan...

Then Lan *insert corny yucky fangirlish lemon here*

T3H ZOMG END.

Sai-kun · Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:11 am Post subject:

I'm pretty sure this fic bombs. >>

First off:

Ugh script format. You can't even BEGIN to call those "paragraphs".

Second: Uh..what? >> I did NOT get what was going on...

Try writing in paragraph form X_X
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**Mari** · Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:37 pm Post subject:

I would strongly recommend rephrasing that. Entirely. I didn't understand a thing of it, either.
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Midnight · Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 1:45 pm Post subject:

.....

Before I add any more ellipsis spam, Sai put it together very nicely. I will warn you that I will be blunt, as I am with practically every fic I've read here.

This is simply awful. As Sai said, no semblance of a plot. Script formats are generally frowned upon here, since they assume that the reader knows about the scenery that you add, and this is not the case. To the reader, descriptions are life. Without it a fic flops, like a cake without flour. This provides substance and sustenance to the fic, and helps the reader enjoy the fic a lot more.

Secondly, I'll build on Sai's point. Honestly, this looks like something you threw together in five minutes. If you're going to spend so little time on a fic, why bother writing at all? This had absolutely no semblance of a plot--just dialogue that, well, 95% of the time didn't make any sense. Satires can get away with this, but even that has its limits. By the time I woke up to what was going on, it was already over. That's how fast it went. And as the saying goes, "Haste makes waste."

Thirdly, grammar. For Christ's sake, that's why you spend first through sixth grades at least learning how to write well. I could barely understand the rudimentary ideas that were going through this fic, and the bad spelling and grammar only intensified this problem. A blatant disregard for grammar yields a blatant disregard for your work. Also, a word of advice--NEVER use netspeak or other shorthands in your work. It makes it look childish and unprofessional.

Fourthly, depth. This is surprisingly wafer-thin when it comes to development. The events speed along, and there is practically zero character development. The events and characters are shallow, lifeless, and the attempts at crude humor used to try to resuscitate this fic fail miserably.

To put it simply--Scrap it and try again. You'll be glad you did.
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Viewtiful Starman · Puzzle Game Addict Age: 37 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 708

Okay, I somehow managed to get some idea of what was happening there, but...

It was a pretty hard thing to do, and while that very occasionally works if done intentionally the right away, I don't think this was one of those times.

A couple of the jokes did make me chuckle, but I'd really suggest working on making this thing more coherent.

SaitoRockman · Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 7:58 pm Post subject:

I read the first few lines and stopped. This is a piece of sh**.

Sorry to say, but I do not wanna read anymore fics from you. Heck, if this kinda crap keeps up, I am hoping to see the "banned onoes" title on your account to go with this horrid fic.

If you're going to half-ass bash the EXE series and fanfics in general. Do it on a site where they have a "Spam Forum" section or something and stop. Even my first showing of SHOGO here back in the original REO forum looked better than this. And that one had LOTS of spelling errors too.

I know I'm the most harsh and hardest so far. But I can't stand it when pieces of sh** like this get attention while my great stuff falls to the bottom like nothing. How I know SHOGO is great? EVERY SINGLE forum or person I've sent it to or shown it to has LOVED it and is forcing me to send it to someplace to get it published or something to show it to the world. EVERYONE who has read it. I almost even got it published once at this contest, but they just didn't like how it was too much of an anime and should've been submitted as a manga instead of a written story.

As conclusion, this fic sucks, mine rocks better and should get some recognition.

**Plantman** · Posted: Mon Jul 10, 2006 9:01 pm Post subject:

Okay, while I agree this made little sense and it kind of fails to bring out a really humoristic hint to it, I'm afraid I'll have to warn two people in one post.

First of all, DSX, while I can see you attempted to use several elements some people do not like in fanfics to bring a 'humoristic' sort of mocking, it turns out to be a piece not only not enjoyable, fails to be crude, but it also borderlines in spamming.

So, consider this a warning, next time you wish to write a piece like this, keep the forum's rules in mind and try to keep your attempts of humor to actually be funny.

Now, SaitoRockman:

DSX · Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 7:58 pm Post subject:

:/ Wow. Just wow. I just post this and everybody reacts in a bad way. Plant, what's exactly what makes this fic borderline SPAM? The script format? The implied stuff? Or the sortajoke about the fangirls? Sheesh. For anyone who cares, I also posted this fic in EXEHQ, so you can give your "opinions" there as well.

**Plantman** · Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:44 pm Post subject:

You should know that when you post a fanfic that is made with attempts of 'crude jokes' which aren't necesarily crude nor funny, people probably will not like it.

It's not the script format nor the jokes of fangirls what makes it borderline spam. It's things like:

**Izumi** · Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:52 pm Post subject:

**Ryouko** · Posted: Tue Jul 11, 2006 8:54 pm Post subject:

+ No explicit or implied sex, rape, or things of a pedofilic nature in fanfictions. This board has many younger viewers who cannot be exposed to that kind of material.