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Elementalman.EXE Time to play the Game
Age: 33 Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 1430 Location: Researching the JFK and RFK Assasinations
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Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 3:37 pm Post subject: Shooting Stars (R [PG]) One Shot |
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Wow, my debut as an author. I wanted to get somebody to beta it, but nobody was around (Here's looking at you Web)
Looking back this is vastly diffrent from my original idea....which only Quatre knows....and only Quatre will know. As it stands, this is one shot,but who knows when creativity takes another bite at me.
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It was nearly dark when a scream was heard from the house of one Sonia Strumm.
"ARRRGHH!!!!" Sonia screamed as she ran up and kicked the dresser. Her possessions on the top of the dresser shook violently, and a framed picture fell off the top and landed on a newspaper, which was on her desk. "I....hate....WRITERS BLOCK!!" the girl screamed as she reared up to kick again. But she was interrupted by a voice from her guitar.
"Sonia wait." A musical voice said from the guitar. "This isn't like the time on the beach, you could damage something, quite possibly of value."
Sonia stopped and walked over to her guitar. As she picked it up, her eyes came to a tiny screen on the neck of the guitar. Sonia could just make out the strange being on the little screen. The creature was a blueish-grey lyre, with two purple flames at the top, and a mouth and two eyes at the bottom. "Lyra..." Sonia began, but Lyra interrupted her.
"I know I once recommended to you this form of relaxation, but then we were outside... and you weren't a threat to anything." The strange being said to her. "Besides, writers block will pass in time, and soon you'll have another idea for another wonderful song. Besides, you almost broke a couple of things..."
The weird being turned her body and looked at the dresser. Sonia looked over and saw some of the items on the top were knocked over. Sonia placed her guitar back on it's stand and waled over to her dresser, and began fixing her possessions on the top. After she was done she looked over at the picture that had fallen over. Hoping it wasn't broken she picked it up and examined it: it was a picture of her and a boy at a cafe. Sonia was smiling and holding on to the boy. The boy looked a little embarrassed, but Sonia could see a hint of happiness in his eyes. Sonia smiled as she carefully placed the picture back onto her dresser. The musician then caught a glimpse of the newspaper on the desk. She picked it up and began reading the headlines. Apparently there was to be a meteor shower that night.
Sonia placed the paper down and stood silently for a second, and then she turned excitedly to Lyra. "Lyra, we need to go some where....now!"
******
At Vista Ridge, it was sundown, when a flash of light hit the center of the platform. The light instantly vanished, and it looked as though there was a boy in a blue costume. Besides the costume, the sight was unbelievable because the boy was carrying in only one hand a small sofa. The boy placed the sofa onto the ground and looked up to the sky. As he did he was surrounded by another flash of light, and this time he didn't disappear, but his costume did. What was left was a boy in a red turtle neck with green glasses in his head. Beside him was another strange being, who seemed to be composed mainly of green flames, but had a head, torso and arms.
"So when is this meteor shower supposed to start." the weird creature asked, with the hint of a growl in his voice
"Soon Mega" the boy replied still looking up at the sky.
The boy stood looking at the sky for a second, then broke his glaze to sit down on the sofa. The boy continued looking at the sky, occasionally putting the glasses on. The glasses must have shown something regular eyes couldn't see, because whenever when he put them on his interest seemed to pick up a bit. Finally after twenty minutes of this, the creature let out a growl.
"Wake me up when this shower is supposed to start, would you Geo?" The creature said, turning into a beam of light and flying into a mechanical device on the boys arm.
The device closed with a soft click. Geo Stelar hated treating his friend like this....but when it came to watching the heavens....he felt that other stuff didn't matter. Geo thought that he'd make it up to Omega-xis later.
Geo sat in silence for a few minutes, watching the sun go down. Finally it was nightfall, and Geo leaned back in the sofa and begun looking for any sign of a meteor. He was waiting for a few minutes when suddenly, a head appeared right in front of his eyes.
Geo gave a yelp of surprise, and jumped out of the sofa, only to fall flat on his face. Geo stood up and looked at who had interrupted him.
"Sonia...what are you doing here? Geo asked, very surprised. The girl smiled at him, she was wearing her normal attire, complete with he guitar. The only thing different was that she was holding a small box in her hand.
