The Redemption War (OF)

[Exar_Kun]

This is just a little idea I had kicking around my head, so I thought I'd try something with it.

Behold the conflict which is the Redemption War.

Prologue:

Aeons Ago, in the time before recorded history, Light fought Dark for control of the world. The forces of Light and the forces of Dark clashed in an epic war, culminating in one final battle in the streets of the last bastion of Light.


“That’s the last of them for now.” Wiping the blood off of his blade, the knight panted, leaning against the wall of a partially destroyed building. Tall, gaunt, and slick with the blood of fallen foes, the knight wore once pristine armor, covered in grayish blood, and dented in many places.

Surveying the battlefield, the knight appraised the situation of the conflict, surveying the devastation of the city of Sunscar, last bastion of the forces of Light. Once a beautiful city, Sunscar now lay in ruins, the outer walls breached in eight different places, with more of the enemy swarming into the city with every passing moment. “So this is how our struggle ends… Not in glorious victory, but ignominious defeat on the footstep of our own Temple.” The knight mused to himself.

A sharp gong broke him from his reverie, signaling a retreat further into the city. The knight swore at this gong, realizing that while his section may have held, others did not. Looking around at the haggard remains of his band, the knight grimaced. Gone were the heroes that he had led into the war, bursting full of idealism. Gone were the pristine suits of armor that the knights had worn during the times of peace. Gone were the majority of his command, the knights who trusted him with their lives. Only three remained: Chase, a small, lithe knight who specialized in speed and agility; Kalfyra, the first woman to ever be admitted into the Order, strong and graceful, she was both wise and beautiful; Aruken, leader of his band. Aruken swore again, realizing that in addition to the corpses of the Enemy, many of his faithful knights lay strewn about the ground, life blood spurting from their bodies.

Aruken nodded at his two remaining knights, and the trio began running towards the entrance to the Temple, the final fall back point in the defense of Sunscar. Meeting up with the remainder of the defenders at the steps before the entrance, Aruken was dismayed at how few remained. Out of the once prosperous Order of thousands, merely twenty remained, mostly senior knights, but a few rookies. Aruken glanced at his two knights, and realized that scenes similar to his had been happening all across the city, knights being swarmed and barely beating back their foes before they were overrun, but losing many of their own in the process. Aruken sighed, before speaking to his own squad. “We have lost many up to this point, and Sunscar is lost. We have failed, and the Dark has won. But we shall not be cowed! We may be defeated, but we still have our honor!”

Nodding, Kalfyra responded, “And remember, we need to buy as much time as we can for the elders and the children to get away from the city. Every second we buy reduces the chance that the Enemy will find them.”

Chase then cuts in, having been observing the gathered knights. “It appears that the Lord of Light is ready to speak. We can have this discussion later, if we survive”

Turning around, the trio joined the other knights in gazing at the figure standing on a dais that was built on the stairs leading up to the Temple. An old, grey haired man garbed completely in white, the Lord was the highest ranking priest of Light that still lived, though he was far too old to lead the troops into battle as his now slain compatriots had.

“My dear knights, defeat is upon us! When we began our noble crusade against the Dark, this situation was farthest from our minds. But fear not! Our women, children and elders have fled Sunscar, escaping into the mountains to the north! We need but hold out a little longer to ensure their escape! And even in defeat, there is hope! For that is the thing with the Light! It is impossible to ever truly destroy. Even when it seems bleakest, the Light will spring forth once more!” The Lord paused as the rumbling of thousands of footsteps resounded from the causeways leading to the Temple square at the foot of the Temple. “The Enemy approaches, so I shall be brief. Distressing as it may be, this is the will of the Gods. But Light will not overlook our plea forever, and the very concept of Light is stronger than that of the Gods. So stand firm!” The Lord closed his eyes before finishing his speech. “We shall rise once mo-“

The Lord was cut off mid-word as a claw suddenly protruded from his stomach. “Have… faith… my……. chil…. dren….”, the Lord managed to utter as he slid off the claw that had impaled him. The claw’s owner, a large grey dragon, head as big as a human, with a body as long as a house from head to tail, and two great grey wings.

