Megaman network reaction

[Chaos virus]

So basically this is one of my first fics. Anyway, It's about a new net-mafia who wants to destroy the net. It’s up to Lan and his netnavi to stop them, but this adventure is going to have a few new surprises, I don’t want to spoil anything. I’ve decided to use the names from the American games, since this links to it. Don't hesitate to make any sort of comment, as I am still a young writer developing my skills.
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Mega man Network Reaction


Ch1: The start of a reaction

In the 20XX advancements in the field of technology have been made. Society is bonded to a complicated network. This is convent for many people, but there is a dark side to all of this. Many viruses live in this network, and crime is often bounded to this network.

Many notorious groups like WWW and Gospel have caused trouble in this network and have almost brought the world into a dark age. A new, young net group has formed, under the name of Dark Order. Though currently it is unknown to the world, it is about to devastate the world with its plans to completely destroy the Internet, and plunge the world into complete chaos. Faraway in an unknown location Dark Order plots.

“Soon this world shall face our wrath”, Said a mysterious figure. “Dark Order shall engulf the planet using the Net as its medium.”

“The Order is still young”, another figure replied, “We need more resources, more power”. A third voice chimed in. “Yes, I agree”.

“All in due time”, the first figure said, “it is almost impossible to grow our numbers currently and it will take to long to wait for our numbers to start growing, however I do know a powerful resource we can use aid in us in the task at hand.”

“What kind of a resource,” the second voice asked in a serious tone that still had curiosity. “Perhaps, a-” He was cut off halfway in his sentence.

“The resource I had in mind was a navi, one with great power that matches its disgust for humans. With that navi by my side, this will be child's play; nobody will know that it was us, buying the time to grow. And if that navi is successful in destroying the net we will be able to commence phase II.”

“When are we going to search for that navi?” the other figures asked

“The search will commence very soon, jack in your navis now!”

The mysterious group held out their pets simultaneously. They all focus there PETs on a single point.

“Jack in…” their voices rang in unison as they sent their navis into the net.

Dark order begins to carry out their sinister plans of destruction. And so begins another chapter in the adventures of Megaman and Lan.


Authors note: this is my first fic, so if you have any comments you want to make please don't hesitate to make them

[Midnight]

...why is the page stretching?

Okay, if you wanted an honest opinion, I'll give you mine right away. There's no use in mincing words, so I'll get straight to the point.

*sigh* This is boring. This is just about as generic as storylines can go. almost every EXE fic ever written focusing on Netto and Rock has some sort of dark syndicate claiming that they will succeed in their plans. Nothing about it seems...unique. And with such a bland opening, I doubt many readers will want to continue the fic. The key part and function of the opening is to hook the reader and compel them to read further, as that's the first thing a reader reads. Make the opening dull and the reader will not be compelled to go further. You need to make it yours; add flavor to it. Make it seem unique and distinct from the other pieces of fiction out there.

There are also several spelling and grammatical errors peppered throughout the story. One of the most important ones that I see is that occasionally, two or more people speak in the same paragraph. It is convention that each new person in a dialogue gets his own paragraph, as otherwise it is somewhat confusing to determine who is actually speaking at some point.
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Avatar by Spork. I very much appreciate it! <3

[Chaos virus]

Thank you for you honest opinion. I really never took an in dept reader's perspective at any of my fics. I should have know that most exe fic's especially game related ones would have some dark organization or virus or something. I think I have an idea of what to add to my opening to make it a little more lively.

[RT-fact]

Dark organizations usually tends to be a cliché, unless you know how to give them the unique characteristics. In my fan fiction, it's not directly a battle between good vs. evil from the beginning, but there are characters that have reasons for the conflict.

[Chaos virus]

My fanfic is actually a battle between a certain navi and the net society; the dark group was suppose to allude to this. Now I have a better idea of what to add, but I'm not completely sure that it'll make it 100% better. I also have to look over my other fanfics to see if they suffer the same fate as this one...

[RT-fact]

Good luck with the writing then!

[Chaos virus]

Thanks!