"Well, I read about the meteor shower and I figured that you would be watching it, so to answer your question I'm here for the same reason as you." Sonia told him.
"How did you know I was here?"
"Well I figured you either would be watching it from you window or from here, so on my way here I just popped into your room, to check if you were there." Sonia answered
"I...Sonia that's breaking entering you shouldn't be...." suddenly a large red blush appeared on Geo's face. "Sonia...what if I had been changing of something!?"
Sonia laughed nervously, she didn't answer but she couldn't hide the blush on her face. She changed the subject and asked him: "Do you want to watch the meteor shower together?"
Geo was taken aback and the only noise that came out of his mouth was stuttering. However a gruff voice from his Transer answered Geo for him. "Of course he does."
This time two beams of light filled the air temporarily. The creatures know as Mega and Lyra appeared.
"Come on Lyra, lets leave the kids alone."
"Okay." the lyre-shaped alien replied. The two then turned into light and shot away.
Geo was left standing there dumbly with Sonia. Geo finally gulped and said. "Er, well, lets sit down then."
The two kids walked over to the sofa, sat down, and leaned back to gaze upon the heavens. There was a few moments of awkward silence between the two before Geo broke the silence. "So how is your music going?"
Sonia blushed and told him that it was fine. The truth was, she didn't know how he would react if she told him that she could find anything to write about. They talked for a few more minutes until...
"It's started, Sonia, did you see it?" Geo exclaimed happily
"Where?"
Sonia put her head right next to Geo's, and looked around for more shooting stars. Finally she saw one. "Wow."Sonia got out, but before she ha finished talking it had disappeared. Another one replaced it, and soon she was seeing a lot.
Sonia absent mindedly reached for her guitar. She picked it up and began strumming out a soft tune. It was a cool night, but Sonia felt extremely warm sitting next to Geo like this. It was almost like the warmth was fueling her ability to play.
Geo was busy watching the meteors, but was slowly drawn back to earth by the music. He broke his eyes away from skies to watch Sonia play. He watched her play for a few minutes, until she noticed him watching her.
Sonia abruptly stopped playing her music. "I'm sorry Geo, I didn't mean to bother you."
"No...it's okay, play." Geo said, smiling, "It's...beautiful, is it new?"
Sonia blushed a deep shade of red, nodded, she continued playing. The two continued watching the shower for a while. But slowly Geo heard the music slow down, until it stopped all together. Geo looked beside himself, and he saw Sonia asleep, her head still resting on his shoulder.
"Sonia..." Geo whispered. Geo could only think about how beautiful she was. Without really thinking turned his head, and, with a little difficulty, place a soft kiss on her forehead.
Geo pulled his head up and looked up at the stars once again, hoping the meteor shower would never end. _________________
Elementalman.EXE
Nothing is True. Everything is Permitted.
1000 Post on Sept. 18 2005 at 6:29pm |
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TheWebbuilder I support Rhythm x Blues!
Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 1124 Location: I don't know... But I hear laughing.
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Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 8:26 am Post subject: |
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*looks around innocently, whistles* I'm only an EMail away... *realizes he hasn't written a response to last Emal yet.* Whoops...
Eh... I guess that you officially have license to shoot me. I was a hair's breadth away from logging into the chan last night... So yeah, shoot at will.
Anyways, this was pretty good for your first work. There were a couple of times when you forgot some punctuation and missed a pronoun or too, but those were few and far between. The writing flowed very well and was paced wonderfully. It wasn't jumpy at all.
If I could sum up your writing style, I would say that it's wonderfully calm and serene. You've managed to describe a ticklish situation from an outside position, but with the atmosphere that it would turn out right in the end. Kudos.
As for critique... I would suggest giving just a bit more detail in your work, the story makes sense to those who have seen the anime and played the games, but it didn't do much to explain things for those who might not be as familiar with the series.
Although, I suppose that I should head my own advice there.
But, overall, great job. |
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Unknown Neo Cross Fusion!
Age: 40 Joined: 16 Mar 2005 Posts: 2933 Location: Unknown
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Posted: Fri Aug 24, 2007 5:06 pm Post subject: |
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I thought that was really cute. I can tell you've become a real harp note fan like you were with maylu and roll. Although Sonia and Geo have kind of a "working" relationship on the show. Real nice fic. Really cute work. |
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