The collected knights just stood there in shock as the Lord of Light slid off of the dragon’s finger and landing lifelessly on the ground before the dais. It was Aruken that found his voice first, screaming out angrily, “It’s the Lord of the Dark! Knights, no Templar, to me! For Sunscar! For the Temple! FOR THE LIGHT!” Aruken yelled as he charged forwards at the dragon, Chase, Kalfyra, and then the rest of the collected knights joining him a moment later as the collected forces of the Enemy marched into the Temple square.

Yes, Light fought Darkness… And Light lost.

[Mugen.exe]

Aside from one tense error, and some needless repetition noting the casualties of the war, this was a really good start. The imagery was well-executed, and the characters were introduced. It seemed a little short, but with it being a prologue, it captured what it wanted to portray well.
Good job, keep it up!
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False Swipe is a great finishing move!
Witty robots, spunky orphans, and invincible pilots, this link's for you! A Gundam RP

[Exar_Kun]

Thanks for the review...

As a note, just some warning, the massive tense shift from the prologue is intentional. The prologue was meant to give the story some history, that was what was happening then. This chapter is what is happening NOW, and as such is in the present tense. And even though I don't explain it in this chapter, there is a story behind the three main character's survival, but that will come out in time. Without further ado, Redemption War, chapter one...

Blackveil

Ten years later….

The woods of Blackveil, a forest so dense that light is unable to penetrate through the canopy of trees, and haven to those who wish to stay hidden. Fires are scattered throughout the forest, eternally burning as guideposts and campgrounds for travelers who must pass through the dark wood. Around one such fire, five travelers prepare dinner, taking a welcome rest from the tires of battle.

Sharpening his sword as he leans against a tree, Aruken, his armor tarnished and dented in a thousand places, sweeps his glance over his companions. “Yes, I know we can’t defeat the Enemy like this. But if we don’t TRY, where is the future for our world? It certainly isn’t with the Dark.”

One of his companions, a young, dark haired, gaunt man in robes hunched over a book with his back to the fire replies, “But what is the point in throwing our lives away? We need a plan, Aruken, and you know it.”

“Maybe, but we have to do something… I’m open for ideas, Kesan, I’m just getting tired…” Turning to another one of his companions, Aruken continues, “Any suggestions, Tal?”

A young, green haired female wearing light body armor, Tal looks up from her meditation at the sound of her name. “Wha? Oh… umm… Well… uh…”, Tal stammers as Aruken and Kesan watch with bemusement, before continuing. “Ask Vanar, he’ll know what to do.”

Sighing as he is brought into the conversation, the praying figure rises and steps into the light, revealing his distinctive features. A tall, robed, muscular humanoid, Vanar also has bronze colored scales, two large reptilian wings that grace his back, and a reptilian head. “Bahamut will guide us to victory. He may have lost the Chaos War, but he will be redeemed.” Vanar reaches into his robes, and draws out a symbol of a dragon’s head, one that seems to swirls in all the colors of the rainbow at once. “May Bahamut’s Light shine upon us…”

Kalfyra, sitting against a tree and watching the darkness through this conversation starts and notices something through the trees. “Aruken, we have company. It looks like Chase is back… and he brought ‘friends’,” Kalfyra exclaims as she snatches her longsword off the ground.

“Tal, Kesan, Vanar, behind us. Kalfyra, let’s go.” Bringing up his sword, Aruken moves to interpose himself between the oncoming horde and his allies, as Kalfyra moves to do the same.

Bursting into the firelight a moment later, Chase’s armor is dented in multiple places, and he has a large gash showing through on his left flank. “Drakelings…”, Chase pants as he moves behind Aruken and Kalfyra. “They came out of… nowhere…”

Aruken grimaces. “Tal, Kesan, go. Get to the Last Village, and get them moving. We are no longer safe here. Vanar, tend to Chase, then go as well. Kalfyra, Chase, we will hold them as long as we can, then we shall retreat and lead them away from the village. We need to keep their attention as long as possible. I know I’ve been telling you to hold off on your more esoteric abilities, but we need to be as flashy as we possibly can at the moment. The Enemy knows we are here, let’s see if we can’t divert his eye.”

Kalfyra nods and takes a couple steps back, positioning herself behind Aruken. “Sure, just hold them for a couple moments and I’ll be as flashy as I possibly can be.”

Behind the duo, Tal nods to Kesan, who proceeds to walk over next to Tal and grasp her hand as Tal grabs her quarterstaff off the ground. “I’ll be back for you in a moment, Vanar.” Tal says as a multicolored halo appears around her body, and the duo disappears.

Chase collapses next to Vanar as the Draken examines his injuries. “You don’t appear to be too damaged… This shouldn’t be that difficult…” Vanar reaches back into his robes for his holy symbol, which he holds over Chase’s injury as he begins to chant. “By the blessing and wisdom of Bahamut, let the light cleanse these wounds… Heal!” Light coalesces on Chase’s wound, the flesh closing itself up to appear as if Chase has never been injured.

“Thank you, Father Vanar. May the Light see you to safety,” Chase solemnly remarks as he rises to join Aruken and Kalfyra. “The drakelings should be arriving any second now.”

Vanar smiles, then replies, “May the Light be with you too, Chase… May the Light be with all of you.” Vanar then turns away from the three knights as he awaits the return of Tal.

As Vanar begins chanting, Aruken and Kalfyra tense as they hear the rustling of trees just beyond the circle of light. A moment later, two drakelings charge through the trees. Bipedal reptilian creatures, drakelings combine tails with the claws, teeth and ferocity of wyvern kind, and the intelligence of a human, making a rather formidable fighting machine. Aruken raises an eyebrow as the drakelings charge towards them, surprised at the numbers in front of them. “Only two? I can take these myself! For the Templar!” Aruken yells as he charges the drakelings.

Kalfyra sighs as Chase runs up beside her, healed of his wounds. “Chase, just let him take out his aggression for a moment. But one question, Chase, how many drakelings jumped you to have you retreating like that?”

Chase grimaces, then replies, “There had to have been about twenty of them. I got three before I retreated, but there should be far more than this… Wait…” Chase freezes for a moment as he realizes the implications of his words. “ARUKEN! IT’S A TRAP!” Chase yells at Aruken.

“It’s a little late!” Aruken yells back as he ducks a swipe of one of the incoming drakeling’s claws, catches the other’s claws on his blade, and then reverses his motion to slice clean through the drakeling’s arm. The deception exposed, fifteen more drakelings come barreling in the clearing, heading towards the exposed Aruken.

Kalfyra nods to Chase, who smiles at her and charges forwards to meet some of the incoming drakelings before the reach Aruken and dogpile on him. “You’ve got your time, Kalfyra. Make it count!” He yells as he engages three drakelings, ducking one’s strike, dodging out the way of the second’s bite, and meeting the third head on with his sword, sidestepping it’s rush and planting his blade firmly in the drakeling’s brain before pulling it out and continuing his manic dance of death.

Behind the two combatants, Kalfyra grasps the hilt of her blade with both hands and begins to meditate, her blade beginning to glow with energy as she prepares her strike. “For the Templar… For the Light… For my people… I will cut down the darkness wherever it stands… Holy Cross!” Kalfyra makes two quick slashes in front of her in an x-shape, which creates a massive blade of light that emanates from her towards the engagement between the drakelings and Aruken & Chase.

Aruken and Chase nod at each in the midst of combat, and they both disengage, Chase, using his superior speed to bounce off of the drakelings in between him and the edge of the conflict; Aruken cutting his way through the drakelings in his way, using his superior strength to clear a path. The two knights both clear the battle just before the holy blade cleaves through the remaining drakelings.

“Nice timing Kalfyra. A moment more, and we would have been goners, a moment earlier, and we wouldn’t have been able to get out of the blast zone. You are an example for us all.” Aruken compliments Kalfyra as he surveys the damage caused by her holy blade.

Kalfyra blushes as she replies, “It was nothing. I was merely doing my duty, and you know it. Now we should get going before more show up.” Despite her denial, Chase notes the blush on her face, and smirks, considering how to use this information later.

Aruken nods and addresses both of them. “Of course, we should be off. Our contingency plan was to meet up with the survivors from the Last Village at the ruins of Sunscar. We need to hurry to arrive first so we can ensure their safety.” The other two nod, and the trio hurries off into the darkness as far above, in the darkness, a glowing red pair of eyes blinks…


Aside: Is that a better length for a chapter?
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"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

"Baby dragons can't understand humans - If they didn't want to be killed, why were they made of meat and treasure?" -Furnace Whelp

"Those who would trade freedom for temporary security deserve neither." - Benjamin Franklin

Better known as Templar of Rockman.exe's IRC channel

[Exar_Kun]

I think it's been long enough that I can double post. I'm horrible at motivation, and had writer's block, but is chapter two:

As Aruken and his companions make their way out of Blackveil, another knight is brooding on an ornate silver throne as a black cloaked figure fades into existence into the center of the room, kneeling even as it appears.

“Well… Welcome back.” Spits the knight, his voice filled with venom as he speaks, “Report, mage…”

The cloaked figure rises, keeping his face concealed under his hood as he surveys the dark livered throne room, before speaking in a low tone. “Well, ‘milord’, I believe I’ve found the key at last. But, I believe we must discuss… Compensation… first.”

The knight glares at the mage and rests his hand on his sword before replying, “Well, mage, perhaps you can consider leaving this room alive to be an appropriate reward, or do you refer to them? You are an idiot, mage, to think that I’d ever let people like them out of my dungeons. Perhaps you would like to join them mage.”

The mage gulps and blinks rapidly. “Ah. Your point is well taken, then let’s move on from this unpleasantness? The key is located in the draconic aeries of the World Spire, under the care of the Elder himself.”

The knight squints, then replies, “And what do you expect me to do with this information, mage? I need the key, not where it is. Bring me the key, and they will not be harmed. Now go, mage, go to your ‘friends’ and bring that key to me!”

The mage rolls his eyes before fading out of existence in the dark room.
********************************
Just north of Blackveil Forest:

The sounds of combat ring out among the scattered foothills, sword on claw, battle cries and feral screams conflicting against each other. On the crest of small ridge, Aruken, Chase and Kalfyra are locked in mortal combat against a small host of drakelings, the latter having surrounded the hill.

“I will not be defeated by the likes of you! By my oath as a Templar, I will defeat you!” Aruken sidesteps a drakeling’s claw, then blocks another with his sword before bringing his blade up and down in one precise motion, penetrating a drakeling’s guard and slicing it in half. Aruken then turns his body to avoid another claw, jumps over a low blow, and turns to strike, slicing the claw off a drakeling while another drakeling leaps over the first one and plants it’s claw into Aruken’s chest, making Aruken grunt in pain.

“No, Aruken!” Kalfyra breaks off her engagement and turns to aid Aruken as Chase moves behind her to cover her back.

“Go, I’ll cover your back. He needs your aid more than I do.” Chase leaps into combat, sidestepping blow after blow from the drakelings before following up with a quick slash, the fine steel of his blade opening up a large wound on a drakeling, before falling back into the rhythm of combat, protecting Kalfyra by tying up the drakelings, rather than killing them.

Kalfyra, meanwhile rushes over to Aruken, channeling light into her blade as she does so. “In the name of the light, I banish you back to the darkness that spawned you. Holy Strike!” Kalfyra unleashes her light, bringing her blade up in a crescent slash that streaks energy behind it, obliterating the drakeling that was impaling Aruken, who drops to the ground.

Aruken then grabs the hilt of his sword, and stabs the point into the ground, using it as leverage to rise to his knees. Kalfyra glances backwards before speaking, “Stay down, Aruken. We can’t fight and protect you at the same time. For your sake, stay down…”, this statement is punctuated as Kalfyra barely parries a strike from a drakeling’s tail, then rotates and flicks her wrist, slicing the tip of the tail off, and sending it flying into the pack of drakelings. “If we don’t get help soon, we may not make it to the Ruins.”

Chase parries a drakeling’s claw, and moves backwards towards Kalfyra and Aruken. “Maybe, but I will not be cowed. We had known this day was coming, and I will meet it with my all!” Chase brings his blade up in front of him, focusing his might into it. “By the might of the Templar, I banish you back to the darkness from whence you came!” Chase jumps backwards, landing right next to Aruken as he raises his blade above his head. “Scouring Light!” Chase brings his sword in front of him, pointing the tip towards the charging drakelings as light begins to erupt from the tip of his blade. The light lances into a drakeling, which howls in pain as the light burns it’s way through it’s skin. A moment later, the entire drakeling shines brightly, before detonating in massive explosion of light, driving the drakelings back for a moment. Chase, however, drops to a knee, completely drained by his mystical attack, supporting himself with his blade. “That’s it… I’m… d… o…” Chase is unable to finish his sentence, as his hand slips off the hilt of his blade and he collapses to the ground.

Kalfyra stands panting as the drakelings circle around the trio of knights, wary after Chase’s light show. The drakes charge once more, but have their charge brought up short by a circle of flames that appears around the trio of knights. As Aruken slips into unconsciousness from blood loss, a gaunt, grey robed man shimmers into existence next to Kalfyra, who tenses, then relaxes as she recognizes the figure. “Kesan, thanks for the aid, but both Aruken and Chase are down, and need clerical attention immediately.”

Kesan rolls his eyes before replying, “Fine, fine… Always have to pull you three out of messes… It never stops… Y’know, sometime you are going to put yourself in a mess that not even one as great as myself will be able to get you out of.”

Kalfyra sighs, then responds; “It doesn’t matter, just get us out of here, please? Before they” Kalfyra motions to the drakelings milling around just behind the ring of fire, “overcome their aversion to fire.”

Kesan shakes his head, but begins chanting a spell under his breath while making a couple arcane passes through the air. Kalfyra nods, and kneels down to put her hands on the shoulders of her two fallen companions as Kesan finishes his incantation, touches Kalfyra’s shoulder, causing the four companions to shimmer out of existence.

From a distant hill, a tall, grey skinned man claps silently as they disappear, impressed at the display he had witnessed. He then recants the same spell as Kesan and disappears, leaving the drakelings howling at their lost prey.

Please, reviews are appreciated, as they make me a better writer. Criticisms are always helpful.
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"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

"Baby dragons can't understand humans - If they didn't want to be killed, why were they made of meat and treasure?" -Furnace Whelp

"Those who would trade freedom for temporary security deserve neither." - Benjamin Franklin

Better known as Templar of Rockman.exe's IRC channel

[Exar_Kun]

I have no idea how many people read this, but...

Chapter Three: In the Ruins

The sun peeks out from a thick blanket of black clouds, shining some light on the ruins of a city within a massive crater. The four companions materialize in the middle of a gigantic square, with a massive ruined temple standing at the top of a gigantic step of stairs, still majestic even with years of decay. No sooner has Kesan materialized in the square then he strides down a ruined street, returning moments later with Tal, Varan and two elderly humans in long robes, one male, one female.

As the group returns, Kalfyra’s eyes brighten with recognition as she bows to the two elderly humans. “Ah, Elder Terak, Lady Allora, it’s good to see the two of you again.”

Lady Allora, an elderly woman dressed in elegant flowing robes smiles warmly as her wizened eyes examines the scene. “Indeed, and it is great to see that you have done so well in your travels, though, the other knights appear to have had harder times.”

The elder Terak, adorned in an ornate suit of armor, shakes his head, a frown forming on his face as his hard eyes dart over the two downed knights. “Hmph, sleeping on the job, just as I would expect from those two misbegotten fools.” Terak then looks at Kalfyra, his hard eyes peering deep into Kalfyra’s, attempting to search out any traitorous inclinations. “Well, you should get them to a tent, and have them recover. Go, now.” Terak turns and stalks away.

Allora sighs, and glances sympathetically over at Kalfyra. “I’ll go calm him down. He’s just bitter that we had to move back to these ruins…” Allora then turns and hurries after Terak.

Kalfyra sighs and looks over at Varan, who is tending to the two fallen knights. “I didn’t get a chance to check in the all of the mayhem. How are they?”

Varan gives the thumbs up to Kalfyra, not looking up as he presses his right hand to the biggest of Aruken’s wounds. “Oh, holy light, your warriors request succor…” As Varan chants, the wound starts to glow in a faint, warm light, which intensifies as he continues the chant, “Now, by the covenant forged by blood and oath, I do call upon thee… Release your power, aid your child!” The light intensifies to a blinding glow, then suddenly cuts off of Aruken’s body, as a glow appears on Varan in the same location as Aruken’s wound was on Aruken. “Heh, you took a nice shot, Aruken… I need to go rest now, so if you two could move these two to our tent…” Varan coughs, a little blood spraying out of his mouth.

“Hey, Varan, take it easy!” Tal yells as she runs over to support the Drakken. “It wouldn’t do very much good if you were to just collapse after all this time together, would it?” Tal drapes Varan’s left arm over her shoulder, then rises slowly, struggling to support the large Drakken. “I’ll take him over to his tent. You get those two, ok?” Tal smiles, and then starts to limp off with Varan, supporting him along the way.

Kalfyra nods to Kesan, “Can you get Chase, please? I’ll take Aruken to a the tent. He’ll be alright, just you wait…” Kalfyra picks up the unconscious knight, cradling him in her arms. Aruken… Don’t push yourself, alright? Kalfyra smiles, blushing faintly as she turns and walks off, leaving Kesan alone with Chase.

“Well, I guess I should get you to the tent that we reserved for your ilk. But…” Kesan glances around, noting the emptiness of the ruined square. “We’re all alone aren’t we? Just feel lucky you are still necessary, Chase…” Kesan mutters an incantation under his breath and waves his hand around a few times as Chase begins to levitate. “Ah, much better.” Kesan shakes his head and then pushes Chase’s unconscious form towards where the others disappeared to.
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“How could you just snap at them like that?” Allora glares at Terak as they stride briskly through the ruined city. “They nearly gave their lives to give us time to escape, and your respond with derision!” Allora continues to glare as Terak shakes his head and continues walking, bringing the pair to the very edge of the ruined city, and allowing the duo to survey the mountains beyond.

“You are correct, it was not fair, but then, few things in this life are truly fair, are they? It was not fair that the Darkness was allowed to defeat us, it was not fair that after all of our struggles, we are still running with our tails between our legs from the dark forces. But it happens, and so we must cope.” Terak shoots a pointed glare at Allora. “I tire of this game. I will run no more. When the forces of the enemy find us, I shall take up my arms and meet them head on!” Terak places an armored hand upon Allora’s mouth, stifling an object from her before she can voice it. “No objections… It is the duty of the old to secure the world for the young, and.. . I can’t help but feel that we have failed in our duty, Allora.” Terak waves back at the ruined city, directing Allora’s attention to the children picking through the rubble. “Is this the world that we want the children to have? A world with nothing death, desperation and flight? If we are to spend the rest of eternity fleeing from our enemy, then why did we live?”

Allora sighs, responding slowly and deliberately, “It is for a chance for their future that we still live. Until we have redeemed ourselves, how can we just lie down and die? We are the leaders of this community, this last village, Terak. I am ashamed that you have so forgotten your responsibilities.” Allora turns and starts to storm off, but is interrupted by Terak’s reply.

“I have not forgotten my responsibilities to the people, Allora! I’m… just tired of warfare, of constant hiding, I guess. I know that the path we currently tread is wrong somehow, but cannot fathom any better possibilities. I would like to trust in Aruken and his band, but I cannot when they almost die in meaningless ways!”

Allora turns around and studies Terak’s withered face. “Is that why? I think you are lying, even to yourself. Look out at this city, these ruins of the once grand city of Sunscar.” Allora watches Terak’s eyes as he glances out at the ruined city, then nods as what he confirms her hypothesis. “You were a Templar once, correct?”

Terak turns back to Allora, an eyebrow raised at this sudden line of questioning. “Yes, of course. I still wear my armor proudly to this day…”

Allora nods, noting how Terak started to trail off when he said ‘proudly’, then continues talking, “So, then, as the precepts of the order instruct you to treat each knight in the order as a brother, why do you feel so jealous towards Aruken?”

Terak’s face lights up in surprise, and he whirls about and starts to storm back to the ruined city. Just before reaching the outskirts of the tent city making up the last village, he turns and shouts, “I AM NOT JEALOUS!” Am I?

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Immediately after Allora followed Terak back into the ruins of Sunscar, a shadow on the rock of an outcropping near to their argument shimmers, and a grey skinned man steps out of the shadows, smirking mischievously. “Ah, oh so jealous, my dear Terak… But… You are right, these events shall not be allowed to continue in the direction they are currently taking. Looks like I’ll have to personally step in tomorrow.” Laughing quietly, the man steps back into the shadowed outcropping, and begins to disappear. “But will you survive the solution, Aruken?”

He laughs softly to himself as he disappears, not having noticed the one who was watching him from hill top across from the outcropping. A short, black skinned female in a pale grey robe leans against a rock of the same color. “Hmm… Looks like it’s starting again… The powers of Light have gathered… Will, Speed, Wisdom, Cunning and the Heart. But, how do the powers of Darkness feel about this? Despair, and Desolation… And there are still the three rogue powers… Those who’s choices could well change the balance of this little game… The shadowed one, the one who seeks to free him, and the grey mage. And… I sense a disturbance in the ether…” The female glances up at the sky, which darkens as she watches it, before chanting something under her breath and disappearing.

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Aruken opens his eyes slowly as he returns to consciousness. “What? Where am I?” He blinks, and this eyes shoot open as he takes in his surroundings. A grey wasteland, it extends to the horizon in all directions, and has a eerie glow to it, causing Aruken to cast a shadow in all directions. “How did I get here?”

A small, human sized black dragon shimmers into existence directly in front of Aruken. “So we meet again, knight. Welcome to my domain, and cherish the sight, for it shall be the last one you have.”

“You… I’ll have your hide for what you have done!” Aruken draws his blade and slices through the air that the Lord of Darkness had occupied a moment before. Aruken then brings his blade up in front of him, and casts his eyes about, searching for the dark dragon.

“Are you so sure of that?” The dragon growls in a deep, menacing tone as it appears directly behind Aruken, who whirls around at the voice, sword already coming up in a strike at the dragon, who simply disappears again as the blade strikes through where he was. “That would require you to hit me, wouldn’t it?”

Aruken merely narrows his eyes as the dragon appears in front of him again. “It is the shadows of this place, the very darkness that the land exudes. Well, the darkness is nothing in the face of the Light, nothing but a scared dog!” Aruken brings his blade up in front of his face, then places his left hand upon the blade, which begins to glow faintly. “Blade of the Sun, I do call upon your strength…” Aruken’s blade begins to glow more brightly as he moves his left hand down to the hilt and grasps the blade firmly with both hands. “Reveal the gate!” Aruken brings the blade up above his head, and then slices down, his blade shining as bright as the sun as it rips a line in reality, causing a magnificent golden gate to manifest at the slash. “Gate that holds the power of the sun, I command you to reveal your might. Now, for the children that hold you so dear, I, Aruken, do command… Release your might! Gatecrash!” The gate slams open, and a flood of pure light shoots out towards the dark dragon.

“Is this all? I expected more from the leader of the remaining Templar. So be it…” The dragon raises a clawed hand as the light blasts towards him, one of his claws glowing with dark power. The light hits the claw and parts, leaving the dragon unharmed in the stream of light. “Well, I see that our fun has come to an end, Aruken. Say goodbye!” The dragon disappears once more, this time appearing to Aruken’s side as he impales Aruken’s right side with his claw. Raising the Aruken up, the dark dragon licks his lips. “I haven’t eaten well in sometime…” Aruken blacks out as the jaws reach up to bite him.

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“Aaah!” Aruken cries as he shoots upright in the tent, panting as he drips with a cold sweat. “It… was a dream? I’m alright?” Aruken winces as he suddenly feels a sharp pain in his side. “But… I wasn’t hit there, was I?” Aruken raises his shirt up and gasps at the wound he sees there, a hole in his skin that looks for the world like a dragon claw pierced it. However, the hole was much to big for a drakeling, so that would mean… “This… is bad…”

…that the dream was real.

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Yeah, not much action this chapter, but it sets things up for the future...
Please give me feedback... Please?
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"Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup."

"Baby dragons can't understand humans - If they didn't want to be killed, why were they made of meat and treasure?" -Furnace Whelp

"Those who would trade freedom for temporary security deserve neither." - Benjamin Franklin

Better known as Templar of Rockman.exe's IRC channel

[Mugen.exe]

From the first two chapter I've read, I can say this is good writing. My only nitpick is the tense, which takes some time to get used to, as I usually read past tense. I like how you integrated a bit of Dungeons and Dragons feel into the writing, and how I can really get a feel for the characters' roles in the story (partly because of this). The imagery is fairly clear, though with some fight scenes the combatant's clash can be a tad hard to get. Just the way they dodge while striking and slicing, multitasking at its best. I might suggest slowing down the combat to a point you can describe certain particularly effective ones; I enjoyed when you used imagery effectively. This could be a good place to start using a bit more!

Anyways, I enjoyed the first few chapters, and hope to see more from you.
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False Swipe is a great finishing move!
Witty robots, spunky orphans, and invincible pilots, this link's for you! A Gundam RP